Shab-e Ma_araj

So for two years I was doing nothing but devoting myself to chasing women and improving my looks as much as possible. And I was really awesome at this life. So awesome that I became a bit of an internet sensation of sorts in a small red-pill sphere that I wont name. Thats how I met my current girlfriend. After discovering Actualized.org I quit chasing women and settled down with my favorite main girl and started devoting myself to attaining Ultimate Truth, Peace and Eternal Happiness. But then my girlfriend, with her big doe eyes and sweet nature, tempted me back into the world of temporary states of affairs. Now I have almost entirely given up my spiritual pursuits in favor of building an awesome future with her. Which is nice but I just wonder what the hell Im doing sometimes. God or Worldly Affairs? And then on top of that, I have so so so many doubts about her and our relationship, which is a whole other topic. But long story short I have a ton of trust issues especially with her and I really miss sleeping with new girls and I feel like I could go back to that for a few years and have loads of fun and end up with a girl I am more sure about. But I wonder if I could possibly even meet somebody I love as much as this girl. And I wonder if I can handle another few years of exciting but unfulfilling loneliness and constant effort to maintain such a lifestyle. So long story short: Girlfriend? Random women? Or God/Enlightenment? Because, while accomplishment is nice, I don't see why chasing any sort of temporary state of affairs makes sense

I have no idea

@Leo Gura Do you recommend that I end this relationship then? And then what? Be celibate and focus on meditation? Or balance meditation with the life of a normal single male? Or go back to chasing women with reckless abandon but try to work on consciousness-related stuff too?

Thanks for the replies. Your solutions both make sense. But if I gave up worldly pursuits completely (or as much as possible), then i could meditate for hours and hours a day and have a higher chance of realizing Truth But on the other hand if I learn to always be meditating no matter what I'm doing then that would work too. It's just so difficult

Some peoples bodies have been known to vanish without a trace (sometimes with a blaze of light) upon enlightenment. Perhaps the world and its societies will do the same upon a cosmic enlightenment. Other people have been known to become teachers, ascetics, wanderers, recluses, regular everyday people, married with kids, etc. Many say there are different stages of enlightenment. Perhaps in the beginning stages of societies enlightenment there will be great peace movements, unity, efforts to save the environment, etc. And then in the later stages of a societal enlightenment there will be a complete abandonment of all greed, money, ownership, un-necessary work... Just a utopian-like society where everything is shared, no violence, etc Maybe that will be the "Heaven on Earth" that Jesus was talking about being established Just guesses

Hello, this is my first post. I don't know if logs are encouraged here or not. I've spent the last two years relentlessly chasing women and documenting my success on a red pill male improvement forum. Growing up with little to no self-confidence, I surprised myself the last two years with the insane amount of success with women I was able to achieve. Then I started getting into mediation, so naturally I stumbled across some of Leo's videos and then I learned about enlightenment. My initial plan was to chase women for another few years and then settle down with a girlfriend and focus on business and having a family. But the more I read/heard about enlightenment the less I cared about women and money. I started watching videos by Leo everyday. Then I read Eckhart Tolle's book. Then I started watching his videos, then Mooji, Rupert Spira, Allan Watts, etc. In short it was all I could think about. And one day, seemingly by the grace of God, I just dropped everything regarding the women and money. I quit cutting my hair/beard. Stopped worrying about my style so much. Biggest change though = I completely stopped chasing women without even a second thought. When one of the girls I used to date found out I wasn't chasing women anymore, she decided she could be my friend again. Then we started dating. I was planning on going celibate and focusing full force on enlightenment, but it seemed like the universe put her back in my life for a reason. So I went with it. The relationship was great for a few months and then my deep-seated insecurities and trust issues got the better of me and I broke it off with her. She's the sweetest girl and the only one I really cared about but I just didn't trust her. Plus I just wanted to meditate all day. And she was getting fed up with me not caring about my looks or anything like that anymore. Not to mention her and her friends were pretty disgusted when they found out about my detailed accounts of my sexual exploits that I used to share on private forums. So I just ended it with her. I miss her real bad but everyday I'm making big strides on my spiritual path What I'm up to now = I have not a care in the world other than enlightenment and missing my girlfriend. But I'm banking on the idea that what I will get will be infinitely more rewarding than anything the world can offer. I just go to school. Meditate for 1 to 4 hours a day. Plant trees and flowers at my house. Clean up my house/projects, etc. Try to maintain awareness during my daily activities which is becoming easier and easier and the sense of doership is slowly fading away. Having random bouts of euphoria, seemingly on the brink of mystical experiences. I read scriptures every night now such as the teachings of Ramana Maharshi, The Bible, the literature of Sufi mystic and Persian poet Rumi, etc. I am a Persian linguist so I really enjoy translating Rumi's poems about enlightenment into English. Another cool thing is that a few days ago I had my first lucid dream which I take as yet another sign of progress. As I have read in countless places that deep sleep is the realm of God free of ego/body and I have been focusing on building awareness in the waking state so as to go into sleep with awareness as well. Also I have generally become a much more peaceful person. Things don't bother me as much. I have a more compassionate outlook towards humankind and all of God's creatures/creations. I have become mostly a vegetarian and the muscle I put on during the last two years has been flying off now that I don't care about my looks. I don't really miss it. Anyway, I'm not sure if this sort of log will end up being a hindrance or help to me, or if it's even allowed here but I generally just follow my intuition and whatever excites my spirit so we'll see what happens. Who knows, maybe this is how God will provide a master to me.

