JKG

Habits Transformation - Day 3: less Internet - Streak 3 I watched two relatively informative YouTube videos and researched diet stuff while reading a few pages of the "age-inhibition regiment". And I used my phone for school related stuff, and was for like 5 minutes on this forum. Mindfulness: I was relatively mindful throughout the whole day, especially in the morning. I waked to school while listening to Alan Watts (The Taoists Way). Just by listening to him I became very mindful. I stayed relaxed and calm all day. But I noticed how hard it is in school to stay mindful. I have to do tasks relatively quickly and just lose touch with the present moment. I notice that almost everyday since I am back home I sit in the evening on my couch and ponder life. I meditate, journal, do self inquiry or spiritual autolysis, strategize, contemplate, examine my beliefs and ego identifications, listen to my intuition... I write a lot of useful stuff in this time. I love this part of the day. When I have the time I do the same in the morning. I think I will call this "sitting and writing in solitude". Afterwards I always feel very calm, peaceful, present, happy... It becomes a good habit. Two good videos I found today: - Life is...

Habits Transformation - Day 2: less Internet - Streak 2 It was more than yesterday, but thats okay. In the morning I listened to Alan Watts while stretching and after lunch I did homework with the help of the internet and watched some history videos. Legit. I had only three maths lessons today, so I had time in the morning to mediate for two hours, to stretch for one hour and to contemplate life. In the afternoon I made homework, worked out and summarized the latest video. I was less conscious than yesterday.

Such a genius

Habits Transformation - Day 1: less Internet - Streak 1 I was on my phone only for 5-10 minutes in the morning, once in the afternoon, and now I am writing here. Then I will turn my computer off. I got 12 points (between A and B) in my chemistry exam, and 15 points (A*) in my maths exam. In maths I was the best and in chemistry the second best. My ego didn't really got attached to those numbers, even not after my maths teacher has complimented me. Cool. After sports class my father was supposed to pick me up, but I didn't saw him. So I had to walk home in the dark and in the rain, for like 30 minutes. A few years ago I would have gotten really upset. Now I was rather happy and mindful. I enjoyed it to walk. Movement This morning in chemistry class I was relatively conscious. I watched my teacher talking and talking and talking. She is so attached to these models. Everything has to be this way and everything else is bad..... - Life is a game.

Asking my Intuition: What is my intuition trying to tell me lately? It sees that these movement goals are not my authentic goals, but goals of the ego to get appreciation, and which I got from other people around the internet. It is better to work out when I want to work out and to do the exercises which I want to do, like I did it in the summer. Let these goals go, get free from them and follow your intuition. You don't need goals to stay healthy, just do whatever you want to do. I don't need this action plan with all those habits which I need to act upon. This becomes way to neurotic. Just focus on this one habit. Otherwise nothing will stick, like in the last years. Just stay away from the internet and focus on what your intuition is telling you to do. Listen to it in silence and solitude, and do what its telling you to do. I truly want to meditate more, be alone and do this spiritual purification like in the holidays. I want to spend hours just meditating and being super mindful. I want to be more social and spread more love. I want to spend time with my sister, play with her, talk with her, listen to her, cuddle her... When I don't see her, I tend to miss her. I truly love her. I want to spend more time with my best friend. I want to have deep talks with her, listen to her, give her advice and just be a good friend. I want to help my mother in the household, with the food, washing the dishes... I just want to make her a little bit happy. I want to spend more time outside in nature. I want to take a bit of care about our garden, like picking up the apples and walnuts. I want to help my grandparents with this work. So I also can learn how to handle my permaculture garden in a few years. I love it to be in nature. I also like it to move in the cold more. This makes me feel more energetic, rather than spending the whole day inside sitting. I could go for a walk and be mindful. I generally want to be more mindful in everyday life. I could be mindful in school, while moving, while biking or walking around. Direct experience is king. I want to do more of this listening to my intuition, visioning and contemplating things. This has true potential to transform my life. I want to be the visionary of my own life. I want to move out after school. I don't want to get a car. I rather want to study maths/computer science rather than electrical engineering like my father is telling me. I want to build my permaculture consciousness garden. I just want to be conscious, loving and happy.

