You need to express yourself, a lot. It might take a while, but it will work, you’ll begin to feel much better. Therapy? Your friend? Any form of art will do, poetry, drawing, singing, painting, etc. Doesn’t matter how “good” you are at it, the experience of expression, opening up a little, is what helps. You can pm me anytime, don’t hesitate. I was suicidal when I was around your age. I know it can seem like it can’t get better or things won’t change, but that’s just a perspective. You will change, situations will change, life will get easier. 
You don’t need any one to accept you. You can accept and love yourself. I have love for you, and I don’t even know you. 
I think you’ve been carrying a lot of mental weight, for a long time. You probably dont realize it, and feel lost because you don’t realize you are carrying the weight. It could also be the case that you live with or spend a lot of time around someone who is just negative and has a negative perspective, and that may have ‘rubbed off on you’ for so long, that you aren’t recognizing it. 
Again, I was ‘there’. I was diagnosed as manic depressive. But I found there is no depression, without thinking depressive thoughts, and holding depressing perspectives. You get used to them, and don’t realize your perspectives are depressing - you get used to it, and actually think your view is accurate, realistic. It’s not.  The feeling of depression, is what you should take as the only sign you need to get clued in that the depressive perspectives are not true. 
The depression you feel is the product of two ‘things’:    You (Truth / Love), and the perspectives you’re holding. 
The Truth / Love (you) is and will only ever be, The Truth / Love. 
So, you must listen to The Truth / Love (you) and begin to change perspectives.
Stop being stubborn.
Take great comfort in saying to yourself and out loud, “I don’t know”. 
Again, pm me anytime.
You will feel better, I promise. Hang in there man. 
 
 

That's still too much at the level of intellect. You say that, but you're still playing the games because your ego thinks it's getting something valuable out of them.
You haven't fully realized the significance of that statement. Relativity still runs your whole life, and you still treat the relative as though it has absolute value. Which is why you still cling to things, why you still have fear, anger, frustration, worry, negativity, etc. And why you struggle so hard to manipulate life every day, yet you keep failing and failing and disappointing yourself.
The quantity of suffering you experience every day is a measure of how little you are conscious of the above statement. Suffering comes from not being conscious of relativity, treating the relative as absolute.

Just imagine if your mindset was of all the wonderful experiences that are coming to you. You’d have laughed at that lady and she’d have winked and laughed with you. 

Here is were it all starts. You have expectations and these expectations are not in line with reality. These are always relationship issues. Everyone has them and at the core they are all more or less the same.
There is something inside of you thats hurt, thats fearful. She is triggering it. Be grateful for that because she shows you directly were you can do some inner work. (Releasing, emotional work)
If you dont grow in this area it will always come back to you in some form or another. You can not hide from it.
 
Practise acceptance and letting go.
A good women will trigger the shit out of you. Cherish this.

@Matt23 Well, you might also want to work on developing some practical skills like public speaking, coaching, teachings, mentoring, etc.
Think about what kind of practical skills would enable your LP. You could train to become a therapist for example, etc.
There are many such opportunities.
Since you live in the real world you're gonna have to build a set of stepping stones which move you up to your ultimate vision. Try to find a way to make a living that aligns with your LP at least somewhat. For example, becoming a therapist might be a great way to learn about helping people with their spiritual problems while also earning good money. Then you could transcend traditional therapy and do more spiritual type of retreats or workshops or coaching.
Actualizing a big LP usually requires several such practical career moves. You can't just become exactly what you want in one step in most cases.
Although if you were really serious, you could beocme a full-time monk and become enlightened within a few years.

Because Red Pill is a community of pain created out of a sense of lack, low self-esteem, demonization of women/femininity, and victim's mentality. And all of these hang ups don't jibe with self-actualization, which is Leo's goal for this forum and his channel.
So, allowing Red Pill threads is inviting validation and perpetuation of men's belief in their own powerlessness into a forum that is focused toward empowerment. This can distract many men from personal growth and keep them in a victim mentality loop. So, the goals of the Red Pill and the goal of self-actualization are diametrically opposed, and Leo wants to remove these pitfalls from his platform.