Today has been another milestone for me. I recognize that keeping track of my "progress" is yet another roadblock, as the true self is not a new state to be reached. That's why I only update this log after big milestones, eventually I should stop all together But today I was able to maintain a low-level state of self-awareness for a full 14-hour day of wakefulness and also avoid junk food and sex/masturbation which have been my two biggest recent samsara wounds to scratch. What I mean is that I was able to constantly bring myself back to the self/or back to the present moment throughout the day (albeit not very strongly the whole day). But this did culminate in a trance-like state of attenuated mind and intense happiness/peace that lasted for about 10-20 minutes in the evening while meditating in my dads hot tub. It felt as though nirvikalpa samadhi was not far off. Even though I am not able to maintain that state for long, I can see that my hard-fought efforts are bringing me closer to the permanent habit of being in that state. I also cleaned up the whole garage. It looked so good I really wanted to tell Shody about it but I resisted the urge to reach out to her because I know that she is not good for me as it currently stands. Hopefully soon I will have a permanent imperturbable peace that will allow me to enjoy her company fully. I found out about enlightenment 7.5 months ago. I started pursuing it wholeheartedly 5.5 months ago. So far I have had 2 small out-of-body experiences (one of them lasting a couple minutes, the other a couple seconds). I have had 2 lucid dreams (one clear as day, the other not so much) and I have had one experience of going into sleep with awareness and feeling my body begin to melt away but then I woke up. I have eliminated the urge to watch netflix, listen to music or keep up with sports. Eliminating these samsara wounds should help me merge with reality instead of scratching them to avoid it. And now I am at the point where I can continuously bring myself back to the present moment throughout the day. One of the cool things about today is that I now see that I can just be aware of the distraction/monkey-mind moments instead of freaking out about them. Now I just need to up the intensity. And knock out junk food and sex. The lack of discipline seems to be a big factor in my inability to resist the wandering mind. Ok enough talking about the false self and its "progress"

For the last two years I was getting laid just about every other day it seems like. I was dating 3-4 girls regularly just about all the time plus always bringing new girls home. And then I found out about enlightenment and dropped the whole chasing girls thing. Stopped going to the gym. Now I'm weak, physically. Stopped keeping up my appearance so much. Stopped chasing girls. Now I only get laid once a week at most with my ex girlfriend who I still hang out with and she could decide to stop having sex with me at any minute. I brought this upon myself willingly because I'm obsessed with liberation now. That's the kind of guy I am. I go all the way in with my obsessions, to the point where my friends and family get concerned about me. But the problem is, I seem to be addicted to masturbation now. I can't really go more than 12 hours (24 at the most) without it. With extreme effort I can go 3-4 days, but it's torture and I sit there and play with myself right to the brink. That might be the problem but that's also part of the addiction. I hope to be liberated/enlightened/self-realized soon, or at least have a greatly diminished ego/mind very soon, and then these impulses and/or concerns probably won't arise. But for now, do any of you guys or gals who are enlightened or have had legit enlightenment or ego-death experiences think this is an impediment to my progress? Or should I just go ahead and try not to masturbate but not beat myself up if that doesn't go well and just continue my spiritual work? Also, if you guys have real tips on how to quit this weak-minded habit that would be awesome! Thanks Edit = it might be worth mentioning that I might have an unhealthy obsession with my ex-girlfriend. Alot of the times when I'm masturbating, I'm thinking about her having sex with other guys. See when I was going full force into the whole getting laid thing, she was like my main girl and she was seeing other people too which she was allowed to of course, but for some reason it tore me up inside like crazy. I guess I loved her. So then we got together officially and I just couldn't trust her because I knew what she used to do and because she was kind of a socialite whereas I'm actually a homebody. So now we are just friends with occasional benefits and I don't know if I can handle it. Jealous thoughts about her and other guys dominate my mind and when I'm masturbating I'm usually thinking about her getting nailed by some douchebag. And then I feel like a lame cuckold. Sometimes I wonder if I should even be around her until I get over these emotional problems. But maybe that's another topic. Or maybe not. Idk