Self Inquiry / Spiritual Autolysis / Spiritual Purification: What is this? A Walnut. How do I know this? This thing which I am seeing connects to the concept of a walnut. But this could be just a picture of a walnut in 3D. Then in the physical reality wouldn't be a walnut but something else. I can touch, smell, eat and taste this walnut, I can let it drop onto the table and it makes a sound. But this could be just a toy or object which has the characteristics of a walnut. It could be an object which makes me experience the experiences of a walnut. But isn't such an object a walnut? Yes, but the composition of the matter isn't the same. Yes, but I still cannot distinguish the composition of the matter at all. The walnut is just a concept. When in consciousness certain experiences in a certain way arise and those experiences are similar to a certain concept, its a walnut. All concepts are just statements about experience. What do the experiences say about reality? Is there really a walnut? Is a walnut in my mouth, just because I can taste the walnut and feel its texture? But what even is external / physical reality? I have different kinds of experiences. What is this saying to me? I see something white. Does this mean that at this certain point in physical reality is something white? It means that I have this certain experience. The rest is just speculation, because I just know that I have this experience. The mind is able to create out of these experiences concepts and to draw conclusions via logic. But there is just experience, not the concept, nor the consequence of the logical conclusion. And what am I then? Am I a experience? No, why should I be an experience? I am something constant. I am not an experience, nor a concept of interacting experiences. I am something beyond experience. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . All suffering happens though concepts and taking them to seriously. (I did this while playing around, eating and inspecting a walnut on my table)

Yes I do it if I want it, just in the last days I didnt had the need to do it. I wanted to look how I am reacting to SDS after not practicing it after quite a while. I even think about combining SDS with self-inquiry, but then without writing.

My Intuition: While going through the life purpose course I think I got a good idea about what my intuition is trying to tell me. But with the time passing, my ego came and created all sorts of excuses because of fear. Now I will be summarizing what I have learned today and the main answers from the exercise worksheet: What has my intuition been trying to tell me lately: going more outside, spending more time outside in nature picking up walnuts and apples from the garden quiting my Internet and food addiction Where is my intuition ultimately trying go guide me: Enlightenment Contribution / helping and teaching people Being in nature creating a permaculture garden where I am living and people can come to visit and I can help them What is my intuition saying about my career: school is not important at all, just to my parents I rather want to study maths/computer science, and not electronics how my father is advising me ultimately I want to follow just my life purpose What is my intuition saying about my relationships: spending more time with my sister, playing and talking with her spending more time with my best friend, having deep talks about life helping my mother Why don't I follow my intuition more: excuses by the ego (too cold outside, no time) distractions (Internet, school) limiting beliefs, fear, resistance from my life purpose too much emotional labor What changes could I make to reconnect with my intuition more consistently: less Internet more solitude, contemplation, visualization, visioning going more outside, going for a walk So ultimately I want to be enlightened, in nature, and help people / contribute to society. Cool to know.

Yeah, the Internet is a great tool, but it can be easily misused. I have a habit of misusing it. When I was about 12 to 14 years old I spent almost the whole day just watching stupid gaming videos on YouTube. Happily I shifted from gaming videos to videos about sports, veganism, personal development, Buddhism and eventually to Leo's. But now I am at the point where I almost know too much, and implement to little. How can someone express union and spread consciousness and non-duality on the Internet when his mind is always run by the ego and is surfing on YouTube? I need and want to take action and increase my consciousness, this is what my intuition has been telling me for a long time. If my intuition is telling me that I could spread some love etc. on the Internet or on this forum, I will do it. Thanks for the reminder. I am grateful for the Internet too, because without it I wouldn't know all this great wisdom.

