ElenaO

Passed the test today. Really happy about it. I came to a realization that I am not very attracted to working on my jobs (I have two currently, both remote, fortunately). I guess I am just missing the flow state for now. I still haven't found that zone where I am competent enough and know what I am doing. It will get there, I know. But it will take some time till it happens. I work much less nowadays than what I've used to. Only about 4 hours. That's definitely not enough to sustain myself financially, but then again I don't want to stress myself about it right now. I'll figure something out.

Have been absent here for a quite some time. I've moved to the US, so there's plenty to be busy about. Going to a driving test tomorrow, since European driving license isn't accepted in the US Love the parks and nature that's here in Seattle. It's majestic! Have seen two (!) snakes already! Plus a family of raccoons , tons of bunnies, and even a baby deer. I mean, come on, where would you meet so many animals? Americans also loooove to have pets. I thought Finns are crazy about pets, but no, Americans win. It annoys me that there's no roads to walk here. And how are you supposed to relax then? There's a lot of choice (food/places/things to do), much more than in Finland. Will go to some guided hike this weekend Will see how it goes.

Had a pretty frustrating day today. Or just a part of it. Didn't write anything for my blog today because had no ideas. And I don't to write just because I have to write every single day. I will be travelling tomorrow though and will have plenty of time to write a new post. Decided to focus on CSS instead, all those display&position things I've never looked into properly. Now is the time. I feel though that I am not super motivated to do it. It's like I am doing it just to do something, there's no drive. When I'm writing I'm in the flow, things just happen. Oh well, it may be I will get there with CSS things some day too. The challenge is perhaps there's no burning need to learn it. It's there and it's handy to know it, but how important is it to me?

Hm, I can do that. But it won't make me any less tired, I think.

Thanks a lot!

Apparently, protein can become a source of glycogen through neoglucogenesis.

One more thing. I am trying this Keto diet right now. The thing is I didn't realize how much commitment you have to put into it. I thought I would just follow more or less the rules. Well guess what? It doesn't work this way. I've started recently counting what I'm eating and it seems I am following Atkins instead of Keto, because of the huge amounts of protein I'm consuming. Now, to make it work I would need to create an actual plan of what to eat day to day to follow strictly the diet. That's a project on its own.

I realize that a lot of choices I make day-to-day aren't aligned with my values or goals I would like to achieve. For example, today I've agreed to meet with a girl who I barely know for a coffee. She just asked me if I would like to have a coffee. Instead of thinking too much, I've replied yes. Why? Just because it's nice for my ego I like hearing that people want to spend time. On the other hand, I didn't get things done in the morning because of that meeting. Should have known better. Decide based on your values and goals - be a strategic motherfucker

Meditation on fatigue? What do you mean? You mean meditation to become less fatigued?

I also have issues with falling asleep. I think it might be due to not counting the caffeine I'm consuming. Even though I drink just a cup of coffee and maybe two-three cups of tea. Too much, apparently.

Ok, cool But I still don't get it: there's actually no sign right next to "I don't overeat" now. So does it mean you did or you didn't?

I like your way of presenting your goals! It's clear and readable. How do you manage not to overeat? And what means the goal "no lp course"?

So have you figured out your life purpose? I am myself in the domain of technology and realized not too long ago that I wouldn't like to focus just on programming software. I would like to incorporate people into my work.

Don't beat yourself up for eating wrong stuff. I myself know too well how easy it is to eat stuff you shouldn't be eating. By the way, have you thought of why are you trying to eating a particular way? Is it because of how you feel? Or is it because you are trying to lose weight? Or just because someone told you? Or something else?

I am back to writing here. I've returned from my trip two weeks ago and I must say that this trip was life-changing. I don't want it to sound all hype and cool - it's not it - but I've just aligned with my values and my life improved for the better. I am still with my boyfriend, which is actually from my previous workplace (even though not my crush), and this trip made me grow quite some in the domain of relationships. I wouldn't say it was easy - in fact, it was emotionally very difficult at times. But I learnt to become present when the situation would heat up. Anyways, that's not what I was going to talk about. I will reflect here on the things I'm doing day-to-day. I am writing a blog about travel, life in Finland and overall about problems we face in life. It's in Russian and it's here elenaoat.livejournal.com in case you understand it

Would it be possible to download Life Purpose course's videos as mp3?

Hm, I would say that anyone has something to say that is interesting enough. Of course, it has to carry a clear message and have a decent quality, but I think all of us have our unique style towards some people are drawn.

I wouldn't say that jackfruit has so few calories! It's almost 100 kcal per 100 g. It also isn't very rich in fiber, but rather high in sugar, so it will make you crave even more sugar. Now compare this to some leafy greens such as cabbage or green beans which are around 20 kcal / 100 g and are packed with fiber.

I've heard of larabars a lot. But they don't sell them in Europe or at least here in Finland. What are their ingredients?

In my opinion, you should check your hormone levels.

If you've been eating bread your entire life and then you suddenly stop eating, it's no wonder you get the cravings.

The only issue that comes to my mind when talking about an upset stomach from fruits is the food combination. You shouldn't be combining most of the fruits with anything else. Especially the sweet ones, like bananas, persimmons, dried fruits. Eat them on an empty stomach.

