JKG

17/04/05, Tuesday Eating one meal mindfully - Streak 0 Eating absolutely no snacks - Streak 1 Eating no oat meal - Streak 4 Eating no raisins - Streak 4 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 17 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 16 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 16 (not yet but in a minute) Gratitude (5min) - Streak 20 (not yet but in a minute) Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 28 Getting up directly - Streak 42 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 42 (not yet but in a minute) Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 45

17/04/03, Monday Eating one meal mindfully - Streak 0 Eating no oat meal - Streak 3 Eating no raisins - Streak 3 Eating absolutely no snacks - Streak 0 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 16 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 15 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 16 Gratitude (5min) - Streak 19 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 27 Getting up directly - Streak 41 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 41 Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 44

17/04/02, Sunday Eating one meal mindfully - Streak 1 Eating no oat meal - Streak 2 Eating no raisins - Streak 2 Eating absolutely no snacks - Streak 5 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 15 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 14 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 15 Gratitude (5min) - Streak 18 (not yet but in a minute) Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 26 Getting up directly - Streak 40 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 40 Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 43 (not yet but in a minute)

17/04/01, Saturday Eating one meal mindfully - Streak 0 Eating no oat meal - Streak 1 Eating no raisins - Streak 1 Eating absolutely no snacks - Streak 4 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 14 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 13 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 14 Gratitude (5min) - Streak 17 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 25 Getting up directly - Streak 39 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 39 Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 42

A School Day - 13 I woke up at 5:30am and started studying history at 6:30am. I was surprisingly awake and capable of studying. I went to school at 8 to study with my friend history in our schools library. I firstly studied an hour of peace treaties and she the German reunification. Then we presented it to each other. It was nice to study with someone and at a different place than in my room at my desk. In the break we watched the students of our year, dancing drunk as sluts and procurers. With another fried we gossiped a bit about them. But that was perfectly justified. Some of them looked so slut-like. Really! Then I went with my friend to her history class. Her teacher is pretty different than mine. They/We worked on tasks about the cold war. Going there was useful. After the next break I had my history class. My teacher gave us a lot of advice on how to study with our books, what do study, how to choose the best exam... It was very useful. He even told us interesting stuff. He is most alert between 5 and 6am. He asked my if I can imagine that. I said yes and he was surprised. At one point he talked about his favorite ice creme flavor and asked my what my favorite flavor was. I said that I don't eat ice creme and again he was surprised... I noticed that while he was talking he often made eye contact with me. That was strange. I tried to maintain this eye contact because normally I then look away because of embarrassment. After school I ate too much lunch, read, went mountain biking, meditated and read again. The weather was just gorgeous - 23 degrees. So my father had the brilliant idea to grill. I hate that. After wards I read again and practiced some mindfulness and techniques from Taming Your Gremlin. Now I am tired and go to sleep in a minute. 5 days left. Today in a week I will never have school again. So weird.

In the last years of my teens and then in my whole twenties I want to work on mastering computer science, building a business, gaining financial independence and a good amount of passive income. I work on personal development and spirituality in my free time. Then when I reach my thirties I can focus much more on spirituality, like Leo at the moment does. If I want to master computer science I need to invest 10.000 hours into it. If I want to get this done in 10 years, I need to invest each day about 3 hours into it. It will probably be much more, because of university stuff. But then I also need to get good at economics and running a business. This is totally doable. I am excited to be able to start mastering computer science in 8 weeks!

