Dragallur

@Diane Do you meditate? I did not notice it in your journal.

Hell yeah!!! Great post otherwise! Amazing, I can very well relate to it, the moment when you actually understand something that you have known for long time, priceless.

Thoughts: Something has changed. I got the feeling few days ago, now it is not so strong but I can still relate to it. I do not know what. Something is wrong with me, with the self. Not in bad manner. Strange. I flinch when I get deeper in SDS or self-inquiry, something or nothing is there. It seems to me that when I actually become mindfull for longer time I am actually alive. Imagine what life was like when we were very small kids, when we knew only few words. Everything was knew. We did not even knew how to move with our bodies well. Every sight, every sounds, every small was new. Now, everything is sorted. I can put everything I see in a box, name it, thats why time runs so quickly. Mindfulness... Would you ever send somebody to eternal torture? Even somebody who did something bad in your eyes? I would not, I would not send even Hitler to eternal torture, even if he was 100x worse. Why? I think that lot of people underestimate the longness of eternity. Take afterlife that Christians promise for example. Lets say that you consider physical one where you can do stuff. What are you going to do? Well you have eternity so you can just do nothing for the first billion of years, nothing wasted. Then you can meet with all people that are in heaven, that is around 100 billion people right now, you can learn all languages, you can try everything you ever wanted, you can find new things, explore and so on. What do you do then? Well you have just finished, it took you few quintillions of years because you do it really mindfully and try to enjoy every piece of afterlife. You are nowhere close to eternity, the afterlife did not even started in a sense. What do you do then? You can do everything but you will ALWAYS end up with some end (yes you could start to learn Pi digits). What then? This is why I think death has a meaning and afterlife is completely pointless, you will be happy? And what? Afterlife without the option to end it, I think I would hate that. Which gets me to the point I wanted to make, how can anybody wish to send someone to hell = eternal torture? It did actually happened to me.. the thing is that human can not get close to imagining eternity and why I would never wish to send even Hitler in hell, that is worse than well, everything else. (Considering the usual moral code I use during my day). (What nonduality says is way different then physical type of afterlife)

No if you understand the videos that is enough, Leo's enligh is quite simple and you do not need much knowledge to understand it. If you do not get full results there are lot of other possible options and I doubt that it is language.

Though if your passion is some science for example. You wont probably create any business. You might work in CERN which is in a way corporation though you need it if your passion is the expansion of the field of particle physics or whatever. Also is this whole thing based on the fact that simply there is no way of everybody being in business which means that you will always have people working for these corporation and the owners who might follow their passion through it (can everybody have their own little creation)? I am in a high school and I find it interesting how everybody (teachers, students) are working the way so that some business will employ them, though nobody EVER talks about creating your own business.

64th day: Enlightenment work 70+50 min of SDS and 60 min of Self-inquiry. Great SDS today. Physics Little bit of Khan Academy. I wrote few days ago about my math exam where I got 46/77 points. Today math teacher showed us the solutions, uhh, I do not like when teachers do not know when they do not know what they are doing.. he was not even able to do last problem right, why does he give us problems that he is not able to solve? Mindfulness Amazing. Morning was very powerful. No computer games (8 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (0 streak) Going to bed before 10:00PM (0 streak) Huh, sleep The Grand Project I started to learn HTML and soon will jump on PHP.. I decided I will need it. Dragallur

63rd day: Secretly I hope That nothing ever comes of this And you are not alone Wanting to come back To a place where it won’t matter Just what side you’re on It’s when our lines are graded What’s underneath will overcome -Dark Tranquility (Atoma) Enlightenment work 1 hour of SDS right after I woke up. 1 hour of self-inquiry in afternoon. Physics Nope, nothing. Mindfulness Great day on mindfulness except evening. No computer games (7 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (1 streak) Going to bed before 10:00PM (3 streak) I watched Doctor Strange. A bit of enlightenment stuff can be put on it and otherwise it was fun, I do not feel guilty about it though I could have done more productive stuff. Intuition From now on I will put sarcastic mark to everything I say is intuition - "intuition approved". So intuition approved is that I yesterday slept on flood watching the stars. Only thinkg that sucks about having glasses is that you do not see stars well without them. (Got I have 1 minute now. The Grand Project In the morning in library I decided to brainstorm a little on how I plan to make money out of the business. I will definitely create Patreon page, also I got a great idea that I could give an option to listen to all articles on mp3 since I could just talk everything I have written. I am still pretty satisfied with the title, second option on the list is Astropedia though similar names already exist. I have also found some sites that have similar mission to what I plan to do. I will need to search through them and find how what does not work and where they would need some work to do. One that looked pretty good is just a wikimap, I am not doing only encyklopedic way, I need the people who read it also understand the subject and be able to practice it. Dragallur

