Never_give_up

I am old but for various reasons I am dependent on other people. Some of this reasons are that I have asperger and that I had psychological problems that made me not able to become independent. I want to change that. I study japanese on the internet to go to Japan in some years and I also learn art with a teacher. But I am so scared of becoming independent, I don't think I can do it but I also I prefer to risk it all to do it than be dependent all my life and also what happens when the people I am dependent to, leave this world? So... how do I become independent. How do I become social and not shy and outgoing (important skills), how do i know who to call and how to fix things in life in daily activities and in my house, how do I know how to navigate life ? I am so confused and scared. I know it's shameful, humiliating and embarassing that I am dependent at old age but this is my situation and hiding it won't do me any good. Please don't shame me, I am already in deep shaming myself. The plan is 1)study japan 2)take Visa to japan for studying at university 3)getting Visa to work after finishing university. I won't stay in my country forever, I don't change that desicion. So... How to make it? How a person with difficulties becomes independent? How to be able to be an adult if you find it difficult cause of personal issues? Thanks in advance. I really want to do this, I am so scared but also will try very very hard to make it, cause I want it really badly.

I just learned something really scary. After you lose a lot of weight (like I do), your body increase hunger and make you less satisfied in order to go back to the weight you started, maybe even more. And it takes a lot of time till the body gets used to your new weight as the normal. So what can someone do in order not to regain the weight he lost, since the hunger is going to be very strong....?

It's like you try to understand something, only to reach the conclusion that you cant understand it. At least that's what I thought after seeing the deconstructing rationality part 1 video.

I am 31 years old (in 4 days), 167 cm , male, and I weight 78 kg. I went to a calculating site, and if I remember correctly it told me that 8-10% body fat for my height is 53.5 kg (maybe a little more with some muscle). I workout probably 1 hour 40 minutes per day (3 hours but most of it is break), 1 hour is running and 40 minutes are mostly weight lifting, and rest day at Saturday so I do only 1 hour running. I eat 1750 calories per day but it's really difficult for me to eat like that cause I am full at 1200 calories most of the time. I am fat cause I was addicted to food eating way more calories than i should but now that I fell in love with someone and that I added vegetables and fish I am starting to lose weight and don't feel addicted at all, I already lost 4 kg (it's not water as far as i know). But losing weight takes time, and I wonder if I will be able to reach 53.5 kg in 7 to 14 months provided that I eat 1750 calories per day...? Also when should I reduce the calories and how much? I think of reducing 50 calories every 5 kg I lose (at 75kg for example), but I don't know if it's healthy or the right amount to reduce. Also I was 69kg for a time cause of diet but I gained all of it back and more. But I didn't eat vegetables back then or was in love so the eating addiction started. So what are the chances of taking the weight back again, why this thing with weight gaining what you lost happens? I can't wait to be thin. At last I found a way to lose weight and I really want to know when I will reach my goal .

Warning: this is depressive you may not have the friends you'd like, the family you'd like, the health you'd like, the job you'd like, not being able to attract the people you are attracted to, not have the features you'd like, not living in a place you'd like, not having the experience you'd like, the money or respect you'd like. Add the suffering if you live in bad enviroment or/and bad people or have health problems, or mental illness. And then even if everything goes great maybe you are getting older and all the fun is gone, all the beauty is gone, all the hormones are gone, all the health and power is gone. Or there are young people that experienced everything fun and now there is no novelty, the same routine everyday. And all the desires we have that we never get them, and our souls cry that we don't have what we want. Even if you meditate and eliminate most desires, still you have no fun, you are just neutral I see people that have important things that I don't have and I want to cry. Why they have everything and I have nothing. Even them aren't nessecary happy but I suppose there is a tiny minority that is extremely happy and have everything. I don't want them to be sad, I just want to be happy like them. I am sad. I don't see any way out. My cope in life was philosophy, now that I don't find philosophy fun any more and don't want to think so much anymore, I no longer have anything to live for. I try to do art but I am very very bad at it so the fun isn't there. I don't know why should I keep living anymore. I really wish there is an afterlife cause I really want to go there(and pray it will be a good one, maybe with a lot of fun and happiness). I almost get happy thinking that there maybe some new life if things end. Maybe it's better this way. But I don't know even if reincarnation is real although I tend to believe it is, still I am not sure. I am just breathing, I am not living. Do you ever feel like life is not worth living?

@Someone hereso I should just take action. True , but I am so scared and shy to do it, but I have to. So I have a problem, I ask people, I search on internet, I take precautions, I try things. In the end I just do it. So hard cause I am scared and embarassed , but it seems that's the solution. Thank you, I will do it!

