JKG

17/1/9 Eating only lunch, one allowed snack and dinner - Streak 0 Feeling hunger before eating the allowed snack - Streak 0 lunch salad chicory root, radicchio, some fruit 3 apples with beetroot and apple cider vinegar 2 Brazil nuts, 5 walnuts snack fruit plate 2 apples 1 blood orange 1 persimmon 5 cashews, some pumpkin seeds 1 glass soy milk and walnuts (after I have "finished" the snack and waited for dinner) dinner Brussle sprouts with potatoes (2 plates) 1 hand of raisins What I noticed? I forgot that I only wanted to eat the snack when I feel hungry I automatically made myself a snack because I always do after coming home from school in the afternoon. I almost didn't and considered meditating about this decision but I didn't. I snacked more after the "official" snack because I was in the kitchen to get something and then I snacked... I ate the raisins after dinner although being really full because I used to snack a lot of dried fruit and nuts after dinner in the past. And again I thought "fuck it, I already didn't got the streak. And I was pretty conscious. Why didn't I stop?? What I will do tomorrow? Intermittent fasting until 4pm (no opportunity to go home and school in the afternoon) meditating before intending to snack. But really! Did I challenge myself too much? No, I was mostly and school and had no opportunity to eat there. And at home I gave in... This must not become a habit, this just saying "fuck it, I'll get it tomorrow."

Some songs I like, some not so much. But generally - yes!

School At some occasions I today in school I remembered to feel my emotions. They were most of the time neutral-bored-rather negative. I am just not really interested in the stuff that we are doing and sometimes annoyed. I felt how annoyance occurred and applied holistic understanding to why certain people behave the way they behave - and then I started to feel compassion towards them. But that awareness about my feelings didn't lasted very long. I get very quickly distracted by stupid conversations. But thats okay, I can learn from that. I observed my feelings and thoughts while getting exams back - maths (14), chemistry (14) and English (13). Pretty good and my ego was pleased with that. But in maths and chemistry there is this one friend which is always better than I am. She got in both maths and chemistry 15 points (A*) and in maths she even had no mistake at all. I noticed how my ego got jealous and somehow judged myself negatively for not having 15 points too. "Why did you make these stupid mistakes? You could have easily been better than her..." It is good that I noticed that. And I noticed that I am stressing myself often to hurry up. When I leave for school in the morning I normally have enough time and arrive some minutes earlier. But I am hurrying that I should drive faster or that I should take my shoes on quicker... I am absolutely not in the present moment. And when I leave school to drive home it is the same. I want to get to my bike quickly to get away before the mob of little kids comes and occupies my drive way. I drive pretty fast too and want to drive even faster. And when there is headwind I have to drive slower which annoys me. And when I get home I also quick to either get outside to work out or to make my food. I noticed me hurrying up almost all the time. And I do this probably most of the time throughout the day. But why? Maybe I am influenced my my hectic mother. I want to get my obligations done quickly to do something useful like meditation, reading or researching. Even now I am writing pretty quickly and feel how I build up some stress to get this journaling done. But stressing myself to have time to do these things is rather contraproductive. I could act slower, be more mindful and therefore be aware of my emotions. I could learn so much more just by acting slower. Acting slowly and mindfully will be something that I now want to work on throughout the school days. Staying calm and tranquil. Some affirmations for that purpose that I already use: Everything that is, should be. It is okay. Maybe some new affirmations: Slow down brother (side note: only 13 weeks of school left!) Spiritual Ego I notice my mind talking about how much I have progressed, how turquoise I am, how much energy I have. I see that I have more holistic understanding than everybody I know in person and my mind is talking about that proudly. But then when I have less progress in meditation my ego complains.

Yeah, learn to manage your time wisely. I didn't mean that it should happen now, just work towards it for the future. It is much easier for your body to have a set bedtime. You will intuitively know when its time to sleep

