Dragallur

Hell yeah I think that this was one of the most interesting threads that appeared on the forum, quite long too but I was glad that Leo took his time to answer all the questions. Glad to hear that Its great to read these posts, again thanks for sharing your thoughts!

What is true is already so. Owning up to it doesn't make it worse. Not being open about it doesn't make it go away. And because it's true, it is what is there to be interacted with. Anything untrue isn't there to be lived. People can stand what is true, for they are already enduring it. —Eugene Gendlin I have found this on community blog Less Wrong, amazing.

82nd day: Enlightenment work During one part os todays SDS I found out something completely arbitrary to enlightenment. When I am kind of sleepy sometimes imagination gets very real and I can catch this moment for second or so and it is quite cool. It seems to me that it is kind of black and white but I am able to catch myself before I fall asleep, interesting. I do not have much problem with 60 minutes of SDS anymore, maybe I will start to make to longer, dunno. Often I learn the most valuable lessons when someone does to me or somebody else something not so nice and I truly notice what happen. At that point I tell myself, do not do this, you will hurt the other person, sometimes its just small things. Yesterday for example we started somehow to talk about dimensions and I said that we see only in 2nd dimension and our mind and memory says that we see in 3rd dimension. I had pretty good arguments but the other person stopped to talk with me probably because the idea simply seemed silly and the part with arguments was completely ignored I did not even got any from the other side... lesson, do not run away from discussion ever, even if you talk with creationists or Moon landing deniers, some people might actually want to learn what you think about the opinion and you need to weight the value of what they are saying since you might as well be just brainwashed about the idea. Especially if you talk with kids. Physics Quite lot of work in differential calculus. I moved forward a lot because I did function analyzing in school and not in Khan Academy. I am also listening to podcast called Baeysian conspiracy. It is basically about rationality, these people are so peaceful and openminded! Its cool to see rationalists that are able to do it, I really like them. Baeysian statistics seems extremely interesting, I have never seen it mentioned on this forum. There are so many freakin schools of "knowledge" there is no reason to discard religion, rationality or spirituality. One cool math teacher in Czech once told me that it is important to realise that it is dangerous to make conclusion about one field with the other one. For example science is not so much about God and spirituality simply wont constuct rocket and safe human kind from asteroid.[1] Mindfulness Saturday seems better to me little bit than other saturdays. No computer games (26 streak) Leo posted on the forum something about shattering your view of reality and UFO. I have to admit that I am skeptical. Yes I am definitel skeptical but hey alright, I want to see any super-natural things for myself, this does not really help much. I think that you can get lost in shit. There is probably so much scam there and lot of good stuff too, but you can not really test it. Thats one thing I like about science and it is probably just because it is so mainstream and lot of people do it. In research you often know what are they coming from what assumptions they have and so on. Also these people know that you need to have large sample to get any results which is what some "healer" simply either does not know about or does not have.. it might just be placebo, it might only work this way and not another... whether you are enlightened or not.. you still get affected by biases. I am open to these things, I think that one of my friends is able to push people without touching them and bend metal at will.. so no I am not coming from ultra-skeptic viewpoint. I have read my older posts here. Wow, its so funny.. it seems to me like I am reading diary of some child, three months after this it will happen again Also my knees are great, my back is alright again! Dragallur (Going to #meditate right now! ) [1]What the teacher told appeals to me though I did not test these things myself...

I am always telling this to my friend because he really likes to start at particular times, particular nice dates and have new years resolutions While I do not understand why one needs to wait to begin something, it definitely helped him to make a huge changes in his life.