62nd day: Enlightenment work 1 hours self-inquiry. I was trying hard to look behind things that are being said. "Once you learn language, you will HAVE TO understand words otherwise, they are just sounds." I find it extremely hard to get behind words since my brain immediately interprets them. Almost 2 hours of SDS in two sessions. Physics DId Khan Academy. Found hours of content on astronomy though i do not know what quality it is yet. Yesterday I read something about Mars which I decided would be the first subject when I launch The Grand Project. Mindfulness Uhh, not so good, during SDS yes but not much otherwise. No computer games (6 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (0 streak) Going to bed before 10:00PM (2 streak) I have found pretty interesting stuff about green living. It sucks that since I still have to live with other people I can not change their behavior so much, I am still dependant on what they buy, how often they think I should take shower or wasch clothes. The Grand Project - Encyklopædia Astronomica Hell yeah. I am pretty happy with the title right now though in the adress it will have to be "e" of course. It is inspired by "Encyklopædia Britannica", so it is also in latin but still understandable. I thought about other titles too but they seemed very shallow. I checked I will not break any copyright by this since I am not planning to copy their logo and so on. I was also thinking when I read "blogging is not a business" that I might need to have an idea to what I could potentially sell since otherwise only money profit would be for me advertising. I mentioned before this application with charts and calculator though that is kind of long term thing and would require somebody to program it. This runs into the issue if I should learn to program or not and right now I do not think so, there is so much stuff that I need to learn in astronomy alone that adding a programing language would break my progress by hundreds of hours. There is also Patreon page and I could have featured content or so. Intuition I deleted my meditation and lucid dreaming statistics. I could still retrieve it partially but I am not planning to. I was thinking about deleting facebook account but did not decide yet. Dragallur (3 minutes before bed huh ) Let me know what you think about the title or if you have any other idea!

One of your best journal entries, good job, I can see that you are really moving forward! How does the visualization of yours look like? Do you do neti-neti form Leo's video or do you have some other source?

How To Harness Your Intuition – Exercises: How has my intuition served me in the past? Trying out completely new things and discovering they are cool. Giving me concept of how my dream business might look like. Getting me out of comfort zone to where something interesting happens. How does my intuition feel when it’s working? Sudden idea coming out of nowhere. New view. Thing I would not do normally. Charge of flow. What has my intuition been trying to tell me lately? Stop lucid dreaming. Start to execute actions on The Grand Project. Read more. What is my intuition saying about my career? It says that The Grand Project is totally amazing thing. What is my intuition saying about my relationships? Do not know yet. Where is my intuition ultimately trying to guide me? I am not sure right now. In what ways do I ignore my intuition? It says that it would help me if I stop trying lucid dreaming completely as it only wastes my time at the moment. Why don’t I follow my intuition more? It feels scarry and jump in the dark. I fear of letting go to something like that. What changes could I make to reconnect with my intuition more consistently? Ask throughout the day what my intuition think about this and that. Have "intuition sessions". What would my life look like if I had the courage to follow my deepest intuitions? Fast and quality acting. Probably high authenticity. What are some noble or aspirational yearnings that I am suppressing or stalling on? Becaming vegan. Getting rid of most things I own (here in Germany I do not have so many things but in Czech there is quite a treasure still). Dragallur

