round3

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Everything posted by round3

  1. Alarm goes off at 8AM, if I feel like sleeping more then I go back to sleep I make my bed, wash my face with refreshing water then make breakfast. Im not really hungry in the morning and I like something quick at this time of day so I fry some eggs maybe while eating my breakfast I watch the news for entertainment. I like RT I have 1 piece of nicotine gum hmmm what else, not much really. I check the weather situation online, price of bitcoin during most of the day I will sit near an open window looking outside listening to the wind, watching some of Leo's videos meditate for 20mins sometime during the day, 1-2 times and now just very recently have started to read so not really a habit, downloaded 5 pdf books
  2. its like a phase, weed will trigger this for me almost everytime but can also happen without it feels like this tension in the room that just keeps building, I cant get myself to open up or speak cant really interact with anyone at this point, if I speak I stutter alot. and I will stay almost completely silent and not say anything unless someone asks me a question or whatever its hard to explain what im thinking about, but im trying to figure something out it feels as if I figure it out there will be an instant relief of this anxiety which keeps building up what I keep thinking about is why Im stressed out, not sure maybe social anxiety, ashamed, shy. all of these? I have lost my mind? in a way Im so busy with these thoughts in my head that I cant really do anything else/ process other information I just feel this tension in the air and the urge to speak, but I never do. I just keep thinking harder about it I feel like im stuck in my thoughts, frozen, cant decide what to do next I keep trying to just drop it, but I cant stop the thoughts I feel very stuck and as if Im thinking in circles, some kind of a loop sometimes I will start to find it quite funny.. and almost break out of it I feel very uncomfortable, I feel embarrased for it and always keep thinking the way I 'come off' or the way others see me, and deep in my thoughts (cant get into the present moment) I dont know.. probably drugs really messing with my head. anyway I have had enough and quit everything now, been a few days so will see if anything triggers this phase for me from now on sorry I dont know how much sense this makes if any, its the best I can do trying to remember it now. even tho I have been trough this many times Im not going to read it over now, I would probably change my mind on posting this here
  3. @Henri yeah, I think maybe I will give it a try if I can find a teacher like this. thanks for advice