17/03/31, Friday Eating one meal mindfully - Streak 0 Eating no oat meal - Streak 0 Eating no raisins - Streak 0 Eating absolutely no snacks - Streak 3 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 13 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 12 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 13 Gratitude (5min) - Streak 16 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 24 Getting up directly - Streak 38 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 38 Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 41

A School Day - 12 Today was the first day of the motto week - theme childhood heroes - and I went as Bob the Builder. I just took a yellow helmet with me. The classes were not particularly interesting. In physical education and physics we just got ice creme (I didn't eat it), in German we simulated a oral examination, in English in maths we did nothing special, in history we finished the topic of the German reunification, and in social science we watched a movie. I also got some grades: English 11, physics 14 and social science 15! Now I will never ever again have German, physical education, physics and social science. Strange. And I will never again have a normal school day. Tomorrow begins the intensive preparation week. What was more interesting were my feelings and reactions during the breaks. In the longer breaks in the motto week the 12 graders all stay at a place of the schoolyard (stairs), have loud music, party around, and the rest of the school is looking at them. I hated the breaks today. I felt so stupid with this helmet. There were also 4 other students as Bob the Builder. I stood apart from my normal friends because they stood in the middle of the crowd on the stairs and jumped around to the stupid party music. The lyrics was all the time something like: "schalalalala give me more alcohol." And then they jump and scream around (drunk) "ABI ABI ABI ABITUR, ABITUR, ABITUUUUR" (Abitur is the name of the German high school degree). And at one point they made a polonaise in those stupid costumes, running around on the schoolyard. I just stayed at the stairs. I felt observed by all those younger students and teachers because I didn't participate with those party games. The good thing about today is, that I will never again have school until 5:30pm. Never! As I came home my mother had a very bad mood because of several events that stressed her out. Then my father game home also with a bad mood. Then my mother told him about the bad events and he got a even worse mood. Then the farmers came with liquid manure and started praying it over the fields which are on the other side of the rode. So they got a even worse mood. I just went outside to get away from this negative energy. I have noticed that I have to many anti role models in my life. And I know exactly what to do to not end up in such situations as they are. My parents, stupid lazy people in school, friends... I should be more grateful. I just estimated my final Abitur grade with an online calculator. It will depend on the final exams. If they will be very good (something like 15,14,13,12), I will get 1.3. If they will be good (14,13,12,11), I will get 1.4. If I will not be so good and something terrible happens (11,11,9,9), I will still get 1.7. I am astonished about my good grades until now. Tomorrow the motto will be sluts and procurers. So stupid. But happily I only have two lessons of history. So I don't have to be at school in the breaks and don't have to experience this madness. I am too attached to my experience, well-being and emotions. Just detach... Now I will just calm my mind down with some meditation. Maybe just do nothing and strong determination sitting for an hour. And then it will already be time for bed. The days fly by.

17/03/30, Thursday Eating one meal mindfully - Streak 0 Eating absolutely no snacks - Streak 2 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 12 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 11 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 12 (not yet but in a minute) Gratitude (5min) - Streak 15 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 23 Getting up directly - Streak 37 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 37 (not yet but in a minute) Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 40

17/03/29, Wednesday Eating mindfully - Streak 0 Eating absolutely no snacks - Streak 1 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 11 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 10 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 11 Gratitude (5min) - Streak 14 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 22 Getting up directly - Streak 36 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 36 Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 39 Staying mindful while eating is harder than I thought.

A School Day - 11 In the morning I firstly studied 1.5 hours history. Then in the time left I summarized the latest video, and then went to school. I had two lessons maths. We just did some old exams. I was much faster done than all the other students. My teacher once came and another student said: "J will probably be the only one who is not nervous before the maths exam." Possibly true. In the lunch break I went home and meditated for 70 minutes. Then I ate a salad and vegetables. I tried to be mindful but thats hard while eating. Back at school I had the last chemistry lessons with my normal teacher ever. Next week she will be away with 7th graders in Austria. We will have therefore a different teacher. The first 30 minutes we still did some exercises. Then the other people ordered pizza - I didn't. And then we played a game which we as a course have always played on our two school trips in 11th grade - called werewolves. I again had one of the best cards - I was one of the werewolves At the end we all got a sweet card. It says "this will not be your last exam ... but you will survive it." And in the card is a lucky penny. So sweet. I will miss chemistry class with her. I like her as a person. Back home I went running, did my English homework, ate, and wasted some time on YouTube with videos about the ESC. This was the last normal school day. From tomorrow on the motto week will begin. And from Friday on the intensive preparation week... I used to write here that 9,8,7... weeks of school are left. Now I say only 7 days of school are left.

