OhHiMark

Hi Emily, welcome. Can't remember which video I first watched of Leo's but the most powerful one for me was 'Ego' before then I just thought my thoughts were what I actually wanted and not that it was some nagging voice that just wanted me to avoid getting hurt.

From my daily quote app. "There are two primary choices in Life: To accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them"

Great stuff, I was reading about Viktor Frankl funnily enough in "habits of highly successful people" (glad I wasn't put off by the title, not what I imagined it to be) And his story is a perfect example of "I have a choice" The more books I'm reading, the more there's a pattern and underlying message of "having a choice" No longer do I have the ability to fall into a deep self suffering, "Having a choice" overrides it. A part of me is sad (the threatened ego) that I can no longer embrace feeling sorry for myself (it used to feel good) but there's no going back now.

There's a type of interaction in particular that I find hard to deal with. An example, my house mate doesn't socialize with me, the first thing they said when they moved in was "I'm not looking for a best mate", (and for the record, I didn't ask) I keep myself to myself, so does he. Anyway the other day he walk straight past me in the shop I didn't notice until he had passed, same thing on the bus, walked straight past me (I'm hard to miss at 6'3 with a shaved head) Should we both be at home, we we casually chat about mutual subjects but that's as far as it goes. So my question is, how do you deal with situations where you see them outside i.e on a bus? Do you speak to them because that's what the ego is avoiding (for good reason) do you stay true to yourself and carry on doing what you were doing? Do I start a convo in the kitchen to save any awkward silences or do I embrace it? What feels right for me is to get the niceties out the way and then do whatever I'm doing i.e cooking and embrace the awkwardness instead of forcing something. I don't like fake people and I don't like being fake. Similar for waiting for a train on a platform, I feel that we're fake in the sense that once we make eye contact, we feel the need to then mutually meet in the middle and awkwardly force a convo until one of you get off even though both parties would rather stand ground and stay where they were. Someone told me once on this forum "Do what feels natural" but sometimes it's hard to tell what's natural and what's should and shouldn't be avoided.

If someone is intentionally trying to get at you or draw out a reaction is it best to challenge this person in a calm and collected way or is it best to realise the situation for what it is and let go? Previously I've been very fiery and tend to have a reflex action of going on the defensive, but as such you don't really control what you say or how you say it so you come across as not in control of your emotions. When somebody is trying to draw a reaction, make you suffer (suffer being a bit harsh a word here) or play games. Is it best to ignore and see the situation for what it is? The person in question is my landlord not supplying the correct information to me in order to make my Life harder. Do I approach them in a calm way and "expose" them or do I just wait a few days to receive what I need and let it be? (Need spare keys to flat, landlord says the company hasn't made them yet, I called company and they've been ready since last week) Long history with landlord. If this was a partner, friend, boss or family I would address the situation but I also want to show myself that not everything needs to be 'won', proved, or otherwise. I can simply identity problems and choose how I react. I think a lot has to do with ego, I wanted to address the situation to say "Hey, you're not going to take me for a fool, I've phoned the company and actually they said..." Instead I phoned them and asked for any updates and wished them a good day. I've watched Leo's video on negative people but I don't believe he mentioned the 'passers by' as much as influential people in your Life.

It's funny. Compassion in my Life offers immediate relief. Even creating this topic is a relief because otherwise I would have let my ego get the better of me and felt frustrated and anger. My ego probably hates me right now, which is why whenever I'm compassionate, my ego usually waits until my mood is lowered and then and only then, will question my compassion i.e why were you so compassionate to the landlord who tried to bring you down. I hope I'm getting this stuff right because it's fascinating.

Guys, I wanted to update this thread with some observations. I now know that if I have something in common with someone, the conversation flows and is effortless. If I don't, it's awkward, it's awkward whoever you are, even the best speaker in the world will make it awkward if you don't have something in common with them, if that's not awkward then it's forced. I don't like my conversations to be forced. I now refuse to mention the weather, fill in awkward silences and "show my hand" when having a conversation with anyone other than those I'm interested in. By doing this I'm not allowing my ego to trick me to make me feel I'm the awkward one when in fact, there's a lot more awkward people than I first thought. My problem didn't seem to be lack of what to say, but too much "nonsense" to say and not enough belief in myself to do what feels right. “...But the human tongue is a beast that few can master. It strains constantly to break out of its cage, and if it is not tamed, it will run wild and cause you grief.”

Like above, fantastic book, and I'm not even half way through!

Coconut milk Kale/Spinache frozen berries Banana Tumeric (sometimes Cayenne pepper)

I shall continue, thanks for the comments, it's always reassuring to know a little about what you're feeling.

You know that mental or physical pressure you get to just give in in some situations. When someone compliments me I usually have a build up of pressure which is released by downplaying the compliment i.e making a joke of it, making it out to not be a big deal, instead of a 'thank you' I've noticed this in all aspects of Life, I'm guessing it's the ego at play (feeling threatened? Even by compliments?) My aim from now on is to harness this pressure and see where it goes. I don't think I've ever not given in to pressure of some sort but I think they plays a huge part in who I am as a person. Once I harness this pressure I think it answers a lot of questions. Is pressure a good indicator of progress, or at least the door into progress? By giving in are you just resetting?

Yes! The best, worst movie ever created. Look out for the remake with James Franco.

