Never_give_up

I am ashamed of writing this but I hope this community won't judge me. I don't like my role as a man. I don't want to die at wars, protect, provide. I don't want to fight other men for stupid reasons. I want to have fun. I want to be cared and yes even protected. I want to have fun like women do. Even sexually I am very submissive. I don't know what's wrong with me but I feel if I pretend that I don't want all these things I actually am not real to myself and if I try to act as a man I dysfunction. I am straight and have some masculine traits but not many. I am more of a woman than a man. I swear if I could switch my gender I would do it but with current technology we can't do that completely so there is no way I will become a trans (I am not saying trans women aren't women but that's my personal opinion). How do I live in this harsh world that doesn't understand men like me. Most people try to shame me for not being a manly man and the rest don't care. I mean it's good they don't care , it's their choice, but what do I do? Does any other man feel like me or I am an exception? I have never heard of any other man say stuff like this even online, so I don't know how this will be percieved, I am kinda anxious posting this. I am even ashamed to talk like this to my psychologist, but I will probably take the step and do it.

I have an asocial brain(, probably autistic if the psychiatrists that examined me were right), I am slow thinker, non creative, not smart, not good memory, I am super great at analyzation as far as I can tell but that's all I am good at. All these have serious implications like not being able to relate or talk to others, not having humour, being humiliated in social interactions if a bully disrespect you and don't know how to act. And generally not being able to think quick solutions in daily matters that require fast flexibility. I am short, I can't work cause of autism (i am on welfare that is super low money, although I am greatful for it of course). I was bullied and now I can't function properly (i don't want to remember the painful trauma details). I am also super short 167 cm (5'6 I think). I asked how to have a girlfriend on this forum months ago, I lost a lot of weight although I have a long way to go, but I start to slowly realize that I am not going to have a girlfriend. Hope and encourangement is good but some people just weren't meant to have relationships. I mean, it's a neurological problem, not a matter of self fufiling prophecy and lack of trying. Today I saw my crush with another guy and I felt both relief and sadness. If everyone is ONE then some lifetimes were meant to live this situation. When you have a ton of things to communicate to a person, my non creative mind is blank, it literaly can't find anything to talk about. It's not anxiety or lack of skills, it's an innate biological blank brain. I like drawing and I can't even imagine anything to draw, I don't have aphantasia but it's pretty close to it I think. I don't think I will ever find a girlfriend and that's ok if you know how to cope, but I don't know how to cope that well, I need help. I am kind of embarassed to talk to that to my psychologist but I may will talk about it, but other people's opinions is a good thing. ''Just practice'' doesn't work to me, I know people that give that advice have good intentions and I appreciate their advice but this is not a typical situation. So... how to live without romantic love?

You make your own meaning. Ok. So what's your meaning. What's the point of life for every person? It must be something more than eating bananas or watching the sunset. These things are wonderful but they aren't really enough, are they? What are some possible meanings in life, what's the point of it? Socialization, making a family, helping others, art, hobbies? I can't think of something else. Is this it?

I am desperate for a relationship with a woman. But it doesn't seem that women feel the same way for men. I always believe that truth is better long term than lies so I want to know the truth. Maybe it's a me thing, so other men aren't desperate, but let me tell you , as a man that never had a girlfriend, there is an emotional need to be connected with the opposite sex, to be desired, to come with contact. But all I see on the internet is women don't need men, don't like men, and they definitely mock men's issues or completely ignore them. So I have suspicions that women weren't meant by evolution to feel deep love for men like men do, they were meant to be independent when survival meets were met, while men were made by evolution to need a woman in order to feel very beautiful feelings. I am ready to accept the truth even if it hurts, I finally want to know even though I was afraid to know the answer. If the answer is that they actually do love and need men the same way men love and need women, that's awesome, if not I am ready to accept the reality I denied. There is no reason to point that no one ''needs'' anyone. Yes the word need isn't exactly right but to be fair it feels like an emotional need even if you can survive without the love of the opposite sex. You still feel bad without this need met even if you can survive.

It doesn't matter if it is 1%, 10%, or 30%. The point is there is a myth (or a fact) that women are only genuinely attracted to a minority of men and they only settle for the rest, even make families with them. Is this true or not? I belong to the bottom 5% according to my estimation (maybe even less) in terms of attractiveness so I really have no clue what's true or false.

@Opulence i see what you are saying. Don't you think that romance is the best thing ever though? I am beginning to think I will focus on art instead of relationships since no woman likes me. But I doubt art will be better than relationships. Maybe I am wrong.

