JKG

17/05/12 Having a new experience or doing a comfort zone challenge - Streak 2 Concentration (10min) - Streak 2 (not yet but in a minute) Fasting until 12 - Streak 2 Getting up directly - Streak 3 Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak 2 Eating less than 20g nuts and seeds - Streak 2 Waking up my body outside - Streak 7 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 13 Eating no oat meal - Streak 3 Eating no raisins - Streak 3 Eating a raw lunch - Streak 25 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 13 Gratitude - Streak 58 The new experience: I went to a farmer shop and bought salad and strawberries. I greeted the assistant from my mother. I explored a bit of a new running route. I hugged a tree in the forest. I tried to install a new operating system on a new computer, changed my computer, got two new monitors and rearranged my desk setup. I was pretty intuitive today - I felt energetic and happy.

At which time should you take the coconut oil? After the meal, while fasting, or when you get hungry?

Time Management How do I know how much time I should devote to different areas of life at different times of my life? At which point should I focus more on enlightenment and at which point more on life purpose. How much time should I do socializing? How much time should I work on building up my health? How much time should I spend reading and how much time implementing? Theory - Praxis. On which areas of my consciousness should one work on first? Firstly mindfulness and concentration, then self-inquiry? How much time should I work on mundane stuff like school work? etc. I would like to work on all these areas at the same time because I see that they are all important. But how do I know that I have set my priorities right? Should I firstly work on fulfilling all of the areas on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? Or can I just jump up to self-actualization and transcendence? How do I know which approach is right for me? I am often switching my approaches. And I am not sure what I should do first.

17/05/11 Having a new experience or doing a comfort zone challenge - Streak 1 Concentration (10min) - Streak 1 Fasting until 12 - Streak 1 Getting up directly - Streak 2 Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak 1 Eating less than 20g nuts and seeds - Streak 1 Waking up my body outside - Streak 6 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 12 Eating no oat meal - Streak 2 Eating no raisins - Streak 2 Eating a raw lunch - Streak 24 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 12 Gratitude - Streak 57 The new experience: I had a short conversation with my history teacher. I had a skype conversation about different stuff. I meditated outside in the garden where other people could have seen me. I recorded myself doing "the work" and uploaded to soundcloud while my family could have heard me.

New Method I have thought about this stuff. I have to be more disciplined with the harder habits. I have made an order of difficulty. The first 4 are those which I have been struggling in the past weeks the most. And if I fail them I will have to reset of the other streaks - all of them. Really this has no meaning, but my ego doesn't like that at all. So I should be quite motivated to accomplish them. Then the other ones are not that difficult. But if I fail one I will still reset all the other ones below it. I have also added two. "Having a new experience or doing a comfort zone challenge." This will be the hardest ones because I am often so scared of going out of my comfort zone. And often I also have no idea of which easy thing I could be doing that day. I also added "Concentration (10min)." I hate the concentration practice because I am so bad at it. But I need this to make my meditation more effective. Otherwise I will just procrastinate. And I want to make the habit "getting up directly" a little bit more clear to myself. I don't get onto my phone until I am dressed. I don't sit there around for 5 minutes and almost fall asleep sitting. Within about a minute I get up. And I don't lay down again. Here is the list: Having a new experience or doing a comfort zone challenge - Streak x Concentration (10min) - Streak x Fasting until 12 - Streak x Getting up directly - Streak x Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak x Eating less than 20g nuts and seeds - Streak x Waking up my body outside - Streak x Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak x Eating no oat meal - Streak x Eating no raisins - Streak x Eating a raw lunch - Streak x Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak x Gratitude - Streak x

The Work I feel good right now after talking so much. I am not used to this. Maybe my throat chakra opened a little bit and energy got released

I will close this journal now. It has been almost a year since I started it. My school time is over soon. A new part of life begins. Therefore I want a new fresh journal. The title "Removing Should Statements And Eventually Reaching Enlightenment" also doesn't fit that well anymore. Here is my new one:

