JKG

Habits-Transformation - Day 11: visualizing internet usage - Streak 1 slow mindful eating - Streak 0 After 10 hours of school I completely forgot this Mindfulness: 81 minutes of sds in the morning. In school I was completely unconscious and still am now. I ate nothing until 6pm, so I ate very fast and unconscious. I am still very hectic now. I bought the booklist with the help of my best friend. I am too excited. I have to read sooo much. I also had to learn for the English exam tomorrow. Now I will slow down. Become mindful again.

Why am I so ful of energy? I just want to release all this energy. I want to go for a sprint, but its dark outside and tomorrow I'll have to sit all day in school. Maybe its because I have eaten so much. Or is it a sign of increasing consciousness? I cannot sleeeeep

Human perception is so limite that we cannot judge anything to be possible or impossible in the physical world. We cannot perceive the magnetic field of the world, neutrinos, gravitation waves, only a little spectrum of eleoctromagnetic waves etc. So why couldn't it be possilbe that there is something like a consciousness energy field which creates physical force and can make people or objects fly. How can we know?

At one point almost everything can become an addiction, maybe with the exception of just being. But there are things which the ego doesn't want to happen. For example take a freaking cold shower or do a very painfully long strong determination sit. I think these things won't become addictions that quickly.

3 nights? I have tried it actively for about 1.5 years without a lucid dream. Don't be so impatient.

Dreams: Somehow I was able to recall 4 dreams in the last 3 nights spontaneously without the intention. I wrote them down in my old dream journal. I remember that they could be useful for shadow work. That is pretty logical because dreams arise just from the subconscious mind. Maybe this is my intuition showing me hints. Maybe I will be able to lucid dream when I develop my mindfulness/consciousness more and more. Dancing: I never have been dancing or singing. I always thought that it would look stupid or sound weird. I am scared of what other people would think of it. But two days ago I just tried to dance and it was a lot of fun. I feel a connection to my body and let the body be guided. I feel love and compassion. Maybe this is also something my intuition wants me to do. Not giving a fuck: And my intuition also wants me to not give a fuck about other peoples opinions. My mother told me that my father is worried about me. I would meditate too much and would get into a sect.... If I would be him, I would probably also be worried. But he is so unknowing, narrow-minded, ignorant, that just trying to explain this to him would have no effect at all. With his point of few I would also get anorexia because I don't eat breakfast. But I am eating currently about 2500-3000 kcal a day.......... don't give a fuck. Maybe I could explain a little bit to my mother. But my father is a helpless case. I also don't want to give a fuck about other people in school. I just want to wear whatever I want. Letting go: As I worked out today after school in the dark I questioned again why I am doing this at all. Why am I doing strength training? I like endurance training much more, I love biking at the moment and stretching. The ego doesn't want to lose its few muscles and strength. This is a neurotic attachment. Let go of everything you fear to lose. My intuition is telling me this too. I want to workout however, whenever, however frequently, and however long. Doing whatever I want to do. My intuition is telling me a lot of things lately. I am thankful for this, and its leading me into an awesome direction. I think the latest video about the intuition has been one of the best ones and from which I have learned almost the most - maybe with the exception of a few meditation techniques.

Habits-Transformation - Day 10: I've changed my mind. Yesterday evening my subconscious came up with the idea that strictly limiting internet time isn't the best way to approach this problem but a neurotic one. Let's rather take the 'Awareness is curative'-approach. It's rather about being mindful what I am actually doing on the internet. So now I want to implement the habit of firstly visualizing what I am going to do on the internet. Thinking about the long term consequences (distraction, lack of focus) and in which way I can use the internet usefully. Let's say I will use a timer and set it on 2 minutes. In these 2 minutes I will do this visualization and afterwards I will be allowed to use the internet. I am happy with this conclusion Mindfulness: After waking up at 5:30 I did 90 minutes of sds! This was a goal of mine for quite a while. Now I think I will increase the time in 5 minutes steps if possible. I remember than about one year ago I did a 2h sds session. Today after the sds I did self-inquiry for about another 40 minutes. It is hard to really question my existence when all the time the monkey mind is present. In school I was very unconscious. In the lunch break I did another sds session for about 50 minutes and without real focus. All of the food of today I ate relatively fast and unconscious. And therefore I ate very much. I think I will implement a slow and mindful eating habit as well. I hope this will not the too much.

