Dragallur

The real twist is that it is telling itself that it does not control itself and that it is not itself.

@abrakamowse While Scientific American is not probably the best source, you can observe this for yourself.. plus who would be controlling the thoughts? Another thought?

Day: not gonna count them man! So its been quite a while. Leo is not updating, not that I watched the two last video huh? I am almost done with the tests for my school and I am back in school again. Interesting things happening, for example something changed in the way I perceive other human beings and also my thoughts. I had problem with computer games I can not ever be sure again that I solved it or not which is quite funny considering how confident I was before. I am learning how to use LaTeX which is pretty cool and advanced version of Word (and there is whole meme page dedicated to it). I still listen to metal, I guess I like it even more than before. I am still taking cold showers and I guess I am vegan now. I have problems with meditation though. Dragallur

Nah, it is just that those documentaries are bad, and there is nothing to do about it, you will fail if you try to do a documentary about FLAT EARTH.

@art I see, but nobody claimed that they are searching for absolute truth, they are trying to find out how what we see around us works and scientific method works quite well for that. Edit1: The scientists will drop the theory if there is sufficient amount of evidence against it. So far it was only proven right and it might just be ridiculously hard to find out counter evidence, but as they mentioned.. there are things beyond standard model like dark matter but those are also new things that lack the decades of work. To prove or disprove the theory one needs huge collider. Also they are saying "the beginning of Universe" simply because we have a bit of an idea of how it might hace worked. Nobody even dares to say what was before Big Bang because it is just pointless.

@art It seems like she simply came to these people with the idea that "CERN is evil and they are going to destroy the whole world". I completely understand why the lady in the end did not want to debate the guy. How are you going to explain in a short interview all of the physics involved? This is just another conspiracy theory, just because there are high energies does not mean anything, there are high energies in the other parts of Universe too and nothing actually serious happened. Because there is lot of energy does not equal the creation of black holes. This is just absurd.

@Edvard You have a good point I do not think that everybody needs to be happy. Maybe some people will sacrifice their happiness to do something else, like help to spread humans on other planets (if that is a good idea is not the point of course and who knows what will happen in the future).

285th day: Ahh... Well I could say that I took a break from meditation though that would not quite describe it. I was doing informally self-inquiry though at least and I have been meditating some days. Today I did again 20 minutes or so. It seems like a nice experiment though it involved bunch of other shit which I need to take care of right now. I would not believe how long addictions can last even though you are not acting anymore on them, it is quite fuck up. I am ok though, I read two books in two days and there are only two left for my school that I need to finish. I also listened to Chronicles of Narnia in German which was very interesting. Just few days ago I had mindfulness fuck up. I just was so mindful and it was continuous for such a long time. I went cycling yesterday, nice change! I want to push to another level with self-inquiry, that is also fuck up btw. I really like how Leo changed the "levels" that we have under our names, it certainly makes sense! Oh well no more ideas. Dragallur

273rd day: Exchange year I am just sitting here and this is my last night at my host family's house. I have been here for almost 10 months (because I arrived 3 weeks later than was originally planned, normally it is longer). It feels kind of weird, I do not think I can describe it exactly it is unique experience of doing actualization (etc.) and being 1 year away from all the people that you normally know. Now the text continued much longer but I decided to not share it here publicly, sorry. Dragallur

@JustinS I would be very skeptical, apparently they had similar claims before: http://www.snopes.com/alien-mummy-peru/

269th day: Physics So I moved myself by a substantial bit in the astrophysics textbook, that means roughly half a page right now. I have finally got through this double integration in the way, I have spent most of today's afternoon doing that shit. I have made a lot of very dumb mistakes that were slowing me down, it is not much of a surprise though because of these long divisions that I had to get through. I used the integration by substitution which was quite cool. I love writing integral symbol! I will probably get stuck quite soon again and I am not even getting towards the actual problems in the end of the chapter which will require some hardcore dedication. I loved it though. School Today was the last day in school. I even got a photo of my class from my classmates, that was nice, I wont probably see any of them EVER again which is kind of weird, also none of the teachers, nobody basically. Interesting I was telling myself exactly this when I was going back from USA. Now I have few free days and then I return back. Dragallur

Amazing, you just described so many of my days! You still meditate right? You said that you want to continue with your formal practice. What about self-inquiry though? If you know the answer what do you ask? Do you just feel it and dive in it? Or try to deepen the experience? Would you say that there are some things that you still do not understand that your favorite spiritual teachers talk about (especially about enlightenment)?

267th day: Thoughts Somehow I do not have problem with standing up late which I am doing right now. Today I fell asleep during meditation, so dumb, otherwise though I have been cutting it after a move so that I stop any cheating. Then later I just napped for 90 minutes. Amazing, I had few dreams which were cool and I got to investigate a bit the state when you are falling asleep, that was really good. I am going to Berlin in less than a week and then after four days I go directly to Czech Republic. That is quite short time considering that I was here the whole school year. I am almost packed, there are lot of books that I am bringing with me, that is quite cool, I like it. I have changed a bit my listening to music habit, though I broke already what I said before. Dragallur

Your cognitive style is... Intellectual Your organizational style is... Balanced Your energy style is... Introverted Your stress management style is... Resilient Your interpersonal style is... Competitive