Adaptation: Yesterday I tried out to stick to my plan and all the habits, just to look how it goes. I did sds for 60 minutes. I began to write an essay for English class. I unpacked my stuff. I created and wrote down my plans. I went running, did a legs strength training, handstands and a bit of mobility work. Then I took a nice cold shower. It was about 3 pm and time to eat. I wanted to try the one meal a day thing out and applied one advice which I heard somewhere on the YouTube. I made a 'smoothie' with a lot of greens, nuts and seeds. It was so disgusting. I tried to meditate and be conscious to get this down into my body, but ahbäbhabnbaahahaaaaa, I will never do this again. And this didn't felt good in my body. Well, then I ate a huge salad with cucumber and tomatoes, two slices of bread with cucumber, tomatoes and half an avocado, and three apples from the garden and half a mango. All of this I ate in the course of two hours. Before getting to the bread and apples, I felt really 'undercarbed'. I am used to eat a lot of carbohydrates, and all of this fat was like a shock to my metabolism. My willpower and ability to think properly was down, so that I began to watch stupid YouTube videos. The lesson of this experiment was that I will adapt slowly to a diet with less carbs and more fats and vegetables. And I will only slowly decrease the eating time. After this meal I went outside and did another hour of sds. I became really tired and my willpower level was so down afterwards. I wanted to do nothing, just useless stuff like watching stupid YouTube videos again. But then I decided to watch The Matrix. I always wanted to do that, and it was worth it. I love this concept of the matrix, it is so well translatable to this Enlightenment stuff and beliefs. I need to question more of my beliefs! I could be in the matrix. But in the long run I need something to relax. Otherwise my willpower will be low for the whole afternoon. I could do something with my sister, just sit alone in an empty room, cook, help, going for a walk... At the end of the day I spent quite a while on the Internet. This habit will be a though one. Conclusion of the day: slowly adapting to a one meal a day diet, committing myself to the Internet Habit 100%-ly, finding a way to relax

Yesterday I had to sit for 9 hours in the car driving back home. I had time to think, to visualize, to re-listen some of Leo's videos and to come up with a plan. Priorities: Lower Self: 1) School 2) Longevity 3) Enlightenment Higher Self: 1) Enlightenment 2) Longevity 3) School True Self: 1) Enlightenment or nothing Firstly I looked what my priorities are. There always has been this fight between my higher and lower self/ego. The ego fears stuff, so it wants to do everything to prevent that from happening. It is focused on surviving well in society. Enlightenment stuff only comes when everything else is done. Then the higher self knows that school does not really matter. Enlightenment matters more, even more than health stuff. And in reality only Enlightenment matters, or even nothing at all. I had to make sense of all of this. I want to make a compromise between the lower and the higher self. I will do all of the school stuff, but only as much as necessary and not much more. Then I will work on Enlightenment stuff and health stuff. Strategic Thinking: Strategic Intent: 1) Enlightenment 2) Longevity 3) School Strategic Analysis: Strategizing 1h per week: Timemanagement, Visualizing the Big Picture, Patience, Reviewing Week, Adapting plan Strategic Preparation: Enlightenment Equanimity: strong determination sitting, challenging ego Mindfulness: Slow deliberate mindful action, all day awareness Ego Disidentification: examining beliefs/identifications, questioning (self inquiry) Detox Through Diet Eating Less: slow mindful eating, late breakfast, breaking craving habits One Meal A Day: late breakfast, researching Fully Functional Body Strenght Mobility Endurance Coordination School Deep Work Concentration of Force: Less Distraction (Internet), more action Detailed Execution: -> Action Plan Adaptability: Strategizing 1h per Week (see Strategic Analysis) Study of Principles: Studying Action Plan: Daily Habits: (100% Commitment) Strong Determination Sitting (1h++) Examining and Questioning Beliefs/Identifications (15min++) Mobility (15min) – Ankle, Head To Toe Coordination (5min) – Handstand Deep Work (1h – not much longer) – Homework, Exam preparation, Studying Chemistry, History or Maths Additional Habits: Movement (1h+) - Strenght, Endurance, Coordination, Mobility Meditation (1h++) Research/Study – Longevity, Spirituality, Reading, Mind Mapping (Life Purpose) Throughout the day: Slow Deliberate Mindful Action All Day Awareness Slow Mindful Eating – without distraction Late Breakfast Analyzing Ego more Movement – walking, standing Internet Habit: as little as possbile once a day: homepage of my school, wheater, whatsapp... if necessary: for school work and research, writing in this journal sunndays: YouTube, Forum I know everything I need to know, even way too much. I don't need the Internet anymore. These are a lot of habits that I want to implement. Some of them I occasionally or often already do. But I will just start by focusing on the Internet Habit. My goal is it to have all these habits more or less implemented at the end of this year.

