MarkusR

The studio is fully functional. Still going to school & completing courses. Currently creating a collective of artists here in Finland to take over the industry. More focused than ever at making music & creating projects. Consistently working on production, and trying to understand how to vocal mastery, and especially rap. I'm decent but I know there are higher levels to this, and feel as though I'm lacking, while my production is starting to get on par.

Im going to keep these journals short and sweet. On my second year of university, best university in my country studying physics. True passion for the last 5-6 years has been music, production singing, songwriting, basically a dream of becoming an artist. Dropped all of my courses, working at the moment as a substitute teacher to make some income 27€/hour. After work dedicating myself fully to music. 90 minutes of instrument practice. Just finished building a music studio with friends so I have a dedicated work space. TLDR: Dropping uni slowly, pursuing music fully.

LOG 7: Starting to see the results of the things Ive posted online. Slowly gaining fans on sound cloud, people listening to my music regularly. Also having producers messaging me and people reaching out for me to perform. Seeing opportunities pop up from things that Ive posted and made in the past. This is that first confirmation that what I am doing does breed results, and that the work I create now is what will open up the doors to all future possibilities and expansions. Gaining my first sense of recognition for my work, which only motivates me more. My ears are still in the process of healing, but I feel like through not working on music Ive only become better at it, through my sensitivity and understanding expand with my subconscious.

For healing to take place you must abstain completely from the activity, thought, or action which created the wound in the first place. Any action which causes the wound to flair up, feel pain or open up again must be completely halted. This is required for the healing of both mental and physical wounds. Over time your wound will recover, harden and go through a natural process which will take its own certain required time. Patience and discipline is required for this. But once the wound has gone through the cycle of healing, that aspect of your body or mind will be stronger than ever, and more anti-fragile. Just wanted to share this. For anyone experiencing any type of wounds, be it physical or mental.

@catcat69123 This

Good luck man. I don't think its a good idea to suppress natural desires though.

1. Push yourself massively to grow (You know what you need to do: Do it) 2. When you face emotional backlash and pain do not run away from it. Cut out all forms of dopamine/ pleasure distractions. Sit with it, sit through it and continue to doing what you need to be doing as best as you can. 3. Within your mind, start applying new mindsets. Reprogram your mind, through new thoughts and beliefs. Allow thoughts that make you feel good about yourself and life to flourish. Keep nourishing these thoughts throughout the day. 4. In time the emotions will subside. This is ample time to rinse and repeat the steps. As in aim even higher this time. Be ready for the backlash. I feel like this is simply a reality we will need to learn to live with. One of those challenges that cant be escaped. Its all apart of the level your at. The only way to move up is to move through these emotions caused by deep inner beliefs. Good luck everyone!

This is a very important topic. Ive noticed this everytime. Usually the emotional backlash is always equivelant to the level of growth you are trying to attain. So the harder you try push the heavier this backlash is. Its revealing your inner negative beliefs. I really dont know the answer to this either. Whats the best way? Because it can become debilitating. But you cant let it stop you from action. And at the same time we do want massive growth, which takes massive action. Anyone wanna chime in with possible solutions?

LOG 6: Back on the grind. So I'm going to start balancing these posts with my current mind state and overview of my life, as well as concrete steps Im taking and results that I feel on my growth. Life is the ultimate training ground to becoming stronger. Im using all the tools in my disposal to basically increase my strength, power and agency over my life. One of the main components of this is taking the passion that I love, music, and pouring hours of focused training so that my abilities become undeniable and Im able to make a living of what I love. Right now is that training stage. Im 22, and I want to drop a critically acclaimed album by 25. These 3 years I want to grow my self mentally, spiritually and physically to the point that Im ready to skyrocket. So far some of my key focuses have been optimising health. A big goal is to have perfect health, and to even surpass that and have a powerful, agile and capable body. Another key focus I'll bring back now is consistent practice on music. Since Im still working through the ear fatigue i'll be focusing on songwriting as the key aspect. Song writing and acoustic guitar. Right now 3 * 45 minutes. And I'll bring that practice up if it feels like I should and I can. Another evolution. No distractions. Cut out any entertainment until 18 o clock. Before then I just want to focus on ways I can expand my skills, and work on my way toward my goal. If it feels like I have too much time in between I'll just increase the amount that I practice. ------ Overview: - 2x40 minute sessions of meditation a day -3x45 minute practice of music (acoustic guitar and songwriting) - 50 minutes of physical training every day. Physitheraputic steps included.

