OhHiMark

Hi guys, I've noticed habits I still can't quite kick and they seem to be related to the 'Me me me ego'. I'm making big progress in recognising when the ego rears it's head i.e at work; I see the some same old colleagues every daybut never say hello 'because' they have never bothered to say it back, typical 'I' thinking, all about me, they should say it first etc etc. When dealing with the situations like the above, is it best to attack it head on i.e start saying hello and forcing situations where the ego doesn't want to lose face or simply identify the situations and move on. The reason for the thread is because the above sounds like I should be doing CBT, should this be case for any situation where either the ego is too proud or too scared, face it head on? I've listened to Leo's audio on do whatever is emotionally hardest, which I guess answers my question but would like some thoughts and even better, situations you've guys have had that have improved. Where do you draw the line between identifying and starting conversations with every stranger.

You're exactly right. I find it fascinating that you are now trying to be 'humble' as I'm currently doing the same thing, it's like all the paths we take eventually lead us down the same road. It's empowering but incredibly hard. Not 'showing off' is like trying to hold in a sneeze but as you say, down playing yourself feels incredibly powerful and rewarding, showing off feels like you've used all your energy and you've sold your soul. It's another cop-out to make me feel like I'm fitting in, but I'm glad you posted. The less we talk about ourself the more we accept ourselves I guess. There's a great part in 42 Laws Of Power (not sure I'd recommend) where they say that mans worst enemy is his tongue.

Wasn't sure how to go about this, even writing about seems odd. Is there any way to get around this common situation? You're with someone, they have a bit of an odour down south and it's becoming an issue. The impact telling someone this could be extremely damaging to one's confidence. What do you do? It's not someone I see a future with but like spending time with.

Sexual partner yes. I can straight off the bat so a definitely no to the latter part of your post. Could turn in to a fetish! It's just always an awkward situation, I may make a joke of it "What the hell did you eat today, ha" and hope for the best.

I can relate to that exactly, sometimes I even question if I'm using a word correctly which then if I'm unsure I'll change it for something else and thus my attention is now elsewhere lol. Cheers for the tips man, I'm on my journey and everything you mentioned falls into what I'm trying to do.

After watching the 'stop judging yourself' video, I put it into practice and instantly felt better. It's very true that we create these unattainable goals then beat ourselves up when we don't reach them, a horrible vicious cycle. One of these 'rules' I had was that I wasn't too listen to music on public transport because it's makes you unsociable (never know who you'll meet) and it's unproductive. So I'd go maybe three days, I'd "fail" beat myself up, think it over in my head, put it down to one of the reasons I'm not growing etc. My lack of growing has nothing to do with not listening to an ipod, or any other bullshit rules I make. They're just there to avoid putting in the real work, the real work being that of doing stuff that makes you uncomfortable, challenging your beliefs, you know the hard stuff that changes your brain chemistry. So I'm working on not judging myself and it's going well, no more dull ache's in my head from thinking stuff over or how I've failed. Not judging, if I feel like doing something I'll do it.

For me, the best part about a cold shower is that the after feeling never gets old, it's always a shock, it always makes me feel like a superhuman for a few seconds when I step out and it takes a bit of will power.

Long story short. Child hood issues with love, mother's partner was abusive to her, my sister and I always fighting and so I felt I never developed a true understanding for relationships with family or other. Love was always two ends of the spectrum, either I associated it with violence or love was the only thing that mattered (I just want to be loved, accepted etc) My first relationship was at 26, I was very needy and emotional. Fast forward to now and I've become the opposite, I hook-up with different women throughout the week and feel no attachment, after the first night I lose interest and usually find a way to ignore them. Every week end I go out to bars, my happiness is determined by others. I cannot just go out to enjoy going out. If I don't meet women I feel I've failed. My one good relationship ended a few months back, I still hope one day we will meet and marry (even though right now it seems impossible) we broke up because I couldn't stop thinking of other women, I told her the true. "I need to work on myself" but I haven't done so. Ok guys, this is where all of my reading has helped me. I've identified the problems and possible solutions, feel free to add any guidance; My ego at the moment is incredibly huge and I'm feeding it by going out every Friday, my ego persuades me by telling me I only live once and I may meet the love of my Life at a bar. My ego craves what it cannot have and my ego cannot sit alone without validation. My ego ruined my relationship because I was unwilling to sacrifice short term pain for long term happiness. I'm into acting, modelling and the gym. What better activities to devote my time to instead of sleeping around feeding the ego. I think the key here is short term pain, it's so so easy to avoid it. I think what I need to do is feel the pain of not going out (for the sake of going out) and grow myself by reading more, learning to become a great actor and work on my health. I lastly want to add that my brain tells me that there is nothing wrong with going out and that by staying at home I'm wasting away. Thanks.

