Jonson

Hi guys ! I'm 18. I want to ask you if you experience some stuff that i do. I sometimes think of my own heartbeat and get scared that i could die at any point. I am fit and also muscular so i don't think i'm unhealthy. I just get anxious sometimes and verify my pulse and stuff. I think about how everyone is like that and i relax. Just the thought that i am alive because of that heartbeat. Do you have any advice? thanks

@Sahil Pandit Should i keep looking into it if i'm 18 and healthy or will it just mess with my head too early in life ?

I am a high school student and this is my last year. My family wants me to go to college, I also want to but if I do go to college and spend 3 years there, then I want that college to provide me actual skills that i can't really learn alone. I also like the idea because of the maybe like-minded people that i am going to meet. I am artistically driven. I'm very interrested in film creation, graphic design, marketing. I think that all these things can be learned alone, but my sister says that companies pay better if you have a diploma. So then I'm thinking that if I go to college then i should learn something that i can't learn alone so easily, so not artistic fields. I can do all the art stuff in my free time. I am also tehnically driven. I would love to program, i like to think of solving problems through automatization, build websites, apps. Possible businesses : Photoshop business (i can provide all sorts of services), video production business (editing and or filming commercials, music videos etc.. ) Photography business These things would probably make me fulfilled. I really like to do that sort of stuff. I am not sure yet about programming. I could probably offer many services with it but i don't know if i would want to have that as a job. I would like to have a deep understanding of it but use that knowledge when i need it , like in creating something. I don't know if i should go to college or rather take a lot of courses in whatever interests me and create all sorts of businesses where i provide a bunch of different services , that would be cool. Or i can go to college, learn programming, meet a bunch of people, and do the art related businesses in my free time , but i wouldn't want to exhaust myself. Luckily college in Austria, Europe is cheap - 40 euros a semester. I will also want to grow a youtube audience , to create all sorts of youtube videos . I am interested in every type of content :entertainment, educational ... Presenting knowledge or entertainment in a video. That sounds very inspirational to me. This way i could be a film-maker, learner, speaker... When i say educational i mean i would like for example to create quality films about every field of work, i would interview the top people in a specific field, present the most essential and important information in a way that i will be able to express my artistic drives. I also mean videos on fitness, diet, science,religion, spirituallity, specific know hows... So this is kinda what i want .. To study programming, do art related businesses, build an online presence, and channels with quality educational/entertaing videos. Besides this i have many things that i need to do : becoming fitter, more muscular (pushups, pullups, ..) Experimenting with different diets, Going out learning game , becoming more charismatic (improved vocal tonality, body language...) Find people with similar interests The thing is that i live in Romania in a smaller city .. And if i go to college i will move to Austria, Vienna - big city. Because of that i worry about my mom being lonely, actually nah she is fine , we got a huge family, she has 6 sisters and 4 brothers. I worry about her health though because she has been smoking for 30+ years .. She is 58 .. She had many mental problems ,she is a painter .. Professional paintings super talented. My father was a journalist, a writer(poems) and a french-hungarian professor for a few years. I think he was very awake spiritually and kind of understood life.Unfortunately, he also had many mental problems, he died last year, he had some health problems since he got hit by a car like 13 years ago. He didn't live with us .. I lived with my loving grandma, mom and uncle. My grandma had 10 children and i have like 19 cousins.. There are many artists in the family : singers, painters, piano players.. There are also doctors, engineers..The thing is that i worry about my mom and uncle being lonely, my mom has schizophrenia, that's how she was diagnosed.. She had some traumas in childhood..She is on medication, she is happy though and funny .. She tells us a lot about how she is the wife of god... Or that there are many gods.. She is self aware of course ... She is very cute and beautiful .. She lives with my uncle in a big house ..where my grandma raised 10 children and us... I just want to find her a group of friends maybe, be able to help her materially, with everthing , and i also worry cause she smokes... So i wanna help my mom and my whole family in every way .. Another thing is that i often worry existentially....sometimes i get aware of this body , the beating heart and i freak out lol . I love to make people laugh, i love memes , i love meta-humor, deep laughter, i love laughing about the human condition ,i love laughing about awkward interactions between humans, i love laughing at myself. I love laughing in class ,make dumb jokes, not everyone likes my weird humor only the people that i like and that's enough lol . i am very lazy in school... Need to get a girlfriend .. Didn' t have one , girls like me though im funny .. Unique looking I think i expressed some things now. I will need to structure/organize all of these thoughts. I could say so... Much i could write a book about my life.. I have so many things to be written down... It helps me to reflect a lot...

