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You cannot love someone by will.

Seems like your ego is starting to panic. The ego will often fight back during this work and can even get deceitful and trick you into thinking it's gone when it's really just changed forms. Anyway, just be mindful of this, continue to meditate, and observe the unease without reacting to it or getting lost in it. Allow it to be there and simply watch. Awareness is your best tool in this work.

That psychologist sounds incredibly insecure and doesn't seem to treating his patients as human beings. He could possibly do more damage than good. I'd get out of there asap and find a psychologist who respects their patients and who you resonate with. Doctor-patient relationship has a huge effect on the outcome of treatment.

In addition to what others have said, work on transcendence. The ego is concerned with its own survival to the point where it distorts your perception of reality and of other people. You will see people either in terms of their usefulness or level of threat to you, rather than the whole, unique individuals they are. Traits which bare no relevance to you will be filtered from awareness altogether and your ego will set conditions upon its "love". Authentic love is only possible when nothing is needed from the person. You love someone for their own being, you don't require anything from them, they are simply love worthy for who they are. One day you may get lucky and have an experience of complete egolessness. You feeling of separation with the world will cease and you see as clear as day that every about the universe is absolutely perfect just as it is, including everything which seeks to harm you. When you come to this realisation you may an intense sense of gratitude for the mere fact that you exist and you may experience unconditional love, directed at everyone and everything in the universe. You look down at a stone on the ground and you can see it's inherent perfection, you feeling nothing but love for it. You think of people who you previously disliked or even hated, and yet all you can feel is love toward them. Those who were a threat to your ego, terrorists, rapists, murderers and politicians, are all loved.

Not at all. Pleasure is very superficial and does not lead to any real fulfilment or happiness. Take a read of Maslow's Toward a Psychology of Being if you wish to learn about self-actualisation. Once you are further down the path of psychological/spiritual development you will begin to see just how utterly laughable hedonism is.

Your brain is incredibly good at keeping track of time. This morning I was in a dream. I felt myself about to wake up and wanted to know what time it was. In the dream I see the figure "8:48" in front of my vision. I wake up and immediately check the time. Exactly 8:48. I have found you don't even need an alarm clock, you can just tell your brain before you go to sleep "okay, I want to wake up at 7:40" and it will wake you up. There seems to be this remarkable kind of intelligence in your body. I don't mean the "rational" intelligence as we ordinarily think of it, but rather a spontaneous, intuitive type of intelligence. At this moment you immune system is working to an incredible degree of complexity to keep you safe from pathogens, your body knew exactly how to grow to form you in who you are today, billions of neurons and glial cells work in unison to produce all the colours you see and the sounds you hear. Not even the most sophisticated neuroscientists of our time really have a clue of how the brain functions. Although despite this, it seems that many people impose on themselves rigid routines and strict moral principles, always "logically" planning out and policing every move they make as if if they just let go they would suddenly become some raging lunatic. I think this may have something to do with the concept of faith spoken about in the scriptures. Although faith is probably not the best word to use now day with the negative connotations that come along with it, I believe trust would be better. Build trust in the intelligence of your own organism, trust in your intuitive wisdom. Get out of your own way and quit lording over yourself as a "rational" tyrant. Allow your body function on it's own superior intellect. You may experience some backlash at first, particularly if you've been imposing control for many years (perceived control, free will is an illusion although that's a topic for another post). It takes time to regain this sort of trust. I've have found that after building this trust I begin to function more spontaneously, more effortlessly. The actions I take are much more aligned with my higher values (beauty, humility, joy), driven more by the faint pull of intuition and less driven by egoic neuroticism. Creatively, I even begin to surprise myself. You realise, in a peculiar sort of way, that what ever the outcome everything in itself is all right, there is no longer a strong ego demanding that the world be exactly as it wills. "The best rulers are those who do not interfere with their subordinates" - Alan Watts [paraphrase]