17/03/28, Tuesday Eating mindfully - Streak 0 Eating absolutely no snacks - Streak 0 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 10 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 9 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 10 Gratitude (5min) - Streak 13 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 21 (!!!) Getting up directly - Streak 35 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 35 Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 38 I simply forgot to eat mindful. Eating no snacks worked until the dinner. Afterwards I felt the temptation, my ego tricked me into saying "this is not a snack," and so I ate another oatmeal. I need to say to myself directly after finishing my last plate "this is the end of dinner." The same with lunch. The only meal that I am comfortable with is breakfast. There I just have the smoothie and no temptation for anything more.

I have been thinking of starting with 4 hours of meditation and 4 hours of studying each day after school has ended. That would be a big challenge. But I would build very good discipline and would make a lot of progress in the fields of spirituality, school and life purpose. And bad habits would be eliminated because I have a big mission each day. The main motivation is also that after school has ended I have much time. I have time to develop and grow. After university has started I won't have that much time for probably a few years. This is the time to grow! 24 hours has each day. 8 hours I spend sleeping. So 16 waking hours are left. 4 hours of meditation and 4 hours of studying less means that I still have 8 hours left each day. 4 hours of those are probably spend with mundane stuff like cleaning, eating, commuting... Then there are still 4 hours for socializing, working out or reading. Sounds like a good plan. But if it doesn't work out with 4 hours of each, 3 hours would still be very good. Maybe I'll do it. Maybe not. No! I will do it! Now is the time for growth. I have the power to do this! I can grow so much! Shit. Now I have committed. This will be tough. 100%! 100% commitment. Oh god.

17/03/27, Monday Eating mindfully - Streak 0 Eating absolutely no snacks - Streak 0 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 9 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 8 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 9 Gratitude (5min) - Streak 12 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 20 Getting up directly - Streak 34 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 34 Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 37 (not yet but when I go to bed) I added the eating habit of "Eating mindfully" and "Eating absolutely no snacks" and removed the one with dinner. I have observed my eating pattern today and it wasn't so good. I just need those rules, otherwise I just snack and snack and snack, and then feel as shitty as I do now. Eating is the bad habit that produces for me the most negative emotions. I have to change that. On the other hand when I eat well I feel great. Eating mindfully will make me eating less because after a while I just want to stop eating mindfully. And eating absolutely no snacks is the big big problem. So what do I mean by a snack now? Lets precisely define it, so I cannot fool myself: It means eating nothing in between the three main meals. Sometimes I also eat at the end of the meals snacks. After the dinner for example I grap myself a hand full of nuts and raisins. And then some hands more... and more... and then I feel shitty. This is not allowed here. Something like 5 cashews, 2 Brazil nuts, some pumpkin seeds and a few almonds is okay. But not 20 cashews, 5 Brazil nuts and 3 hands of raisins! When I say to myself "the meal is over now" the meal is over and I eat nothing anymore until the next meal.

Being -> Happiness Yesterday was a great day. First of all it was very sunny and the weather very nice. I also was productive, was mountain biking, meditating well for 90 minutes... All sort of great stuff. But especially I was more relaxed, acted slower, without too much stimulation, more mindful... And in the Big-Picture of Self-Actualization video Leo reminded me of this thing. Being produces happiness. This savoring of experience, full experiencing experience. Happiness comes from experiencing experience fully. Not thinking and doing - that what most people do 99.9% of their time. Yesterday I was in the being-state pretty much. And therefore I was pretty happy. This morning I was also in a being-state from a visualization exercise I did in the evening and in the morning. I was almost as happy as yesterday. This happiness lasted until about 10am. In chemistry class I was still relatively relaxed, but then with social science class my mind took the control again. My gremlin took the control - the source of my negative thoughts. We had to read a text which I didn't really understand. My mind got into this negative thinking pattern again. And this lasted for almost the rest of the day. My gremlin is always very strong in school time. On the weekends I am almost everytime more happy. Not because of the school itself, but because I am more relaxed at home. At home I am secure. There I don't have to look out for all these social rules and norms to which I unconsciously think that I have to obey to. Think less, be more. Now I can apply my knowledge from "Taming My Gremlin." When I recognize myself in negative thought do this: breathe, experience, fell the boundaries of the skin, establish a home base in the here and now, simply notice it, simply notice my habits...

