Shaun

Is it possible to use mushrooms to find ones life purpose, or at least help do to so? If so, how much should you take and how do you ask the question? Speak it out loud during the trip or mentally ask?

All I can get is cubensis B+ but I'm sure I will manage. I won't take a large amount until I can handle anything the smaller amounts throw at me. Psilocybe semilanceata or liberty caps grow in the area I live but it's not the season yet and they can be very difficult to find.

I just watched the oneness video again and I am so floored by it that I am actually unable to actually create an emotion for it. I don't think there exists an emotion for something of such magnitude. It just leaves me with one question though, he says I will be Jesus on the cross or Hitler, but these have already been and gone so, what will happen? Will I just be them again but with a slight change to the experience? Maybe Jesus but with a different eye colour this time round?

Well absolutely nothing at all would be preferable to a life of suffering.

It is an issue that bothers me greatly. Yes, maybe I'm not suffering now but I worry that eventually I will take on the perspective of someone being skinned alive or some other shit.

@Leo Gura Thank you, I had 2.5 wet grams last night and either I am extremely sensitive to them or they are very potent. I did some meditation during the peak and it made it much easier to focus my attention on awareness. The mind was totally silent, too. Had some fractal visuals too but nothing much as it was a microdose. I felt too that consciousness is everywhere and nowhere. Will try a larger dose in future.

It is being fully present with all thoughts and sense perceptions. Relaxed yet alert.

Once you fully realise and experience that you were god all along, or attain nirvana, Leo says that eventually you will get bored with it and live out all possible experiences again from the beginning. Would this boredom imply that there's still ego of some sort left or someone to be bored? How do you all find peace in knowing that you will all eventually experience great pain suffering from an unconscious perspective? Concentration camps, torture etc.

My persective is the only one, so you are confirming that the other people I see do not actually have a perspective?

@Nahm I am stepping up my meditation as I used to do 20minutes a day for the last few years. I do half an hour to an hour a day now and it definitwly has improved my mindfulness and ability to stay present. I already recognise my self as awareness and it is just awareness of suffering mostly. I know that awareness is eternal and indestructible. Fine for it but not for me. I need a life purpose too, maybe the mushroom can give some guidance.

It's more of a last ditch attempt to get past all of my conceptualising and have some form of experience of what everyone speaks about on here. I took 5.5 wet grams of cubensis mushrooms when I was in a far worse mental state, that equals 0.55 dried grams. The trip brought me back to life, I lit up with joy and could recall loads of memories on demand from childhood. At times in this trip, my face would go blank and a deep despair would arise but it passed again. The next day, I was back to the same shitty state as usual, no worsening or improvement.

Let's just hope it's a passing fad. I'm still listening to one of his videos and he is going on about chains of causation right back to the big bang but other nondualists say that never happened. When people like @Joseph Maynor say stuff like "you're all alone in existence and that everything you care deeply about in Experience and Thought is a total illusion (dead )" That really fucks with my head. Hmm, that was my previous understanding but it sounds a lot like the materialist paradigm. Let's just see how the mushrooms go when I try them next month. I will try a gram then move on to 2.

To be honest, I am not in a good place just now. I keep getting stuck in solipsistic delusions about how I am god and my loved ones are just empty illusions like dead npc characters in a game. Maybe this isn't delusion though. I created all these people and the environment just to amuse myself but it has backfired now that I am starting to wake up and become aware of my lonliness. I am doing lots of meditation too and my mindset isn't always like this so I plan to try mushrooms to see if they can show me where I have gone wrong. I haven't had any nondual experiences yet.

I am terrified of endless reincarnation and how I will have to suffer through all sorts of horrors in future lifetimes. Leo one minute says that every atom and object is a perfect design and a universe in itself and then in another video says that none of it exists and it is all an illusion.

Oh, sorry about that. I'm used to replies on here from people who pretend that they have never suffered. It is just pretty bad anxiety and depression a lot of the time because I don't know what the heck reality is anymore.

I'm pleased that you have never had shit happen in your life.

I hope so.

I was also watching his video he made after the retreat and he says that there is no matter and there are no eyes that he is seeing through yet he goes on to say how the universe in an infinite design and every butterfly is exerting gravitational force on every other. He contradicts himself in nearly every sentence but I suppose that's the nature of this work.

Well, yes until the shit hits the fan.

No.

A few years ago, I bought an electric car, got solar panels and recently went vegetarian. I then ask myself why did I even bother? The nature of reality is just perfection/mind anyway so nothing can really be gained or lost. We are here to experience and do what we want. Leo could afford an electric car but probably doesn't have one. I think he also eats meat which I am not judging him for. From a higher perspective than the stage green I am at, does all this caring about the environment stuff even matter?

His teachings are pretty terrifying. Think about it, once you have lived through every possible life or reached enlightenment, you just get bored and start again. That means that inevitably, you will all experience being tortured, suffocated to death in a coal mine collapse and every other horror you can and can't imagine. Nonduality brought me peace to begin with but now I fear for what future incarnations hold. How can you all live in peace knowing this?

There are many enlightened people but I am not one of them so that kind of disproves that not everyone gets enlightened when you become enlightened.

No, because that's still something.

If I were fearless and unlimited, what would I create ? Nothing If I were totally selfless, how would I live ? I wouldn't If I were immortal, what would I create and what would I do ? Nothing and nothing Who would I be if I were ultimately loving, ultimately selfless and ultimately conscious ? Nobody