60th day: Enlightenment work As usual. Physics I received my math exam today corrected. I got 44/76, too low? Yeah well.. I did not explain my way of thinking which lowered my point I did not know one problem at all and then I was not really able to formulate my answer. It does not matter of course and I am perfectly ok with it since I understand the topic well. Mindfulness As yesterday, so quite fine, hopefully tommorow when we celebrate Thanksgiving day I will be more mindful. No computer games (4 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (1 streak) Going to bed before 10:00PM (0 streak) No computer games are going fine, quite easy now though I procrastinated today and spent and checked forum a lot which cut out some time, it wont be so hard to correct it. Why am I writing this so late? Today with my class I was supposed to go to city (30 min) by train and watch a play with some religious context. I went there, the way to theater was quite easy but I took wrong turn somewhere and so I started to ask people. About ten minutes before start I was standing next to the theater and it was locked, I asked guys at parking spot but they did not have keys. Then I called my host-mother and after that I realised I was on in the street I was supposed to be at. I walked some direction and asked some people. Than there was young couple with smart-phone and they were the only people throughout the whole journe who pointed me well When I went by their directions it was something like 10 minutes after the start of the play and soon I asked again but not with the adress but only with "theater", I have underestimated the number of theaters that are there and everybody pointed me to some big one and when I came there I find out that it is wrong one. Soon enough I was walking back, no more limbing-running towards the train station since if I would teleport I would catch like 10 minutes of it. IT WAS FUN. I wasted 2 hours but it was cool and they were not wasted[1] This is one of the nice benefits of meditation, you do not care if your train is late by an hour or if you walk in a city where you have been once before for 40 minutes completely lost. Another thing I realised. I talk with some people very different way. For example I can change myself to role of complete rationalist, non duality guy, person who talks about politics and so on. It made me think that some people know only one of my sides and that if I would be in my high-self I would act very differently, it is matter of choice. With some people I am very careful to not hurt their feelings even when I do not know them much which results in strange mix of words, then comes the part when I realise that I manipulate the person and whole discussion gets totally screwed, it simply does not make much sense. Also by this I too underestimate people, I am being too careful with them while I could unleash my whole "actualized" top level personality that I am capable of and have a great conversation. Also I manipulate all the time, I had another of these great moments when I realised that the hole is deeper than I thought. By talking I manipulate, by not talking I manipulate, this results in the most strange thought processes that can make it out of my mouth then. If this even makes sense. Dragallur [1]The moments when you realize that only people on this forum and several others will understand such paradox without single thought (or is it just my impression?)

59th day: Enlightenment work Sleepy SDS and interesting self-inquiry. Physics I went on 11th grade physics class but it was not worth it. I have found great way to multiply basically any two 3 digit numbers! Mindfulness Not as good as yesterday but still pretty cool. No computer games (3 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (0 streak) Going to bed before 10:00PM (1 streak) Thats all, I have one minute Dragallur

58th day: Enlightenment work Because I could not sleep I did yesterday another 34 minutes. Today in the morning 24 and later 54 and 60 of self-inquiry. Physics Not really but I have a great idea about trick in derivations which I need to test. Mindfulness It is definitely getting better. Today I was very mindful compared to normal but I can get way better. No computer games (2 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (1 streak) Going to sleep before 10:00PM (0 streak) I went to bed at 22:02 though after it I meditated though I would not count it. I have 3 minutes now The Grand Project I did some work. It turns out that I could get domain and hosting for 1 dollar per month for one year and then it would be something like 8 dollars for one month. I will have to think a lot and figure out what I want to do, if I need to learn PHP or if I can just start or what. Dragallur

57th day: Enlightenment work 1 hour of SDS, pretty good.. I really like how I seometimes just emerge from monkey mind into high mindfulness. 1 hour of self-inquiry. Physics Nothing really, I plan to return to Khan Academy again. Few days back I thought about The Grand Project again. I thought it would be cool if you could also install a program which would basically be tables about planets, stars and so on. Lists of all equations that are commonly used, their explanations and some examples. WIth this astronomy calculator would come with which you could do your problems very fast as it would have built in things you need for astronomy, one click for any constant whether it is gravitational, Hubble or mass of Sun. I am reading Think and Grow RIch by Napoleon Hill. Pretty interesting, it is about business which is something I might need one day. I will read more! Mindfulness Probably better than usual. I remember to be mindfull many times a day but it is only short time really. No computer games (1 streak) Waking up at 5:00AM (0 streak) Going to sleep before 10:00PM (0 streak) Negatives I received my history test today. It was very bad, the teacher returned it to me with few words. I basically misinterpreted the stuff there. I know that I do not understand the text that I have to analyze but still.. I hope that when my German improves I will be able to keep up with the work. At the same time the fact that I got 5 (0%) does not matter at all since I learn here something completely different from Czech (here we learn about Hitler, in Czech about medieval times) so I will have to catch up with the stuff anyway when I return.. it does not make sense to be sad about it at all. Positives Integration with all my parts is getting better and better. Sometimes I say in my head lot of bad words about people around though I know that it is just my mistake. Or I have some twisted thoughts, interesting things happen when you do not understand most stuff that people say around you, I do not stop these parts of brain anymore, I just let it be going and thinking that its funny what the ego does. Dragallur