Is there any choice? Probably not. My intuition is telling me to do this. At least I think so. Maybe I have already gone to far on this path to leave it. I often hear the ego trying to hold onto stupid things. But that's just this little voice inside the head. "it's your universe. there's nobody else here." - an interesting thought

Habits-Transformation - Day 9: little internet time - Streak 0 well this seems harder than I thought. When I have no school there are so many times when i am attempted to use the internet. Tomorrow is school again, so it will be easier. Maybe I will make myself question what I want to do on the internet and why before using it and visualize the long term consequences. Mindfulness: After waking up I did sds for one hour. Later in the morning I went for a one hour bike ride. At one place I became conscious very frequently but just for a very short time (roughly 10-30 seconds). This happened very often because I observed the trees and nature around me. A few times I was conscious for about one or two minutes. After the bike ride I did another sds but only for 31 minutes. I spontaneously stopped and started preparing lunch very consciously. While preparing and eating the lunch I tried to to self inquiry. I recognized that very slow action is necessary for this. Otherwise I get lost in the action very easily. In the afternoon I had a lot of free time. So I let my intuition guide me. The intuition wanted to crack walnuts very consciously. I enjoyed that. Then the intuition wanted to puzzle. In the past I really enjoyed that too. But the ego interrupted. The ego rather wanted to learn history or stretch because that would be more productive. But I had the 'magnetic pull' towards puzzling. The ego just wanted to study or stretch because of my identification of being a good student and healthy. So I puzzled. Meanwhile I wanted to stay mindful and listened to Shinzen Young (Organizing Your Practice). Later I went to the graveyard with the family. I thought about the absurdity of the anthropological Christian picture of god and how much suffering the people create for themselves. - Mindfulness is key

Yeah, I have also used this question, and it might take you a while... You can come up with anything. I think through questioning "Who/what am I not" you can loosen the identification with the ego well.

@Marc Schinkel great analogy

@Prabhaker Where exactly did you found that quote from him? I should definitively learn more about him. Everything you are writing seems so beautiful, wise and profound.

Most of the times I experience it due to a little awakening experience a few weeks ago. But it also comes from questioning but rather logical. Its a mix of both. Before my awakening experience I often just came to the conclusion that I am beyond experience because of logical thinking. But at that day I wanted to actually look what that is. So the awakening happened. @Telepresent Thanks for the advice

Sitting and Writing in Solitude: What am I? Who is asking this question? Who/what wants to know who/what I am? It cannot be a perception. A sight cannot want to know anything. Neither a sound itself, a touch, a feeling, taste or smell. But a thought? All of this self-talk in the mind. Does the voice has an agenda? No, not the voice itself. The voice is creating thoughts which are just like sounds. But meanings are projected onto those sounds. Illusions, the ego, is created. Out of perception an instance with an agenda got created. So is the ego asking 'what am I'?. Yes. Am I the ego? No, I am not a perception. What am I, if I am not a perception? Who cares? I don't care.

Habits-Transformation - Day 8: little internet time - Streak 1 I was on the internet in the morning and now and the stuff I did was quite productive. Today was a good day. I had no school and tomorrow neither. After waking up I did 68 minutes of sds and visualized the future. So in the morning I was a little bit outside. It was cold but sunny. I did some deep breathing exercises and I felt alert. I stretched and mobilized my body for about 1.5 hours and listened to Alan Watts at the same time. Then I had a cold shower. I felt amazing. I had no homework to do but studied history because I wanted to. I found it really interesting how Hitler became a dictator. I also had some fun with maths. Later my best friend visited. We went for a walk, made pumpkin sup and had a nice deep conversation. I noticed how much I projected on her... Now I will turn off the computer and do some inner work or meditate. Life is good. - Let go of everything you fear to lose

Thank you for summing up all of the thoughts regarding the use of the internet which I had over the last couple of weeks. Your journal is a great source of inspiration

