Norbert Somogyi

Hey there! I've been practicing pick-up for a while and these days I'm gaining improvements and results. The tendency I noticed is that each time things go well with a girl and we have fun (especially where we end up getting physical and I get their number or a different contact), I tend to get attached to them even if I know deep down that I would not want to pursue a long-term relationship. I still end up talking to them trying to make something (most of the times another physical encounter) happen, but one of the following happens: Things either cool down (me realizing that they are not interested in progressing this any further // or that I am not) or they end up ghosting me, The separation hurts emotionally for a while, where I end up being affected for the next few days. I've never been good with relationships, possibly have a disorganized attachment style (according to the tests I've taken online, the one Leo posted as well). Any tips? Appreciate your work, Leo.

@mr_engineer Things go well in the context of pickup. However it becomes clear to me along the way I would not want to pursue genuine relationships with them (drastic difference of age (senior), drastic difference in values, life circumstances (single mum for example), hard to talk to in a deep manner). Yet when they show me passion or even some light of vulnerability, I just melt and get deeply attached. Now that I think about it, having a disorganized attachment style along with the past relationships that I've contributed suffering in, could be another reason why I try to stay away from them for the time being. It invokes and triggers a lot of anxiety and fear. Regarding open relationships, I am not sure. I feel like I would be constantly walking on thin ice left and right and my anxiety would be through the roof.

@Raze Thank you for the links, definitely checking them out! @mr_engineer At the moment I am not really seeking long-term relationships, however that will definitely change in the future. For the moment I prefer being able to live to the fullest, burning that karma you know what I mean? Appreciate your words though, your advice is sound. @NoSelfSelf Would it be the best to tell them early on? What if the initial attraction is merely physical, but later on (perhaps after pull) she shows something I get genuinely interested in as a trait or a combination of traits? I know authenticity is incredibly valuable, just don't know how to go around it in this context (or in general). @Ulax Your words are spot on, pretty much matching what I've been experiencing so far. Pickup and the corresponding results just highlighted how much of an issue it really is. It's really hard to build meaningful relationships like this, not only romantic but friendships as well. Appreciate your non-judgemental perspective, I'll dig into this.

Hey guys! I'll get to the point. I've accidentally admitted to past recreational usage of psychedelics at a local plasma-donation facility. I've been permanently deferred from donating plasma (possibly nationally, idk), that's one thing, however is it right for me to fear now the police being on my tail as well? I reside in Hungary, if that clarifies anything. Yeah, that was plain stupid, I know.

Hey guys! I have been pondering on this question for a while and I'd like to see your input on it. Does one attract girls who are at a similar level of development, lower or usually higher? Does one attract girls of similar character or not? You see, I've had 2 "relationships" this year with girls who were a couple years my senior but dealing with self-esteem issues and some kind of childhood or other trauma. Both of the times I was trying to get them up, help them be more confident in their skin and be more open and social (which was quite successful, though), however things always happened one way or another which made me realize it's not exactly mutual and made me give up on them. They either don't or can't put the same amount of energy into the relationship and I was always the one who ended up being drained in the process. This was one of the reasons these ended. Now there is another coworker who is slowly getting attracted to me (however finally she is around my age) and as I was getting to know her I realized she is dealing with trauma and kind of broken as well. I am not sure about her yet, however my next question is what can I do to attract the kinds of girls who could help me on my path and it's not only me doing the hard work for seemingly nothing? Should I abstain from dating a bit and work on myself and let things flow?

The link now says "Oops. We can't find that assessment." Any ideas?

I'm with you on this, towards a better life!

Disorganized/Fearful-Avoidant. Totally makes sense unfortunately

Hey folks! The thing is, as the title suggests I am having this anxiety in my gut constantly. Sometimes it's stronger (especially when I do something difficult that adds anxiety on top of the standard) and sometimes it's weaker. In the past I used to be able to figure the source out and dealing with it made it subside for the most part. However when you don't know, how do you find the root cause or deal with it in a way it dissipates completely? I miss having a completely calm gut, it's slowly becoming one of life's cherished moments.

