ElenaO

My day is a mix of resistance, anxiety, stress and maybe a few more positive emotions. That's how it's been for my entire life, I think. With slightly better periods. What went well: - did my breathwork session in the morning and tried to feel whatever came up. I cannot get to the point I want to get but I have a theory that's because there's too much tension in my body so I have to process it slowly - Resisted the urges to eat in the evening. I am not hungry, it's more of a habit. The solution is to plan what to eat beforehand and stick to it What did not go so well: - cheated and ate the stuff meant for the meals (cheese, nuts) because was hungry and I am an addict

What went well: + did some learning after work, Python classes. Did these videos a few months ago and it looked much easier this way around. Even though still had to think and practice a little. What I plan to do from now on is to do learning after work for 1-1.5 hours each other day, writing in the blog each other day. The weekend not included in the plan. On the weekends I want to do something else, like hiking, going out, attending seminars. + edited the post for the blog + wasn't stressed today, which is a huge learning. Got to do yin yoga. It's so healing. Also guided meditations that relax the body. What did not go so well: - still struggling with planning my meals. Requires so much effort. But then if I don't I never know how much calories I actually ate and it makes me anxious. Will make a chicken/caesar salad tomorrow. - missed my breathwork session because was too full and did not feel like doing it anyways. Will do it tomorrow morning.

What went well: + found a great guided meditation that helped me with the release of tension in my body. I had very unpleasant sensations in my body for the last few days and I realized only today that's it's actually stressed and tension that's been piling up + was able to calm myself down during the day, was still reactive at times, but yeah... I do what I can do What could go even better: - design a good meal plan and get all the ingredients necessary so that it's clear and decided what to eat the next day - wake up earlier, so that there's more time to read, contemplate, relax, do meditation

I have no resources per se, but just a suggestion to feel those emotions no matter how scary they may seem. Muster some courage and face them little by little. I know it's not easy. I am on this path myself. But the emotions won't hurt you, feeling them won't hurt you. Just let them come your way. And then they'll pass. I also do breathwork on a regular basis, which helps with releasing some of the emotions.

Forgot to mention: I had this insight a few days ago and it keeps reappearing in my consciousness, that I am too attached to my work. It's this delusional idea that things won't work if I don't fix something at work. Which is not true. Everyone's probably going be fine. So I create this unnecessary pressure on myself and it makes me resist fixing things in the first place. Got to remind myself of this now and then. I want to be important (because that makes my ego feel great) but I was don't want to fight resistance. So yes, someone will have to suffer here. Hope that I am smart enough to fight the resistance.

Oh my, so much resistance. I feel it in my chest. What went well: - set with it for a period of time, could purge a little of it - managed to finish one ticket at work that was unclear and complicated in my opinion, required quite a lot of fight with resistance - managed to restrain myself from eating compulsively today - learned (or more brought them out from memory) a few more words I could use in the future (feeble, affable, exquisite, immaculate, spotless, fiercely). I've become somewhat lazy with my language, need to improve my vocabulary. - did 10 minutes labeling meditation + 30 minutes anapana What could be better: - do 1 hour meditation split in between morning and evening, plus the labeling - sit with resistance for longer periods of time - I am reactive mostly. It's annoying, but it is what is. I am definitely not a in good place right now. Need more grounding.

I am running away from discomfort. It's actually funny - I sometimes observe myself on how vigorously I am trying to avoid the pain. There's a LOT of resistance in me. Alas, that's my usual state. I became aware of this only recently. After my vipassana retreat I had very little resistance in doing anything, almost none. I was able to get rid of this state once after the retreat again. I just went through a day of massive psychological pain. Then suddenly it wasn't as bad doing things. It's so hard to push yourself to that limit. Usually it's external circumstances that get me to that limit. I wonder how I could craft that so that I would have no way out. Went well: + 1 hour meditation + woke up relatively early, will try to repeat tomorrow if not dead-tired + finished a few things for work + learned a few new English words with a friend. I thought it was fun discussing and learning together. Could be better: - immerse myself in resistance, not run away - slacked on breathwork - reconcile with the idea of hard work for good life.

Hey, my blog is public, but it's in Russian

Yeah, I wish. I still need to work.

I'll start posting here what went well and what could have been better. + I did not binge (big one, I see that if I plan things beforehand it's hard to binge. All is needed a plan of what I'll eat) + wrote some paragraphs for my blog What could be better: - wake up earlier so that I have time to lay in bed, read, relax - meditation for 1 hour, instead of shorter periods - closing slack, mail, and focus on finishing a task before continuing with the next

I meditated only 30 minutes today and I noticed the difference. I wasn't as sharp at noticing things. I also think this also happening when I am sitting at the computer. I become unconscious when I work. The good news is that I did not binge today. Yeees! I committed in the morning when I woke up that I'll enter the foods I am going to eat into myfitnesspal and then just eat what's in there. And reminded myself of why am I doing it. It worked! Planning and committing - those are the keys. Tomorrow I want to wake up relatively early and do 45min - 1h meditation. Then edit my latest post for my blog. And only after get to work.