@CARDOZZOI can't be funny and learn social skills. I am autistic. I am sorry for being pessimistic but it's true. All I can do is become 10% body fat and it will take some time (years). It worked before, I hope it works now. Well I can become better at social stuff but there is not much improvement cause of autism, I definitely will try though, thank you!

@CARDOZZOI can't do looksmax, I am 167cm (5'6 i think). All I can do is become 10% body fat which will take many years. When I was a teen and was thin many women couldn't take their eyes off me or approached me to talk about something irrelevant and stuff like that. Some were (way) taller too. But that is the past, i don't know if the same will happen when (and if) i reach 10% body fat.

@Tenebrosoif what you say is true then I don't want to be with a relationship with a woman. I mean, I want, but there is no point since I am not 1%. I am really confused. Is this red pill myth or normies not accepting a truth. It could be both, how do i know? I just can't understand it. I am so confused .

I don't like my life anymore. I have very low IQ, I don't want to live like that anymore. My life is a series of failures. I want to go to the next life. Does such thing exist? Are we eternal beings with eternal reincarnations? Shouldn't people like me try to go to the next life? This is all hypothetical, so please don't delete this question, I really NEED information.

I know a guy that I would describe him as sociopathic sadistic criminal. He tried to bully me sometimes even showed me a hammer and I and my father called him on the phone and told him that we would go to the police if he bothers me again. He agreed and told us that he would stop bothering me. Some days ago after 6 months from the hammer incindent I saw him and he did a quick ironic laugh. That was enough to trigger a panic attack although I tried not to show it. I doubt I can go to the police or a district attorney and tell them that this criminal laughs ironicaly when I am near him, especially in my country that doesn't bother that much protecting citizens unless it's clear that very bad things have happened. Not only that but this question isn't a legal question, it's about how do I relax, it's like I have PTSD from him and from my past bullying experiences as a teenager. I try meditation but it doesn't seem like great solution in this instance. I am really scared of this criminal, I think about mma moves all the time just in case he tries something. I live in a small town so I am definitely going to see him again some day and although I am planning to move abroad it will take years (I won't move abroad cause of him). We have talked to a police man and told us if he bothers me then I we should go to a district attorney and show them my diagnosis that I have mental problems like autism cause it helps with the situation if he ever tries to do anything. I have 2 appointments in 8 days with my psychologist and my psychiatrist and I am going to tell them, but till then I don't want to bother them. I told my mother and she told me that unless he does something worse then ignore him. How do I relax? How not to let obssesive thoughts and PTSD take over my mind. I understand this forum isn't about talking about these stuff so I understand if this question gets deleted but I hope it doesn't. What to do to cut these obssesive PTSD thoughts, how do i relax? Thanks in advance.

I saw an anime called ''ghost in the shell'' and it made me think that we are not different than a machine yet we can feel and it can't. What's the difference between a machine and a human? The human can feel cause of electrical impluses (of course metaphysicaly that's wrong but to the relative world it's real) but the machine can't? why not? we have hormones, so if you put hormones that become electrical impluses in a machine why it can't feel? What I am trying to say is we don't know how conscioussness works. I am not saying AI robots can feel, I am saying who knows, maybe they do or they may will in the future. Or maybe not, I am open to both possibilities.

I don't know if it's abuse or not but I do know that it was a very bad situation for my life. I wasted decades of my life believing things that made my life worse than it would have been. On the other hand religion gave me some hidden advantages so it's not all black and white. When I was religious my life had so much meaning, but also it surpress every natural emotion and you can't communicate with others cause you are living in a different world than them. Also Christianity says things like turn the other cheek, forgive your enemies and have empathy for them, or don't do any sin cause you are going to hell, don't masturbate, pray instead of solving problems and the list goes on and on. That's really bad things to say to kids. I remember I couldn't sleep cause I was scared of devil and when I slept I saw horrific nightmares, that's too much for a kid. My mum is still christian but I don't believe in any religion any more. Not even hinduism or buddism although I tend to believe that reincarnation is real

What romantic animes you like the most?

@Osaid @caspex @LastThursday Thank you all, I didn't expect so much understanding and acceptance. Thank you.

@Hojo @Adam MThank you for your answers. It seems I am not the only one thinking like that or at least I am not percieved as completely weird person. I feel better , thank you.

