Airendal

Yes you are correct they are separate things, I did not consider this but it makes sense with how I've been experiencing things as of late. I don't think I am all that there yet, but something has definitely changed in the last few months to make me deeply at peace and I find myself meeting things in a perspective fresh to me. It is not high or stoned as you say, yet still more potent and simultaneously clear-headed. I hope myself to not get lost in this as more growth is needed. You have given me things to consider, in that I appreciate your perspective here. Thank you.

@Ishanga Yeah, I think you are definitely correct in that. What's pushed me towards spirituality was never my pain, rather the isolation from spending a lot of time alone rather than going to school and the self-study I required from that. The experience of being in pain for the majority of my life has still been immensely valuable for that though, and I don't think I'd have been as strongly motivated to stay in this pursuit without it. But it remains true that many in pain do not do that at all. Something I'm curious about is whether the hypersensitive nervous systems that develops from chronic pain also opens up to the possibility to experience blissful feelings more potently as well. At times there definitely appears to have been a switch that flicks the pain into pleasure, although it's only ever been a randomly triggered experience to me.

I have been in a state of never-ending pain since age 11, while it's incredibly debilitating, at this point in my life I think it has offered me a lot, it has taken a lot to get to this point but the level of happiness I live in while having my condition entirely untreated feels almost unreasonable. I wouldn't say this is a common thing, but it has also been the only path possible for me to have a good life. The pain I continue to be in has cleansed me and has turned into a deep source of strength, I strongly believe that people in such pain as I can use it as a tool for spiritual work. But I'm not ignorant to the fact that I am likely lucky in this regard, just I also wouldn't describe it as premium biology to be born with a body genetically predisposed to intense suffering. Regardless, it is very possible to turn such pain into something good.