ayokolomo

@Pinocchio @Emerald Wilkins I have had to really think about this post because I dont want it to turn into an argument or debate or have any negative feelings. The thoughts I have are simply from my own limited experiences, conversations with people, and basic research. Also, I have seen many posts from other people that appear to reflect a lack of understanding of the depths of enlightenment. From the posts that I have read, from other conversations, you 2 appear to understand the gravity of enlightenment. On an intellect level we can agree on the definition of enlightenment. "the seer rests in its true nature." I am sure that you have more eloquent ways of expressing this, ego death, oneness, but I like this simple definition. The differences we may have is what the result of enlightenment has. During my trips to China, I had the opportunity to speak to a few taoist priests who expressed a reluctance to talk on enlightenment, without using idioms and metaphors. Explaining that it was too dangerous. After becoming more condusive to talking, it was later explained that once an individual has become fully enlightend physical death follows. Not a metaphorical ego death, but a death of the physical body. Later he explained that many qi gong exercises are not only to be meditative, but are techniques to keep the body alive so the seer can return to it, after enlightenment. It is more difficult to return to the body after enlightenment than it is to reach enlightenment. Hence my original metaphor. Enlightenment isnt the drop of water realizing that it is the ocean, it is a full submersion back to the ocean. So how can the drop of water come back as that drop of water. That exact same drop of water pull itself from the ocean. Over the past year I have enjoyed watching Sadhguru on youtube, where he also makes the same claim.

@brianman3 If have appeared flippant or disrespectful then I truly apologise. As far as I understand congruency is not based on principles or rules, it naturaly blossoms when the internal qualities have reached their optimum levels. These then flow through you and flower on the outside. With flowers you dont work to get the flower you simply set the right conditions then a flower blooms. Essentialy work within yourself and the right qualities that you wish to expressed within the right time frame will be expressed. However, the exercise that I suggested in my last post, the yoga sutra quote, is simply a way to develop these internal qualities. It brings mindfulness to your interaction with each indivudual and situation. This is so that you can develop your own understanding, your own answer. When you are given a general guideline that you are pushed to remember then your mind is forced to the present situation and you become mindful of the now. They appear to be common sense approaches but they hold a deeper meaning, just try it for a few weeks and you will be surprised at the result. Treat it as a science project, test then get the data, recalibrate, then test again.

Isnt this where art comes from? Why we look at art and great teachers with such reverence.

I have read enlightenment is like when a drop of water realizes it isnt just a part of the ocean but it is the ocean. So how does the ocean return to being just that exact drop again?

Meditation is often looked at as a mental and spiritual exercise. Yet we tend to forget the physical side is just as important in establishing a meditative state. I think falling asleep is a major issue that many of us have had to deal with. I personally found some pranyama work to be quite useful in stopping me from sleeping.

Learn a martial art. I am sure that there is a boxing/kick boxing/ mma gym where you can train. Learn to kick ass and get rid of violent thoughts.

@Ayla wow I thought we were getting directions on how to cross the road. But you took it to the moon!☺

If Theravada is calling you then embrace it.

Youre 19 years old you are not supposed to have anything figured out. Sounds like you are happy where you are, just try to enjoy the experience you are having now. Stay the course and do more self inqury. Take a course in a foreign language, fall in love, try stand up comedy, experience and experiment.

Just like@adrian2 and @Evilwave Heddy said. I would journaling and developing a martial art. There is nothing that can bring you to the now like another grown man trying to strangle you.

Stop trying to understand everything and fall in,love,with God.

@Ken Lecoq remember when you were in kindergarden and the teacher was showing you how to writw the letter "a." Remember the difficulty and the practice it took to write that, then she showed you there was a capital letter. What! Then there are 25 more letters, all with capitals! Imagine trying to do that without a teacher to guide you, to correct you. Possible? Yes, but having a teacher by your side makes it that much easier.

When I was in high school, my friend went to hell. His grand mother had died hiding all her money. My friend and his father went to a taoist priest, who took them to hell to talk to his grandmother. They walked together, past floating horse heads, and mutilated dead bodies, all three sharing the same experience. They came back and knew where the money was.