Since yesterdays video about "How To Stop Moralizing" I feel so different, so relieved. I feel like this could really change my life a lot. So I want to document my experiences with letting go of should-statements here. So in the morning I went jogging at 6 am before school and I felt great, so alive. I really like being active in the morning. Then I had an four hour chemistry exam. It was fine, but all the time before the exam I felt no nervousness at all. I just thought: "I don't care about the actual results, and if the result isn't a A like normally, its totally fine to. That's the way it should be." I had no expectations on me at all, and I think that made me perform better in the exam. Normally after school I feel a little bit stressed by myself. I almost make myself to do all those habits: sports, meditation, stretching, reading, learning... I always have something to do. And in the evening when I eventually have done all my habits, I feel so relieved and free. This feeling I had today all day. I had no expectations on myself to do any of those habits. I naturally wanted to do meditation, but this time without a timer. I 'did nothing', tried a bit mindfulness but the monkey mind came back everytime, but this is how it should be. Then I really contemplated about this letting go of should statements. The rest of the afternoon I spent in the garden with my sister. I was in this calm state of mind the rest of the day. It feels so nice. And again I am not nervous at all about the next four hour maths exam tomorrow. The only 'negative' thing I see is that I overeat a lot. I overeat in more healthy things like raisins, oats, chashew or brazil nuts. I don't eat junkfood, but the healthy stuff has also many calories... I'll see how this will turn out in a few weeks.

Financial Independence What annoys me the most of my current situation is that I am not free. I am dependent on my parents. Although I am 18 I still cannot do everything that I want to do. In theory I can, but in praxis not really. They could make me move out. It is not realistic that this could happen, but if they knew what is going on in my mind, they would. The main problem here is that they don't like what I am doing. They don't like that I meditate, that I eat mostly vegan, that I don't confirm to their social norm, the list goes on. Their view of me is in contrast what I want to aim at with life purpose and enlightenment. This is a big victim mindset I have. "I cannot do x because my parents think I am crazy." I can understand them. If I would be in their position and have a child at my age, I would act the same way. I would be so worried about this child because it could get itself into trouble. My father even tells me that he is scared of what I could be doing. Ever since I have started this journey I was looking forward to get independent. I just wanted to move out and earn my own money. So they couldn't judge me about what I am doing all day, what I was buying... I could do my own thing. I could travel wherever I want, I could meditate whenever and however long I want, I could buy supplements, I could buy books, I could do fasting periods... I want to let the victim mindset go. I am 18, live in Europe, in the 21st century!!! These are like the best living conditions one could have. I want to become independent from my parents. I want to move out and earn my own money. Then I will be able to self-actualize much more efficiently. So my main goal for the next few years will be reaching financial independence. Having a job for a few years would be okay so that I can gain some experience on my field. But after some years I want to work for myself. I want to have my own business. I want to be able to spend my days the way I want. It would be nice if I can earn a living with my life purpose. And because I will start studying computer science soon it is pretty easy to earn a living in this domain. I like computer science but not all aspects of it. My life purpose is something like a connection between computer science and conceptual-social-psychological stuff. I don't know how to connect this yet. This will come with the time. I want to start learning how do develop android apps soon. I am pretty excited. My father told me that it is possible to earn there some money as a free lancer in this software development scene. This could be a possibility to earn my own money at some point. Better than nothing.

the chemistry exam In the morning I felt almost no nervousness. Just the few minutes before I felt it a bit. Our teacher wasn't coming and the biology course was already in their room, but nobody came to us. That was kind of weird. Then the exam went pretty well. I read the first exam and had to laugh a bit. They always have a story behind it - this time it was the explanation of the Hessdalen lights. The second exam was about a the dye Azorubine - a red food dye. I was able to manage my time very well. I had no major problems with any task. Just two tasks were strange and I needed some time to solve them. I also had lost my concentration near the end, but I still managed to solve it well. At the end of the exam I felt really great. I was happy that it was done. I have written 31 pages (with 1/2 margin) and my hand hurt. I felt like it could be 15 points with a bit of luck. Now after thinking about it I see some minor mistakes, but it will be at least 14 points! After the exam I talked with 6 school friends. We went into the city eating ice creme. (I didn't eat ice creme for like a year.) The weather was so nice. We talked about the exam, school, and other activities. I enjoyed it. I wanted to practice participating more in the group conversation but I somehow forgot it. We stayed there until 3pm. Then I accompanied my best friend while she walked back to her car. Then I went home. I ate a pretty late lunch. I put all of my chemistry stuff away. I meditated with a lot of monkey mind, went in-line skating and thought about the near future. I was happy and felt free. Only the oral exam in English is left. So nice. The end of school is so near. A new era of my life starts.