266th day: Challenge I did not do so much but I am getting a bit closer on the easier exercises. The side split is really next level, I will have to create a better habit of doing it. Sending videos I just wrote something to my sister and wanted to link some Leo's video. I started watching it (about 100% responsibility) but then realised that I simply can not send it (it was not about her responsibility but of other people's) because just how much it would be hard to understand without having any background knowledge about what Leo does and so on. I want to do that at one point, I just have to choose the right occasion and right video. Senses Just few days back in school I got so fucking deep, but at the same time nowhere, its like I just realized how much I do not know about it but got no answer, just a deep sense of wonder. Magic Yesterday (and today) I spent playing cards until almost 2:30 AM, that was quite fun, listening to music and such for a long time. University Today I went into University to listen to some presentations for people who want to study there. There was also room with stuff that is related to what they do and I actually had in hands Klein bottle! (purpose of life achieved, I can die happily now) Dragallur

I sit on chair the whole day, I find it extremely boring. I already did that, I want to try something different and with 3 songs I can really be thinking about them, really hear the melodies and think about the text.

261st day: I do not know why I am writing the number of days since I started this journal but I wonder if it is going to be 365 in a year actually. Music After my last music experiment throughout the weeks I got pretty hooked up back again. Yesterday while doing spiritual autolysis I got the idea to listen to only 3 songs every day. Yesterday I did only one since it was evening and it was Insomnium - At The Gates Of Sleep Today I still have to choose the third one: God Is An Astronaut - Vetus Memoria Insomnium - Down With The Sun ... It was funny how I knew immediately that I would listen to Insomnium though I was listening to some new interprets that day too, it was obvious that when I can listen to only one song it will be from Insomnium. School Here the grades are already closed by I started to learn today for my Czech school, right now I do not need to go so fast probably but when I return back I will have to go beast mode. Anonymous Just the other day I was writing autolysis about how much internet knows about me and today I made another step to be more anonymous. Right now my tweets are being deleted. I hope that it will make me unsearchable through Google images because I used to have on Twitter account my name. It is just a preventive thing. Sadly I can not change my posts here in the past anymore but that will not be much of a problem I think. Video Last Leo's video was one of the best ones he ever did I think. I was very happy that he did such a long breakdown of stage yellow. I am not actually sure how much I see myself in it but it does not matter so much where I place myself as if I understand what the stages are about. Judging thoughts I am judging my thoughts quite often and when I skyped with @JKG she helped me with that, now every time I do it I just have to laugh when I remember then conversation, it actually seems to be working. Meditation I am not very happy about my sitting position in meditation, sitting cross legged is extremely annoying because but leg starts to die off so often, right now I am testing other postures which makes me do like 2 sessions to get an hour. Poem During today's autolysis I just (intuition approved) started to write poem. Loving I am just sitting here Writing this poem I think I’m thinking clear But am I really? Notice the story I dump it away While feeling sorry That I did not learn. They speak of acceptance Of loving yourself But does it make sense? Loving this beast? Wow so muh epixnez, next lvl. Dragallur

@JKG Well y-axis is feeling good/bad and x-axis is time. You could also say generally that y-axis is level of development and x-axis is time (then I would change a bit the other curve). Actually the "absolute value" would not really be needed I just started with it when I was figuring out how to enhance the sinus curve that you mentioned and then I left it there, it looks nice though that all time lowest is equal to highest of the other curve. In a way it could also illustrate how you spend short time in "low" and longer time in "high" while for other people it is the other way around, not that I know much about your emotional states but it felt fitting .

https://www.desmos.com/calculator/j5ulilaj1v

@Mango1998 wow you had some helluva of exciting days!

@Lou7 It is not that people who do self-actualization share some common hobby, not at all in a way we are very diverse people (in a way we are extremely similar too). There might be lower chance to meet somebody like that in McDonalds and maybe a bit higher chance in Yoga class. If you go on some seminar for example, you will probably get to know bunch of people who might be similar to you, those are activities that suck out people who want to get better in something. This forum is a good place too but it depends if you live in a remote state or not and if you have the chance of getting in contact with somebody here. It is a lot about doing socializing if you want to meet somebody, that is simply the way it works, sadly people do not have tatoos of Actualized.org logo on their foreheads.

You can make that habit too

Hey, ever wondered about those swings for kids where you go back and forth? Let me explain why they are like a life: Most people go on them first when they are young, they might not be able to swing alone yet so their parents need to help. At one point though, the child will swing back and forth more and more without any assistance. The kid will try to jump down while swinging getting further and further each time it tries. Sometimes it will bring some pain, sometimes the parents will be angry because the kid's clothes are dirty. When the child grows up it won't go on the swing again, it won't try out jumping even further. Maybe it is because it thinks that doing that is only for kids or maybe that there is no fun in it maybe it would not be worth the pain! Not only that it becomes harder because of all these limiting beliefs, it actually becomes harder in practice! Muscles stop being so flexible, the feet will be dragging on the ground slowing you down, bones will break like nothing even if you manage to jump (which will quickly demotivate you from doing it again). At some point you won't be even able to walk to the damn playground... and that's how swing is like a life . Sometimes it might not be so easy. Sometimes it will look pretty darn cool. Dragallur Hints: swinging - living full life ; jumping - going out there and doing new stuff ; being hurt - not accomplishing something etc. ; parents and older people - normal people not doing anything with their life keeping away people from living ; child - person with authentic desires who does not feel failure Disclaimer: I do not have much experience with life yet.

Would you know how neurotic they are after meeting them for few hours without ever being in their household?

You basically mean that you can not put actuall real effort into it, right? In the end it happens by itself...