17/03/26, Sunday Eating no more than 2 plates for dinner - Streak 2 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 8 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 7 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 8 Gratitude (5min) - Streak 11 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 19 Getting up directly - Streak 33 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 33 Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 36

It worked

17/03/25, Saturday Eating no more than 2 plates for dinner - Streak 1 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 7 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 6 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 7 Gratitude (5min) - Streak 10 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 18 Getting up directly - Streak 32 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 32 Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 35

I don't have that often the feeling of hunger because I eat quite a lot. I feel fullness cues but often I don't listen to them because I just have the desire to eat more. And this desire is often the problem. But the desire to eat doesn't come from too strict dieting regiments like said in the video. I usually allow myself to eat what I want. My habits are mostly the problem. I have the habit of overeating because of this high carb vegan stuff I got into two or three years ago. Just when I walk by the kitchen I have the desire to snack some nuts and raisins. And when I would add this up it becomes quite a lot. And I eat and eat and eat just because I used to do this. Or the same with oat meal. Afterwards I always feel physically bad. I have worked on changing this habit with my rules and it worked. I don't eat too much anymore just because I watch videos while eating and then don't listen to my body. And I listen to my body sometimes to look whether I am really hungry or just have the desire. In the last weeks i became a bit less strict with some of my rules. For example I eat an apple in the afternoon to be able to concentrate and study. @Charlotte Thank you for reminding me of this stuff. I have already heard about intuitive eating but never really acted upon it. Maybe I will buy the book. And I want to start listening a bit more to my hunger and fullness cues. Thank you again My exams only start in May and I have only four of them Good luck to you too with the next three ones.

17/03/24, Friday Eating no more than 2 plates for dinner - Streak 0 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 6 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 5 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 6 Gratitude (5min) - Streak 9 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 17 Getting up directly - Streak 31 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 31 Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 34 I think I should not change the habit of eating some snacks at the moment. I have started with the breakfast and this works well. I think changing my lunch and my dinner eating habits first. When they are fixed I will start eating less snacks. So I will add the habit of "Eating no more than 2 plates for dinner." My biggest problem with dinner is that I fell like I have to eat the rest, so that nothing is left over. I got this attitude a few years ago and since then my mother at the end asks me whether I want to eat the rest. So this is implicated with that habit.

A School Day - 10 Today was a happy, good, sunny day. In the morning I did my morning routine, ate my smoothie, did 3 pomodoro sessions of history, read a bit and went at 10am to school. Firstly I had two lessons of English. It was really good. I firstly presented my summary and my teacher liked it. He only found minor mistakes. The rest of the lessons we continued working on the old exam. Sometimes I like analyzing texts and critical thinking. Then I had two lessons of computer science. My last ones ever in school. We played party games in groups of four. In my group were my two "friends" and someone I really like but have not much to do with. We played a game called "kill doctor lucky." It was kind of strategic and was very funny. Here I again had the prove that social contact and relationships are very important. I felt very happy. At the end we got our grades - 14. And then I have probably seen my computer science teacher for the last time in my life (he is from a different school). Somehow sad. I would like to have such gatherings of like minded people to have some fun and strengthen relationships. Relationships can bring so much happiness. As I biked back from school I was in a very good mood. The sun shined and I was just happy. At home I ate firstly salad outside in the sun. Then I went into the kitchen, ate bread, nuts and an oat meal. I don't know why. It was the wrong choice. I felt guilty and physically bad. At about 3pm I went for a bike ride. I went into the woods. Normally my parents forbid me riding in the woods because I could get kidnapped... But I am 18 and they cannot tell me what to do or do not anymore. I also didn't tell them where I went. I took my cellphone with me and pepper spray - just in case. And with my phone I could navigate! It was so much fun. Driving down with the mountain bike with a high speed in the woods rises my adrenaline levels! I also explored new trails I have never seen before. I found some spots I remember from biking there with my father. The time went by much faster than usually on the known routes. I felt like a kid and smiled and laughed like a kid. Back at home I showered cold, meditated for 65 minutes and ate dinner (again too much and rather unhealthy). I have just finished studying for 2 pomodoro sessions of chemistry and one repetition session of history. At the moment I am well able to follow my studying plan. I feel that I can also study well for some sessions in the evening. Now I start feeling tired at 8:40pm. In a few minutes I will probably go to bed or read a bit more. I have recognized that I spent less time on actualized.org with is kind of good. I have much to do and want to waste less time. I don't even read Leo's posts anymore, just sometimes journal entries.