Psychological wounds can be completely healed but do also turn into scars.
And scars are forever. But there is no pain in a scar.
And scars also give us wisdom and create character. So, scars are quite a positive thing in this regard. Scars help you help others.

In my opinion you'd have a much higher likelihood of success with a year of Kriya yoga.
But I haven't tried 1 year of SDS, so I can't say for sure.
I don't know why you guys are not doing Kriya yoga. It's the most powerful natural technique I've found. All of you should be doing it religiously. Yet I sense that very few of you are.
I've shared so many amazing tools with you guys. Why aren't you using them?

No, this is false. Look carefully at the present moment. It has no suffering in it.
Suffering is ALL mind. Stop fucking around, stop playing mind games, and observe how your mind is creating suffering. You ARE doing it! Notice this. Your mind is subtly interpreting and projecting negative meaning onto the present moment. You must look carefully to spot yourself doing this. From now on, every time you feel bad, you ask yourself "How am I creating this feeling? What must I believe to feel this way? What must I think to feel this way?"
I can tell you exactly what happened to you. You got lucky and caught a solid glimpse of the Ox because my video blindsided your ego. It hit you out of blue, thus bypassing many egoic defense mechanisms. But your mind did not have a solid enough foundation to permanently hold this insight. The ego figured out a way to reassert itself and now it has doubled its defense mechanisms. It will not allow another easy, lucky break. Now you're gonna have to work for it.
My guess is you are depressed because you want that enlightenment back and yet you don't know how go get it back. You thought catching a glimpse of the Ox was gonna solve all your problems and make life peachy without any serious spiritual work. And now you are starting to see that was just a fantasy. This is why you're depressed.
But the truth is, you just got lucky. It was never really gonna hold because you have not done almost any work decontructing that big fat ego. You cannot be enlightened and maintain all of your habitual daily egoic manipulations, beliefs, attitudes, etc. All of that needs to be broken down piece by piece. You need to undo yourself and your life. The way you carry yourself every minute of every day IS ego! All of your emtional reactions and thought patterns must be purified through patient observation and contemplation.
Stop thinking of enlightenment as a magic pill. You must also become deeply conscious of your daily actions, thoughts, and emotions. Enlightnement is only likely to stick if your entire mind is deconstructed. So cheer up and begin that procees.
Cheer up because you were even so lucky as to get a 10 day glimpse. That takes most people YEARS of work. You got it for free.
Yes, finding God and then losing God is very frustrating. But also totally normal and common in this work. Awaking up is not like flipping a light switch, it's more like a kid playing with a light switch, flickering it on and off many many times.

@kev014 I have not yet fully awoken to it. So I'm still stuck in survival for the time being. Working on that Seizing the Ox and Taming the Ox are not a one-step affair for most people.
The Truth can seem negative from the ego's POV because it is equivalent to death. It's a big mindfuck which sends most ego's reeling back to the dysfunctional comforts of unconscious living.
No, my only regret is that I didn't awaken sooner and that I am still not fully awake.
Awakening obliterates the notion that anything could be "negative". Negativity is not real. Neither is fear, nor death.
The only thing you want in life is awakening. You just don't know that yet.

To be clear, this is nothing against you, or particular to you. This is the entire dynamic of life: using stories, concepts, and emotions to manipulate yourself into staying alive. This is what survival is all about. So whether you have dreams or don't, you're doing it. Whether your thoughts and emotions are positive or negative, you're doing it. Even when you feel happy or excited, it's a subtle egoic manipulation. The ego has co-opted the entire experience of life and turned it into a means towards self-perpetuation.
Unraveling the inner workings of the ego-mind is a complex and tricky affair. A good place to start is to notice how every thought, every emotion, and every reaction you have, all day long, is somehow a subtle manipulation of yourself to act the way the devilish ego-mind wants. It takes a lot of patient observation of your thoughts, emotions, and reactions to start to see the full scope of what ego is doing. So start observing.
You can contemplate questions like:
Why do I have emotions at all? What is the point of them? Why do I have thoughts at all? What is their purpose? Why do I hold somethings as positive and others as negative? What is the point of positive and negative? Why am I motivated to do the things I do? What is the point of motivation and why does it exist? Why do I hold some things as meaningful while others not? What is the point of meaning? Why do I create it? Of course the ego-mind will vehemently resist and deflect all such questioning. Your survival agenda does not want to be questioned.
Start looking at EVERYTHING that transpires in your experience of life as a deliberate egoic self-manipulation. Everything in your experience at all times is the ego trying to survive. This survival is not merely about physical life and death, it's extremely sophisticated. What's being survived in not a physical being, but a conceptual construct: the story of YOU.
You -- the ego -- is like a giant living story which is writing itself every minute of its life. Any interference with this writing is perceived as threatening and therefore demonized and rejected.

