Never_give_up

Warning: this is depressive you may not have the friends you'd like, the family you'd like, the health you'd like, the job you'd like, not being able to attract the people you are attracted to, not have the features you'd like, not living in a place you'd like, not having the experience you'd like, the money or respect you'd like. Add the suffering if you live in bad enviroment or/and bad people or have health problems, or mental illness. And then even if everything goes great maybe you are getting older and all the fun is gone, all the beauty is gone, all the hormones are gone, all the health and power is gone. Or there are young people that experienced everything fun and now there is no novelty, the same routine everyday. And all the desires we have that we never get them, and our souls cry that we don't have what we want. Even if you meditate and eliminate most desires, still you have no fun, you are just neutral I see people that have important things that I don't have and I want to cry. Why they have everything and I have nothing. Even them aren't nessecary happy but I suppose there is a tiny minority that is extremely happy and have everything. I don't want them to be sad, I just want to be happy like them. I am sad. I don't see any way out. My cope in life was philosophy, now that I don't find philosophy fun any more and don't want to think so much anymore, I no longer have anything to live for. I try to do art but I am very very bad at it so the fun isn't there. I don't know why should I keep living anymore. I really wish there is an afterlife cause I really want to go there(and pray it will be a good one, maybe with a lot of fun and happiness). I almost get happy thinking that there maybe some new life if things end. Maybe it's better this way. But I don't know even if reincarnation is real although I tend to believe it is, still I am not sure. I am just breathing, I am not living. Do you ever feel like life is not worth living?

I am not talking about some individuals that have bad ideas, I am talking when you see too many people, maybe the majority, believing and supporting stuff that creates unimaginable suffering to a single innocent person or potentialy to millions of people if not billions. They don't care about the suffering of the innocent people but they instead demonize them and potray the perpetrators as heros, the pinnacle of integrity. And don't you dare support the innocent person cause they will also demonize you or if they are bored they will just ignore you. It's like they love to do bad things and get away with it , especially if they gain something important in their lives, sometimes they don't get anything they just love some violence. There can be many patterns like that, I am just describing one of the many. It's like witch hunting, you see an innocent person, you demonize that person, and then you make that person suffer and then end that person's life. I don't think I am like them. Am I like them and I just deny it? Are we all like them and just deny it? I don't think so. If I am wrong please tell me, maybe I am truly a bad person and don't know it. Also how do you not get triggered by these people? I get really angry and uncomfortable when I hear their opinion online and see people supporting them. In the end you begin to think, maybe I am the crazy one if I am in the minority of opposite opinions, maybe they know something more than me and they just can't ariculate it or I am missing something. Have you ever heard something you didn't like that was supported by most people or it's just me? Maybe it's just me and I am the problem. For example, I have seen videos of cops deleting innocent people that did nothing wrong and I see the comments potray the cop like a hero and the innocent person like he did something wrong when it's not the case. I have seen people both doing it to me and others, getting beaten up in school and almost everyone support the popular person that was in the wrong. I have heard about abuse stories and majority of people support the abusers not the victims? what's wrong with me? why I don't belong in the majority? why i see things differently? Am I just low IQ? Should I follow the majority whenever I believe something different? what's happening?

as a place(enviroment) 10 cause I love sun. As a country 5 cause it's not the worse but it's definitely not the best, too much corruption, not much value or justice for human rights violations, not too developed in short. As a city 6 cause the positive things are that it's very small so I live in nature, not too much people or criminality, life of simplicity, the negative things are that it's so small, not many interesting things to do, not many kind of personalities and new people, not many interesting stuff, too much close mindness. You asked "Did the Universe/God/Yourself drop you in a good spot?". Well considering bullying, abuse, food addiction, height discrimination, I guess my deterministic life's rate is a 3. But then again Universe gave me a curious mind that produce many abstract ideas that I have never met anyone that is like me expect Leo and people of this forum. So I guess my life is an 8/10 all things considered. I really wish Universe game me imagination and drawing skills though but it didn't care that much for that. So yeah, an 8/10.