@Samuel Garcia Abraham Maslow observed the following difference between D-love (egoic/needy/possesive love) and B-love (authentic love) in his research: "1. B-love is welcomed into consciousness, and is completely enjoyed. Since it is non-possessive, and is admiring rather than needing, it makes no trouble and is practically always pleasure-giving. 2. It can never be sated; it may be enjoyed without end. It usually grows rather than disappearing. It is intrinsically enjoyable. It is end rather than means. 3. The B-love experience is often described as being the same as, and having the same effects as the aesthetic experience or the mystic experience. 4. The therapeutic and psychogogic effects of experiencing B-love are very profound and widespread. Similar are the characterological effects of the relatively pure love of a healthy mother for her baby, or the perfect love of their God that some mystics have described. 5. B-love is, beyond the shadow of a doubt, a richer, "higher," more valuable subjective experience than D-love (which all B-lovers have also previously experienced.) This preference is also reported by my other older, more average subjects, many of whom experience both kinds of love simultaneously in varying combinations. 6. D-love can be gratified. The concept "gratification" hardly applies at all to admiration-love for another person's admiration-worthiness and love-worthiness. 7. In B-love there is a minimum of anxiety-hostility. For all practical human purposes, it may even be considered to be absent. There can, of course, be anxiety-for-the-other. In D-love one must always expect some degree of anxiety-hostility. 8. B-lovers are more independent of each other, more autonomous, less jealous or threatened, less needful, more individual, more disinterested, but also simultaneously more eager to help the other towards self-actualisation, more proud of his triumphs, more altruistic, generous and fostering. 9. The truest, most penetrating perception of the other is made possible by B-love. It is as much a cognitive as an emotional-conative reaction, as I have already emphasised. So impressive is this, and so often validated by other people's later experience, that, far from accepting the common platitude that love makes people blind, I become more and more inclined to think of the opposite as true, namely that non-love makes us blind. 10. Finally, I may say the B-love, in a profound but testable sense, creates the partner. It gives him a self-image, it gives him self-acceptance, a feeling of love-worthiness and respect-worthiness, all of which permit him to grow. It is a real question whether the full development of the human being is possible without it." More on egoic vs holistic perception of others: "In essence, the deficit-motivated man is far more dependent upon other people than is the man who is predominantly growth-motivated. He is more "interested," more needful, more attached, more desirous. This dependency colors and limits interpersonal relation. To see people primarily as need-gratifiers or as sources of supple is an abstractive act. They are seen not as wholes, as complicated, unique individuals, but rather from the point of view of usefulness. What in them is not related to the perceiver's needs is either overlooked altogether, or else bores, irritates, or threatens. This parallels our relations with cow, horses, and sheep, as well as waiters, taxicab drivers, porter, policemen or others whom we use. Fully disinterested, desireless, objective and holistic perception of another human being becomes possible only when nothing is needed from him, only when he is not needed. Idiographic, aesthetic perception of the whole person is far more possible for self-actualising people (or in moments of self-actualisation), and furthermore approval, admiration, and love are based less upon gratitude for usefulness and more upon the objective, intrinsic qualities of the perceived person. He is admired for objectively admirable qualities rather than because he flatters or praises. He is loved because he is love-worthy rather than because he gives out love."

One thing is clear from your post: you don't want to be doing that maths degree. Don't waste anymore time on it. I've gotten my self half way through a physics/maths degree only to realise it just wasn't where my passion lies and all my intrinsic drive was no longer there. Changing majors to a field which fascinated me was the best decision I ever made, academically. Personally, I do not consider those years to be wasted. I can see that I learned a lot about myself and this was a necessary catalyst for growth and in orienting me to the current direction of my personal development. It seems to me that you realise it's time to take the next step. Don't continue to waste anymore time on this degree. Start strategically planning your next moves now. Is there another degree you could transfer to which takes your interest or is university itself something you need to move away from? Either way, don't move back in with your parents. You're old enough to be independent. If you leave university find a job to support yourself while you plan your next move, focus on your own personal growth, and find a life purpose. What will your parents think of you if you dropout? Who gives a fuck, that's there problem.