I personally use a water filter pitch, but you can also use one that needs to be attached onto the tap itself. You can't really know where exactly your water is coming from and what did it touch before it reached your glass. In most countries I'd be wary of drinking it due to the amounts of chlorine and other unnecessary/unhealthy chemicals residing there (it's color is off). In my country it's relatively clean, but using the filter still made a substantial difference (it's transparent now and tastes much better and is more hydrating in a sense). Drinking plenty of water after waking up is healthy since you lose a substantial amount during sleep, I drink around a liter. However when you gulp that much even after that you end up peeing the majority of that out. The color of your pee is a great display about how hydrated you are. The optimal is when it's a tiny bit yellowish. Transparent/clean is overhydration, a darker tone of yellow is a state of dehydration. Drinking too much at once (or sipping all the time) can cause the sodium levels of your blood to reduce and cause swelling of tissue in all parts of your body. Furthermore your genes, the enviroment and the lifestyle you lead determine the amount of water you need throughout the day. Drinking it all at once causes you to overhydrate temporarily then be dehydrated for the majority of the rest of the day. Just drink responsibly periodically (2 hours or so), until you feel satisfied. It can stem from 2 to up to 5 liters a day.

I still can't wrap my head around using merely your tongue for 10 minutes to clean your teeth thoroughly. I admit I haven't had a diet so far that completely eliminates processed foods, sugar and other things that are generally detrimental to your teeth amongst other things therefore I have no direct experience in regards to how such a diet could minimize the need for brushing and toothpaste. Whenever I didn't brush for a while or didn't use floss the health of my teeth got worse over time. I don't deny the possibility that the combination of your diet and technique works in this regard nor I can't claim brushing and/or toothpaste is a necessity in all cases. I just see claiming it's exaggerated seems unhealthy in all situations. I personally don't mind doing it as in a sense it can be a therapeutic/ritualistic experience. I take time off from the rushing of daily life and practice mindfulness. Watching myself in the mirror while in a sense is healing, too. Multi-tasking itself can be beneficial in certain situations (though I yearn for a life where it's not necessary at all), there is a point at which it becomes counter-productive. Taking some time off, even if it means brushing your teeth for 2-3 minutes can provide a much-needed rest. If you are worried about health and/or enviromental effects you can buy a long-lasting toothbrush that doesn't know about the existence of plastic, a toothpaste that's as organic as possible and cleaning your diet is always beneficial (which you already did as we are told). What's possibly more beneficial to look into is how did our ancestors do when it comes to dental health. According to this study they did incredibly well (without the need for such things), their key element may have been a plant that's called purple nutsedge. Interesting read!

Have you had your teeth examined by a professional dentist during these 5 years, especially recently?

Hmm, interesting perspective. Never thought about it this way. I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to find the root of the anxiety and deal with it. I am not doing it in order to be able to avoid going out of my comfort zone (I started to love doing it recently. Naturally it gives me a certain level of anxiety, however when there is a baseline anxiety which is often as if not stronger then the process becomes substantially more difficult. To the point other people have noticed me feeling and looking down.) Whenever I tried to embrace it all I have got to is pain upon pain. I couldn't dig through that. The second part of your comment resonates with me though as I've been trying to do the right action despite it being emotionally turbulent often and it made the anxiety's grip weaken over me. One step at a time. Daily meditation practice has been helpful as well. Thank you! Anything I can focus on instead of the anxiety (that doesn't add further anxiety) makes it temporarily better, but it never goes away entirely. I don't see myself often being in directly stressful situations, it's just that the current circumstances and environment I am living in is mentally exhausting altogether. It doesn't add almost anything positive to me, thus I'm looking to change it (and perhaps that will weaken it or even dissipate it completely).

