Corte

Your two worlds will synchronize as one when you stop dividing them into external and internal. What you think of as "out there" isn't really "out there"

This experience comes from a place of almost complete stillness. Whether you had help or not, your mind was still and you weren't expecting the experience. In this moment you weren't a person looking at reality through a bunch of conditions and beliefs, but just as it is. The experience itself isn't amazing at all, but when you think about it after it's over you will begin to mold it in the way your mind wants to remember it. Suddenly it becomes an incredible state that you'll try anything to get back to. If you want to experience it again, or maybe even more deeply this time, you'll have to trick your mind. You'll have to forget about your "memory" and not even want it anymore. Because it's likely that what you are trying to get back to isn't what you think you experienced to begin with.

There is a huge difference between knowing a concept / allowing it to be part of your belief system, and truly genuinely understanding it from within. I think you experienced this difference! Every situation is an opportunity for growth, this one is no different, just remember that this isn't the "final" truth. Surrender to knowing how much you don't know. Be careful not to get cozy in this understanding because it can produce a whole lot of pessimism I think it's 50/50 mind fap and growth. If you want to make it 100 growth, take your own advice and apply it to yourself and see what happens

*Mal drops non existent mic and walks off into nothingness*

You're not missing out. You're not boring. I don't know a single person who did drugs and are happy about it. Better yet, I don't know a single person who did drugs and it helped them in any way. you'll be doing yourself a favor if you stear clear of any people that encourage you to do so in your college years. If you're worried of missing an experience, that's all it is, an experience, you don't gain anything but there is a whole lot to lose.

Realize that when people make you feel bad for not being with them, they are manipulating you into feeling how they want you to - since you didn't do what they wanted. The most common is guilt, they might come up with a story for why you should feel guilty, which is of course completely illusory and made up. Simply don't give up your control. Yes, a person can actually be hurt by a decision you make, but you will feel the difference between this and someone who is making up feelings. The person might even make it look authentic as if they are mad/sad at you. Make your choice based on what you feel is best and hold your ground. It might get ugly in the beginning but people will eventually learn they can't control you.

You are already aware by buying a camera and making a few videos this will not make you feel like you've reached heaven. Just stay aware of the fact that happiness will not be brought to you. It's ok to want more happiness, what can make you more happy than doing what you love and helping other people at the same time? You might have other time-fillers you can cut back on to open up enough space to pursue something that will be more fulfilling for you and others. Minimalism is about decreasing the amount of brain power you waste on useless activities. (Useless as in detrimental or zero growth) Don't confuse this with staying still by suppressing authentic desires.

I believe it's really difficult to go backwards. It takes a whole lot of energy and time to actually step down in consciousness, if you can at all. The only way you can feel like you've lost your progress is if you believe so. Believing you're back where you started forms an illusion and it feels like you are. This is a big part of your problem I feel. Don't be so hard on yourself, this gets as much accomplished as guilting yourself into quitting. How can you make progress if you're too worried about losing it?

Yes, do it a few more times. You will anyway. Only this time, you won't feel the "good" or "bad" anymore. See the reality. My guess is reality is big fat and ugly. The good isn't worth the bad and the bad isn't worth the good anymore. You won't act on impulse because short term highs won't appeal to you any longer. Basically this all is just trying to get you to step out of your self constructed trap long enough to see what's going on around you. Realizing this perspective, your precious addiction falls face first. Lose the belief of being back where you started, this is completely redundant in regard to growth.

I am literally doing not a single thing what a relief.

Sleepyhead, This is a great place to be. Just remember that this is but only one of many levels of understanding. You've made progress, but this is not the end and there will never be one. If you begin to feel sadness or dread, it's likely because you are staying put for too long. You were open to becoming this, now remain open for what comes next.

@Mal I would absolutely love if "YOU" made this video. I have video equipment lets do this!

No, because I don't think this will solve your problem. Like at all. Ask yourself, and be honest with yourself, why do you want to lose your virginity? Because you don't feel like a man since you're 21 and never touched a woman? A virgin at 21 is not a failure, but a treasure. You said you are only focusing on yourself and your goals. Saving yourself for the right time will fulfill you way more than having a night with an escort, just my opinion.

This is what emotions do, this is the nature of thought, don't get caught up in the endless battle of trying to get rid of them. You can however change your perception and where your focus lies. When you focus on calmness and slowing down, you will feel something change - You can probably improve all areas of your life little by little: healthier sleep schedule, healthier diet, lifestyle minimalism, mindfulness, meditation, exercise, general kindness/love. Leo covers most of these extensively. I would start with his most recent video: all of this will give you more calmness than you will ever need, not to mention change your whole life for the better!

Don't fill it. Free