pure intuition

17/1/8 Eating only lunch, one allowed snack and dinner - Streak 0 Feeling hunger before eating the allowed snack - Streak 0 lunch buckwheat porridge buckwheat spouts (140g dry mass) 6 dates 2 bananas cacao powder fruit plate 2 blood oranges 1.5 slices of a pineapple grapes snack smoothie 3 apples 1 banana 1 slice of a pineapple some powders limited nuts and seeds cucumber, grapes, carrots more nuts, more grapes... dinner sweet potato with kale apple puree raisins, cashews... What I noticed I ate less for lunch because I wanted to be "allowed" to snack I felt no hunger at all even although it was already 5 or 6 pm. My stomach was reasonably empty I still ate the smoothie because I felt like I had to - the habit... between the snack and the dinner I was not in my room, but in the kitchen and my sisters room cracking nuts and preparing dinner. Food was around, so I snacked. I thought about not reseting the streak and being dishonest to myself. But them I remembered that I would just trick myself and build up the shadow. When I noticed that I snacked "without permission" I continued snacking because I thought that the streak was already broken. So I ate even more snacks after dinner although I was pretty full. What I will do tomorrow? staying away from the kitchen meditating and feeling into my stomach if I really want to eat something except from lunch or dinner Did I challenge myself too much? No. I failed. But that is okay. That is the way it should be.

Make it a habit to get up everyday at the same time and to go to bed everyday at the same time. Everyday, even on the weekends. I enjoy waking up early on the weekends especially, because then there is silence in the house for much longer.

This isn't radical open-mindedness, this is narrow-minded. I know that they claim that chemtrails are just trails of condensation. It is possible. But how do you know? How can you know this for certain? Really certain? Why don't you just embrace the possibility for this? Did you perceive this in your direct experience? Or is it just hearsay from some scientists? How can you know that you can trust science?

Grounding Right after waking up I don't feel the energy. Then I feel pretty refreshed from sleeping on the floor. I love my floor. But one or two hours later it comes up. I found relaxation methods useful. Laying on the floor and relaxing every part of my body. Being in contact with the ground seems to have a positive effect. Yesterday I didn't know what to do. I still had the energy inside the head and it was pretty uncomfortable. i didn't wanted to do something productive or spiritual (yoga, meditation, research, reading...) to not get more of this energy. But still I also didn't wanted to waste all my time, my last two days before school begins. My mind came up with all the stuff that I have on my Intuition Incubator list which almost became like a neurotic to-do-list. I could summarize this content, read that book, do this contemplation, journal about this stuff, help here and there, start studying for exams..... This morning it all happened in exactly the same way. I thought about life. It is full of struggle, suffering and pain. It is not easy. Why didn't I chose the easy life and just did what everybody else does. It is so easy without much resistance. Why did I chose this lifestyle full of resistance? It is so hard and uncomfortable. I saw all these people on a birthday party yesterday just caring about stupid fantasy books and films. Their whole life is about consuming entertainment stuff. It is probably the right time for school to begin tomorrow. Getting back to normal and implementing a little bit of stuff that I have learned while dealing with school life. I would even allow myself to just be totally unproductive for the next week. I'll see how it goes. Intuition Then not knowing what to do I asked my intuition today. I meditated for a minute or two to get to know what to do. I wanted to decide between continuing yoga, studying for school, meditating or doing stuff from my to-do-list. I don't know what came up exactly but I went outside to meditate. I just did do nothing and let the mind wanter. If I don't know what to do, just do nothing for some time, then you will know. It is very refreshing to let the mind just think everything it wants to thing about. Doing nothing is a way to let the intuition guide you. It is a way of distancing yourself from life and to see what is really going on in your mind. You will get to know what to do. Your inner wisdom is speaking to you. Stuff you don't know consciously anymore will come up again at exactly the right time. What came up for me? Well. I want to calm down again. I want to settle back a bit and adapt to this state of higher energy slowly. I don't want to challenge myself too much at a time. Letting the homeostasis kick in - a little bit - to not loose it all. I will pause writing this absolute honest letter. And yesterday I even thought of writing a much more RADICAL honest letter to my parents where I would have revealed all of my thinking. I felt so much resistance and this existential fear came up again. I rather want to become more honest slowly. Slowly express my emotions more, speak a bit more honestly, and if the situation is good I will tell something more radically honest. There is nothing that I have to do. This Intuition Incubator list became a burden for me. I knew how many great things I could do and that I somehow have to do them. But, NO! There is nothing that I have to do. Everything is okay the way it is. Reality should be exactly the way it is. I thought that I would have to do stuff to make changes happen. I would have to do a lot of research for the gap year. But the intuition came up with the thought that I also just could chose the default position and go to university. If my intuition now wants me to do something like preparing the gap year, and eventually have prepared it all, then I will take the courage to really do the gap year. But if my intuition now wants me to do totally different things, I will do nothing related to the gap year for months and end up going to university. This was also a great relief. Tension that built up got released and made me feel more relaxed. Anger The new video is cool, I like the holistic approach. I noticed that I already implement most of the stuff. I try to watch my anger arise in family situations and try to get to the root why I am feeling this way. But often I don't notice my little annoyances. If my moralistic, always angry, closed-minded father would see and understand this video. That would be a life changer for this partly dysfunctional family. Because Leo mentioned this holistic approach I remembered spiral dynamics and the turquoise stage. I found this page with very good information. And I noticed that at the moment I am totally working on becoming more turquoise. It seems like I slowly "get over" just yellow. Very very cool. Outing Yesterday morning I listened to the intuition and just told my mother that I am asexual. So much resistance. I just thought "If I cannot do this, how can I ever follow my intuition at bigger things?" Now she just things that I have not enough experience, just have not found the right one yet...