79th day: Enlightenment work Today I woke up with stiff and later on painful lower back. Now it is better, I did some exercises but because of it I did SDS while lying on the floor which made me fall asleep for do not know how long. That sucks but once the back is ok I will get into normal sessions. Senses are so weird. Every one of them is freaking unique. If you could only hear you would not know what seeing is and vica-versa. Imagine if you could see through stuff like you can hear around corner or you could smell something ON THAT PLACE and not in your nose. Or if you could taste food without the need to put it in your mouth! Physics I wrote about this physics problem. Seems I got it wrong but it is kind of weird though I learned lot of stuff from it and made a cool graph in desmos and so on. It was definitely awesome. Today I did a little bit of KA and also learned cool stuff about superconductivity. Tommorow is physics class where I am allowed to do my own stuff! Mindfulness No computer games (23 streak) Not so much I will become more mindful that I want to be mindful. Every several seconds child dies. (This fact gets quite horrific if you imagine when you watch TV, shop, or do anything that you meet these dead children along the way[1]) Stuff I watched Leos video: Critique of rationality. Huh, this is the worst video that Leo EVER made. I do not want to dig into it here since the probability of someone interested reading it is low (in other case write me message). If I would not be behind some other work like meditation and self-inquiry I would never buy into it. Anyway listening to some podcasts made me reconsider some stuff and close the veil between spirituality and rationality even more about which I am very happy. This is probably the biggest conflict I have ever had, we will see how it goes, the video about Confusion is quite handy here since sometimes I just let the case opened unanswered and it does not bother me so much. I found out that if I get far enough in physics olympiade and/or physics seminar I do not need to do any tests for Faculty of Mathematics and Physics in Prague. Which is definitely great! Dragallur [1]It is kind of complicated to get the number of kids that die every x seconds. Some sites say 4 seconds or 10 or so. I do not dare to specify but it seems that 1 per minute is low estimate that you can be sure of.

@Mr Lenny He said that he will answer these things at the end of December when 6 months will pass.

I guess you "mentioning me" and writing empty post was just a publishing mistake.. or is this some kind of enlightenment joke?

I actually never heard that saying I guess you can keep rough track of what you have done in one week to know if you are working enough. Short "re-remembering" could be enough, matters how much value you put on what, who knows if what I am saying is anywhere near the truth!

73rd day: Oh it has been a while since i posted, well few days. Anyway interesting stuff is definitely going on: Enlightenment work I bought the book Neti Neti meditation. It has only 50 pages but enough material for decades I guess So since I deleted my excel charts I kind of changed my meditation, not really though right now I do everyday 1 hour SDS and then 1 hour of Neti-Neti or Self-inquiry, today for example it was Neti-Neti. Pretty neat, I often feel during these two things as though I am standing in front of huge beautiful dragon (those are my favorite animals) and not even that I can not comprehend its appearence and majesty but I do not even know that it is dragon and there are 3 feet of wall of smoky glass between us (and I do not wear my glasses ). Btw I hate the imperial units but this time it seemed nice ot use feet since in the song While We Sleep by Insomnium, they say "wall of glass thick and deep"... oh wait there is no "feet" there, ouch.. Physics I am working on problems from one seminar. The one that I need to solve right now goes like this: you are on a beach with your girlfriend/boyfriend and you watch sunset. Since you want the romantic moment to last, you brought an elevator.. find out what speed does the elevator need to drive in order for you two to be able to watch the sunset. Mindfulness Last week was better. No computer games (17 streak) Wow, I would not expect this to be so easy. I almost played one really old game yesterday, I completely forgot about this. It did not work though because of WIndows 10 so.. I will not try to wake up at 5:00AM for some time now. I feel like I have a bit of sleep deprivation and I need to catch that up so I stop falling asleep during SDS. Pick Up Well this is where things go as much personal as they have been ever in this journal, I guess. Well. Girls. Yup. I was in a friendzone at least 3 times (I am 16 and one of them was for like 6 months at least). This never made me angry at this kind of stuff and rather learned me quite important things about myself. So no, I never had girlfriend, I have some good female friends, I had one about 2 years ago who was for some time probably the closest person to me ever but thats about it. While I called it pick up it was not much of a pick up. Today during lunch I had a great opportunity to talk with one very sympatic girl since she was sitting alone. It was completely catastrophic, but hey, I almost laughed out loud during my Neti-Neti about it. In the afternoon I summarised the conversation, highlighted important parts and commented on my mistakes, yeah they were really dumb. Thats my first experience with walking to person of another gender without even knowing their name and starting conversation out of nothing with no idea where it will go. Random stuff I started to watch Game of Thrones again but only in German. Wow, it is pretty hard, otherwise my german has improved a lot, I quite like it these days. In physics test I got 13/21 points. Well, I had EVERYTHING right except one minus and then the teacher did not like that I do not write units often and my way of working through some problem. She does not have much of physics-problem-thinking. She always inserts value into equation and after that she evaluates it instead of manipulating it so that you have something you want to find out equals to stuff and then inserting the values. Dragallur