56th day: Enlightenment work 1 hour of SDS and Self-Inquiry. SDS was kind of strange because I had to have a huge support under my knees in cross-legged position since I have some problems with them right now. It kind of shifted my time feeling since I can guess usually quite well because of pain and I thought that I have like 15 minutes more than I did and then few seconds before the session was supposed to end I looked at the clock Physics Did experiments today, nothing else. Mindfulness Not very good. I wanted to eat slowly and mindfully. I eat extremely fast because my lunch was simply amazing. Computer games (0 streak) My 1st rule of self-actualization Mistakes are allowed. There is nothing wrong with mistakes. Learn from your mistakes. Do not blame other people for their mistakes. Do not fear of mistakes. Be glad that you noticed your mistake. Feel proud of your mistakes. Do not let the blame of others inside you. I figured out this rule even before I started actualization, it was based on text from a song: All the pain and suffering, will dispirit or feed you. dispirit or feed you. For each and every time your failures will craft you when the fear of them is gone -Insomnium (Ephemeral) Other things I wanted to mention 1,300,000 people died in Auschwitz alone (concentration camp in Poland). I was thinking about this and the fact that I have never seen anybody die. I realised that such a number is not comprehensible, at all. I also remembered the experiment where people were supposed to tell how much money they would give for saving some dying cute animal, in the same experiment people were asked how much money would they give for 8 such cute animals. Result? People are not able to multiply by 8, it was less simply because you do not imagine 8 dying animals as easily as 1. I decided to play some short films that were taken by American soldiers when they freed concetration camps to actually see how it looked like. It was interesting, I have to warn of piles of dead bodies and starving people, I did not cry but it was definitely important for me to see. Oh I had the world's spiciest natural growing chilli, pretty fun . Intuition is amazing. I decided upon intuition one thing about week ago (one person that is reading it may know what I am talking about) and I think it was great decicion and I feel happy that I did it.' Last week I was wondering if I should go try out some new after school activity. I felt like I was to spend time at home but then I remembered that all surprising and new stuff actually happens elsewhere. I had this long ego discussion about comfort and so on. At one point it just broke and I went to try out jugling. It was fucking awesome!!! I loved it and I am looking forward to this friday when I will try it out again. Dragallur

54th day: Enlightenment work Once in the days I did very good meditation without single movement, even my eyes stayed on the same stop for full hour. It was very cool. Otherwise I did basically simple sessions, as to why, see below. Physics I did not do any Khan Academy. Math and physics in school are very boring I will have to bring my own work next time.. the teachers are completely sad. Mindfulness I am keeping quite nice level of mindfulness in school but when I get home I get distracted by other stuff that I do. What am I really doing all this time? From the last friday to yesterday's friday I was reading a book. It is epic fan-fiction on Harry Potter. I quite like Harry Potter even though that I know it so much that I see mistakes all around. This guy named Elizier Yudkowsky wrote fan-fiction called Harry Potter and Methods of Rationality. I already started to read it once lets say year ago or so. It was cool but then about in 70th chapter I gave up because there was part that did not interest me so much. I decided to give it a go again and started from scratch. Mind you, it has 122 chapters and something like 660 000 words. This is like two parts of longest Wheel of Time put together, which is a lot if you have seen Wheel of Time.. this is probably reason that it took me 7 days to read it (6 actually since one day I did not read it). Why am I telling this? Well it was quite interesting. I have basically spend all the time after school until late evening reading it except meditation. Cool is that when I was getting about 6-7 hours of sleep I felt very good in the morning which I think has to do with sleep cycles that do not normally match exactly with the hours I sleep. What is this book about? Well it tells one year of Harry being in school though since it is fan-fiction there are quite a changes. Harry is a rationalist and the whole book is very logically consistent. To match Harry's inteligence most main characters are extremely smart too. Now since I was and actually probably still am, a rationlists it very interested me. On this forum people like to rant rationality quite often, no problem with that, maybe it is because of Leo's video or maybe not. The thing I realised after reading this book which is from guy who is high level rational is that when most people say that they are rational they actually are not. Harry, kind of representing the author is well above anything you might have seen and rationality is really about seeking the truth, questioning beliefs and so on. It uses mind of course where lies the fundamental flaw. Perfect rationalist is aware of this, he is aware that all of this is fundametally wrong anyway, he is not attached to his beliefs that would limit him in the rationality and he is aware of maya. Rationality does not lead to fundamental truth as far as I know of course but if you read this book you will realise what is a power of rationality, if well done, in "physical reality", it will help you understand people, understand yourself, understand science and then it is tool and there is nothing wrong about it, and tools do not need to be used all the time.. you do not want to take tree down by hammer. So what I have learned? I think I am quite integrated with my rational part of myself. Before I was kind of throwing it away since I realised that it can not get you anywhere, but ther truth is now.. I know it and I love rationality anyway, it is beatiful what you can do with your mind if it is properly trained. Dragallur

It is "strong determination sitting" which means that you do not move, at all. Basically. You can be in any kind of sitting posture enduring all emotions, pain and so on. Try it out it is pretty cool and easy, Leo has video about it called something like "meditation on steroids".