@Human Mint I also played the drums for a while. Definitely picking that back up when I get the chance. Never learned to read sheet music though, but that practice sounds effective as fuck. I'd say also film yourself playing extremely simple patterns and try to really get in the pocket. Thats more of a feeling exercise, but the simplest patterns can sound amazing when your timing is on point.

Great Post. Hit the nail in the head. Although I am not able to now, I had a consistent 90 minute instrument practice for a long time (atleast 1 month straight). Twice a day 35 minutes of meditation practice. Consistent mental practice of maintaining high degree of confidence. (This is just something I keep in mind consistently.)

@Preety_India Haha ty

My style is always to underplay the sex. I never bring it up blatantly. I just subtly seduce her and give hints but in the end I make her wait. Often girls will feel so comfortable around me they just want to sleep in my bed with me. At that point even then im non-chalant, and shes already in her underwear. I love building up the sexual tension like this. Then as the tension rises, I start making moves, caressing her body, moving her closer etc etc. Subtle things like that. Then kiss her on the neck when u want to make her wet. Feel like im giving away trade secrets. But I wouldn't keep doing this if she doesnt let up. If a girl is turned on it'll happen in the first 20 mins, if you wait too long to escelate or you stay in one phase for too long it'll become dry.

LOG 5: Ears slowly starting to heal, definitely feeling an improvement. Complete break from any and all music. Pure silence I've realised so much. My life gained so much space ever since I quit music. Probably coupled with the meditation is the reason I feel so much more clarity overall. Im at peace with not needing to make music. I feel in a sense free. Still I have a deep urge to create, but I feel like Im actually getting better by doing nothing. Im more in touch with myself and life. I know when I go back and touch music again, I'll have the sensitivity and wisdom to bring out what I want from it. This space has been a blessing. I am also dealing with some joint pain in my knees, so for this reason I have not gone into serious physical activities, like lifting or a martial arts gym. For the moment I focus on going to work, consistent meditation, finding ways to enjoy life with no music, and building on certain project unrelated to music. A bit of programming and a bit of visual design for ex. Nothing too major. I know for a fact that my ears will heal. And I know for a fact Im going to make it as an artist. I'll give all other elements their required space to fall into place.

@Etherial Cat Mic drop ?. Im for sure on your side. I'll say it again, the more effort I put into turning her on, satisfying her needs. The more submissive she becomes and willing to do pretty much anything; and therefore the sex becomes amazing. If I treat the sex like a porn, which most of the time is just the guy doing nothing and the girl just automatically starts sucking his dick, it never works out as well. You really cant expect her to do a lot without you taking the lead. Your the one doing the fucking, its simply the sexual dynamic between men and women.

@Leo Gura That was the weakest argument youve ever made. First off if I am or where to be in god consciousness why the fuck would I even care to watch a damn slide show of porn? Also I doubt youre in supreme god consciousness every time youre watching porn. Anyway, my argument is. You'd develop a much greater appretiation for your own and the females sexuality if you quit porn and work on developing great sexual relationships. To me it seems like your avoiding this, which would be the harder thing to do. Its easy to choose porn. Its hard to create real, satisfying sexual relationships. These two things also dont go together, once you have real satisfying sexual relationships you wont want to watch porn. And watching porn destroys your drive and ability to create the latter. I mean come on, who has trouble cumming to a 10?! Seriously the hell does that women really have to do other than lay there and enjoy it? Also, I train my women to do things the way I like it.

@Leo Gura Watching porn today is like the equivelant of prehistoric times watching the alpha fuck the girl you desire and you jerking off in the bushes. I'd personally rather be the one doing the fucking.

@Leo Gura You got it backwards. The better you are able to please a girl the more enjoyable the sex will be.

My fucking god. These are the types of questions you dont need any of us to answer for you. This is for sure one of those things you MUST decide for yourself. What do YOU want from life, be completely fucking honest. Don't allow any institution to be in control of your destiny and whatever you decide to do. You aren't a child any more, you're a full grown man. That university is a bunch of other full grown men and women that have created something, it does not control you, it does not own you, and it is not some safety net to cuddle into as a comfort zone. Why the fuck would you waste any more of this precious life doing something you do not enjoy, or at least feel a purpose toward as you pursue it. If at any point in life philosophy becomes something you truly care for, then fucking go for it, and dont let some institution dictate your pursuit of it. If right now economics, investments and making money is something you desire do it with all your heart with a burning passion and forget the school completely. A masters means nothing truly, your character, who you are, what you do day to day and your raw skill is what matters point blank period. And you'll develop none of that acting like a wimp and asking people to make your life decisions for you.