@Someone hereI have and he helps me become independent but my whole life he was an abusive person. Beatings, punishments, emotional abuse and other horrible stuff. Add to that my autism and other mental problems no wonder I am on welfare, but I need to change. But he is more relaxed now, he is not abusive, at least not to that horrible level. So whenever I tell him to show me something he shows me. It's mostly my mother that helps me and give responsibilities. I never had a good father model, never will, but that's life, I was unlucky to have these people as parents. I love them but after all that abuse I also hate them. Anyway, this is about responsibilities and independence not about my abuse and parents. Thank you so much for the reply.

I go to certain clubs lately and socialize more than i have ever done in my whole life and I already meet a lot of people and women too. Most women ignore me but some are very polite and want to talk to me. It's like what Leo says that socializing gives you the opportunity to meet many people. I start to think that some day I am going to meet a woman and get to know her naturally and maybe it will evolve in something more. It almost seems not that difficult anymore (but time will tell). Is my intuition right? Is socialization the key to meet women and have a relationship?

I am addicted to many things too, but I stopped my eating addiction when I fell in love and had a strong desire to become independent (cause I am dependent on other people to live but I want to change that). My internet addiction and some other addictions are way better now cause of love. I am super motivated to change my life cause I feel I am not worthy of love from certain women when I eat unhealthy, am dependent or am addicted to things. I don't know if it is the same for women, but for men I think love is the biggest motivation to become a better person in every area of life. It's sad I didn't had this motivation all my life but better late than never. I run everyday 1 hour never missing a day because when I run I think about a woman I love even if she doesn't care about me. In summary. I don't know if it will help you but personally love is my biggest motivation in life (and becoming independent) and I wouldn't be able to escape my addictions or at least weaken them significally , if I relied only on discipline. (Also my eating addiction stoped when I started to eat healthy foods mostly with low calories that makes my stomach full.) Love is my meaning in life. I have other passions too but love is probably the strongest force to quit addictions. I am going to say something controversial but I don't think people can quit addictions in an enviroment with triggers of these addictions if they have not some other strong force to make them stop. I am still addicted to things, but not that much.

I think you can expose yourself to more responsibilities little by little and having goals, that way what seems painful now may not feel really painful anymore, just little uncomfortable. To be honest, I used to avoid pain and that was not a good life, but when I fell in love with a woman (that doesn't even notice me ) I became motivated and what felt painful just became uncomfortable. Maybe you don't have enough motivation? My life started to change when I found motivation: love for a woman, and a desire to become independent. I don't feel like I could help you but just in case you are in the same situation as me, it's motivation that you need in order to fall in love with life and not avoid pain. I don't know what's more powerful motivation than love, at least for men, I don't know if it's different for women. In summary, having motivation makes painful things not painful anymore and life becomes amazing.

Do I have to meet a thousand if i am not relative that attractive?

I am very feminine man (sensitive, don't like to lead and things like that) and no woman is attracted to me either. I think there needs to be a balance, but I get what you are saying.

100% Switch 96% Submissive 85% Primal (Prey) 81% Exhibitionist 72% Non-monogamist 67% Ageplayer 57% Experimentalist 49% Voyeur 45% Vanilla 38% Slave 35% Dominant 32% Degradee 24% Rope bunny 20% Primal (Hunter) 15% Brat 14% Owner 13% Pet 3% Degrader 3% Master/Mistress 0% Rigger 0% Brat tamer 0% Daddy/Mommy 0% Little 0% Masochist 0% Sadist == Results from bdsmtest.org: == https://bdsmtest.org/r/BgE4hz7S

I just learned I have 2e from some conversations I have with AI. I want to get a real diagnosis but everything seems to fit perfectly on what was and is happening in my life. It was like I was being discribed. 2e is something like you are extremely high intelligence in some areas and extremely low intelligence in other areas , probably cause of neurodivergence. (It's not exactly that, but I gave a quick summary.) Now I know why out of let's say 200 people I was always the slowest one to understand things and function, still happening today. Why I struggle with memory, creativity, slow thinking. Also out of 200 people in informatics I was the best. Now I know why I was bullied, was called lazy by teachers, felt an outcast, why I like actualized cause I am rare in philosophy, why I had huge empathy crying as a kid when someone crashed ants (many times 2e individuals have huge sensitivity and empathy). I go to traditional dancing and I am almost the slowest to understand the dance out of hundrends of people and I feel humiliated, especially knowing that some women I like can see my deficiency. I struggle so much to daily life. I can see my giftness and my extreme deficiencies. I don't even know if in my country I can evaluate if I have 2e (even though i am sure i have it). How on earth can I find a girlfriend being socially dumb, slow, struggling in life. They can't see my unique intelligence and probably my depth doesn't matter to them. :'( . I am almost 31 and I feel like I am in the ''Fight Club'' movie and I just saw a big revelation that's shocking about my life like in the movie. I am feeling so low I want to cry. I feel humiliation with being so slow. I feel I won't ever find a girlfriend :'(.