17/05/10 Getting up directly - Streak 1 Fasting until 12 - Streak 0 Waking up my body outside - Streak 5 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 11 Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak 0 Eating only once nuts - Streak 2 Eating no oat meal - Streak 1 Eating no raisins - Streak 1 Eating a light raw lunch - Streak 23 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 11 Gratitude - Streak 56

Sun Gazing I have been inspired to try sun gazing because of these two videos. I already have heard about it two years ago. Now I am more open to it and see the reason why it could be powerful. I have tried it out now three times. The whether conditions in cold-cloudy-Germany are not optimal for it, but I will try my best. And on our property and in the surrounding is also not an optimal space to watch the sun in the morning. But I have found a spot which should be okay. I have to crawl behind some bushes with some thorns, and barefoot this is not so comfortable. And there is a fence and branches in the sight, but I am able to see most of the sun. Today the conditions were perfectly. I set my timer for 30 seconds, but somehow I didn't hear it. So I ended up watching the sun for 2 minutes. Kind of funny. My mind drifted away so quickly that I didn't notice the time running by. Anyways, I felt no negative consequences form it. And this night I didn't closed my window so that the light could come into my room. Something nice happened. I once woke up at 4am because it became slowly bright outside. And then I woke up again 5 minutes before my alarm rang at 5:45 - the time of the sunrise. I like that. Life can be so nice if you just live naturally. I will do this now every time.

the days before the chemistry exam It has been 5 days of studying chemistry after having done the history exam. I was more relaxed. I was kind of weird to study chemistry and not history because it has been a while since I did something for chemistry. I like studying chemistry more than history. Here I see again that I like this logical thinking and problem solving more. I didn't have to just memorize thousands of facts like in history. Chemistry is more about understanding how the molecules work together in different situations. I just had to revise all the topics from two years of classes. But that was not that hard because we already started to revise them in class a few months ago. And I continuously had to apply them in class. It were three big ranges of subjects. Firstly electrochemistry, secondly acid-base reactions, and thirdly organic chemistry which could be split into dyestuffs, synthetic materials and reaction mechanisms. That were 5 topics for 5 days. And the time worked out perfectly. I was finished with today in the early afternoon. Afterwards I didn't even know what I should study next. I could have done some old exams, but that is always the same stuff over and over again. So I stopped and "enjoyed" the rest of my day. How do I feel now? I am not really nervous, maybe just a little little bit. But that is nothing in comparison to last week. There my body was full of tension. But I still have the tics. I feel confident that I know everything that I need to know. I don't know what I should have studied more. I have applied the 20/80 principle well I guess. Of course I could review every little detail from class (and one school friend even did that). I just focused on the 20 percent. The other 80 percent will probably not help me in the exam. Our chemistry exams are always kind of strange. Some parts are really easy. But there are also other parts where the task makes no sense at all. All the ways of trying to solve the problem are so contradictory. That happened for example in the last exam. I felt that my solution was totally wrong, but in the end I did almost everything fine. So I know that there might come up problems, but I will be able to get most of the points for the task anyways. Our exam will have two main parts about two different fields. We have 4 hours and 15 minutes time, so for every part I have about two hours. That should be doable. It is possible to reach 150 points from the tasks. If I get at least 143 points (95%), I will get 15 points (A*). It is possible to get that if there are no major problems. Its doable too. My physics teacher (who also teaches chemistry) will be the second corrector. He likes me. So that means that he could be nice at grading my exam. I guess I will also write a little bit about physics stuff in the chemistry exam if possible. I could just write there E=h*f=h*c/λ while explaining how dyes absorb photons to make him proud. Well, I don't want to set too high expectations for myself. Ill just go with the flow and see how much is possible. But the weird thing about this exam will be that it is my last written exam in school ever. From then on I only have to study a little big for the oral examination in English in three weeks. That is not much. So that means that I will soon have a lot of free time! I can finally begin to work on my life purpose!!!!!! That is something that I was waiting for for quite a long time. I will take a little break to relax for some days. Then I will start to plan a little bit what I will be doing with all my time. And then Ill take action and make the best of my time.