17/1/7 - Streak 5 lunch buckwheat porridge soaked buckwheat (100g dry) 2 bananas 4 dates a bit soy milk vegetables with bulgur (1.25 plates) limited nuts and seeds snack big green smoothie kale 3 apples 2 bananas some powders dinner (at a birthday party) racklet i ate mostly: mushrooms potatoes tomatoes avocado spring onions corn baguette vegan spread mini ice smoothie little bit banana little bit frozen strawberries What went well? Well, I grounded myself with the food which is positive, but it is rather negative for this habit. I did not eat chips at the birthday party which would have stopped my streak. What will I do tomorrow? I see that I still eat very very much, just at three determined times. I will do add another little habit: Feeling an empty stomach after lunch before eating a snack. I wanted to do it in the last couple of days but never did it. I will change this "What went well?" to "What I noticed" Did I challenge myself too much? No. I stuffed myself pretty much. I just ate no snacks in between.

17/1/6 - Streak 4 lunch big green smoothie 3 apples 1 banana a lot of kale some powders some pomegranate fruit plate 1 banana 1 apple 1 blood orange 5 grapes 2 slices of pineapple limited nuts and seeds dinner radicchio with cucumber (I like the pure bitterness) 5 grain mix (150g dry) with kale snack 1 banana 3 dried figs What went well? almost not snacking at all but after dinner I had the desire to eat something sweet with a high sugar content like raisins. I distracted myself from my raisins-habit with a banana and dried figs, but figs have still a high sugar content. a lot of raw food What will I do tomorrow? waiting 10 minutes before I get more food. I felt very full after lunch again. withstanding the snack. I was not very conscious feeling hunger Did I challenge myself too much? Not at all.

Energy I feel this crazy energy. In meditation I sat there and watched the feelings in the body. And I think I felt something like energy around some Chakras. Is this feeling-sensation energy, chi or what? I felt this feeling which I normally have when I have tics. I normally called it nervousness around the head and "doing" the tics somehow released the nervousness. But now it was rather like stuck energy in the back of my head (behind the ears). And when I relax the energy somehow releases. This energy lets the body/head vibrate a little bit with a high infrequence like binaural beats. Did I interpret that as nervousness? I also felt energy in the upper body in the area of the ribcage. Is this energy flowing around there responsible for emotions? It felt like because the emotions felt like energy. Are then emotions just a different level of frequency of the energy? Crazy shit what I feel. Maybe I just interpret too much into it. Maybe I should listen to Peter Ralston: "Don't think. Feel." This feeling of energy inside the head reminded me of how I felt after my little awakening in October. I again feel like I need to "ground" myself because all the energy becomes a bit too much. I think this would work with stupid YouTube videos, rather unhealthy food and stuffing myself. But this will probably happen automatically when school begins at Monday. Does energy arise out of uncertainty and love? Release of resistance? Because when I act authentically, honestly or relax I feel this boost in energy. I tried a little experiment with this energy. About two years ago I listened to a guy who also talks about this energy, prana, chi stuff. He is very detoxed, almost a Breatharian and once just ran a half marathon in 1.5 hours without special training. I wanted to look if this energy has an effect on my physical performance. I firstly took my normal running route. I intuitively started running much faster (normally about 7 min/km, now about 5-6 min/km). I felt how my breathing was faster, but I didn't felt fatigue. Somewhen my intuition said that I should slow down a little bit but only after about 5km. I took the trail that I discovered yesterday, it was beautiful. And I ran a bit into a little forest. There were some cut trees and I jumped around on them just because of fun. It was really fun and I had to laugh a lot. So it definitively had an effect on my running. And now I don't feel fatigue at all, I could go out and run again. The energy is still there. I want to feel it all. I want to experiment with my body and my energy. I want to explore this reality. (I have not done any special research on Chakras or energy. Just hearsay)

@Peace and Love And does one feel the effects at the same time as you do it? Or later because of the distance? Does it take time for the chi to travel?