Do not be attached to this rule. From what I have read it may as well be very wrong. Nice general guide line but there are too many factors that you can not keep track of.

@Diane Do you meditate? I did not notice it in your journal.

Hell yeah!!! Great post otherwise! Amazing, I can very well relate to it, the moment when you actually understand something that you have known for long time, priceless.

Thoughts: Something has changed. I got the feeling few days ago, now it is not so strong but I can still relate to it. I do not know what. Something is wrong with me, with the self. Not in bad manner. Strange. I flinch when I get deeper in SDS or self-inquiry, something or nothing is there. It seems to me that when I actually become mindfull for longer time I am actually alive. Imagine what life was like when we were very small kids, when we knew only few words. Everything was knew. We did not even knew how to move with our bodies well. Every sight, every sounds, every small was new. Now, everything is sorted. I can put everything I see in a box, name it, thats why time runs so quickly. Mindfulness... Would you ever send somebody to eternal torture? Even somebody who did something bad in your eyes? I would not, I would not send even Hitler to eternal torture, even if he was 100x worse. Why? I think that lot of people underestimate the longness of eternity. Take afterlife that Christians promise for example. Lets say that you consider physical one where you can do stuff. What are you going to do? Well you have eternity so you can just do nothing for the first billion of years, nothing wasted. Then you can meet with all people that are in heaven, that is around 100 billion people right now, you can learn all languages, you can try everything you ever wanted, you can find new things, explore and so on. What do you do then? Well you have just finished, it took you few quintillions of years because you do it really mindfully and try to enjoy every piece of afterlife. You are nowhere close to eternity, the afterlife did not even started in a sense. What do you do then? You can do everything but you will ALWAYS end up with some end (yes you could start to learn Pi digits). What then? This is why I think death has a meaning and afterlife is completely pointless, you will be happy? And what? Afterlife without the option to end it, I think I would hate that. Which gets me to the point I wanted to make, how can anybody wish to send someone to hell = eternal torture? It did actually happened to me.. the thing is that human can not get close to imagining eternity and why I would never wish to send even Hitler in hell, that is worse than well, everything else. (Considering the usual moral code I use during my day). (What nonduality says is way different then physical type of afterlife)

No if you understand the videos that is enough, Leo's enligh is quite simple and you do not need much knowledge to understand it. If you do not get full results there are lot of other possible options and I doubt that it is language.

Though if your passion is some science for example. You wont probably create any business. You might work in CERN which is in a way corporation though you need it if your passion is the expansion of the field of particle physics or whatever. Also is this whole thing based on the fact that simply there is no way of everybody being in business which means that you will always have people working for these corporation and the owners who might follow their passion through it (can everybody have their own little creation)? I am in a high school and I find it interesting how everybody (teachers, students) are working the way so that some business will employ them, though nobody EVER talks about creating your own business.

64th day: Enlightenment work 70+50 min of SDS and 60 min of Self-inquiry. Great SDS today. Physics Little bit of Khan Academy. I wrote few days ago about my math exam where I got 46/77 points. Today math teacher showed us the solutions, uhh, I do not like when teachers do not know when they do not know what they are doing.. he was not even able to do last problem right, why does he give us problems that he is not able to solve? Mindfulness Amazing. Morning was very powerful. No computer games (8 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (0 streak) Going to bed before 10:00PM (0 streak) Huh, sleep The Grand Project I started to learn HTML and soon will jump on PHP.. I decided I will need it. Dragallur