I can't quit addictions, I tried everything. I can't stop internet and food and some other addictions. I drink zero alchohol, zero coffee, zero drugs, zero smoking. But I just can't stop the other things. I feel so powerless. Should I move and go to an enviroment that it's difficult to access these things? Also I try to do things that will make me independent so I will go abroad. But I lack discipline and motivation so I can't even study English or other stuff, maybe I can do it a little but then I stop. People say just be disciplined no motivation, but without a little motivation you can't be disciplined. I have no motivation, I have boredom and that makes me lose the ability to do things that I have to do. I workout and do some other stuff most of the time but there are so many things I have to do that my brain refuse to do, and add internet addiction to that and I just can't do anything. Also I am very bad at memorization. I try to memorise things cause I am bad at it and it's a nessecary skill but I have to study for hours just to remember some lines. That's bad if you add the boredom that comes from it that makes mind and body refuse to read. I thought I was bad student and didn't go to university cause I have very low IQ but now I see that I just lack memorization ability (which is not something I am happy for but at least I no longer feel inferior for my IQ). I feel I have no control of my life but my neurochemistry has all control. I tried everything and I just waste time. I have other problems too but these 3 are essential for my dreams. I want to go abroad but how will I make it like that. People think I am a loser cause I am lazy but I am not just lazy, there is something more than being lazy. I literally can't force it. Some days I can that's the optimistic thing but without consistency it can't happen. Am I a weirdo? Do other people have these problems? I get I am below average in the severity of these problems compared to the average person but am I normal? I am going to discuss all these things with my therapist but I can't go often there cause he is in another town and don't want to change therapist but even if I went often I don't want only the opinion of a therapist but also the opinion of other people. Do you have problems in your lives? please share. Do you ever feel like you are weird for doing things like these that others don't? Do you know any solutions to these problems? What would you do if you were me? would you despair? How you conquered your own problems? Am I overeacting for feeling like a failure? I see everyone getting succesful in life while I am stuck with these 3 big problems that seem unsovable.

As someone that struggles with doing what he would like to do cause of no motivation, I came to the conclusion that some people are just super motivated. That's why they have infinite energy. Why they are motivated? for whatever reason their mind see something that feels that is worth doing the effort so they get rewarded by their brain with energy and motivation. Do you think that people that work 12+ hours on some project or something are just disciplined? that would be rare. They are passionated. Even when they suffer back in their mind their is strong motivation or lack of extreme boredom. People say it's genetics. Maybe it is. Still the mechanism is motivation , that's what I suspect. It's totally unfair, the difference between a doctor that make ton of money and someone that works in the sun all day for so little money could be the motivation levels they had to study (just one example, of course there are other factors too). If you ever became super motivated at something and others couldn't do it cause they didn't get that motivated you know what I am talking about. Find something hard but seems achievable by the average person that you actually can't bring yourself to doo. Why you can't do it? cause you have no motivation. Why you can do other tasks and not that one? why other people can't do what you can do when it's only a matter of effor and not talent? cause you have motivation and they don't. Discipline is super important, but without motivation you can't have discipline. People that have brains that rewards them with motivation while your brain is bored for the same task, these people are super lucky, they live amazing lives full of motivation. Some people study for 12 hours a day, i can't do even 10 to 20 minutes. Many people don't workout, I do it every day for 2 hours. Sometimes I skip but generally I do it. Many people aren't motivated to do it so they don't workout. It's totaly unfair, I hate it, I am sad cause of it and I am stuck in life cause of boredom. I feel powerless.

how you managed to become happy? any tips?

I want to become very good at mma, socialising and drawing (not champion or one of the best or something unrealistic like that, just very very good). I have anhedonia since 5 years ago but today I envisioned being better at these things and I felt like I found my meaning in life, I had 5 years to feel like this. I feel motivated. Do I need something more grand? something less grand? is this life purpose or it's too superficial and self centered? Will I waste my life if I dedicate my life to these things? What's your purpose in life? What's supposed to be a purpose in life? edit: do i need something more to be happy? Am I on the right path?