Show your emotions. Show that you are vulnerable. There is a part of you that you repress, that you don't want to accept, the "bad" side of you - called the shadow. And your shadow is huge, like everyone else's. Because you repress all the shadow-aspects of yourself you get these negative emotions. To cure it, let go. Accept that you have a shadow and show this shadow. Don't hate this side of you, love this side of you. Love that you are vulnerable, love that you get hurt. Show it to everyone, even to the idiots in school. Now you have discovered one of the components of anger. It is based on the feeling of hurt. Love this feeling, embrace this feeling, accept this feeling. Even when you are enlightened there will still be these negative emotions. But enlightened people don't resist them, they let go of the resistance and accept it. Express every emotion you have fully. Feel how it arises. Say that you are hurt. Say that you are angry. Do you remember what I told you about the inner child work? Do some of that.

Can one then do reiki on oneself? And how does one activate it? Just positive, optimistic thinking, spreading love and staying healthy or something else?

17/1/5 I feel like I just have to write down all the insights I had today. If I'd just imagine that I would progress this fast like today or like in the last 5 days for the rest of 2017 - wow. Everything in a nutshell is: be radically(!!!...!!!!) open minded (nothing is like it seems, its all a distraction) and follow your intuition to get all of the insights life has to offer. The morning started off pretty normal, just that I woke up 15min earlier than normal (5:30am). I felt so secure, so good, so amazing waking up from sleeping on the floor. I thought something like "life is amazing, thank you for this amazing life." I distracted myself a little bit with my phone but then was ready to start the day with "more productive" stuff at about 6am. I continued reading Radical Honesty, but was pretty bored. My intuition told me that I should rather continue writing me honest letter to my father. So I did, turned on my computer and wrote until about 8:30am, but had very much resistance and distracted myself with the internet. I noticed that, but didn't judged myself for that, I accepted it. It is okay to have resistance being honest. I also felt like my tics are coming up again (didn't had them for months this bad) and felt becoming more and more "nervous" because of them. I think the reason for that now is the honesty and the resistance. Then I did my gratitude/visualization habit for 20 minutes and then my yoga/stretching/mobility + affirmation habit (which I start to really like). My intuition decided that today I didn't wanted to work out normally, but rather take a walk into the city to buy some stuff that I needed. So I acted upon my intuition. It was really cold but I liked it. On my way to the city I didn't listen to any music or potcast, I contemplated. I contemplated mainly about external reality (how do I know that there is an external reality just through my perception?????) and that I am not my thoughts (I noticed that I am mainly identified with this inner dialogue). I also said/sang sometimes my affirmations. As I said "I am free to do whatever I want" I took the opportunity to explore a little trail of the road. This trail lead onto a field where I could look at the road, at the houses round... without many objects hiding my vision. It was a sunny day and (I didn't see any chemtrails ). As I got back onto the road I realized that my perspective is so limited. Walking on the road I have a totally different perspective on all of my surroundings as when I am on this little trail or as a person in a house there or as a bid. Everybody is at a different place and has a different perspective. How can I with my limited perspective know what this other person/animal/being perceives as their reality? I live in my matrix and they live in their matrix. I continued walking to the city and got into a state of love. I was happy, grateful for my life, grateful for my perspective knowing this spiritual and self-actualization stuff, understanding for other human beings. But as I got closer to the city I felt like my body tensed. From this relaxed state - which comes from just being at home (except from working out), secure, safe, in my comfort zone, for almost two weeks now - my social-survival-person got activated. This mechanism in my mind cared about what others think about me. I limited myself in my behavior so that others would not judge me overly negative. The tics got worse. I especially tensed up when I saw that there could be other people at my age that I could know from school. As I walked through the city I listened a bit to other peoples conversations which was kind of funny. Seeing these low-consciousness people makes me always grateful that I know it better. One family was so in rage that the boy had money but the mother paid for him. The guy got soo in rage. Another man complained so much and that he was so angry at another person while speaking to some social worker. So I bought all my stuff and even talked a little little bit to two cashier - a tiny comfort zone challenge. Walking back