63rd day: Secretly I hope That nothing ever comes of this And you are not alone Wanting to come back To a place where it won’t matter Just what side you’re on It’s when our lines are graded What’s underneath will overcome -Dark Tranquility (Atoma) Enlightenment work 1 hour of SDS right after I woke up. 1 hour of self-inquiry in afternoon. Physics Nope, nothing. Mindfulness Great day on mindfulness except evening. No computer games (7 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (1 streak) Going to bed before 10:00PM (3 streak) I watched Doctor Strange. A bit of enlightenment stuff can be put on it and otherwise it was fun, I do not feel guilty about it though I could have done more productive stuff. Intuition From now on I will put sarcastic mark to everything I say is intuition - "intuition approved". So intuition approved is that I yesterday slept on flood watching the stars. Only thinkg that sucks about having glasses is that you do not see stars well without them. (Got I have 1 minute now. The Grand Project In the morning in library I decided to brainstorm a little on how I plan to make money out of the business. I will definitely create Patreon page, also I got a great idea that I could give an option to listen to all articles on mp3 since I could just talk everything I have written. I am still pretty satisfied with the title, second option on the list is Astropedia though similar names already exist. I have also found some sites that have similar mission to what I plan to do. I will need to search through them and find how what does not work and where they would need some work to do. One that looked pretty good is just a wikimap, I am not doing only encyklopedic way, I need the people who read it also understand the subject and be able to practice it. Dragallur

62nd day: Enlightenment work 1 hours self-inquiry. I was trying hard to look behind things that are being said. "Once you learn language, you will HAVE TO understand words otherwise, they are just sounds." I find it extremely hard to get behind words since my brain immediately interprets them. Almost 2 hours of SDS in two sessions. Physics DId Khan Academy. Found hours of content on astronomy though i do not know what quality it is yet. Yesterday I read something about Mars which I decided would be the first subject when I launch The Grand Project. Mindfulness Uhh, not so good, during SDS yes but not much otherwise. No computer games (6 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (0 streak) Going to bed before 10:00PM (2 streak) I have found pretty interesting stuff about green living. It sucks that since I still have to live with other people I can not change their behavior so much, I am still dependant on what they buy, how often they think I should take shower or wasch clothes. The Grand Project - Encyklopædia Astronomica Hell yeah. I am pretty happy with the title right now though in the adress it will have to be "e" of course. It is inspired by "Encyklopædia Britannica", so it is also in latin but still understandable. I thought about other titles too but they seemed very shallow. I checked I will not break any copyright by this since I am not planning to copy their logo and so on. I was also thinking when I read "blogging is not a business" that I might need to have an idea to what I could potentially sell since otherwise only money profit would be for me advertising. I mentioned before this application with charts and calculator though that is kind of long term thing and would require somebody to program it. This runs into the issue if I should learn to program or not and right now I do not think so, there is so much stuff that I need to learn in astronomy alone that adding a programing language would break my progress by hundreds of hours. There is also Patreon page and I could have featured content or so. Intuition I deleted my meditation and lucid dreaming statistics. I could still retrieve it partially but I am not planning to. I was thinking about deleting facebook account but did not decide yet. Dragallur (3 minutes before bed huh ) Let me know what you think about the title or if you have any other idea!

One of your best journal entries, good job, I can see that you are really moving forward! How does the visualization of yours look like? Do you do neti-neti form Leo's video or do you have some other source?

How To Harness Your Intuition – Exercises: How has my intuition served me in the past? Trying out completely new things and discovering they are cool. Giving me concept of how my dream business might look like. Getting me out of comfort zone to where something interesting happens. How does my intuition feel when it’s working? Sudden idea coming out of nowhere. New view. Thing I would not do normally. Charge of flow. What has my intuition been trying to tell me lately? Stop lucid dreaming. Start to execute actions on The Grand Project. Read more. What is my intuition saying about my career? It says that The Grand Project is totally amazing thing. What is my intuition saying about my relationships? Do not know yet. Where is my intuition ultimately trying to guide me? I am not sure right now. In what ways do I ignore my intuition? It says that it would help me if I stop trying lucid dreaming completely as it only wastes my time at the moment. Why don’t I follow my intuition more? It feels scarry and jump in the dark. I fear of letting go to something like that. What changes could I make to reconnect with my intuition more consistently? Ask throughout the day what my intuition think about this and that. Have "intuition sessions". What would my life look like if I had the courage to follow my deepest intuitions? Fast and quality acting. Probably high authenticity. What are some noble or aspirational yearnings that I am suppressing or stalling on? Becaming vegan. Getting rid of most things I own (here in Germany I do not have so many things but in Czech there is quite a treasure still). Dragallur