I see what you're saying bud. I have a lot of attachments. But on the other hand, I have been known to make extremely fast progress in all my worldly pursuits. Hopefully it will be the same with the spiritual/enlightenment stuff

I found this to be very insightful. Thank you for taking the time to write all this out. I'm going to re-read this and contemplate it some more

I haven't been able to log in for a long time. But I've still been making progress with the awareness work. I'm up to the point where I can maintain sustained awareness for about 10.75 hours of total waking time in a day. Although it's not the most intense but that should come in due course. And like always it's still 2 steps forward and 1 step backwards. Addiction to netflix, music, and sports is just about over with. Addiction to sex, masturbation, and junk food is still quite strong. And I hate what I have become since giving up the gym, getting laid and my meticulous grooming habits. I feel like a lame little weakling these days but I know I have bigger fish to fry (so to speak) than keeping up with these ephemeral worldly attachments. My garden is really benefiting all the extra time I have now too. And I also just got a part time job which has complicated things a bit

@ Henri - I don't understand what you mean @ everybody else - thanks for the replies

Another lucid dream, although not as strong as the first one. A sign of strengthened awareness none the less. Alright today is the second to last day to get this one-pointedness of mind down and then tomorrow is D-day Starting... Right... Now

Today some cool things happened. In a way it was a milestone day. Because I was able to achieve strength of awareness and a lack of a sense of doership throughout the majority of the 1.5 hours that I was pulling up dandelions on the driveway. By this I mean, while I was doing the weeding I was not caught up in the actions and identified with them like usual, rather they were taking care of themselves and I was watching the thoughts. This was a breakthrough. But I still have mountains to climb. I understand that this is the wrong way to think but it is what it is. That's why I limit my posts on this forum, so as to avoid creating a strong false-sense-of-self. Another big break-through achievement I have noticed is that I am able to maintain strong awareness throughout my time inside the house and during my house chores, so long as I am not researching things on the internet or reading (these things break my self-awareness readily). Driving in the car and walking to school were conquered months ago during the semester. Now I just need to put the pieces together and work more on the sense of doership and maintaining awareness during researching/reading. I still meditate between 1 and 5 hours daily on top of the informal awareness work. Another big challenge for me is maintaining awareness while at the grocery store (because the grocery store contains three big distractions for me: women, food and information processing... and so far maintaining self-awareness at the grocery store has been impossible because of these distractions). If I can break the grocery store and the researching and finish breaking the outside chores then I should be able to maintain relatively sustained awareness throughout an entire 12 hour period (1 day) and in effect I will be de facto meditating for 12 hours everyday without a sense of doership or personal choice. In fact, this is my goal to achieve within the next two days. I have set the goal to be able to maintain sustained awareness throughout the 12 hour day by Friday. Because, on Saturday I am going to my best friend's wedding and a while ago I decided that I must be well-established in one-pointedness of mind before going to the wedding. I want to be fully enlightened by July when I go on my beach vacation with my family and friends. Big time goals, I know. But yeah, anyway, tomorrow and Friday need to be really good which is why I am writing it here... so as to keep myself accountable In other news, my ex and I have resumed friendship but we are not getting back together. We hang out about once a week. And we usually end up having sex by the end of the night even though we are both trying to avoid giving in to this type of temptation. I still have a lot of negative thoughts and emotions regarding her. But I also love her very much. I want to get to the point soon where I have unconditional love for all of God's manifestations without regard for what they can bring to me and without any negative by-product feelings. And school is over for the rest of Summer and I have just now started looking for a summer job to hold me over until next semester Chao