An intimate honest relationship, lol.
Consider what it would be like to be in an intimate relationship with a woman with no sex involved.
Remove sex from the equation for just a minute.

@Leo Gura Here's one of the greatest shades of green (plus some) I've ever seen!
 
 

@Bojan What is your heart more excited to do, regardless of all the practical obstacles and limits? Assume for a moment that you can be equally wealthy and successful no matter which career on Earth you pick. Which would you pick?
Do that!
In order to determine this, you really have to be able to step outside your cultural programming and various pragmatic fears that will arise. The fear is clouding your judgment, drowning out your heart's inner guidance.
The heart knows what it wants, but the ego is too scared to listen. The counter-intuitive move here is to listen to your heart despite the fear, trusting that there is a higher intelligence at work.
The more seriously you listen to your fears vs your heart, the more miserable, depressed, and regretful you will be in life, no matter how much money or success you achieve. It could even end up destroying your mental and physical health in the long-run. So don't take this lightly.
Dare to live life offensively rather than defensively. Especially if you're young.

@Leo Gura Hey Guys, todays question is a very difficult one and maybe even a silly one. I know it is like asking the fox whether he can protect my hen house when I am on vacation. But I am interested what the fox answers anyways 
As I thought about my own confirmation bias recently, I noticed that actualized.org can become distorted by my mind so that I take in the knowledge from my point of view and then run out in the world finding all sorts of confirmations for Leo's teachings. 
1. Leo is the teacher where I get the most practical confirmations in my environment based on what he teaches and compared to other teaches. I do not want to sound like an ideological fan, but usually a lot that he says shows up in so many corners of my life and in society that it is just mind blowing. It also creates a lot of credibility for him and his content, so that it becomes very difficult not to get deeper and deeper into actualized.org and to take things easier as true as before. 
I know Leo always says to verify the stuff for one self and I am doing that every single day as good as possible, but still I feel that I get at least a little bit seduced by the juiciness of his content and start to take some things as amazing even without verifying it so much. 
So what I am basically interested in is the following:
What are the exact traps and mechanisms that I have to watch out for so that I do not distort what Leo teaches and make sure it stays as pure and "ego free" as possible?
For Example things I am aware of are:
Turning it into a blindly believed in ideology Judging people based on the insight he shares Double Standards etc. Also I was curious if somebody would share how he or she is avoiding his or her own confirmation bias?
Would appreciate any more inspiration to keep my growth as clean as possible. Thank You Guys 
PS: So weird to always says Leo teach this or that, feels like I am writing to myself, which I am in a sense (non-duality) haha. Lucky name choice from the universe.

Live & breathe your authentic desire. That is enough. You’ll love where it takes you & you will live happily. 

This is untrue. Don't limit yourself with such kinds of black & white beliefs.
Programming is a solid way to earn a living, but there are many other ways, many better ways. You can basically create whatever career you want if you apply yourself seriously to it.

@alankrillin I never claimed that everyone is succeeding. I would guess that 90% of people who watch Actualized.org take zero action so they get very little results. It's like watching videos about weightlifting and expecting to get jacked without ever stepping foot in the gym.
This work requires serious intention, motivation, passion, and persistence. By definition, 99% of people will be too lazy and myopic to do it. We are talking about the most advanced wisdom available to mankind. This will not be actualized effortlessly.
But if you want, you can totally transform your life. The choice is yours. How serious are you gonna take it?
It doesn't take 3 years to see results.
If you were serious, in 3 years you could earn hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash or transcend death using the information I've talked about.
The problem isn't that what I say it too good to be true, it's that it's so true you'll hardly believe it when you see it.

