ElenaO

So I am doing this Hinge thing. And I realized it's SO hard to find someone who'd be compatible. First, because there's a ton of guys who aren't responsive (duh, and men complain women aren't responsive). Second, because I have some standards and I am also not 21 anymore. What I identified from today's chats, but knew all along: - salary matters - drinking is a no-no - no children from previous marriages - someone who has similar cultural values

@Raphael if you'd have asked me like a year ago if I would have cried during breathwork, I'd just laugh. I never thought I was a "cryer". Yet in 95% session I cry or sob like crazy. Which was mind gobbling at first, but makes sense. When you experience strong emotions you'll cry. Or release in some other way. Also, men cry like crazy too. Well, they are human. You could try the free session from the link I sent above It's very similar to what Leo showed in the video. And yes you are correct, it's deep inhale, deep exhale. It doesn't even have to be for the whole hour, it can be for the first 10-15 minutes, then if you enter the right state, you can slow your breathing (you'll know when you get there, your ego will be numb).

@Raptorsin7 Usually feeling relieve. But it also depends on the intensity. You can try this one for free once. https://breathworkonline.com/workshops/

I use f.lux for that.

@Raptorsin7 No problem

I was awfully anxious today. I woke up tired, I think I kept processing emotions through the night. Or maybe I was just way too exhausted physically. But you never know why you get to that point that your mind and your body just doesn't function well. I felt a lot of frustration during the day. I did manage to do a few things for work, but most of the day it was struggle. What can I do to avoid that: relax in the evening perhaps? Read something non stimulating, relax my body.

Hey @Raptorsin7 ! I am actually subscribed to a service, I pay 48 bucks per month. Then they provide the music and all the guidance etc. It's online. The technique is very simple. You just put the music on and an eye mask and start breathing deeply without breaks in between breaths. In 10-20 minutes you get to a place where your more genuine self starts coming out. Your ego is numb to a degree in that state. That's why it's easy to release. I usually never ever cry. But breathwork makes me sob like crazy.

@Raptorsin7 By binge eating I mean when you seriously overeat even if you are not hungry. I'd eat thousands of calories just because I couldn't stop. It's a very strong urge. Also overeating isn't necessarily binge eating. I tend to overeat most of the times, but it's still not binge eating. When I binge I lose any control, I just need to get my fix with food. Fortunately, I sort of got hold of it. Eating junk doesn't necessarily mean that you binge. It depends how much of it you eat. Binge eaters eat so much that they are nauseous and then they go and purge that by exercising or vomiting. And believe me none of them want that, it's all the strong cravings that you feel that make you think it's you who wants to binge and that you really NEED it.

Woke up relatively early and had time to read. Was cool. I did my breathwork session today and had a pretty big release. I felt so sorry for myself and kept weeping. But I felt at peace the whole day after this. I couldn't even feel angry for all those people who aren't respecting the rules of social distancing. That was wonderful, wish I could have this feeling more often. I spoke to a coach on breathwork yesterday. He was fine, even though a few things made me rethink what we agreed on. But it was helpful otherwise, because I could drop into the breathwork process more easily and had less problems overall. He gave me hope I can get there. I started using Hinge. And spoke today to a guy over a video call. He was surprisingly pretty attractive. Not sure where this would go, but felt good that I did the call. I feel online dating will require a LOT of patience, courage and initiative on my side.

The only way to get rid of cravings is to push through and not give in. It's hardest the first time. The second time will be easier and so on. I have serious cravings, in fact I am a recovering binge eater and I know what these beasts are. You got to understand that the cravings have no control over you. You can always stop yourself from eating crap. It may feel very uncomfortable and unpleasant to do so, but it's completely in your power. These urges that come, cannot make you eat sugary stuff. You may think they do, but they actually don't. It's totally up to you to decide to put that shit into your body. Yes, it's very unpleasant and uncomfortable, but to beat them you'll need to go through discomfort. I am still fighting with a lot of it, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have a serious issue, I don't think you are in the same place fortunately.

I'm pretty sure he's checked his iron. That's one of the first things you do when you feel those symptoms. He mentioned many times he does bloodwork regularly.

Eating high-carb meals at lunch (rice, lentils, etc.) do cause sleepiness. Try eating more protein and low-carb veggies at lunch and see if it helps.

Careful with undereating. There's a trap there. Your body may develop a mechanism thinking that there's famine and it will trigger you to overeat. This won't happen overnight. And not everyone will develop it, but a lot of people who binge eat were dieting at first. So be careful with too little calories. Other question is whether you eat quality foods. As long as you don't eat crap and eat healthy stuff but enough of it, you are going to be fine, having good health and in good shape. Eating just fruits is not enough. And making any dietary changes is in general very dangerous if done for long periods of time. I've done this mistake and let me tell you it's not funny. Educate yourself on this and do not undereat. Especially if you are so young.

What went well: - didn't have anxiety today, fortunately. I notice that if I get things in order and do them on time, everything's fine. To avoid it, keep things in order. Which isn't always possible, but it's a reminder to get them back in order if I am experiencing anxiety. - was pretty relaxed in the morning and enjoyed quite a few things, for example discussions, the walk What could be better: - overate on chicken in the morning. Could keep the portion smaller. Though I didn't eat much calories in total today, so that's still fine. - going to bed has been hard, cannot fall asleep, then keep having dreams then waking up too early.