The jury is still out on this one for me, I'm 26. I've slept with about 75 girls. 50 of them came in 2015 because I've literally spent the last two years chasing sex with a relentless fervor. Many of the girls were very attractive. Many were not so much. Growing up I was a total loser, that's probably why I was chasing sex (validation) so hard recently. Now I am celibate and also trying to limit masturbation. It's not that I think sex is bad, it's just that I view CHASING sex or relationships (and putting so much effort into my looks so as to attract women) as big time distractions on my path to enlightenment. Also, I don't want to be dishonest with girls anymore like I used to be. So I will only have sex now if it comes effortlessly and honestly. I'll let you all know how it works out for me

I've slept with quite a few hot girls from going out alone (day and night). But it took alot of effort to get to that point of ability. Honestly, it's extremely exciting in the moment and a big ego boost afterwards but shortly it ends up being not fulfilling at all and way too much effort. In the whole two years I was picking up chicks I only met one who I liked seriously and who also liked me seriously and it didn't work out between us. I dont want to tell people what to do, but I think it would be better to focus on spirituality and let the universe put a girl in your life who suits you if God wills it. If not, then it doesn't matter. It's all temporary anyway. Focus on finding that one thing that isn't temporary (enlightenment). But honestly I understand how important girls and sex are to somebody who hasn't filled their cup yet in that area. I was there just two years ago. So I understand

Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi by Munagala Venkataramiah (one of his devotees) The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle

@ Dodoster - Comments/questions are definitely welcome here. Maharshi's self inquiry is basically a stern rejection of any thought that comes up. Especially the i-thought. You question the nature of the i-thought enough and it beats it into submission. For example, if you think "why am I so distracted?" Then ask yourself "who is distracted?" "We have so much shit to do today", then ask "who's we? Are there two of us?" Etc. etc. Eventually the i-thought stops coming up. And also when you seek the source of the i-thought you find out that it is non-existant. It only comes forth from the real Self; the I-I as he calls it @ My Thread - Today perhaps was one of my biggest accomplishments so far in life. Normally I need a "restarting point" in order to get my monkey mind under control. I.e. walking into my house, getting into my car, waking up, etc. These are like thresholds where I can start over fresh. I've always been that way, a little ADHD/OCD. But today in the middle of driving my car home, I was able to pull my mind out of a sandstorm and finish the drive home with solid awareness. Perhaps that will go down as my biggest "accomplishment" so far in life. Hopefully I can keep it up and "accomplish my goal" of having strong awareness throughout the entire day. I'm trying to focus on that instead of enlightenment for now. I recognize that all of this is egoic but what can I do, that's still my identification. Ok, I'm done with this ego-fest. No more posting on here for me until I have a big break through.

My motivation = everlasting existence without beginning or end. Oh and the imperturbable peace/bliss thing sounds pretty cool too

Self-enquiry is the most direct path to ego destruction Source: Leo Gura and Ramana Maharshi

I have my doubt that Alan was fully enlightened. But I love him just the same. As I love The Self. Hopefully it helps some on their journey

Yo Leo, How are you? Thanks for introducing me to the concept of enlightenment. I'm one of your newest forum members. I read somewhere on here that you were going to be putting out a video series on the stages of enlightenment. Is this so? When are they coming out? Super interested Thanks for everything!

Ok, my first update. I was having a really rough day. Lack of discipline, lack of awareness. That's what I mean by bad day. And then I sat down for some meditation just now to try to "get back in gear" so to speak. Obviously I already know that words can never truly describe enlightenment so I'm just gonna do my best with the descriptions. Anyway, I found out just now that Ramana Maharshi's self inquiry is far superior to Eckhart Tolle's "just watching your thoughts unattached" when it comes to achieving a quiet mind and higher awareness so to speak. I'm saying this from my own experience, obviously others may disagree and that's ok. No disrespect to Eckhart Tolle. Anyway, by using self-inquiry just now I was able to completely quiet the mind almost (relatively speaking for my own newbie-ness). Whereas with the "just watching the thoughts thing" they were completely taking me over. Two caveats though, I was using Ramana Maharshi's method of self-inquiry. I highly suggest you pick up this book "Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi" by Munagala Venkataramiah because it will definitely help on the path. It covers just about everything he said over a four year period and reveals his personality a bit too. Written by one of his devotees. The other caveat was this; you have to be very strict with the self-inquiry. The goal of inquiry is to beat the I-thought into submission by casting doubt on everything it says and seeking it's source. It works best if you are extremely strict and allow no thought to go free. Inquire as to the nature of every thought and they will subside. At least they did for me. Hope it helps. Later