home I listened to "overcoming addiction." As Leo talked about the fear of existential emptiness I just realized how tensed up the interactions in the city made me. I just wanted to EAT, stuff myself full with healthy food to still the tics and to distract myself from existential emptiness. So as I got home (after 2.25h) I stuffed myself full with raw food and as I sat down I felt the relief from the tics, tension and stress. As I listened to Leo my intuition decided that I wanted to sds later that day. After finishing lunch and watching some open-mindedness stuff I started sds with "do nothing" in the living room because the house was empty. I watched the shadow from a roof top and kind of wanted to prove to myself that the sun does not move in a curve around - did not really work. I really did almost the whole time "do nothing" without tricking my mind into some contemplation technique. The mind quieted a little bit. I observed the mind a little bit how it wanted to make excuses. I felt the pain at my butt and eliminated it through paying attention to it and not distinguishing it as "pain." "Pain" became painless and just like any other sensation. At some time the ego won and I got out of my meditation posture. I laid down and noticed that "I" had to go to the toilet. I questioned for one or two minutes who really has to pee and poop. "I?" How do "I" know? How do "I" know anything for certain? Then after being on the toilet I looked "myself" into the mirror and just had to laugh. I went again into the living room to contemplate about external reality. How do I know that this bird on the tree is exactly at this position in external reality? Where should this bird be? What should it be composed of? I remembered that we even live in the past because the brain firstly has to process the information and that the light firstly has to travel to our eyes. Well, I don't even know that. Then I heard that my father came back home. I was able to watch my emotional reaction for a little bit. I got a bit angry, pissed off... Then I had to do some stuff with him, bla bla bla. But one thing that I realized in the last couple of days is that this matrix/these external circumstances are somehow there to challenge me, to teach me what I need to learn... I loosened my resistance against what I had to do and that my father distracted me. I tried to stay conscious. After I was finished with my father, I listened to the intuition and went outside. I walked up to an elevated position to see a part of the sunset for a few minutes. I saw the sun and the half moon at the same time. I went inside again and prepared dinner while my father had some stupid radio music on. I tried to take up the challenge to stay conscious. I ate dinner and watched some more videos that made me even more confused than I already was. I read some stuff on the forum that was so radical. It is so funny how limited our whole perspective is. Perspective: I don't want to hold any perspective. I don't want to hold any belief. How can you know that anything is true? Are there any assumptions that make your belief absolutely true? There is all the time that one could be manipulated by something, whatever it is, and we don't even know. We could be toys from extremely developed aliens which just want to experiment around with us. How can we know that this is not the case? HOW??!?!?!? Or we could all the manipulated by this "elite" which has all the power here on earth and which just wants to use us for they purposes. How can you know? Only trust your DIRECT EXPERIENCE. All the points which Leo mentions in the "mechanics of belief" video are good here. I just want to consider a possibility for certain perspectives. There are perspectives which seem to work in this game which we call life. But are you sure that they are true in "external reality?" I want to consider a flat earth to be possible as well as a ball earth. 50:50. How can I know this with my limited perspective. I have not seen the earth from space. I have not experienced almost any of those proves about these theories. But I don't want to be certain about it. I want to stay completely open. I don't want to know. I want to embrace this confusion, paradox, uncertainty, not-knowing. It is essential for insights and will rapidly improve your learning. Right now I love this quote from Nietzsche: "Not doubt, but certainty is what drives us crazy." Perfect. And at the moment I like conspiracy theories a lot. It is like a tool to develop this radical open-mindedness that is needed to experience the actual Truth which goes far beyond Enlightenment. Just because I consider some points from conspiracy theories does not mean that I am crazy. It is just funny and a good tool to loosen your certainty. And it drives your mind crazy. Well, I don't know much about the science behind it. I have not done proper research about this whole topic at all. Sometimes I am a bit naive but this naiveness together with open-mindedness and a little bit skepticism seems to be a good tool for radical open-mindedness and insight. I have not directly experienced it, so I don't believe it. But it could be possible and the science behind it valid . But science also can has its fallacies.