17/05/08 Getting up directly - Streak 0 Fasting until 12 - Streak 0 Waking up my body outside - Streak 3 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 9 Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak 0 Eating only once nuts - Streak 0 Eating no oat meal - Streak 0 Eating no raisins - Streak 0 Eating a light raw lunch - Streak 21 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 9 Gratitude - Streak 54 17/05/09 Getting up directly - Streak 0 Fasting until 12 - Streak 0 Waking up my body outside - Streak 4 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak1 0 Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak 0 Eating only once nuts - Streak 1 Eating no oat meal - Streak 0 Eating no raisins - Streak 0 Eating a light raw lunch - Streak 22 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 10 Gratitude - Streak 55 Oh shit. Homeostasis kicks in. There is a lot of red. And my eating habits are like shit. I actually also feel like shit. So full and unproductive. It feels like I have to start all over again with the eating habits, just because I have slacked off so much these last two days. It felt like I was making progress, and now this happened... It looks kind of frustrating to see that after more than 4 months of this I only have a maximal streak of 55 with gratitude. I see that I have to change my approach on this habit stuff. I want to change too many habits at once. I saw this coming at the beginning of this year. I actually have applied the pre-mortem technique on this. In the next two days I will have to figure out all sorts of stuff. I will come up with a new way of handling my habits.

Do you authentically want that, or do you just want that because I told it to you? I am kind of jealous that you are able to do that. It sounds so effortlessly. Having new experiences is important. Thanks for reminding me about that.

17/05/07 Getting up directly - Streak 3 Fasting until 12 - Streak 2 (until 1:30pm) Waking up my body outside - Streak 2 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 8 Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak 2 Eating only once nuts - Streak 5 Eating no oat meal - Streak 20 Eating no raisins - Streak 20 Eating a light raw lunch - Streak 20 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 8 Gratitude - Streak 53

Dealing with ordinary people, especially those who have a lot of influence on you. I feel for example that my father is holding my back a lot. I still live at home with my family and am dependent on his money. I would love to go to a vipassana retreat, but what should I tell my family? I would love to take some psychedelics, but at home are always people around me. I would love to meditate much longer, but then my family would start to worry about me because I could become too spiritual. And they are also discouraging. "Don't meditate so much! Eat cake! Watch television. Don't become so weird, stay normal. Don't be spiritual." There are already such videos out there, but it would be helpful to see this social stuff from a sage-like perspective.

17/05/06 Getting up directly - Streak 2 Fasting until 12 - Streak 1 Waking up my body outside - Streak 1 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 7 Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak 1 Eating only once nuts - Streak 4 Eating no oat meal - Streak 19 Eating no raisins - Streak 19 Eating a light raw lunch - Streak 19 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 7 Gratitude - Streak 52 I have tried out something differently this morning. I was inspired to do 10 seconds of sun gazing. I also ran around in the garden barefoot and did some exercises. Afterwards I felt great. I also did intermittent fasting. This feels so much better.

17/05/05 Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak 0 Eating only once nuts - Streak 3 Eating no oat meal - Streak 18 Eating no raisins - Streak 18 Eating a light raw lunch - Streak 18 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 6 Getting up directly - Streak 1 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 6 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 48 Gratitude - Streak 51 I notice that I begin to spend more time watching useless YouTube videos again. This might become a problem now that I have more free time. Ill observe that.

17/05/04 Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak 0 Eating only once nuts - Streak 2 Eating no oat meal - Streak 17 Eating no raisins - Streak 17 Eating a light raw lunch - Streak 17 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 5 Getting up directly - Streak 0 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 5 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 47 Gratitude - Streak 50 I only ate a little minor snack, but I have to be honest to myself. And I sat in bed only for a few minutes.

Its weird how different the school systems are - even within Germany. You have to consider that I wrote only on 2/3 of the page. We had to leave a 1/3 margin for correction. And my handwriting is not to small. And if I hadn't left spaces it would have been only 12.5 pages or something like that. I know people from advanced German classes who write like 20 or 25 pages in their exams. Well, you have to get out everything you know to get all the necessary aspects and all the points. But I also know some lazy people who write in three hours only 4 pages, or don't even write the whole three hours. The formulation of the tasks were sometimes strange and I didn't know exactly what they wanted from me. Once I had definitively the right approach to the problem and the right way to calculate it, but I just didn't get a solution.