Do something like self inquiry with your beliefs while writing everything down. Do you see a prove for need like good relationships or that you need to be a good student in your direct experience? If questioning your beliefs didnt get you results, you probably have done it wrong and you got deluded by your ego. Do it again more mindfully with looking at the responses of your ego carefully.

Maybe this might help

The only problem is your ego. It wants appreciation from youself and from the external world. It holds expectations and if these expectations dont get satisfied it will release negative emotions. The ego identifies itself with certain attributes like bring a gold person. From thse identifications are comming your expectations. Therefore if you have no ego identifications, you will have no expectations and be able to live in bliss all day. So start to question and drop your ego identifications and beliefs.

You are emptiness experiencing itself as form

@Dragallur sometimes the longer sesssions feel just like the normal sessions, and that is totally fine, even if the monkey mind is just talking and talking the whole time. I think of that like a detoxification of the mind. But sometimes the longer sessions have some deep shit to present to you.

@iago iriarte arhatha Thank you

Finally Understanding: I just meditated and I just get the sense that life is so meaningless, that I can do whatever I want now. There is nothing that I have to do. So I ate dinner and watched some Enlightenment videos: This guy is amazing. I am finally understanding what all these teachers are saying. That is a beautiful thing. Zone of Genius: In one of the meditation sessions a few days ago my subconscious mind came up with the answer of what my zone of genius could be. Now I finally have words to describe it. It is about bringing structure into complex systems and creating models out of it. I always have been a little bit confused about all those different concepts spiritual teachers and self help people talk about. And I don't like it when everything is so chaotic. I love it when I deal with those concepts and bring them together into a huge mind map in which everything is nicely structured, clear and easy to understand. I also am an extremely visual person and can learn the best by making nice learning maps. Today I even comprehended a few of Leos video. I combined "The Mechanics of Beliefs", "You're not happy because you don't want to be", "The Ultimate model of human knowledge", "A rant against morality" and "How to stop moralizing" into a nice map where I combine the most important aspects with each other. I am really satisfied with this map. Maybe at some point I will share this here, somewhere else, or even make a YouTube channel. Which this map I will be able to explain all the ideas in my mind to other people. Maybe this has just solved my communication problem. I also used this following video in my map. A great one!