49th day: Enlightenment work As usual 1 hour of self-inquiry and SDS though SDS was interrupted because of people I need to start to meditate in the morning again because that eases self-inquiry a lot. Physics Experiments did not went good today and later I had a little time. Mindfulness It seems that base level of mindfulness is quite often a small bit higher. Otherwise weekend sucked and I am eating very fast and thinking about future a lot. Negatives Quit 5:00AM waking up for quite few days after about 4 streak. Today I am going to try again and I am going to sleep at something like 21:35 which is very very good. Positives Quite some dreams. Low level of procrastination. In last week or so I played games only once and it was planned and then I just quitted and this is very good. If I have lot of things to do there is not way I would waste so much time. Also I executed some good intuition, I will watch the video soon enough again. Dragallur

43rd day: Enlightenment work 1 hour of SDS when I woke up at 5:00AM. I think I even felt asleep for a moment, I hope my body will adjust to this new schedule. Total of 80 minutes of Self-Inquiry splited up. Also another 65 minutes of SDS without break. During second SDS I realised that pain is just a pain, quite similar to ANY other emotion. I realised that there is no reason to feel hurt when you feel pain. That was cool. During self-inquir I was able to replicate the feeling and I wondered what is touch, What is touch really? It is so strange when you think about it. Lucid dreaming I will let it rest before something interesting happens. Writing dreams of course but I will see how I decide with LDing. Physics Had 1.5 hours of physics and math at school, cool.. in math we are doing integrals which is a bit ahead of what I do in Khan Academy but I understand it no problem. (This is only because I have two weeks with higher class, otherwise they just begun calculus in my class) Mindfulness In the shcool I was very mindful of my beliefs but then over day I was not so mindful. Negatives Little bit of procrastination.. I wonder how the elections will result. Positives SDS is great positive. I wrote with one of my REAL best friends with email. Its funny how he is basically on quite similar path discovering similar things as I do. Dragallur

What was its topic?

@future@bazera Yeah I think he stated somewhere that he will delete all links to the interviews.

42nd day: Enlightenment work I woke up at 5:00AM as planned and did 1 hours of SDS without basically single move! I also did 30 minutes of self-inquiry in school waiting on train and then when I got home I did the same time again. Just 20 minutes back I have realised that I was fooling myself about enlightenment. As somebody here said, it is way more tricky. I thought I was on the right path, doing my inquiry, meditating --> enlightenment coming soon! But its just belief system that I build up. Way better than normal ones so you can not see it so much but it is still ego delusion. So all the self-inquiry I did was leading up to this, it had to be done and I am back on the infinite crossroads after I checked one of the wrong ways. It is hard not to fool yourself in this matter. It is really all just belief system. Lets break this system down. Lucid dreaming Many times in the morning I almost caught the dream but it slipped again and again... Physics I did some experiments today and I wrote physics exam though I did not understand it and it was too hard for me anyway since I was in higher class. Mindfulness Better than on weekend but not good anyway. Negatives Mindfulness, LDing. Positives Otherwise quite well spent day, not much time at home on actualization but rest of the week will probably be better though tommorow I am going on workshop on some engineering stuff so that is going to be interesting. Dragallur

Good job with the lie video, I can relate to lot of these points you wrote down. Most of the time I just manipulate people to say what I want to hear or what I want them to ask, ego is master!

41st day: Enlightenment work I wanted to do 3 hours of SDS in the morning but I woke up late again so after I started I was interrupted because of breakfast after 2 hours. It went just about fine and I feel like I can do 3 hours, mind you, this is with changing positions. So after 2 hours in the morning I did 1 hour of self-inquiry afternoon and then 80 minutes of SDS again, this is record! After today, and some discussion here I will try to do more hardcore SDS. No moving whatsoever. I was today twice able to do 1 hour of nolotus position without break which is basically record and it is very good. I will use that to do super SDS tomorrow. Thanks for all of those that participated in my realising this Lucid dreaming I got up quite quickly so though I had dreams I forgot them immediately. Physics I did more Khan Academy, one tutorial plus something more. I also finished finally math olympiade except one task. Mindfulness Ok, I have just realised that I was not mindfull at all today. Negatives Watched part of movie but at least it was planned. Spent lot of time on forum well what can you do now? Positives No games. I was inspired to try to visualize what would happen if I played games and after one second of visualization I decided that I do not want to play it so I did not Nice productive day anyway! Dragallur

Makes sense then. The time for me is something like 40-45 minutes. You do motivate me to push it further