@Puer AeternusI have done mma and socialazation before and I remembered how awesome they felt. It's the drawing that is more a fantasy but at least I should try. I just thought it's better to ask for a second opinion other than my own. I don't think I have any other life purpose that I love. I am going to start doing them right now, cause they give me ''life energy'' if I can call it like that, which means I feel awesome doing them. Thank you man I appreciate it.

This is so important to me cause I am in some weird situation in my life that makes me think that I am not going to be here for too long (maybe I am just catastrophizing) , so I want to know your thoughts about reincarnation. Is this the end or it's eternal? Why do you believe in it or you don't believe in it? Is there a way to know? I believe reincarnation is real after seeing the video of Leo talking about the implications of Oneness (be careful with this video, it has some heavy stuff). But this is just a belief. No proof. The only reason I believe in reincarnation is because of determinism and also the question , why would I be me and not someone else? it doesn't make sense. So my intuition says that I must also be someone else. But what if my intuition is wrong? What do you believe?

@Breakingthewall Thank you for the reply! I am feeling much better cause of all these answers that are positive and gave me direction and told me I can change my life.

@Breakingthewallthank you for the answer and for the help! Can you elaborate what is depth perception and how to be open hearted? Based on what I wrote do you believe that I shouldn't have a low self esteem when it comes to IQ? Like I shouldn't feel inferior or that I don't understand things that others do but instead feel capable of understanding things like every other person? To be honest I am not creative (even though I try to draw) or fast or good memory (all these 3 traits I am way below average), but I used to have innate good analytical skills and huge curiosity about reality, way more than the average person. So it seems to me that I may have high IQ in certain areas and low IQ in others. But honestly, personaly, I consider creativity the highest form of intelligence and analytical skills the lowest.

Can I develop sense of humour just by socializing and listening to humour till my mind start to subconsciously grasp how humour works (which is just having experience)? They say , most of the time people need high IQ to have good sense of humour, but I wasn't bless with high IQ, quite the opposite. But if it's mostly experience then isn't it the case that even with low IQ a person can become funny cause she/he has a lot of experience with humour? Unrelated topic: is drawing the same? mostly a matter of practice and experience even if someone has low IQ?

If I was in your position I wouldn't touch any of these things. Maybe a little alcohol is not bad but personally I wouldn't drink even alcohol. I am addicted to food and internet and it's really difficult to overcome addictions. It would be better if I hadn't start using them more than I should, cause now I can't break free from them. If you ever addicted to things remember 1)will power and self control are finite 2)you need to change your enviroment so you don't have these things in easy access or at any access at all, it should be difficult to do your addiction not easy 3)you need purpose (that's the one that is difficult for me). If you have a purpose you get dopamine naturally, you won't need any substance.

@Someone hereThank you so much, that's very supportive. You and the rest of the people in the comments were very supportive and gave me hope and power. Thank you.