Yes . Thanks You

What does this green shadow mean ? that he hates green ?

Everything that we want to achieve is actually a specific state of a system of variables. We actually want to manipulate all these systems in every area of life . But sometimes these systems are really hard to understand. My cousin for example understands a lot of things and he is able to achieve a lot of shit and he is very friendly and he can solve and learn shit very fast. I understand a lot of shit too but in a holistic, big picture way, idk. At school for example i'll have some exams and i'm going to learn everything in 30 days that i had to learn in 3 years i mean relearn some things. But that's just what i expect of myself. When i face a complex issue to solve, i get angry and frustrated when i can't solve it so i move on because I'm lazy. Yet i still think that I'm going to become a very smart man and i'm gonna develop myself in every area of life and become someone like elon musk, sadghuru, eliott hulse .. I'm gonna be fit, very smart, charismatic gonna have all the skills from art to technical skills kind of like a Leonardo Davinchi I always notice my mistakes and intuitively i know what's wrong. I know that this text is not well written and structured but i'm too lazy to perfect it. I am in 12 grade and i'm gonna discipline myself to learn these 30 days everything for the upcoming exam cause i think it's possible.

@OrpheusNovum nice . thank you .

What happened to me last night. I went to sleep but i had a hard time falling asleep. I somehow slept for a few hours but in a half-woke state. Then I started to worry that maybe I have some heart problems. It felt like my heart beat too fast for the state of my body, like i was tired but my heart still beat fast. Then i woke up my aunt. She asked me if I consumed something. I remembered that i have drunk some caffeine containing drink a few hours before i went to sleep. So then the panicking disappeared and i started to relax and slowly enter a deep sleep. I began to dream about all sorts of stuff, I even dreamed about some little things that bring you back to your past like a certain smell, a certain sentence, voice etc. I remember seeing Eliot Hulse and Tj Reeves in my dream and as i was looking at them I became super aware of everything to the point where I let go of everything. I also remember seeing my psychology teacher in my dream to whom I had to write an essay about my purpose in life a day before in school. In that i also wrote something about meditation and discovering the true nature of reality. As I was looking at her I began to notice everything again and got really into the present. Then she said something like "Is this what you wanted ?", don't remember exactly. At that point everything vanished, it was like all my chakras activated, like all the energy from me exploded, During that there was a heavy music playing , like it wasn't music it was more than that .You know that unlock sound effect like where you kinda level up and go beyond and beyond in a ranking list or whatever. It was that. It was going on and on. I was just leveling up and going more and more beyond approaching infinity, it didn't stop and it was so loud and real, it didn't feel like i was listening to it, it was more like i was it. It felt like I understood myself and everything that was going on. Then I woke up and I was shocked in a sense but still at peace, the anxiety about my heart beat disappeared. My body felt really relaxed and fulfilled energetically, idk how to say it. But I was also scared, because i didn't want awareness to happen in real life like in the dream cause it felt like the "I" would get lost, the "I" wouldn't have a grounding and I also remembered Leo saying stuff like " Be careful what you wish for, it might as well become true. " or something like that. And I remembered myself always having the desire to understand reality, to be IT. But now i was scared when thoughts in my head started falling apart . I was very aware of my thoughts and because i was afraid I began to focus on my thoughts and started distracting myself with youtube videos. Then i was kinnda back to normal and fell asleep again. This might sound cliche but whatever :)) I find it interesting and i wanted to share it .