Truth is you'll gain some success, become above average and still feel the same as you have always felt. What do you hope to gain by getting good grades and impressing your teachers besides and a short lived hit of stimulation? Do you see this bringing you lasting fulfilment? Right now you are being afforded the opportunity to learn more about the world and your place in it. History, biology, mathematics, physics, philosophy, linguistics, music, art... it's all incredibly interesting, but it's all on you to see the beauty in it. If you are simply using these subjects as a means to achieve grades and social approval you will fail to see the beauty in them and you will not gain any fulfilment from them. I would focus on gaining a deeper understanding of the world, and of yourself and your place in it. Educate yourself for education's sake, because the universe in an inherently fascinating place and no other reason than that is needed. Take advantage of the schooling offered to you but remember that your grades will become completely irrelevant the second you graduate but a quality education is life long. 40 hours is optimum when running on the 'carrot and stick' model of motivation, when you have no real authentic interest. 80 hours is easily achievable by those who are internally driven by love, fascination, awe, compassion, truth, appreciation of beauty and other authentic motivations. This is where fulfilment is rooted, although it may take years or even decades down the path of mastery in a single area before these forces are realised.

Lose the idea of a 'type' of woman. No two people are the same. Look at people objectively for as they are, without imposing generalisation from your web of beliefs or attempting to mould them into your preconceived types. True love is only possible once you free yourself from the distortions of the egoic mind.

I don't think it's something you can force, stuff is just really fucking interesting. If you find improv or comedy enjoyable then do those things. You're always learning no matter what you do, learning is not something reserved you those who read books.

You don't need anything. There is nothing that you SHOULD do. Needs are a neurosis created by your own mind. There has never been any evidence to suggest that there is anything serious in life. You are playing games. You largely have a choice to what games you partake in, and some games will bring you more enjoyment and fulfilment than others. There is a lot of fulfilment in having a healthy body. There is a great deal of fulfilment in healthy relationships, particularly when nothing is needed from them and you love and admire them for nothing other than there intrinsic being. I can't see much satisfaction being had from good grades in school besides a short-lived hit of stimulation from temporarily satiating the neurotic need. Though there is certainly immense fulfilment in learning about and understanding the world and our place in it; worth dedicating a life time to. Whether you are able to find fulfilment in these areas will depend entirely on your level of psychological health. The ability to find fulfilment in life is largely influence by your internal situation rather than the external.

For all we know Donald Trump could be enlightened and living in a state of pure bliss. How are we supposed to know what his internal state is like?

Hard to really conceptualise exactly what it is, but I've found one theme that all my enjoyment experiences share is that they are entirely focused on the present moment, rather than using the present as a means to some future goal.

Do you enjoy reading fiction? If yes, then read it.

No, just keep meditating.

@Shaz @Leo Gura Mushrooms have been shown to increase blood pressure. Having said that, there has not been a single confirmed death from mushrooms alone. Harm potential of magic mushroom use.pdf

What would it be like if we didn't label at all? I think that'd be true acceptance.

No. Self-actualising people are internally driven, not run by external rules or artificial pre-laid pathways.

@Emerald Wilkins There's this chapter of a book by Alan Watts that I think you'd be interested in. The chapter is called 'Consummation' in his book 'Nature, Man and Woman'. He talks about sexuality, spirituality, and our relationship to nature. I found it to be incredibly eye opening and by far the truest thing I've read about sex.

I believe that all beliefs are inherently wrong and can never accurately represent reality, including scientific models. Concepts can be very useful, interesting, and fun to play around with but they are the map and not the territory itself. I believe I only have perhaps a handful of original ideas, the majority being regurgitations of other peoples ideas.

Next step: realise that you always have been, always will be, and can't not be in the now. Presence is a good meditative technique to attain moments of Being-perception (deconceptualised perception (egoless)) and alleviate suffering, which is most certainly worth working towards. It is not enlightenment though. Enlightenment is an instantaneous, permanent realisation which may or may not occur to you while practising presence.

You are still very much attached to requiring a purpose. True meaninglessness is beautiful. It's like when children play, they do so without any purpose. Or like music, you don't listen just to get to the end of the piece. This is like your life, one big musical score sung for no other reason other than itself. You may chose to assign meanings if you like, or set a life purpose, but realise that this is ultimately all play.