laurastarla

You guys all hit it 2 blind spots- I'm doing all these things trying to control them, my real goal is to stop the thoughts, so even though I think I'm observing & allowing them, I'm really resisting them still. And there is a kind of vendetta/punishment thing I'm getting from it that keeps me attached to this happening. So I'm going to start focusing more on the letting go of control. Thank you for taking the time to show me what you saw it really helps!

I got stung by a bee and it really got me thinking about the body. I get that what I really am is the awareness of this pain in this body, NOT the body. But yet I can't see how the body can have nothing to do with who 'I' really am, when what happens to it can have such a huge effect on what I am aware of. I don't think it is ALL of what I am, but there seems to be a big connection between the body (not me) and this awareness of the body (the truth of me). I can't see how they are totally separate. We use it for meditation, so isn't it a real part of us, like our doorway into our connection with everything? Are we meditating on a fiction? We are all one, one body one mind one thought. But no one else is experiencing this bee sting but 'me'. And if all is one, doesn't that make our thoughts, feelings, and bodies the same as the awareness of those things? When we are having sex everything is taken up by what is happening to the body, everything is like, lost in it, or our awareness seems to unify with it. During an orgasm what the heck is happening to our awareness? How can the body be so little to who I am? What am I missing? I've been meditating hard core for 7 months so I've had these experiences of not being my body, and in self inquiry I can see how I am NOT the body and get in touch with what it is we are all trying to touch, but yet these kinds of experiences of physical pain and sex call out a serious relevance to the body. Let's say we are not our bodies, but it plays an enormous role on our path to 'us'. What is this relationship? What is the body then? Is this one of those paradoxes that I need to get comfortable with? Is the body real, AND not real? Am I the body AND not the body? Do I have this separate body AND everyone is one body? i think this is pointing to something else - I struggle with how to be in this world and not be IN it at the same time. Live the daily life with all the people believing these things we on this forum are learning how to unbelieve, and be unaffected by it.

How do you deal with this paradox; Not being a victim - when feeling sad, angry, negative, making a decision to change your thoughts and be responsible for those feelings by empowering yourself verses Allowing your feelings - when feeling sad, angry, negative, allowing those feelings and feeling them fully, go into them, be present, let them be and accept that they are there without doing anything, without trying to change them Also how do you know when allowing your feelings has just become self-pity and a negative emotional trap

I do a quick 10 minute meditation throughout the day when I feel myself losing center, but it doesn't compare at all to the 40 minute or 1 hour sessions. I am finding the deepest stuff is happening the last 20 minutes of a long meditation. Especially when those last 20 minutes start getting hard, staying with it, allowing the hardness of it, is 'training' me how to allow whatever is. Someone described it as digging a hole - when you dig for 10 minutes how deep do you get? If you dig for an hour...