I was exactly in the same position that you are in, only I was older. I lost my busisness, my money, alomst $1,000,000 in debt, had to move back to my mothers house at 30. All with a 2 year old son. The self loathing was intense. The voice in my head was saying "you fucking suck," over and over, all day every day. Start small. You forgot what it feels like to be valuable. Give a name to that voice in your head that tells you negative shit. Then as you feel that voice come again, simply repeat. "I love and accept you just the way you are." It wont mean anything at first, just empty words, but with enough repetitions you will start doing it unconsciously and it will become more and more powerful. Start a very easy and small habit. For me it was just do 25 pushups every day. Then emotionally reward yourself. "see look at how amazing and capable I am." Of course, I am not a professional, dont be scared to seek professional help.

This is an incredibly powerful message. It is an option. It does take work, meditation, painful self inquiry, but ultimately, it is an option.

I deeply apologise if you feel that I was pulling you from the path.

I "work" very hard to simply quiet my energy, emotions, body and mind. To merely create space between the observer and the ego. Yet this has been tremendously difficult and rewarding at the same time. While meditating my energy is pushing my body to move and I become restless. My body wants to move it develops aches, then thirst and hunger. Then fear and love and other emotions are felt. All the while I am trying to create conditions so I can observe the ego. For me this can be intensive work. Have you seen the timetable for a vipassana meditation retreat? This is only a beginner course yet I barely have the stability to try to accomplish that. I apologise if I make assumptions in regards to your mental health, as I am basing this on assumptions. However once you start down this path without guidance, the intensity needed can be overwhelming. Have you seen people "catch the Holy Spirit" in church? When a touch on the head can send people into convulsions. This is actually a step towards enlightenment, but they lack the physical and emotional discipline needed. The intensity of energy is there but the other conditions for enlightenment are not. So they talk of the bliss, but lack the discipline needed to harness that energy to create the conditions that enlightenment may occur. If you have a desire, but lack guidance then look at a vipassana retreat. Build your practice to the point where that looks workable. I am on that path, but I am taking my time and smelling the roses on the the way.

Lets agree that the ego is an illusion. During my meditation I create space between the true self and the ego. I think alot of people get to this stage then stop. As I continue to examine the ego, I have come to understand the importance that identity plays in how the ego works. But its an illusion. The identity may be formed unconsciously, through the memory, but if I can consciously alter parts of my memory I can consciously alter my identity, which means I consciously alter my ego. If you can consciously alter your illusory ego would you be happy or unhappy? Its not as easy as this post suggests, but it is possible. I did this mostly because of a self sabotaging low self esteem issue. Through this I was able to see that I this was just an illusion. Of course happiness is an illusion too, but it is definetly more pleasent!

Good luck with that. @abrakamowse What I refering to is the level of commitment needed to kill the ego. This is no easy task and the intensity needed is imnense. There needs to be an ability to push pass even the physical desire to survive. Not only mentally, having a strong thought, but to have such a burning desire that even though you have to breathe the body will not. Such mastery over the body that even the survival instinct has been overcome. Of course you dont have to die, but you have to have ego death as so important that you are willing to die. Although as far as I understand coming back to the physical world as an enligtend is significantly harder than becoming enlightend in the first place. Is becoming enlightend that intense within you?

Allow yourself to put yourself through a painful ride.

It sounds amazing, but are you really truly bursting with such a desire that you would be willing to die? I do not have such a gift, perhaps you do Lets see. As you read this take your hand and cover your nose so that you cannot breathe. Now close your mouth, after several minutes without breathing answer this question. To inhale and save your life or die so that you can become enlightend. This is the level of commitment that one must have, and no everytime I try, even if I wanted to my body naturally inhales.

Not sure if this is what you are looking for,but

Why would you do that?

I couldnt agree more. What many people have failed to recognize is that, according to many traditions, once enlightenment has been reached it is difficult to return to the body. In fact many qi gong exercises are designed to keep the ego alive. In other words once you have reached enlightenment you essentially die. Why then are we rushing towards this?

Honestly when I read your post, all I could see was "I cant because...." Maybe you could change that. Also just like @J. M. Wigglesworth said start small. Try to do 5 push ups everyday, make sure you drink enough water. Small steps.