Shaun

I just want to wake up so badly, it's the only way out of this situation.

I hope that you are right, but it depends on who you ask.

Regardless of what I focus on or desire, it doesn't work out for me. Life used to be a fascinating wonder for me. I wake up in the mornings terrified and go through the day emotionally numb, feeling little. I look at my own mother and don't even know if she is really real or not. Can she see me? Is she as alive as I am? I don't know any more. I feel utterly alone and don't know what's going to happen in future. I can't even find the motivation to sort my career out either because when all is said and done, there is ultimately no point. I'm god anyway so maybe when I get enlightenment, I can bring this whole thing to an end and realise how utterly stupid I was to create all this. I just want to stop working and spend the rest of my days doing meditation and spirituality, because part of me still believes I've maybe got it all wrong. Maybe all I've got to do is accept that anything that appears on my computer screen or in reality as a whole is just me feeding back to myself to create the illusion that I'm not alone. Isn't that nonduality in a nutshell?

I think what I'm struggling with is ego claiming consciousness as it's new identity, it's sneaky and twisted.

Yes, I'd love to hear it, thanks.

Is Leo suggesting that the introverts should go on tinder and the extroverts should go out there in order to get someone?

Reading that nearly moved me to tears, something which hasn't happened in a very long time. It is beautiful and terrifying.

I actually don't have anything particular in mind and that's why I want to go to a financial advisor but I was thinking maybe becoming a private landlord. I want to make enough income so that I can leave Amazon because the place is a breeding ground for serious mental health issues. If I can not find a job I enjoy or a way to escape wage slavery then I will just stop working completely and live with my dad who is on unemployment benefits.

Yes, total theft.

Not quite, I can think of money and it doesn't appear in front of me.

I don't want to feel anything. I desire the complete and eternal cessation of experience.

I'm aware of the thought and the daily suffering.

I'm the awareness, no doubt about that.

Good, I really hope so because that's what Leo preaches in the radical implications of oneness video.

The thoughts of nothingness and space are not nothingness or space.

You can't pinpoint that.

The darkest truth of all is that you will experience EVERYTHING. Every lottery win, newborn baby, first kiss. You will also know what it's like to die from cancer, murder people and suffocate to death in a coal mine collapse having mined coal your entire life. Nobody will even know who you were. Even if you do awaken, the cycle will be started again right from the beginning. There is no escape.

When it becomes a jobby.

The self inquiry exercises are pointing us all directly to solipsism but a variant of solipsism where the one doing the self inquiry doesn't exist either.

I thought it was all me though?

Thanks, I am going to speak to a financial advisor about making some investments and maybe go to a life coach too. I will no longer accept wage slavery as a life of that is not worth living.

I have been thinking about infinity a bit more and was wondering if all the films I have seen have actually happened?

That's pretty much the size of it I think. All experience is subjective so proving the reality of an outside world or other experiences is impossible. The existence or non existence of other perspectives is just assumption.

I am going to try it and see if what these people are on about is true. I think Rupert Spira has the right idea, we are all just perspectives within an infinite mind or field of consciousness. I don't really believe that my perspective and experience is literally all that there is.

Why bother looking at reality from other perspectives like Leo advises? There are no other perspectives, so that makes this activity pointless.