Thank you guys ! I'm not worrying anymore @Charlotte I'll do that. @kamill Yeah , thanks.

@Truth Addict So i come to the question why do i fear death and then who am I . I used to think of myself as a healthy human with the capacity of doing anything. I could be chill if a doctor told i will live without a health problem for the next 80 years . That way i have time live out my life and not worry about dying cause i'm already fullfilled.

Yes. I see. It still scares me because I'm attached to my past maybe. Sometimes it is hard to be conscious. I'll have to implement a meditation habit and quit masturbating every day, maybe get a girlfriend and I'll be ok. Thank you guys Thank you

It did feel real. Sometimes I think of dreams as just another form of appearance. I kinda want to build habits, to be someone who just flows through everything. I want to meditate and be in the present but also be proactive in society. Cool profile picture @OneWithAll

So what ?

Have you guys heard of this 'movement' ? I'm sorry if you think it's not worth starting a new topic. ?

@emind @PhilGR @universe thanks guys.. Ye i noticed that after an hour or two it just makes me feel worse and weak af.

Are here some people who like to smoke shisha? For me it's a relaxing thing . I like to go with my friends and smoke . It calms me and helps me introspect. Im 17 btw I was wondering if any of you know something about its effects on health? Thank you

I always feel anxious before having to work on something. I always like to plan on what i need to do and how i need to do it , i like systems. The problem is that i never start , or if i start and it doesn't go the way i expected it to go i get anxious and i stop. Now i should go and study for a test I know what i should do ... I mean i am fearful that i won't know how to learn something ... Like i don't want to waste time trying to learn but not actually learning I am anxious . and lazy. Any suggestion? Thanks

17 -> 18

i don't even smoke... i smoked a few times when i drank and i was with friends ... to kinda share the experience :)) i don't feel the need to smoke cigarettes :)) i just knew it would make me feel in a certain way ... and that's why i did it ... i don't ever feel a physical craving . If i want to I go smoke hookah with friends sometimes ... shisha ... for fun . i experimented with many things like drinking alcohol ... and smoking but i hope that i will only grow from that and will understand its essence ... I have some bigger plans for my future and career , so i wouldn't want to give that for some addictions :)) Anyways thanks guys !!

When i drink i sometimes go and smoke with friends.. But just when i m drunk like now.. Do think it s ok.. I feel really in the now for a few minutes.. Can u guys give me some advice? im 17 male

Yoo guys... I was just wondering.. Cause i'm at a shisha / hooka bar and i'm smoking.. If it can help in bringing you in a state of meditation. I had this states of contemplation, feeling blissful on shisha. Did u have some experiences like this?

How healthy is it ?

I am 17 but i think about it a lot My grandma layed in bed for like 3 years then died .. but she was chill .. in the last few months she couldn't talk that much .. but we still had a great relationship.. i loved her .. also we ar ea big family so she had many visitors ... and she was in a big room with my mom and my uncle ...and she had a great life .. she raised 10 children ... and she was a christian .. so she was kinda chill .. and she always used to be messy and lazy and she liked laying in bed .. what i fear now is that my mom smokes .. and i don't want her to have some health problems bcs of that she was very cute lol so yeah .. in my oppinion death is chill :)))

Back in 2015 i was looking at fouseytube and he had a video about depression, in the recommended section was leos video. I was 14 years old

Is reality created by observation? I'm in this state where i question everything and i kinda see how everything is made up by the mind, even the fact that i am conscious of writing this. I am still thinking a lot about solipsism and sometimes i have worries about not knowing what i can base myself in. What should be the reference point from which to start. The fact that i need to survive? Whenever i want to start something i hate making mistakes and i always think about how i can make it perfect from all points of view and then i just don't do it cause it's too hard. How can i distinguish between objective reality and my subjective perception? Is there an objective something out there that can be changed or is it just the mind that constructs all reality? This post assumes that there must be multiple minds cause someone will perceive it in order to respond.. Or am i just assuming that... And then my mind will continue to construct your response?