Shaun

That is very reassuring.

Yes, it is a mindfuck, but it wasn't in vain. Recently my mind has been bamboozled and fried into silence, it has been oddly nice and maybe that's what leo is trying to do. Ideas like reality disappearing when I fall asleep too are quite unsettling and that throws me into solipsism. Hopefully it is just disappearing from my limited perspective. Anyway, I think I've hijacked enough threads.

To phone your friend and realise that you are just talking to yourself does sound like solipsism. @Serotoninluv @Zerolsinfinity I sure hope I am wrong and will do the practices for the rest of my life.

I definitely hope so. Have you watched Leo's videos? They are pure solipsism, especially the newest ones.

The sensation of being hit by the chair, as well as the rest of the room was generated entirely by the students mind. This can't really be proven right or wrong and that's why Paul92 nearly killed himself, and why I went mad. The way people talk on here is extremely solipsistic. I do not agree with solipsism, and I hope someday It can be proven wrong.

I am meditating precisely to dissolve any sense of self centeredness. Isn't that the whole point? Plus you've still got a lot of ego there if you think punching someone in the face is the answer.

Ah, but you see, that's what Leo and many others on here preach. There are no others, they are all illusions. That doesn't mean I stop treating them with the respect they deserve though because a small shred of me still believes that they are actually real people.

Who else is there to meditate for?

i used to only meditate 20 minutes a day and did this for the last two years. I now do 30 minutes a day, practice mindfulness all day while working, do shamanic breathing twice a week for 15 minutes each session and perform self inquiry most days. I may also try some mushrooms in a larger amount than a microdose. Probably not enough, is it?

Is being enlightened different from being aware of being aware?

@zeroISinfinity @Lister thanks everyone, one other observation I've had is a massive increase in synchronicity and seeing 66 666 and 69 too.

Well put.

I will do all I can. I meditate every single day, shamanic breathing twice a week, mindful working constantly when at work and self inquiry most days but I feel that it's not enough, awareness always feels stuck right inside my body with the slightest hint of expansion on occasions.

When I look at the Yin Yang image, it says something to me that reality is half sugar and half shit and you can not escape one or the other. Any action to reduce the amount of shit is pointless because it is always cancelled out and a 50 50 balance is maintained always. Enlightenment would appear to me to be beating the system and ending all the shit.

@Conrad This is probably a pointless question as I'm asking about something which can't be described, bet here goes. Are you conscious of the contents of every so called finite mind/ego there is? Also, how can you even operate your computer or respond without an ego?

That's the problem, it's totally groundless. How can I ground myself in groundlessness?

I feel great empathy for others and nature but that may be an illusion as what other is there to feel empathy for?

I better get on the mushrooms and meditate harder. I never want to be born again.

I think back to when I was 10 years old. I was I and you were you. We all lived our separate lives and it was utterly beautiful. I remember crying on occasion at just how beautiful life was. I had boundless passion, joy and was totally engaged with life. Love and life were truly precious as we were only here for a short time. I started working in 2012 and this was the start of me maybe getting somewhere. I got into personal development, discovered Actualized.org and loved the insights, it was all going well until January this year when I went right down the rabbit hole and the insights got deeper. I am now an empty shell, going to work for the sake of survival. The person I once was, gone. I see no way out and no meaning can be found. I can't enjoy life anymore because I am totally uncertain what anything actually is. I am not sad or miserable, just emotionally numb with anxious periods. Is a nondual experience the only way back to that joy I once had? Is that why Leo is happy because he has the experience? I don't know what to do, it seems that reality is entirely my own creation and none of the people I see actually experience me or is it that the I that sees through their eyes is the same I that sees the computer I am using now?

That's what I can't face. Solipsism. I am all there is, trapped in a nightmare of my own creation.

That will be the next stage, just now I have clearly recognised awareness, I am nearly always aware of being aware but it still feels as if that awareness is inside my body and is separate from the outside world.

What caused your depression? I have been not right for the past 4 months. It's not sadness, it is severe fear when I wake up in the morning and a total lack of interest in life during the day.

I have to a certain extent. Most of the fear that Leo's videos have caused me has brought me even deeper into presence. I don't think or do anywhere near as much as I used to, I am selling most of my stuff because I don't need it any more and I have lost all motivation to do anything in life but go to work, do spiritual practice and read books. It is just awareness of fear mostly, that's my life now.

That's what I've always thought but Leo and many others would disagree with you on that based on their experiences.

This is what worries me to no end. The others in the movie are not actually real or having their own experience just like me, yet people say that we are all one or all interconnected. How can that be if there is nobody or anything else to be interconnected with?