60th day: Enlightenment work As usual. Physics I received my math exam today corrected. I got 44/76, too low? Yeah well.. I did not explain my way of thinking which lowered my point I did not know one problem at all and then I was not really able to formulate my answer. It does not matter of course and I am perfectly ok with it since I understand the topic well. Mindfulness As yesterday, so quite fine, hopefully tommorow when we celebrate Thanksgiving day I will be more mindful. No computer games (4 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (1 streak) Going to bed before 10:00PM (0 streak) No computer games are going fine, quite easy now though I procrastinated today and spent and checked forum a lot which cut out some time, it wont be so hard to correct it. Why am I writing this so late? Today with my class I was supposed to go to city (30 min) by train and watch a play with some religious context. I went there, the way to theater was quite easy but I took wrong turn somewhere and so I started to ask people. About ten minutes before start I was standing next to the theater and it was locked, I asked guys at parking spot but they did not have keys. Then I called my host-mother and after that I realised I was on in the street I was supposed to be at. I walked some direction and asked some people. Than there was young couple with smart-phone and they were the only people throughout the whole journe who pointed me well When I went by their directions it was something like 10 minutes after the start of the play and soon I asked again but not with the adress but only with "theater", I have underestimated the number of theaters that are there and everybody pointed me to some big one and when I came there I find out that it is wrong one. Soon enough I was walking back, no more limbing-running towards the train station since if I would teleport I would catch like 10 minutes of it. IT WAS FUN. I wasted 2 hours but it was cool and they were not wasted[1] This is one of the nice benefits of meditation, you do not care if your train is late by an hour or if you walk in a city where you have been once before for 40 minutes completely lost. Another thing I realised. I talk with some people very different way. For example I can change myself to role of complete rationalist, non duality guy, person who talks about politics and so on. It made me think that some people know only one of my sides and that if I would be in my high-self I would act very differently, it is matter of choice. With some people I am very careful to not hurt their feelings even when I do not know them much which results in strange mix of words, then comes the part when I realise that I manipulate the person and whole discussion gets totally screwed, it simply does not make much sense. Also by this I too underestimate people, I am being too careful with them while I could unleash my whole "actualized" top level personality that I am capable of and have a great conversation. Also I manipulate all the time, I had another of these great moments when I realised that the hole is deeper than I thought. By talking I manipulate, by not talking I manipulate, this results in the most strange thought processes that can make it out of my mouth then. If this even makes sense. Dragallur [1]The moments when you realize that only people on this forum and several others will understand such paradox without single thought (or is it just my impression?)

59th day: Enlightenment work Sleepy SDS and interesting self-inquiry. Physics I went on 11th grade physics class but it was not worth it. I have found great way to multiply basically any two 3 digit numbers! Mindfulness Not as good as yesterday but still pretty cool. No computer games (3 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (0 streak) Going to bed before 10:00PM (1 streak) Thats all, I have one minute Dragallur

58th day: Enlightenment work Because I could not sleep I did yesterday another 34 minutes. Today in the morning 24 and later 54 and 60 of self-inquiry. Physics Not really but I have a great idea about trick in derivations which I need to test. Mindfulness It is definitely getting better. Today I was very mindful compared to normal but I can get way better. No computer games (2 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (1 streak) Going to sleep before 10:00PM (0 streak) I went to bed at 22:02 though after it I meditated though I would not count it. I have 3 minutes now The Grand Project I did some work. It turns out that I could get domain and hosting for 1 dollar per month for one year and then it would be something like 8 dollars for one month. I will have to think a lot and figure out what I want to do, if I need to learn PHP or if I can just start or what. Dragallur