Probably not in practice.
Careful not to get fixated on being perfectly developed. This is just more ego. Just focus on becoming more conscious one bit at a time and enjoy life. Do not make personal development a mission. The mission is to enjoy life, not to be working on yourself forever.

Deficiency needs is a good answer, but I would also say lack of familiarity with the Spiral Dynamics model itself, and lack of epistemic inquiry. The dynamics of knowledge (epistemology) needs to be directly explored and contemplated.
Also systems thinking. Seeing the world as a complex web of impersonal inter-related systems. Most problems are systemic problems requiring systemic solutions. Few people look at the world this way. They look at the world too personally, as if the world revolves around them and their judgments, as if the solutions are linear and black & white. Yellow is nonlinear thinking. Most people are highly linear thinkers.
Yes, but Green still clings too much to its SJW perspective as being superior.
Green is not able to detach enough from its own perspective.

People here grow and change a lot. People outgrow this forum and go off on their own. Which is exactly as it should be.
Don't create false limiting beliefs like that. I get messages, comments, and emails from people on a daily basis with stories of who much they've grown or changed.
Most people are never going to write a detailed public report of how much they changed.

@kieranperez You are being way too harsh on yourself. Go watch some Matt Kahn videos and practice some self-love and self-acceptance. You cannot change your life from a position of self-flagellation and self-hatred. Well, you can, but it's gonna be very ugly.
Being harsh with yourself just tends to heap ego on top of ego, problem on top of problem.
Slow down, collect yourself, find peace in the now, and slowly begin the process of assembling your life, brick by brick. All the resources you need are basically available these days online.

The ego loves to assume it is already fully developed. That conveniently means no more work is required. The ego loves to live in the world of ideals, abstractions, intellectualizations, and soothing fantasies.
You constantly have to give yourself reality-checks in this work. You must be brutally honest with yourself about your deficiencies, limitations, and lack of development. As a rule of thumb you are never as developed or as conscious as you think you are.
It's very easy to listen to advanced stages like Yellow and Turquoise and to assume you're already there just because you intellectually understand those stages or you can picture them in your mind's eye. But that's just imagination. That's not the actual level you're acting from on a daily basis. Most of your daily actions probably stem from much lower levels like Red, Blue, Orange.
A very helpful exercise is to monitor all of your thoughts on any given day and analyze what percentage of your thoughts are stemming from which color stage? How much time do you spend thinking about money, sex, power, fear, selfish needs, dogma, judgment, anger, etc? Probably 90%+ How much time do you spend in systems thinking, metaphysical contemplation, unconditional love, or solving global problems? Probably less than 1%.

@Pernani Figure out you Life Purpose and then create a vision for that purpose.
At this point, I can see my vision so clearly if almost feels like physical thing. I break down crying of joy and inspiration every time I think about it for a few minutes. It has become the guiding star of my life. The vision is primary. Any development that is involved towards a vision is secondary.
Even if you make the best vehicle in the world, it's of no use if it just makes you go around in circles. You need a destination.
Not to mention that having crippling daily self-doubts about what you should do with your life will get you depressed, confused, scatter-brained, unable to focus on one task, uninspired and unmotivated eventually. I know because I was personally there for more than three years.
Once your LP and vision lock in, you can start to live a passionate life and be of service to the world. It doesn't pay to be depressed and full of doubts.

Overall I would put him at Orange/Green. The part in him that I find Yellow is his openmindedness to diverse perspectives.
I mostly used Joe as an example of the multi-perspective aspect of Yellow. But that's far from Yellow's only aspect.
Joe still has a lot of Orange that he needs to transcend.
The deeper I learn about Yellow, the more I see that extremely few people are solidly at Yellow. Yellow is very deep and sophisticated.