the maths exam Yesterday morning I felt okay. Not too nervous. I was ready to go quite early and then had to wait some time. I was also quite early at school. Then my teacher and all the other students came. I got a nice place at the window. Then I kind of felt nervous but not because of maths but because of history the next day. Before we got the exams handed out some of the high ranking teachers came to us and told us some funny stories. My teacher said that she is happy with the exam. Then we finally got the exam. It was quite easy. I had no major problems at any tasks. Everything went well. I just have some minor mistakes, but I couldn't change that. Just at the end my concentration became a bit low. I would have liked to have 15 minutes more time. Then afterwards I talked with other students. All of them liked the exam too. If I am lucky I will maybe get 15 points, probably 14 points, and at least 13 points. After two hours of relaxing I started to study the final rest of history. I even went for a 5k run with intervals. Afterwards I felt great. the history exam This morning I felt happy and only slightly nervous. The good maths exam yesterday kind of let go of the nervousness from history. I've had the mindset of going to give my best, and if my best is not enough thats okay. I waited for like 15 minutes before the room with some friends. Then my teacher and some other teachers came. Then after waiting for another 15 minutes we got the exams. One exam was a caricature and we had to know the historical context of 1945 to 1949. I don't like caricatures and don't like that time period. The next exam was a speech by Churchill, and we had to know the first two years of the second world war. I did not study the second world war, so I didn't chose that exam. Then the last exam was a good one! It was a text by a historian about the time from 1900 to 1914, industrialization and how the war changed society. The text was pretty easy to understand and the other tasks were also alright, so I decided to go for this exam. I liked the text. Analyzing it was easy and I was done with the first task and were good in schedule. I didn't understand a part of the second task clearly, but it was good. I wrote 5 pages and I liked it to connect all sorts of topics together and just puring out all of my knowledge. My teacher even came to me and gave me some good hints. I liked that. Then the third task was a bit more complicated. It wasn't totally clear to me. I brainstormed a bit and then got some ideas. I think I have answered the question alright, but the structure of my text got a bit out of order. And I had only 5 minutes left to read through all of the 14 pages. Then at the end I felt relieved. The other students who also wrote history didn't like the choice of exams that much. Most of them took the text by Churchill. History is done. I never have to study for history again. I just put all of my history material to the side. But that feels so weird. After having studied history for over one month now almost every day I started to like history quite a lot. And now never having to do this again is weird. I kind of feel empty. I will not get this appreciation from my teacher anymore. Never again, after school. Then end of all this school stuff is so near. That is so weird. I am free, but this freedom is weird. I also feel exhausted and tired. Today I will just relax. Nothing more. And tomorrow I will start studying chemistry...

17/05/02 Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak 2 Eating only once nuts - Streak 2 Eating no oat meal - Streak 15 Eating no raisins - Streak 15 Eating a light raw lunch - Streak 15 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 3 Getting up directly - Streak 2 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 3 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 45 Gratitude - Streak 48 17/05/03 Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak 3 Eating only once nuts - Streak 3 Eating no oat meal - Streak 16 Eating no raisins - Streak 16 Eating a light raw lunch - Streak 16 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 4 Getting up directly - Streak 3 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 4 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 46 Gratitude - Streak 49

17/05/01 Eating no unreasonable snacks - Streak 1 Eating only once nuts - Streak 1 Eating no oat meal - Streak 14 Eating no raisins - Streak 14 Eating a light raw lunch - Streak 14 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 2 Getting up directly - Streak 1 Apple cider vinegar in the morning - Streak 2 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 44 Gratitude - Streak 47

the day before the exams The whole morning I felt great. I was kind of excited because it will be over soon. And the exams would bring a bit of variety into my days. I kind of simulated my morning routine tomorrow. I will firstly meditate for an hour, then eat breakfast and prepare other food, then get ready and meditate until I have to go. So I studied the whole morning history. I am not quite through my list yet. That means that I still have to get some stuff done tomorrow afternoon. But after my lunch break I started to feel this slight tension again. Not because of maths tomorrow, but because of history in two days. In the late afternoon I revised a bit of maths and did some old exams. I skimmed through them and searched for the harder exercises. They were not that hard. I am confident for tomorrow. If the school department of my country didn't change the stile of the exams that much, it will be pretty easy for me to get 14 points at least. My whole family wished me luck. Its kind of annoying to hear the same stuff from all the people. Now I will meditate and calm down a bit. Then I hope that I can sleep well.