57th day: Enlightenment work 1 hour of SDS, pretty good.. I really like how I seometimes just emerge from monkey mind into high mindfulness. 1 hour of self-inquiry. Physics Nothing really, I plan to return to Khan Academy again. Few days back I thought about The Grand Project again. I thought it would be cool if you could also install a program which would basically be tables about planets, stars and so on. Lists of all equations that are commonly used, their explanations and some examples. WIth this astronomy calculator would come with which you could do your problems very fast as it would have built in things you need for astronomy, one click for any constant whether it is gravitational, Hubble or mass of Sun. I am reading Think and Grow RIch by Napoleon Hill. Pretty interesting, it is about business which is something I might need one day. I will read more! Mindfulness Probably better than usual. I remember to be mindfull many times a day but it is only short time really. No computer games (1 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (0 streak) Going to sleep before 10:00PM (0 streak) Negatives I received my history test today. It was very bad, the teacher returned it to me with few words. I basically misinterpreted the stuff there. I know that I do not understand the text that I have to analyze but still.. I hope that when my German improves I will be able to keep up with the work. At the same time the fact that I got 5 (0%) does not matter at all since I learn here something completely different from Czech (here we learn about Hitler, in Czech about medieval times) so I will have to catch up with the stuff anyway when I return.. it does not make sense to be sad about it at all. Positives Integration with all my parts is getting better and better. Sometimes I say in my head lot of bad words about people around though I know that it is just my mistake. Or I have some twisted thoughts, interesting things happen when you do not understand most stuff that people say around you, I do not stop these parts of brain anymore, I just let it be going and thinking that its funny what the ego does. Dragallur

56th day: Enlightenment work 1 hour of SDS and Self-Inquiry. SDS was kind of strange because I had to have a huge support under my knees in cross-legged position since I have some problems with them right now. It kind of shifted my time feeling since I can guess usually quite well because of pain and I thought that I have like 15 minutes more than I did and then few seconds before the session was supposed to end I looked at the clock Physics Did experiments today, nothing else. Mindfulness Not very good. I wanted to eat slowly and mindfully. I eat extremely fast because my lunch was simply amazing. Computer games (0 streak) My 1st rule of self-actualization Mistakes are allowed. There is nothing wrong with mistakes. Learn from your mistakes. Do not blame other people for their mistakes. Do not fear of mistakes. Be glad that you noticed your mistake. Feel proud of your mistakes. Do not let the blame of others inside you. I figured out this rule even before I started actualization, it was based on text from a song: All the pain and suffering, will dispirit or feed you. dispirit or feed you. For each and every time your failures will craft you when the fear of them is gone -Insomnium (Ephemeral) Other things I wanted to mention 1,300,000 people died in Auschwitz alone (concentration camp in Poland). I was thinking about this and the fact that I have never seen anybody die. I realised that such a number is not comprehensible, at all. I also remembered the experiment where people were supposed to tell how much money they would give for saving some dying cute animal, in the same experiment people were asked how much money would they give for 8 such cute animals. Result? People are not able to multiply by 8, it was less simply because you do not imagine 8 dying animals as easily as 1. I decided to play some short films that were taken by American soldiers when they freed concetration camps to actually see how it looked like. It was interesting, I have to warn of piles of dead bodies and starving people, I did not cry but it was definitely important for me to see. Oh I had the world's spiciest natural growing chilli, pretty fun . Intuition is amazing. I decided upon intuition one thing about week ago (one person that is reading it may know what I am talking about) and I think it was great decicion and I feel happy that I did it.' Last week I was wondering if I should go try out some new after school activity. I felt like I was to spend time at home but then I remembered that all surprising and new stuff actually happens elsewhere. I had this long ego discussion about comfort and so on. At one point it just broke and I went to try out jugling. It was fucking awesome!!! I loved it and I am looking forward to this friday when I will try it out again. Dragallur