I used to eat bread almost daily. Nowadays, I don't touch anything that involves grains. I noticed it causes very serious brain fog, and also stomach pain. You realize this only after you've stopped doing it. Until you stop eating it, you consider it normal. Once you stop, you realize you can be pain-free. There's so much good stuff out there that you can replace the bread with. Tons of vegetables: cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage, Brussel sprouts, etc. Basically any leafy green is just amazing - they have tons of antioxidants and very little carbohydrates and are nutritiously very rich. I cannot imagine eating any sandwiches ever!

I've decided to do the exercise from this video: In short, you are given a list of emotions/feelings and you are asked to answer to the following questions for each of them: 1. What sensations are going through your body when you feel it? 2. Where in your body was this emotion being felt? 3. How was this different from the prior emotion? 4. What is going on in your mind when you are in the middle of this emotion? My question: I do understand these emotions to some degree but I have very hard time recognizing/defining somehow the sensations that are happening in my body when these emotions are felt. The vast majority of them are either in my chest or my belly. And for others I cannot identify any sensations whatsoever. So my question is can you? Here's a categorized list of the emotions from the video (I've written some of my own notes next to them ). Apathy - least resourceful group Depression - zero motivation to do anything, immobility; felt in my shoulders, passivity, shoulders slouched. Nothing really works. There's no meaning in anything. Why do that? Defeated - sensations in the chest, back. Less apathy, the pride has been damaged. The world is unfair. I gotta prepare better for the fight next time. Gotta practice. I am far from being good at it. Bored - sensations in the belly. Like you are being stuck somewhere and you want to leave the place but you cannot. Lack of control. Oh, I wish this would end. I need something to happen, I hate this monotony. Gloominess, dullness. Lazy - hands? No point in doing this. I know I should but I don't really want to and I don't know if it even matters. Grieve Being sad - sensations in chest, heart area, burning feeling. Oh no, why did this had to happen? I wish it would all turn around and be the other way. Hurt - sensations in the chest. How could he/she do that to me? Let them see what they get for it. Betrayed - Chest. I knew I shouldn't trust anyone. I know I can only trust myself. You better do everything alone and not rely on anyone. This son of a bitch. Now my plans are ruined. Disappointed - slightly ligther feeling compared to the rest. Chest-neck area. Damn, why is it so? Guilty - chest, shoulders, belly. I gotta make up for it. Fear Terror - chest, belly, the whole core. What can I do to save myself? Nervousness - upper back, chest, shaky feeling, anxiousness. Worry - Chest. Very common. What if? What should I do? Insecurity - chest, upper body. Oh please, don't see me/ask me/judge me. Lust Craving - belly. Mm, I want that. I can already feel it. I wish I could have it now. Possessiveness - Haha, I am so powerful. Greed - Chest. gotta have more, later might not have the possibility. Frustration - chest. Oh, it's not working. I have been sitting here forever and it still doesn't work. Am I stupid? Am I not meant for this? Anger Disgusted - upper body, belly. How could he/she do this? I would have never done this. Pissed off - How could this stupid guy do this? Vengeful - Heart - they will regret it! Annoyed - (kind of like disappointed?) Wish this could have worked better. Pride Gloating - delight in other's success/failure Pretty good feeling. Oh, I see. Makes sense. Haha, he could have done it another way. Feeling icy - Ta-da. I am so much better in this. I knew I am great! Being judgemental - OMG. How could someone do something like this? Why is he doing this? Can he already stop it? Arrogance - Who are you compared to me? So what if you know that? I know I am better. Courage Confident - in the whole body. I am pretty calm. I can deal with anything that comes my way. Creative - feeling of being in the flow, losing yourself in the moment. Detaching from the world. Happy - content. Heart, body relaxed, muscles not tense. Secure - oh, world is just fine. We are all doing fine. Everything will be all right. Relaxed and content feeling. Acceptance Compassion - oh, I see why he did that. Kindness you feel towards another. Glowing - enthusiastic. Oh, we could do it this way but then there would be that. It's gonna be great. Loving - he deserves that. Let's make him feel good. Playful - overall feeling of energy. Spontaneous behaviour. Being non-judgemental. Peace Awareness - I see. Yes, this is how I react. It's OK. Calm - I could just be sitting here doing nothing and the world and everyone would be just fine. No need to hustle around. Feeling complete - deep breath. Self-satisfaction. World is amazing. Nature is wonderful. Life is awesome. We are all just perfect creatures. Freedom - immense joy. I can do whatever, nothing can stop me. All life is just made of wonders. Feeling centered - concentrated. Sensation in my forehead. Clarity.

@Pallero I feel you. I thought of replacing the eating with some other activity, which would create positive feelings in my body. I couldn't come up yet with anything as powerful as eating is. Hopefully, some day. When I stop myself from stuffing my face with food I get this urge to eat again. So it doesn't end until I just eat. I cannot focus on anything else, it's horrible. I will look into emotional eating more seriously very soon, because I've had this for some time and it definitely robs me of happiness. Will start with reading books about it.