@Someone hereI have very low IQ, past traumas like repeated beatings, humiliation, discrimination from family and non family for years, I wasted my life on trying to understand reality but reality is a paradox it can't be understood. I live with my parents even though they abused me (but they don't abuse me anymore, especially since I am always in my room or outside), I have autism(diagnosed but I am not sure I have autism),ADHD(self diagnosed), I am on welfare(not enough money for anyone to support himself, but grateful for the help nonetheless) cause of a lifetime of psychological problems like anxienty, neuro divergent brain and social isolation, I am short unnatractive virgin and will always be till the end. That's some things that bring me down. But what really made me want to delete myself is thinking what will happen when my parents pass away. When this normal but tragic thing happen I can't imagine myself working, I prefer to delete myself than doing something I don't like, full of anxienty, boredom, sadness. The average person doesn't feel such negative feelings working, but it seems that I do. But now I think things more brightly. I do art (although I have zero talent) and when my parents pass away I will go to Holland and work some job of those that most people don't want to work that don't require skills or high IQ and can make you live decently. I can't work in my country in this stressful enviroment with my idiosyncrasy, but when I went to Holland, it seemed that people were respected no matter their work and they have good conditions to work and decent money even in low paid jobs and it was very civilised country. I know many will blame me why I don't leave now for Holland, but I am too scared to do it right now and it was only yesterday that I thought of it. I live in Europe so I don't need VISA as far as I know, so this make things easy. That's the reason I wanted to end myself, cause I didn't have any solution how to acquire money in my conditions, but I can definitely work in a positive enviroment unlike my harsh enviroment in my country (if I lived in a worse country I would definitely not survive). So I was in a dark place but right now that I found a solution I feel better. If my parents become abusive ever again I am definitely going to go to Holland even if they chase me (as I have told in post months ago, that I am scared of my parents trying to put me in mental hospital but that's another story which is better not to have a conversation about cause it's too dark and I want to stay positive as I am right now). Thank you.

@Someone hereI was thinking of deleting myself, but I feel much better today. I don't know if I am going to make it cause I am trapped in a bad life (it's my fault that the situation turned out that way) but I feel that maybe there are solutions and there maybe potential for a very good life. It's interesting but I wonder if you sensed that I wanted to delete myself even though I tried not to indicate that on the post or you said it randomly. Thank you all for your answers so far!

I don't want to think any more. Not only I think, but I overthink. Thinking only lead to paradoxes and suffering. I don't want to contemplate ever again. I don't care about enlightment and knowing reality any more, it just makes things worse. I only want to act and enjoy. Does focusing on breath on the moment like meditation destroys thinking activity? I am thinking of having only 1 relaxing and inspiring visualazation thought and focusing on breath. I want to be on a state of not thinking to a ridiculus level. I came to hate thought so much like never before. My mind ruminates all the time, it destroys me. I can't enjoy life anymore cause my mind is thinking daily stuff or spiritual stuff all the time, I have lost control. I hate thinking, it's the worse activity ever. Any idea what to do?

@aurumalthough I am feeling much better today, (yesterday I was bitter cause I rembembered my traumas and wanted to vent), I will answer the question. I don't have anything in particular to say, but I remember that I have seen hypocricy too much from people that critisize ''black pill'' beliefs. the biggest hypocricy from the normie worldview is that: 1)there isn't discrimination for people that are unnatractive. This is very big. There are a ton of studies and anecdotal evidence that shows huge discrimination in serious things in life that ''ugly'' people (short men for example like me) are punished in this life for no other reason just cause they are not attractive. I wrote some personal stuff myself. The opposite is also true, the more attractive someone is, the more rewards he/she will get. 2)gaslighting unnatractive men that they are not trying hard enough. This is not good and it's difficult to explain. You could say that in everything in life we just ''don't try hard enough'' when we don't succeed but I wonder, can people really try hard enough? Some do try and get or don't get results but most people just have a limit. We don't blame the average person for not being a billionaire or not being a bodybuilder or whatever cause he/she didn't try hard enough, but we understand that they didn't try hard enough probably and we accept it that some people fail and others don't. It's good to say to someone to try hard if they want to achieve something, but if they don't succeed don't blame them (not you personally). 3)''black pill is evil''. What is black pill? Is it people that want to harm others? If yes then am not ''blackpiller''. Is it people that understand that the best raw attraction is being very tall, then being good looking, and then being a little interesting? if yes then I am a ''blackpiller''. Why am I evil for knowing how things work? This is just hating (which proves that unnatractive people are easily hated, cause most people that have searched these stuff are people that are already unnatractive). Let's suppose I am wrong and looks aren't important. Why that makes me evil? People that believe I am evil for believing this stuff are hypocrites cause they are the real evil. They say that blackpillers are violent. Firstly there are way more violent groups than blackpillers and secondly I agree that many of them are too toxic, violent (and more pessimistic than they should) but this isn't the fault of all people that are labeled blackpillers. 4)blackpill is unscientific. The truth is that most of the things that blackpill tells, are supported by scientific studies. For example there have been studies that show that in prosperous societies, people become taller cause women select taller men (it's not about the good nutrition that makes everyone taller). Most people deny this. It's funny but these beliefs sooner or later become mainstream , they just have to be presented by someone that is respectable in society. To be honest I don't consider myself to be blackpill cause it's a label. I just believe some of the stuff they believe cause of science and personal experience. Sorry for the negativity. In the future I will avoid talking about blackpill stuff. I did it cause it was the topic but I try not to think about these subjects too much cause they make me feel negative feelings and pessimism (it's still good to know the truths though).