I wouldn't consider me disciplined but thank you

17/03/23, Thursday Eating no snacks - Streak 0 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 5 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 4 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 5 (not yet but in a minute) Gratitude (5min) - Streak 8 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 16 Getting up directly - Streak 30 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 30 (not yet but in a minute) Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 33

A School Day - 9 Firstly I had German. Nothing much interesting. I will now only have 2 lessons of German in my entire life!!! Then I had physical education and for fun we were taught how to juggle. I wasn't able to manage it. Then English class. We started working on an old exam. I have to present the summary part tomorrow as a practice for my oral examination. I like the topic of the text: the differences in the development of India and America. Then physics class. Not worth mentioning. Then maths class. The topic is also not worth mentioning. But we got our plans for the intensive preparation week starting next Friday. This was like the most exciting thing of the day. I have 9 lessons of maths, 9 lessons of chemistry, 3 lessons of history and 3 lessons of English. I would like to have more history lessons... But together I have only 24 lessons which is nice. In the lunch break we sat outside in the sun because the weather was gorgeous. I ate my buckwheat porridge oat meal thing. Then I had history. We talked about the DDR. My teacher showed us some funny videos: This was music for little children. The text translated is something like: "When I am grown up I will go to the national army. I drive a tank. I drive a tank..." Full of propaganda. Then in social science we talked about the absurdity of the European parliament. The people from the parliarment just get 304€ for just signing that they were there this day. Then they could just go home and do nothing for the parliament. Or they change every month the offices which leads to a lot of waste of money. We also watched three videos of a funny German "politician" or satirist who is a member of the European parliament. I like the humor of this guy. Maybe I will vote for him After school I went for a 30 minute walk. The sun still shined and I listened to the birds. I also sun a bit from "What the world needs now is love sweet love..." But I always looked around if people were there who could hear me. Then I snacked... Then I read... Then I ate dinner... And now I procrastinate. I still have to meditate and its already 8:30pm. Only 5 normal school days are left. Then 5 days of intensive preparation. And one day of organization stuff. Five of those days will be funny days where our year is dressing up each day, called "Mottowoche." Thats a tradition at our school. At the moment I am happy that school will be over soon. I hate these long days. Tomorrow in two months I will be done with the exams!!! I am glad when this is over and I can start with my life purpose. I think of starting a new journal here because it will be a new "era" in my life. I can do what I want and am responsible for my life. And the name of the journal "Removing Should Statements And Eventually Reaching Enlightenment" doesn't fit very well at the moment.

17/03/22, Wednesday Eating no snacks - Streak 6 Eating a light raw breakfast - Streak 4 Eating without additional stimulation - Streak 3 Concentration practice (twice) - Streak 4 Gratitude (5min) - Streak 7 Dorsiflexion exercises - Streak 15 Getting up directly - Streak 29 Mindfulness Meditation (15min) - Streak 29 Programming my Subconscious Mind (15min) - Streak 32