Today I had sort of a lazy day, because of not sleeping well last night and after my 45 minute meditation I just went with the flow. The meditation is essential to my happiness. But! Only if I do it consciously. Not automatically. I need to set intention and be vigilant of what I am doing. It's easy to spend the time just drifting into thoughts. I also notice how much of a problem I have with my concentration recently, so I'll have to find ways to work on that. I am doing concentration practices now and then but it's not enough. I went for a walk in the evening and the city was so stunningly beautiful. Especially the waterfront. And I started crying. I think it was due to all the stress and emotions I've been holding off. I am amazed (and glad) that I could cry like this. I would never have done this maybe a year ago. I feel it's because I am more open to my emotions now. I do breathwork and vipassana (though pretty loosely), so I think these have had an influence on me.

I am glad that it's working great @Raptorsin7 ! I may consider that. Thanks @Nahm

I had my therapy session today and told my therapist that I did not like her missing my session. Also told her that the relationship isn't fair, because she isn't accountable and I am. She was not defensive, maybe just a smidge, but accepted all what I was saying. It was a relief. But at the end I left with a feeling that throughout the whole session she was too agreeable with me. Even in cases she didn't have to. So I am wondering if that was all for saving the clientbase. I also did not like that she was kind of pushy with the times we would speak next. Oh well, I can always cancel if I feel it's not necessary to have a session. Wonder if she's going to question that.

Thanks so much for the link @Raptorsin7 ! Appreciate it. I'll check it out. I can switch therapists but I think the issue is more about me than her. At least for now. I need to be more assertive and tell things that bother me. Do you go to therapy yourself? How has your experience been?

@Raptorsin7 Nice, I haven't seen the thread. Do you mind posting a link here? I just bought a new whiteboard btw so funny. My work provides me with 20 psychotherapy sessions a year for free. Otherwise I wouldn't have gone at all. I live in Seattle and prices are crazy high here. She mentioned that she would charge me 150 dollars (!) if I miss her session. So I guess that's her rate. Should I charge her that now that she missed my session

I have had quite a few tough weeks. I am fighting the binge eating, being stressed out at work, and being anxious because of the virus. Luckily, I don't stress much because of the latter one anymore. I do not check news, because I know there's nothing good to see there (well, I never read the news before anyway). People annoy me. Which is not sometimes true in regular situations, but the feeling is much much stronger right now. People with dogs annoy me especially. They walk their dogs in downtown of a city where there's no green at all. Plus, their dogs get in the way. How selfish you have to be to have a dog in downtown where there's no place to walk it. If you ask me, they must pay higher taxes. Period. I am also annoyed at my therapist. She missed my session, because she was double booked. Yet, at the previous session she mentioned that any missing or late cancellation will cost me a fortune. And she said she has strict rules, meaning she will still charge even if you are sick. The irony. She herself missed her session. I also do not feel comfortable telling her that. And I am annoyed at myself for it.

@Raptorsin7 Haven't seen the thread. What's that?

A valuable book on the theory about habits and actual techniques you can put into action.

I cannot drink coffee, cacao or even decaf. These are way too stimulating to me. You'll notice this yourself once you unhook from these. They do definitely give you a feeling of high, so be careful, they are addictive.

Yes, definitely breaking the fast. Even tea which is 0 calories technically breaks a fast. So that isn't really intermittent fasting. But do what works for you

Come on guys, he is already eating a healthy diet. It's not about the diet, as he mentions in the video himself. Raw diet, vegan diet are not sustainable in my own experience. Kudos to those who can sustain it, but not everyone is made the same. There's no formula for everyone.

Of course! Even 30 minutes a day would take you somewhere, no doubt. Just keep doing it consistently and you'll see the results. They are subtle though and may not not immediately notice them. I have had rough few weeks when I had to be away from home on the weekends for a course which was very draining and I did not meditate on those days. And I see the consequences now. I am so ungrounded and falling into behaviours I wouldn't usually that much would I have meditated. Sigh. Now I am trying to get myself back into meditation routine but there's resistance, of course. However, the results are so worth it. It's just some pain in the beginning you have to push through.

Be careful with fish. Some fish shouldn't be consumed at all (esp. farm-raised in some regions of Asia). Even wild caught should be limited to 2 to 3 portions a week. Check this https://www.fda.gov/food/consumers/advice-about-eating-fish

Napoleon Hill. You learn how much has been through.