Videos that are changing my mind right now - mind fuck! (I don't expect anyone to watch all of these videos. It is just for me to document my way of thought for later. But if you do keep an OOOOPPPPEN MIND) This point at about 24:00 really hit me. I just experienced it a few hours ago that I saw the sun and a half moon at the sky at the same time. Why the hell is there a curved shadow?? They don't want us to see the Truth. They are hiding it from us, distracting us from it, our whole life is just a distraction, a massive one that feels so real.

17/1/5 - Streak 3 lunch salad chicory roots, fruits, an avocado big green smoothie 4 apples 1 banana kale powders 1 apples, 1 pear 1 apple with beet root snack 3 grapes 1 carrot some pomegranate dinner potatoes with sunchoke (2 plates) limited nuts and seeds What went well? I rewatched "overcoming addiction" the snack was really late and almost right before dinner. So actually I had no snack. What I will do tomorrow? I ate a lot for lunch today and felt very full afterwards. But I ate so much because of tics, so its okay. Tomorrow I won't do this again because of how I felt afterwards. About a year actually I felt after every lunch so bad because I ate so much oat meal for lunch - really really much. Feeling into myself before I make myself even more for lunch. waiting until I feel that my stomach is completely empty before I eat the snack Did I challenge myself too much? No, it was no problem.

Is soon as it becomes warmer I will drop this habit without a problem. Right now it is just for the sake of distracting me from eating. When I got used to eating less it is not needed anymore. I have more important stuff to do with my time than researching about tea right now. I know and I already tried and backslided often enough. Osho says this for example too and many other spiritual teachers as well. BUT this would be another additional habit, the habit of mindful eating. Maybe I will try it but not snacking is the focus now.

You could try it on me I also have acne. And I would like to have some courage to make bold life changes this year and beat the resistance.

Maybe. I haven't done much research on this. I mainly started drinking tea to "distract" me from snacking. Additionally we have lots of tea at home that nobody drinks and I often feel very cold in winter. Sometimes

"In any given culture, the brainwashed ones who fit in best (lawyers and teachers) assume much of the leadership." "Adult moralists are always angry people." "Managing the disease of moralism is done by telling the truth like children do before they lose their innocence." "We run around in the world wile running around in our minds trying to live up to standards we imagine others are requiring of us, while we starve for the nourishment that comes from commonplace experience." "This process of learning to categorize experiences, and then forgetting the distinction between categories and experience itself, is what I call learning how to lie." - Brad Blanton PhD "Not doubt, certainty is what drives one insane." - Nietzsche

Honesty I started reading "Radical Honesty" and take a break from reading "Zen Body-Being". I want to really implement the books that I am reading now and I felt like I need this break to implement all the exercises for feeling-awareness by Peter Ralston. Radical Honesty is more practical for me at the moment. I think that I really assumed that I was an honest person. But now I read the part about the levels of truth. I have so much resistance. I feel it inside my whole body. I see how homeostasis is kicking in already. I see how my mind manipulates me and wants me to just continue like in the past. But now its the time. I somehow came up with these new affirmations while singing on the bike: "I have the courage to do whatever I want", "I am free to do whatever I want" and "I'll do whatever I need to do to make my dreams come true" (I like the rhyme at this one). They are helping me to stay on track. My biggest challenge that I am working on now is writing an honest letter to my father. There was an event a couple of days ago when he came into my room, saw that I was reading, saw my notes and told me that I am insane, that I should worry about the opinions of others, that what I am doing is wasting my time, I should use my time better............... In the meditation my monkey mind got crazy, came up with thousands of answers and the intuition decided that I simple NEED to write an honest letter to him about everything I think right now. I have already made notes on the content of the letter. Today I started writing it. I feel a lot of resistance. I just need to write the letter, reread the letter and give it to him. Nothing more. Shut up and follow the intuition. Another thing that my intuition is telling me to do: telling my mother in person that I am asexual. I'll have to make notes on this one again, think about what I want to say and then just shut up and follow the intuition. And I have to confess something to my best friend. These are just three things that I came up with now but there are so many other things that I also have to say. Just these three things are already very challenging. So much resistance. A real comfort zone challenge I guess. AWWWAAWAWWWWHHHHHAAAAWWWW!!!!!!!!! This is real spiritual purification and personal growth. Shut up and follow the intuition.