Thank you Thank you dad for being so neurotic. You show me almost all the areas in which I project my own problems onto you. You show me all the areas where I have to work on. Thank you mum for being so neurotic. You show me what not to do and how society is influencing people. Thank you sister for being naive but still authentic. You remind me of being skeptic. You show me how to love and express myself. You show me how I still am influenced by society. Thank you hurting right ankle. You show me how much I love running and make me appreciate the ability to run painfree. Thank you injured left leg. You show me how much I love it to stretch and practice a front split without pain. Thank you right thumb for being cut my the knife. You show me how nice it is to be able to cut food without pain. Thank you autumn/winter for exposing me to the cold. You teach me equanimity. Thank you school for wasting my time. You show me how unconscious I am and with so little equanimity. You expose me to all those stupid people from which I can learn. Thank you life Thank you Leo Thank you Internet .... I am blessed

How can people be so drastically narrow-minded, ignorant, negative, deluded, egotistical............... Its just bad when you are dependent on such people.... Family... It are just experiences.... Ego, calm down, just experiences.

Habit-Transformation - Day 7: little internet time - Streak 0 just watched a lot of videos Mindfulness: For most of the day I was pretty unconscious. I just had a few glimpses of mindfulness e.g. while working out and having a longer colder shower. At about 12 o' clock I was done with the workout, the school stuff, shower and had just prepared my lunch. I was looking forward to watching Leo's new video while eating. But then my sister came into my room and said that I should help my father right now. I was so pissed of, got so angry and furious. The ego wanted to just watch this fucking video and eat. Eventually I got outside and helped him for an hour. But while I was so angry I was still relatively mindful about the ego's reaction. This showed me how attached I am. I had the expectation to have time to watch the video and eat. But then my expectation got ruined... Afterwards this reaction seemed so silly to me. I meditated for one hour in the morning and did 88 minutes of sds in the afternoon. Later I will contemplate for a bit and do some shadow work. Food: I had two meals but one would have been enough. After this second meal I feel so full and tired right now. But I have met almost all of my nutritional targets. The new video "The Trap Of Projection" taught me that I need to work on my projections/judgments and self image more. I also realized that I should learn from other spiritual teachers more.

Habit-Transformation - Day 6: little internet time - Streak 0 It worked good all day, but now I found myself here watching videos which were quite informative but not relevant. I have to be honest with myself. Today I failed. Thats okay. Mindfulness: Sometimes I was mindful but most of the time I wasn't. When I was on a bike ride I wanted to look at the beauty of the trees in autumn but the monkey mind interrupted me. I wanted to eat mindfully but I wanted to eat faster. In the afternoon I did 68 minutes SDS and afterwards for about 60 minutes a death contemplation. I still wasn't really mindful but my brain got into this meditative state. Death contemplations are powerful, really powerful. Food: I did again this one meal a day thing. This time I feel much better. I ate for 90 minutes. Firstly a few nuts, then a big green salad, then another salad from yesterday, then a green smoothie, then apple with beet root and finally another apple, pear and half a mango. I think this time limitation which people on the internet talk about made me eat faster and less mindfully. I would really like to eat now and have little temptations to eat fruit. But I can handle it right now, probably because of the meditation. I feel very calm and happy with much mental clarity. - Let go of everything you fear to lose (I think this is my new affirmation)

let go of everything you fear to lose

Habits-Transformation - Day 5: less Internet - Streak 0 I simply was often on my phone and watched quite a few videos. I noticed that I have been tricking myself. The ego thought "I only wrote 'less Internet' in the journal, so I could quickly look on my phone". I have done this quite often and that is a distraction. I will make strict rules for this habit: Looking on my phone or computer only twice a day for maximal 10 minutes for not productive reasons. For productive reasons like school work, studying, researching and writing in this journal I can use the Internet freely, but while still watching out that I don't distract myself. I didn't made strict rules in the first place because it would be neurotic, but the ego is tricky. Every addiction is the avoidance of emotional labor. Surrender to the purifying fire of emptiness. Sit there with emptiness and do nothing. Mindfulness: I wasn't really mindful in school, while eating, nor while working out. After school I cracked nuts and tried to stay mindful and went for an 1 hour walk with the intention of being mindful. Especially in the walk I recognized how stupidly unaware I am and how easily I get distracted by thoughts. A lot of work... Still mindfulness is a beautiful thing, and in the moments of mindfulness there is a connection to the infinite. I ate a lot and snacked a lot today. I even ate chocolate which I probably didn't eat since spring. This will be my next habit to tackle in 21 days. I read some pages in the "age-inhibition regiment." I brilliant man. I noted some quotes:

Habits-Transformation - Day 4: less Internet - Streak 4 I needed help from the Internet for my chemistry homework and was for a few minutes on this forum. Mindfulness: In comparison to yesterday I was relatively unconscious, especially in school. I ate relatively unconscious and relatively fast. I ate relatively much and snacked a lot. I sign for unconsciousness. After school I went on a bike ride and listened meanwhile to Alan Watts and Leo. They made me again and again aware of my unconsciousness while biking. But in the end I was a bit in touch with infinity while listening to the "What is god" video. A few days ago my intuition told me that I should try to play Minecraft again. When I was about 12 to 14 years old I was very addicted to this game and spent all of my free time in front of the computer. Today I just wanted to look what its like to play it again, I wanted to stay mindful. After 20 minutes I was bored and quited. Why did I spent so many days of my life playing this game

Ego Identification with being a good student: I got my history exam handed back and got 12 points. The ego is not satisfied with it. Since I got the exam back, its almost complaining all the time in my head. A huge sign for my identification with being a good student. Ego: I want at least 13 points. I am working and studying so much for this stupid exam. In comparison to almost everybody else I should get much better grades. I start studying one or two weeks prior to the exam. Most of the people, even those from the advanced history classes, start one or two days prior to the exam or just the night before. They study so little. And the results I get are so insignificant in relation to the time I study. This is so stupidly unfair. Higher self: 12 points are a totally normal grade for myself in history. And 12 points are generally very good. I got 15 points in maths, and 12 points in chemistry and German. So don't complain. This is totally okay. Why do I care about this? Why is my ego so attached to this stupid grade? I set this expectation upon myself to be good in history. I want this appreciation from my history teacher and these stupid 13 points. Why do I want this? The ego wants to feel good. It wants its identification to be fulfilled. It sees itself as a good student, not just as a good student, but as an A-student, at least in maths, chemistry, history and English. "I should get an A in history." Why am I identified with being a A-student? I don't even have to get an A in history to satisfy my parents, for them even a B is enough. Why do I set this expectation upon myself? The ego wants not just appreciation from others but also from itself. My usual answer would be that I don't love myself enough. I would have to practice self-love. But why should I just love myself? When I am more mindful I love everything. I am love. I am consciousness and consciousness is happy as hell and loves everything. Become mindful about the ego and love everything.

Sitting and Writing in Solitude: What is true? Truth. But what is Truth? Truth is true, obviously, by definition. Has Truth a definition? No, why should Truth need a definition. Truth is true. True. Truth is false? Truth isn't true nor false. Truth is Truth. Truth is. What is Truth? A word, letters, a concept, a sound. All of this is meaningless and says nothing about Truth. Can Truth be experienced? I experience experiences. Is Truth an experience? No. The ego is an experience. Vision is an experience. The picture of the body is an experience. The sounds are experiences. Touches / feelings are experiences. Thoughts are experiences... I can watch those things, be mindful. Is Truth beyond experiences? Yes. Then Truth would be limited because Truth wouldn't be experiences. Is Truth experience? Yes, but not exclusively. Truth is beyond and withing experience. Truth is the infinite and the finite. Infinity is including the finite. Am I Truth? 'I' is included in Truth, as well as every other thing/experience. But is this constant thing which has always been there, which feels like an I, Truth? Is this constant 'I' Truth? Yes, probably. Am I healthy? Being healthy is included within Truth. But is the ego healthy? The ego is a concept/an illusion and being healthy is a concept/an illusion because ultimately there is no separate thing that could by healthy. Enlightenment is just being in touch with the Truth permanently and seeing experiences as for what it is, not taking it seriously at all. Not Enlightenment is the opposite. Not being in touch with Truth all the time, taking experiences seriously and conceptualizing it. To get to Enlightenment you need to become more mindful to be more in touch with Truth, to see experience as for what it is, and letting go of all the concepts and beliefs. So sit down, be mindful and let go of beliefs, until you are Truth itself.