I've broken a number of habits in the past but these were all tangible, mental habits however are extremely difficult so I wanted some advice on the following; Negativity plays a huge role in my Life which comes from my ego, when I think of my negative situations with no ego then I wouldn't have an issue, There's a lot of 'Me me me' in my issues and my mind likes to think the world revolves around me sometimes. i.e if someone is blocking the top of a stairwell then I take it personally for some reason, if someone cuts in front of the que then I take it personally, even though these people probably didn't even notice me or could describe me. The book 'the 4 agreements' is really helping especially the agreement to not take anything personally. So I guess the best example and one I'd love your advice on is my current house mate. It annoys me that they keep dishwasher tablets in their room and not in the kitchen like anyone else. In my mind the below is what I'm thinking; -Doh, just buy your own and stop concerning yourself. - 'I' allowed this person to move in to the property, how dare they not share or think of sharing - Well, if they're not going to share the tablets then I won't be buying anymore supplies for the house, why should I? - I'm going to confront them on it to put my mind at ease. - What if the person has behavioural problems and doesn't realise what they're doing? So as you can see, in my mind I make an entire drama out of something very small. Is this a situation where I'm thinking too much? How would an enlightened person handle similar situations where someone's not pulling their weight? P.s yes, I'm working on the go part! Thanks again guys.

Scary stuff really, Along my journey of self improvement I've come a long way, however it wasn't until last week that I discovered that I never allow myself to be happy, I question it. If I'm feeling great then I find a reason why and doubt it "You may feel good but remember, you still have xyz, or you still haven't done xyz" instead of enjoying the moment I question it. I guess this is another move forward that I realise this, now I can embrace it, not question it, this or that thing I need to do of feel sad about can wait. That's it really, something so simple and obvious that I completely missed it.

It's all in the diet and some people just hold fat in certain places for instance, I hold fat on my bum and lower back. It's like the saying "Abs are made in the kitchen, not in the gym"

It feels like a massive release. After all it takes so much effort and energy to be negative rather than just letting things be. Thanks guys.

Hi guys, firstly i'm glad to be here, a big fan of Leo and his approached so when I found he had a forum, I was delighted. Anyway, my issue is that from a very young age I was exposed to a negative house hold, negative opinions on love and caring and violence. I'm now 30 years old and I still feel like my day to day Life is 90% fight or flight. The slightest thing can make my blood boil or make me self conscious but I keep it all inside, outside I appear calm and unassuming. My relationships suffer as I jump from one bed to the next, finding imperfections in partners and manipulating them to gain whatever I want. Everyone says I'm a very nice, calm person but inside there's WWIII, I'm very healthy, I do acting and modelling so put myself out there which I thought would help with the self conscious part of me (As a teenager I didn't leave the house for a year straight as I was too self conscious in how I look i.e my upbringing with all the negatively told me I was no good, I hit bad depression, tried CBT, took medication which all helped but it helped in the sense that I could make it day to day with no depression but the overthinking, judging and manipulation continued. I now stand at 30 years old, my friends like me, I go gym 5 days a week but again, inside my head the child version of me is still fresh and controlling the scene, I take everything as offensive, I'm impatient which leads to mistakes and wishing I hadn't said/done something and my relationships suffer as I'm always looking for perfection, I'm paranoid that I'm not good enough to be a friend and subconsciously give negative affirmations, and because my brain is now wired this way, it's hard to notice and stop it because my mind sees it as normal. I've had two addictions, porn and gambling and thankfully quit them both, the porn would explain why my relationships suffer, coupled with my childhood memories of 'love', this makes a dangerous concoction for me. -- Things I'm doing to change. Meditation - Well needed rest from the world, Questioning thoughts - Why Am I having this negative thought, is it true? Will it effect me next week? etc. Being positive - Feels so good but so hard to do, I beat myself up when happy because I tell myself that it's only a 'shot' of dopamine. Goals - Attending acting classes, training to be a personal trainer, going cinema alone and enjoying my own company whilst the old me is screaming with pain telling me "Don't do it, you need to go with friends or people will look at you" -- And breath, that's my introduction, I guess I'm after tips and advice on things that have helped others. Help when the brain just feels overbearing with negative thoughts and help with pushing back the demons of the childhood which have sculpted me. Surprisingly (after what you've read) I'm very aware and understand everything I'm doing something wrong, but this in turn, is a vicious circle because if I'm not 100% happy, or I do get annoyed then I've failed for the day. Ohhimark.