1. Basically anything that pushes me out of my comfort-zone. Be it taking a step in the right direction, socializing especially with strangers. 2. My previous relationship involved a constant sense of gut feeling, but other than that relatively big decisions I have been putting on hold for long. I tend to sweep things under the rug, so to speak.

work/study: I quit work at the end of august with a big celebration. I've been unemployed and living off of job search allowance since besides my savings. It was a much needed rest, but I can feel it no longer serves my purpose of building a better life so I'll be looking for one right away. Regarding studies, well, I am not sure. I used to study IT in high school and university, but I quit after my second semester because I just didn't see myself in it. It's a complicated story (I tried to enroll again at the same place due to different reasons) but I realized it's currently not for me. I'm still searching for the thing I'm truly passionate about and perhaps could build a career out of. emotional intelligence: Tons of growth in this regard, however I still tend to be annoyingly disagreeable sometimes (to the point it doesn't help anyone). Tons of room for improvement. Especially this constant gut feeling I can't let go of, it's a big hindrance. social life: I have a very small social circle (1-2 friends I hang out with, I actually dropped a long-term best friend of mine this year), other than that my workplace used to be my social life. Ever since I quit though it's been different, as I had to go out there to explore socializing on my own. Going to clubs and stuff trying to approach and socialize with little success (though still success sometimes and it's fun to keep going). relationships/sex life: I had a not exactly toxic, but not fulfilling relationship with a girl I broke up with this year. We just couldn't make it work no matter how hard we tried. It was a real kick in the ass, but life's been going up ever since. I miss her sometimes, she was an angel on the surface and a real hot witch in bed. Celebrated quitting work by going on a festival where I ended up with a girl in my tent at one night, it was fun! It's been dry season since though. I liked being single, however I'm thinking about dating again. family: I moved back home this spring in order to save money for the university I ended up not enrolling in (oh the irony). It was nice to spend some time with them, however I realized I literally can't grow up at home so planning to move out preferably before spring. Their worldviews are, well not exactly shallow, but substantially more narrow than mine and there's a lot of friction due to this fact. self-development/spirituality: Tons of character growth especially since the breakup. It was noticed by everyone I am close to, especially these days. In the context of spirituality I haven't developed much (in my mind), however I began a daily meditation practice with 2x30 minute sessions and it's been a blessing (I tried many times but failed to maintain consistency). I'm definitely more confident and willing to put myself out there, sharing my opinion and insights with people instead of just listening to them. finances: Bad decisions upon bad decisions in a relative context. My ex best friend owes me a shitload of money (which he's supposedly repaying, he started to recently) and I learned to put a big boundary in front of anyone who's asking for money from me. Had no option to save and I kind of didn't even want to this last part of the year, just wanted to make up for the lost period of time experiencing life itself. physical activity/eating: I had a moderately heavy physical job which helped me stay in shape, without it it's getting a problem. I started to cook for myself though and it's really delicious! hobbies/habits: Inconsistency basically everywhere, a lot of improvements to be made. My productivity is increasing lately though, I plan to avoid it not sticking. how would you rate it 1-10? Overall, perhaps an 8

Thank you people for the valuable inputs! @Gesundheit You talking about setting boundaries, self-honesty and communication really hit it home. Those or the lack there of caused a lot of issues in my life and there is a lot to go through. Furthermore I just realized how they interconnect. Setting boundaries is only possible if I am honest with myself and able to communicate it in an open and direct manner. @SamC Thank you for the deep and thoughtful reply! It really is possible that all these relationships were mere tools for self-validation. I need to do some introspection on that. @Pilgrim You hit the nail in the head about me giving a lot to others but receiving little is something I am just getting aware of recently. That's what possibly led me to feel drained whenever I was in these relationships. I'm already seeing a therapist, but progress is something I expect too much of or just impatient with in general.

Coincidentally I just relapsed yesterday, so this sounds like a good way to get back on track. See you on the 18th of December! Will definitely watch the video as well.

Hey guys! I've been experimenting with a combination of these for the last 2 months or so. I've been eating twice a day (larger meals than I usually would had I been eating 3+ times a day) from noon to 8 pm. I haven't been too strict with it as sometimes I had to readjust the schedule from 10-18 and seldom make it 3 times a day. What I've experienced is that I lost a couple kgs (75 down to 70), sometimes I have more energy and stamina sometimes a bit less. Fatigue after a meal is nearly gone. I have to eat a lot (oh did I say that I could eat much more at once than before) to get any level of fatigue and haven't had a crippling one since I started. What are your thoughts? Have any of you experimented with it, what were your results? In your opinion, what eating habits do you think are generally more healthy?

How would you define a super human?