@Natasha Tori Maruthank you for answering this question. So there are other men like me out there? I can't explain it what having fun like a woman means. But it seems to me that women are light hearted, like they know the meaning of life is to have fun with friends, not to be brutal like men. They create deeper connections and care for each other. Also society lets them be more expressive and have fun. I really wish I was a woman, both because of their biology and the way society let them be free.

@Monster EnergyCan I confirm this about reincarnation in any way? @Carl-Richardis this a joke or it's real situation? sorry for not understanding if this is humour, I am autistic, I have trouble understanding this stuff.

I see spiritual people online lying to themselves. Personally I lie to myself all the time, and the paradox is that I became so good at it that I know when I lie to myself and I still believe the lie (it's very weird if you think of it). I am begining to question how ''moral'' spiritual people are. I would say that they are more honest and moral than the average person (probably) but still very selfish and lying to ourselves. Think of it, if you believe everything is One and life is ultimately Meaningless and Infinity is nothing, then you wouldn't be able to function. It would be so difficult knowing that you will experience unimaginalbe pain worse than you have read or seen in movies or experienced in life, that people in Africa get taken advantage by powerful people and they are poor and full of war and suffering, innocent people getting k*lled there all the time and we do nothing to help them while supposedely knowing that we are them. Why on earth you/I don't want to help yourself/myself. And you wouldn't be able to function knowing that (according to Leo) your total experience of infinity is actually zero, that is what we called death, happiness equals suffering , not happiness > suffering. I know that spiritual people say that nihilism means no negative meaning but be honest with yourself, do you function with zero meaning after learning the Truth? I see me lying to myself, I see Leo lying to himself, I see members of this forum lying to themselves. We all lie to ourselves to fundumental aspects of Truth. How can we trust spiritual people when all spiritual people lie to themselves? How can you find a spiritual person that doesn't lie to himself and then to others but also what would be the point of finding such person if in the end I am going to lie to myself anyway and deny aspects of reality that include unimaginable pain and death? Denying, lying, seeing reality as better than it is, it seems to me that we all do that even here. What's the point of believing we are spiritual then? we are just kind of better than average people, nothing more. Do you lie to yourself? How you live after learning the Truth? or perhaps you don't believe the truths Leo told? Do you believe spiritual people are more moral or sensitive than the average person?

Now, I am not saying this in black or white terms, people definitely care for each other sometimes, but it seems to me that most of the time they don't. People do horrible things to each other when they have something to gain. People don't care about inequality, injustice, priviledges, so many people fight to be the source of these problems as long as they are the ones that get the upper hand. I start to feel lonely, like no one cares about anyone. People care about their families if they are lucky to have good families but all the other people , people don't care about them. People make alliances but doesn't mean they really care about those people. People do very moral acts when people are looking, but when they have the chance to do something horrible for some gain when no one is looking , many do that horrible thing. People love justifying doing horrible actions to innocent good people, pretending that the innocent people did something bad. Some people that do horrible stuff don't even justify it, they just don't care, maybe even like it. I feel like we are very bad species. I feel lonely, like it's a hostile dangerous world. How do you feel about all these? what are your thoughts on this matter? Do people care for each other most of the time? Do you feel lonely in a cruel world?

If we found a way that communism works fine, do you believe is good or bad? The way I see it it's good, because it's actually everyone has the same money with other people. Why would someone be against this? I don't know anything about communism or capitalism, I am completely cluless, so I try to understand better. Maybe I am wrong , maybe I am right, I don't know (I want to learn).

If a man is attractive, does the woman try to come in social contact with them or are they just make subtle signals. Obviously I wouldn't make this question if I was attractive. So I wonder what's the experience of attractive men. I mean, I want to know if a woman ever finds me attractive how she will act since I don't like making the first move ever.

I just learned something really scary. After you lose a lot of weight (like I do), your body increase hunger and make you less satisfied in order to go back to the weight you started, maybe even more. And it takes a lot of time till the body gets used to your new weight as the normal. So what can someone do in order not to regain the weight he lost, since the hunger is going to be very strong....?

@Judy2I have many things that make me happy, but there are some random parts of the day that I really wish I had a relationship. People tell me I shouldn't give up and it makes me hopeful but on the other hand I don't understand what I should do, I am confused, I have no guidance. Normal advice won't work for my atypical brain.

I need to find a solution to my obssesive need of understanding reality. It could be as simple as finding a hobby (assuming that's a solution). Or it could be ''stop thinking these thoughts till they no longer come to you''... I don't know, anything that could help. I really believe I can overcome this need, all I need is guidance