After seeing the book ranked so highly I decided to give it a read and hoping it'd help me on the journey of being a better me, needless to say it isn't exactly as charming as "How to make friends and influence people". You really wouldn't want to be around people who put the theories in this book into practice, a lot is just downright unnatural like a concept the author thought would look good on paper or what the author someday hopes of doing/becoming.

Hey Sarah, thanks. Amazing what we can learn, I did visit a psychologist when younger but never mentioned about the 'step dad' episodes, the difference is now I would openly talk to them about it. I will see a professional for that extra help but I know there's so much I need to be doing (or shouldn't be doing) to improve myself. This forum is wonderful, I've yet to join any forums dealing with the brain but already I've gained much information plus a big fan of Leo. Do you have any books you'd recommend?

I used to hold blame to my parents and feel sorry for myself but then learned that regardless of blame, it's me that is now in control. I'm currently finding negative experiences fascinating as it really gives me a chance to put things into practice, to smile when things get hard and deal with the issues for what they (most of the time, things you forget after a week) instead of falling into the dark pit. The "new" me is still struggling to fight against the old me but as long as I keep control then slowly I'm hoping my brain is recovering. "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you would ever look" - Brilliant.

Sorry for the bump. Wanted to chime in - I was binge eating and then the weekdays would come and I'm back to weighing my food and counting calories. The trigger was always the same, I'd eat something big then feel guilty, which made me eat more. The first thing I want to do when stressed is eat junk. It's amazing really I'm automatically programmed to want to eat fats/sugar because I've programmed binge eating to being in a dark place You just need to break the cycle once to see for yourself how good it feels to be in control, you then start enjoying foods more as you don't see it something to be consumed but something to enjoy.

Hi Oschi, thanks for replying. I 100% completely agree with the acting/modelling for someone in my position, possible the worst industry to be in for someone who's trying to accept themselves and others, it makes you judge yourself, compare to others, and reject yourself if you don't get a casting, I think it's me trying to compensate for being "the one that nobody wanted" "The guy that spent most of his teens at home" "the guy who had a panic attack over his looks" And now I'm getting the opposite attention. I tell myself I'm doing it too create an opportunity to explore the world, live on island for while, give me more opportunity's then a 9-5 job, but the truth is I'm making up for lost time and nothing is ever good enough. I'm also looking to train as a personal trainer, which is more job that would benefit me - Helping others. In regards to my childhood, my dad used to bring women home and "have fun" with them in front of me, he used to lock my sister and I in our rooms with the lights off (terrified of the dark) and we'd scream out heads off. Very abusive house hold, always fighting with my sister and still arguing everytime we speak but our relationship is closer than most as we both know what we went through but never speak about it. I need to challenge myself every day or do something the inner me doesn't like i.e making myself look silly or not giving in to checking facebook. I've started a morning routine which is Wake>Mediate>10/20 mins of learning Spanish>stretches and self afformations. I just need to continue to challenge myself, my acting classes are an example but I come to a holt thinking (this is enough for now).