Great work man. Just testing the waters and experimenting with whats the most fun and what suites you is the best thing you can do. You're already 90% further than most guys who cant get the courage to speak to any girl

One last thing: I feel like this problem came up from solving a larger problem. I was hanging out with people who were hindering my personal development. At which point I had to disconnect heavily. Now Ive built myself up to quite a high level and Im coming full circle. Now its time to become that positive influence and create a culture around me that supports my vision rather than hindering it

Hello Guys! I was interested to hear how connected you guys feel to community or people in general in your area. Personally Ive let go of a lot of friends due to differing values and lifestyles, and for a while Ive felt like Ive lacked a true connection to a community. Im 22 years old. Sometimes I work as a substitute teacher, everyone there is old and living in compramise, they talk with this adult lingo that just feels fake. I cant really see myself connecting there. My main passion is music. And ive always felt like as I persue it more opportunities to connect with people in that field will open up, but I still tend to be a loner. Let me know your thoughts on this topic. I honestly crave having deep loving and fun communities of people, and enjoying that way of connecting. Id like to find a partner/girlfriend like that as well. I find it more appealing that just going clubbing and finding someone random or only making friends to do drugs with...

@Roy This is really mostly what I've begun doing since I wrote this post. I just started actively including more people into my life, and finding fun shit to do together. Making plans, like this week I went bowling with 2 friends. It's insane how hole I felt after that experience. I have a great work ethic, good health, and a vision for my life. But that moment of just peace and talking shit with friends and doing something completely unrelated made me feel so good. Im so happy to hear everyones responses and that this is something a lot of you can relate with. I think its a vital part of life and just happiness as a whole is accepting more people into your life, despite their "flaws" or not "being on your level" (which is honestly quite an egotistical view at the end of the day). Everyone is human, everyone is reaching for their best, despite some efforts falling short, and everyone has vices. As long as the vices dont rub off on you you can actually start influencing your friends in a positive direction. Im going to continue to be this type of steward for this type of connection. By planning out fun experiences, inviting friends from different disciplines and lifestyles, being the person that actively includes and creates the social situations that people crave. Super excited for this realisation and how this will affect my life. Also great to see such activity on this forum, Its really a community out here as well.

I find community MORE appealing THAN* going clubbing and doing drugs. I dont actually partake in drugs myself, not anymore, and thats where me and a lot of past friends disconnect. (Feel like this was unclear xD) @Matt23

LOG 4: Okey Almost a month since this last post. I had moments when I felt like my ear fatigue had subsided and I went back into some production sessions. It ended up only making the case worse. My ears are now feeling clogged, in a certain level of mild pain. And very sensitive to loud noise; loud noises seem to sound much louder than they have sounded in the past... So this is definately an obstacle in my way. I have a hunch that the way I approach this challenge will be of great importance all in all. So far ive stayed away from making music completely. I occasionally listen to music from my laptop speaker or phone speaker, but I dont wear headphones or listen from any other audio equipment. Ive had a real struggle understanding what I should do at this point, and Ive noticed some complacency and depression setting in. Moving forward I dont know how long it will take for my ears to heal. As of now it feels like its at its apex and it will only subside from here if I continue to refrain from loud noises. Until then I cant continue my music practice unfortunately. But that cant stop me from evolving, moving forward as a human being and handling other areas of growth. Moving forward, during this healing phase, Im focused on fitness, starting a solid martial art practice. Being with my family; esp my mom and helping her out with things. Visual creation art and aesthetics. Photoshop illustrator. Also one major thing I need to mention. Im at the moment producing a large scale event and platform for young new artists with a team of friends. Our instagram got over 500 followers upon launch and is garnering quite a lot of hype. Ill be more active in the creation, aesthetic choices and management of this project as well during this phase. Ive also installed a 30 minute 2x a day meditation practice to keep me balanced. Yea, this post was longer than what I usually do TLDR; Ears are fucked, cant make music. Staying focused and applying myself to other areas of life while I heal.