@Miguel1thank you for trying to help. In the end I just have to accept that some things aren't as I like and I just need to do what I like (drawing) and find a way to survive and cure my addictions and problems. I may not accomplish it fully but at least I should try. I hope reincarnation is real , just in case I don't make it in this lifetime . (Having low IQ is the worst though. Low IQ just means I am incapable of doing things that others can do, and generally it means being powerless... ) Anyway, thank you!

@BlessedLionmaybe I should stop being so bitter about my traumas and just draw and have fun. Thank you for trying to help. Your suggestions and way of thinking is helpful.

@BlessedLionMy life is completely destroyed objectively speaking. I am just waiting to be deleted. The only joy I have is art, I draw when I feel like it, but I am compelety talentless. People are very social, so they can't be happy when they are ''rejected by the tribe''. I would say art is the only thing I like, but even that makes you feel depressed when you know you are talentless (especially when you suspect it's cause of low IQ). I need to change my life and I try but my addictions don't help me. Sorry for the previous post, I needed to vent.

I am 5'6 feet, I have been discriminated by a ton of people cause of my height, including authority figures repeatedly, I have been beaten and humiliated in school by sociopaths/sadists for years, I have been beaten at home for breathing repeatedly, I have very low IQ (I was good only in informatics that I had a talent, I tried 2 times to pass exams for a university and failed no matter how hard I tried), I have been diagnosed with autism and it could be the case that the diagnosis was right, people just don't like you at 5'6 and treat you badly, especially when you are asocial and this is your experience plently of the time in your life. Last 5 years I have ADHD(self diagnosed) and addictions cause of this life that have made me completely unnatractive and simply a loser. Now you tell me why I think black pill is real. Could it be because it's true? Nah, it couldn't be that. It couldn't be the case that I was discriminated cause of height, it must be my imagination, discrimination isn't real and if it is , it couldn't be so bad. Right? Blackpillers have extremely negative views, and society extremely positive views, but I see more hypocricy in the normie worldview. Existentially you could say it's all determinism, bad karma. The truth is that I have good analytical skills and existential curiosity. In the rest of the traits, I am cursed. Half the problem is people don't like me for being short, another half is my low IQ neuro divergent problem. It's just a tragedy haha. I have gone to clubs, I tried to be social. It works, but you have to do a ton of stuff to get low results. No thanks.

I can't find psychedelics, and I have real problems with doing something I don't like , like meditation(it's literally impossible for me to do something that isn't interesting to my brain). I can do contemplation but lately it doesn't lead me anywhere, it just wears me down. Should I quit and no longer suffer from my desire to understand things better or there are other ways?

Is any country that I can do that psychedelic in a legal way and easy way to find them? How much does it cost? Will this psychedelic show the quintessence of reality (the highest knowledge)? Can you describe your experiences with this psychedelic and what you learned?

I think I will die a virgin. I am sure to be honest. I have zero personality, zero humour, I am 5'6, I am not intelligent. I workout a lot because when I was fit I got a lot of attention from women many many years ago, but I don't know if it will be the same if I achieve fitness levels again. I have way much more muscle than before and women don't like too much muscle. How do you people or people you know cope? how to cope? how to live without regret and pain from the primal desire that can't be fufilled? What would you do or do in my position?