What went well: - resisted the urge go buy tons of cheese and eat it all, my lizard brain thinks I am in famine mode so I want to eat all the time. Ugh... What could have been better: - did not sleep well at all. My stomach hurts, especially at night and in the morning. I think it's because of eating too late and also stress - did not meditate today... woke up late and had to do 1.5 hours of breathwork then my employer asked me to do something on which I spent a lot of time. I know, those are excuses, but I really felt bad physically today and will compensate tomorrow.

I have guilt and neurotic thoughts when I didn't challenge myself enough that day. I wonder if everyone feels this way. Went well: + finished a ticket for work, had anxiety around it What could be better: - do more mindfulness meditation for longer periods

Such a nicer day today. Grounding yourself with meditation still in bed even laying down helps. Also stretches and yoga in the morning, to calm yourself down. Went for a walk after a 4 day break. It's almost summer here! 68 F here! Amazing. What went well: + grounding myself in the morning made me less reactive + could push through and finish task that was started + wrote in my blog my set amount of paragraphs What could be better: - waking up earlier and going to bed earlier. But overall was a really nice day. Sweet. After a long period of stress and anxiety.

My day is a mix of resistance, anxiety, stress and maybe a few more positive emotions. That's how it's been for my entire life, I think. With slightly better periods. What went well: - did my breathwork session in the morning and tried to feel whatever came up. I cannot get to the point I want to get but I have a theory that's because there's too much tension in my body so I have to process it slowly - Resisted the urges to eat in the evening. I am not hungry, it's more of a habit. The solution is to plan what to eat beforehand and stick to it What did not go so well: - cheated and ate the stuff meant for the meals (cheese, nuts) because was hungry and I am an addict

What went well: + did some learning after work, Python classes. Did these videos a few months ago and it looked much easier this way around. Even though still had to think and practice a little. What I plan to do from now on is to do learning after work for 1-1.5 hours each other day, writing in the blog each other day. The weekend not included in the plan. On the weekends I want to do something else, like hiking, going out, attending seminars. + edited the post for the blog + wasn't stressed today, which is a huge learning. Got to do yin yoga. It's so healing. Also guided meditations that relax the body. What did not go so well: - still struggling with planning my meals. Requires so much effort. But then if I don't I never know how much calories I actually ate and it makes me anxious. Will make a chicken/caesar salad tomorrow. - missed my breathwork session because was too full and did not feel like doing it anyways. Will do it tomorrow morning.

What went well: + found a great guided meditation that helped me with the release of tension in my body. I had very unpleasant sensations in my body for the last few days and I realized only today that's it's actually stressed and tension that's been piling up + was able to calm myself down during the day, was still reactive at times, but yeah... I do what I can do What could go even better: - design a good meal plan and get all the ingredients necessary so that it's clear and decided what to eat the next day - wake up earlier, so that there's more time to read, contemplate, relax, do meditation

I have no resources per se, but just a suggestion to feel those emotions no matter how scary they may seem. Muster some courage and face them little by little. I know it's not easy. I am on this path myself. But the emotions won't hurt you, feeling them won't hurt you. Just let them come your way. And then they'll pass. I also do breathwork on a regular basis, which helps with releasing some of the emotions.

Forgot to mention: I had this insight a few days ago and it keeps reappearing in my consciousness, that I am too attached to my work. It's this delusional idea that things won't work if I don't fix something at work. Which is not true. Everyone's probably going be fine. So I create this unnecessary pressure on myself and it makes me resist fixing things in the first place. Got to remind myself of this now and then. I want to be important (because that makes my ego feel great) but I was don't want to fight resistance. So yes, someone will have to suffer here. Hope that I am smart enough to fight the resistance.

Oh my, so much resistance. I feel it in my chest. What went well: - set with it for a period of time, could purge a little of it - managed to finish one ticket at work that was unclear and complicated in my opinion, required quite a lot of fight with resistance - managed to restrain myself from eating compulsively today - learned (or more brought them out from memory) a few more words I could use in the future (feeble, affable, exquisite, immaculate, spotless, fiercely). I've become somewhat lazy with my language, need to improve my vocabulary. - did 10 minutes labeling meditation + 30 minutes anapana What could be better: - do 1 hour meditation split in between morning and evening, plus the labeling - sit with resistance for longer periods of time - I am reactive mostly. It's annoying, but it is what is. I am definitely not a in good place right now. Need more grounding.

I am running away from discomfort. It's actually funny - I sometimes observe myself on how vigorously I am trying to avoid the pain. There's a LOT of resistance in me. Alas, that's my usual state. I became aware of this only recently. After my vipassana retreat I had very little resistance in doing anything, almost none. I was able to get rid of this state once after the retreat again. I just went through a day of massive psychological pain. Then suddenly it wasn't as bad doing things. It's so hard to push yourself to that limit. Usually it's external circumstances that get me to that limit. I wonder how I could craft that so that I would have no way out. Went well: + 1 hour meditation + woke up relatively early, will try to repeat tomorrow if not dead-tired + finished a few things for work + learned a few new English words with a friend. I thought it was fun discussing and learning together. Could be better: - immerse myself in resistance, not run away - slacked on breathwork - reconcile with the idea of hard work for good life.

Hey, my blog is public, but it's in Russian