Powerful stuff. I used to hate the way I looked, I started to go gym and got positive compliments. I'm guessing this is the brain stuck in 'Hate myself mode'. I'll accept your compliment, but as a safety measure incase you're lying to me I'm going to downplay it to make me seem more humble and also to prevent myself from getting hurt.

Nahm, thank you. Nothing feels more powerful to me than having a productive day where I've kept to my word rather than when I've spent a day on dating apps, self indulgent behavior or other not so great things, it feels like it fills the void and takes the pressure off but ultimately I feel empty. The former I feel like I'm going up a level. I don't think I've ever made it over a "pressure wave" or a number of waves. Will be interesting.

To me it came across as very narcissistic and one dimensional, everybody is out to get you and this is the only way you'll survive. There are some really good points and it's an interesting read but for me, maybe because I'm starting my journey to self actualisation, it didn't sit right. Maybe for someone much more grounded it would be much more helpful. It may just be the authors style of writing, I read the one with 50 cent which I also didn't like because of the 'in your face style'

My best days are one's where my head is high and I'm actively looking people in the eye and feeling good regardless. I automatically revert to 'resting bitch face' as a baseline but I'm slowly changing. Another reason is because I perceive people to think they're better than everyone else (the irony) and thus I won't give them the time of day. i.e my first partner loves attention from guys and so I no longer like giving attractive females attention. It's funny how everything is intertwined. I'm working on it, leaving my ego at the door, being happy being me. The more that my friends like and the me where I act like a fool. P.s, a little body language wouldn't hurt.

People tell me I'm a mix between Vin Diesel and The Rock with "evil eye brows" I'm 6'3", 215lbs and practically live in the gym. After getting to know me people often mention I'm the opposite to what they think i'd be like, i.e I like to joke around, laugh and make a fool of myself. However, before people know me I usually wear a mask which says "don't approach me" part is my face but another part is this image I feel I need to carry around with me. In the gym someone came up to me and told me to smile, we're now friends but most of the time I feel this frustration at nothing in particular. My Life is improving because of self-help, diet and meditation but I can't help but wear this mask as default. With the risk of going back to basics, some people just carry an inviting demina with a great friendly smile, I don't want to fake or force anything. Is this more internal then external?

They say to be happy in the present with what you have and who you are and not to save happiness for reaching a specific goal, earning a certain wage or losing 30lbs of fat but don't we all reach a stage where happiness just becomes natural i.e a meditation teacher who is happy because they are self actualized (for example) wouldn't have necessarily been happy before in his 9-5 office job. Or the bikini model who who does yoga 5 times a day who used to be depressed because she was overweight but now is happy with the universe.She needed to reach a certain stage to realise certain things. Are we telling people to live in the moment, don't wait for the future or material things to be happy/grateful et al but are we giving this advice from a place of our own higher place of happiness. I'm in good shape, should I then tell somebody who's not in as good shape to be happy with what they have? Would my old self agree? Or are we saying once you have the knowledge and tools then make your own decision? Didn't sound as confusing in my head.

Thanks guys, insightful as usual.

Would you then say that any negative emotion associated with a non negative situation i.e asking a stranger a silly question is actually almost always a positive action to take even though we trick ourself that the situation is negative as in 'bad' negative.

This one always makes me smile because it's counter intuitive. The one thing I find hardest is going against the mind when it's telling you 'No!' This is where I find the mind incredibly powerful because it blocks any path that can override this 'No' leaving just a small narrow path where the brave choose to do what's emotionally hardest. What are some of your examples or going against this emotion because I'm changing my mind set but sometimes the mind just beats me down and blocks any possibly way past it. The feeling you have after overriding this is incredible but the mind is quick to lock this emotion up if it's not done consistently. The one thought I've always had which scares me is "You can literally do or be anything you want at this very moment" Ouch. P.s Little does my mind know, I'm competing this year in Bodybuilding. "Oh but Chris you can't bec...." Piss off, mind.

On my journey to looking inside myself a lot more I've found something quite scary, conversations are like a test that you're thankful for getting through, instead of just being....a conversation. Subconsciously, when I feel inferior to someone in front of me I overthink, get nervous, want to get through the other end and overthink what I said after we've finished. "I should've said this, that, whatever" On the flip-side, if I'm conversing with someone who I feel superior over (again, subconsciously I've picked up this bad habit) none of the above happens and conversation is natural, although I get the sense they may be intimidated (I'm a big guy). So there we have it, two black and white conversation patterns and nothing in betweens, it's always one of the two. How can I work on this? I guess I have a fear of rejection by people who I respect in some weird way. I've thought about it a lot and the people I feel 'superior' too is almost like I don't respect them, or judge them in a bad way. This is not an issue one they're my friend. I'm hoping naturally on my journey I can solve this problem but a headstart wouldn't be bad.

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."

Hi Orange, It's not only that I may come across as impolite but it's also a tug of war between my ego and "doing what's emotionally hardest" to escape comfort zones, but then I guess there's a whole world to push your comfort zones. There's always that awkward moment too when you acknowledge someone and you both hold the gaze to see if any further interaction is required. In this instance, I usually say hi then continue reading, for example. Thanks for the reply.

Hey, You're right. I was speaking to someone the other day and probably mentioned several times I had to go, body was pointed away from them and clearly I was in a rush but they didn't notice it. I think this is where a lot of confidence comes from, it's not even confidence, it's ignorance. *Maybe people who are more observant have less confidence statistically because they're more aware. Whereas the person above clearly misses a lot of stuff when interacting with people, like my need to leave. *Less confident in the beginning anyway.