Well, fuck it. This Internet limitation is just another rule 'I' set upon myself. I could continue without much emotional resistance, but who tells me that I should? Tiny extraordinary (enlightenment?) experience: Yeah, I finally had an extraordinary experience which my ego desired for a long time. The external circumstances: Yesterday in the morning I woke up at 4 am because I had to go to the bathroom. But I felt relatively awake and though that I could stay up and meditate for a long time as long as everybody else is sleeping in the house. So I meditated for like 3 hours straight (new record). I changed my posture quite a few times and did only the do nothing technique because my monkey mind was going crazy. It thought a lot about the future, university, life purpose... My subconscious mind came up with a few cool ideas. After the three hours I stopped, it felt like going on wouldn't really make a difference. So I started continuing the exercise from the video 'The Mechanics of Belief.' Time passed, I was working out, had lunch... My family was out of the house, so I had a few hours of quiet time to meditate. I firstly did 30 minutes of normal meditation, then switched to an hour of strong determination sitting. I started to do self inquiry and writing the questions and answers down. I was pretty concentrated, skeptical, taking noting from faith and got satisfying answers. I came to the conclusion that I am not all those concepts which society tells us that we are. I am this constant. I am everything except from experience. But I couldn't find this thing in direct experience. So I changed position. Now I was sitting in front of the window in the living room, looking on the grass, and kind of analyzing in which pattern the yellow flowers on the grass occur. Then somehow I was focusing my view on this one flower. Suddenly the environment around the flower got blurry. I was aware of this thing which I am, this thing behind of experience. Full of unconditional love for everything. The Ego became a little big weaker, but it was still there, I just became aware of it. At the same time the monkey mind was thinking something like "Oh my god, I am having an Enlightenment experience. Oh my god, it is finally happening to me." I continued sitting there for maybe half an hour. Full of love, full of energy, fully awake and everytime I was concentrated, I could get a sense of my true being. Then my parents came back and I had to open them the door. I wasn't annoyed about the fact that they came back and would make a lot of noise, just the ego. I kind of stayed in this loving state for most of the rest of the day, full of this energy although I only slept for 6-7 hours in the night. It felt like I was so full of energy that I couldn't even sleep. But somehow I managed to go to sleep. Too much love: So now its the day after this experience. I wouldn't call it an Enlightenment experience anymore, just extraordinary. There are way way way more powerful experiences possible. When I am mindful enough and concentrate, I still am able to become a little bit aware of my true being and to experience this huge amount of love. It feels like that I now finally grasped what true Enlightenment could possibly be like and what non-duality is really about. The true being/nothingness/god/infinity cannot be possibly explained through words. You can just say that it not is. I was just walking with my family at the beach and was often aware of my true being and relatively full of this love. And it kind of becomes too much. Too much love to handle for me. I firstly have to learn how to handle these amounts of love and adapt to it. Now I can imagine why its hard for Leo to handle the love when you take 5-Meo-DMT. Today I absolutely have no need for meditation. Today I already have examined a few of my ego identifications and so on. But I kind of am tired of doing all these huge amounts of inner work. I had so much progress in these 10 or so days and especially in the last 2 days. It is too much for me. I need a break, at least for today. I decided to use Internet again. I need a distraction from this inner work and love. I need to adapt to this first.

Excerpt from 'The teachings of don Juan' by Carlos Castaneda

Taking action: Ever since I am doing this personal development thing, I am consuming much more information than I can possibly apply. I am watching so many informative YouTube videos, and don't take as nearly as much action as I 'should'. I am truly addicted to the Internet. Now I've had time to take action. In this one week without Internet, without school, but with lots of family distraction I grew internally approximately as much as in tree months with Internet, with school and still family distraction. I discovered relatively much about my shadow and my little ego. I had some little tiny insights about how I 'should' live life. I have worked on my values, adjusted them, updated them, visualized them... Values are a powerful tool. I have rewatched / relistened to a few of Leos newer videos. I saw how much more I can learn from them, especially from the one about absolute infinity. The ego things that it grasps absolute infinity a bit, and that I would understand it. But no ego can possibly do that. I see how much the ego is present. My ego is annoyed by the ego of my father, the ego of my mother and the ego of my sister. My ego is annoyed by the cold, by the music... The ego wants to be healthy, active, moving, eating high quality food. The ego is so hardly attached to this health stuff. It's sad for the ego to see the egos little sister grow up. She slowly comes into puberty. She adopts so many stupid believes about reality, the world, how things SHOULD work, what is good... She becomes neurotic, hedonistic, narrow-minded... Let go of everything you fear to lose. I found that to be quite true. Maybe this could be the new theme of my life. After watching todays episode I will turn the Internet off again until Friday when I will head back home. It's time to take more action, to meditate deeply and to question a lot. When I am back home I will probably report more about my time offline and how I plan using the Internet in the future. Bye

Internet Cleanse: Alright, I have just finshed Leos latest video. Now I will turn into the airplane mode on my phone. Nest Sunday I will be allowed to turn it back on. The only exception will be for navigation, but no Internet! I will move a lot, meditate, do shadow work, journal in my own, write stuff down, discovery my life purpose, programm my subconscious mind etc. See you on next Sunday.

@Extreme Z7 thanks, although I dont consider myself as taking it very seriously. I could write here way more. But it nice that people find it valuable

Well, I am a woman and seeking truth. But I am more masculine than most women. I have a friend (woman and very female) who I show spiritual material. She is interested in it, but doesnt take action at all.