Claims are valid if they are backed up by proof. Without them their value is close to zero. Either way, it's best to do your research. I personally don't know much about bitcoin, but you never know what useful bit of information you could possibly learn. Once you invest into studying it, you may discover things about this fear of yours that can help making it disappear.

Hi! I've been frequently trying to hold off PMO, however I haven't been able to go over 25 days. I've just failed a 16 day streak, fapped 2 days in a row and realized something. While on nofap anger is building up in me and I can't find a way to release it. I also become lazy and not have motivation to do certain things, like exercise for example. However I noticed other benefits such as more confidence and energy, yet the anger is the most frustrating. If I fap, the anger suddenly goes away and I gain motivation to exercise for example. How can I release this anger while reaping the benefits of nofap? Thanks in advance

Hey guys! I have a quite difficult situation which may or may not determine my future and I don't know how to decide. My situation is that I am a 20 year old male student from Hungary whose just gotten admitted to a university as an IT engineer (that pushed me to take action and seek help). I am an only child and been spoiled by my mum, she protected me from a lot of things and partially due to that I have little life experience. The other part is me who gets scared when something radically new emerges and tries to go back to it's comfort zone, to maintain homeostasis. I have two choices. The first one is I stay with my mum, finish the university and continue this trend. The second is I enroll in another university, which is a college in Slovakia (it's not far, about 50 km), on a similar course. I have been invited by a friend (The only person I call a friend. I realized upon watching Leo's video about stage orange that I truly suck at relationships. I've only been contacting people only when they were of any use to me. I've been a loner most of my life) with whom I would go, enroll and live there. I would meet new people, finally socialize and experience a great deal of new things which have been absent in my life until now. I've tried talking about this to my parents, but they were defensive about it. My mum's reason is not to destroy my future, my possible career by following my friend and going to a (possibly) weaker university. My dad just doesn't want to lose me. The situation regarding my parents is a complex one as well. They divorced when I was 2, but my mum allowed my dad to be around me for me to have a 'role model' when I grow up. My dad is still around, but there is a twist to the story. He has epilepsy and tried to commit suicide once. It's one of the strongest forms of epilepsy when he starts shaking, loses consciousness and his muscles in his whole body starts jerking out of his will. He often bits his tongue and gets a couple of bruises. He is a disabled pensioner and thanks to that has difficulties finding a job. He is currently working as a security guard at a place for a company that deals with construction. His bill is low, he is barely able to live on his own. However, thanks to his illness, he can't be left alone else he may even have a fatal accident. If it wasn't for this, he may not be around me anymore. From my point of view he is closed-minded and would not want to lose me, as I am the only reason he can visit us. Both of them got irritated and angry upon I mentioned it and would not want to talk about it. Moving on, I also did a silly thing. I got admitted to the university in Slovakia and paid the fees of enrollment and translation of the required documents without telling my mum that I am going there. Now we are having a vacation in Croatia and I don't want to spoil her vacation by telling her now. I would go there, and I wouldn't at the same time. When I was there in Slovakia, I felt like 'This is it! This is the place where I will change my life for the better!' However soon after I just don't feel the same enthusiasm. I would rather stay here and enroll the university, learn new skills in IT and get a diploma with which I would have more than one choice as to where to start working. It's me again trying to stay in my comfort zone, but is the enthusiasm I used to feel authentic there? There are also a lot of factors to consider when making someone's choice of career. I am not even sure IT is something I would build a career out of. I have had good grades and understood most of the things and I am particularly happy when I finish a small project in 3d modeling in Inventor or a code that works and does something more than displaying text or do basic math. However, I rarely find the motivation to even start something like these. Most of the time I spend endulging in my internet, social meedia and video game addictions, I still spend half of my day at the computer unless I have something else to do. There is a lot to work on myself. I would appreciate any input, and thanks for reading.

@PsiloPutty The video is on the blog (One of the grey buttons at the top of the page), the title of the video is 'May 2018 Solo Retreat - Part 1/2/3.

Thanks for writing this down! I've been meditating for more than a year now, however it's been inconsistent just like your first few months, making 4-6 times a week. Now I see what might be the difference if I make it a daily, life-long practice. You've inspired me to do that, thank you again. Let life come to us in it's natural beauty!

Watch this video by Leo