@Lucasxp64thanks a lot for the answer. You took time to write this, I am thankful for you. It's good that someone cares even if they don't know me personally.

I wouldn't care I am short, i like my height. But it seems that people think you are physically weaker cause you are shorter (i think they could be right) so they disrespect you and treat you badly. Men bully you, women just don't like you. I wonder if there are any advantages, maybe I will feel better about myself if I hear something positive. What are your experiences and what do you think about this as a short man?

Also if women value strength , then why women value strength? Does it have to do with evolutionary psychology? Can a woman ever love a weak man or she simply can't cause she is not wired for that? Lastly do women like strength more in a man or looks? How a man develops strength to attract a woman for a relationship?

I have many unnatractive traits, and only a few attractive ones. I am almost 31 and I don't think I will ever find a girlfriend. Never had one. I had very little experience with women when I was super thin and confident but that was a long time ago and I mostly met women through other friends, never on my own. My most notable unnatractive traits: i am short 167 cm, i am autistic or some other neurodivergence (that's a huge one with a lot of implications), and I am little fat but not extreme. My most notable attractive traits: look very young like I am 20, i am good if not great at deep thinking (which some say is actually bad thing for relationships), and I feel like I have a cute face (at least when I was thin). Generally I have been gifted with high cognitive ability in analyzation(deep thinking,philosophy,logic) and on all other cognitive abilities I am extremely dumb, I couldn't even get to university and I don't understand simple things many of the time (neurodivergence). I feel like not everyone can't find a girlfriend. Until now I wasn't interested in relationships but now I feel I would really like to have a girlfriend. Should I accept I won't find a girlfriend or there is a chance I can find even in my bad conditions? Are all men really able to have a girlfriend?

Today I met a a teacher that I had 13 years ago and I overshared some mental issues i have... what i was thinking? Now I feel embarassed every time I think of it. Not only that , what if he shares it with other people? I can't forgive myself for brining unnesacary shame to me. How do I erase it from my memory?

if yes how you deal with it? if not, do you think discrimination for this doesn't actually exist? and generally , how do people deal with discrimination for exercising their individual rights that harm nobody?

I don't know what i have, they told me i have autism (asperger), i think i have ADHD i could be wrong. I feel intense boredom doing simple stuff, i struggle doing things i thought i like. I am way better than I was, but it stills bother me. My brain definitely doesn't work the way other people's brain work. I am slow thinking, not creative, don't even have a sense of humour, but I am very strong at analyzation, philosophy. I am dependent on other people to survive cause of my neurodivergence. I have heard that psycedelics can make you appreciate life, so i wonder if it's the ultimate solution to my problems. I can go to Netherlands to try magic truffles cause I have relatives there and it's legal but that's the only psychedelics I can get my hands on. Magic mushrooms became illegal there cause someone took their lives as far as i know. And if maggic truggles are the solution, I wonder how to do them. Can I do them alone? How much should i take? what do i do when i take them?

Or there are some things that don't make sense but they still happen? What's your opinion on this?

How your life changed when you realised you are everything, you are One dream, everyone is you etc... ? What direction your life got after realising big stuff like that? Did your goals change?

There are many positive and negative things that AI will bring. Below are some negative and positive things about AI, if you want you can skip it. I think AI will discover philosophical ideas we can't imagine, medicines, movies/video games/art, cures for viruses, digital protection from digital viruses, and awesome scientific discoveries that will bring developement and happiness but also it will discover bombs, viruses, weapons. Also I feel like AI will take ALL the jobs that exist, not a single one will remain. Even programmers won't be needed cause AI can program itself. So what will happen when (and if) AI will take all the jobs that exist? will those in power do bad things to humans or they will give UBI (Universal Basic Income)? Also what will be the meaning in people's lives if they have no job to do? Some will be able to do things they used to do anyway, but others will think that it's pointless to do anything if robots can do it for us. Also, there will be a problem with hacking and fake videos. And what if they program AI with bad intentions? or if AI robots will malfunction? What if even most AI robots are good, some people will program them to be bad? What if the world will be destroyed by bombs that AI will discover? And who knows if AI will decide some day that it will function in a way that will be painful to humans or will eliminate humans? And what if those in power use AI in order to do bad things to humans? Will they stop developing AI? Will all these things happen? What should we do and what will happen?

desires that get triggered all the time. And I really want to achieve them. If I ignore them they come stronger, if I try to tell myself that they don't matter then I feel like I am fooling myself, if I try to achieve them they won't happen.... I want a happy life, I don't want to deal with this any more . I watch myself suffering all the time for the desires that keep happening when something triggers them. Desires I can never attain. (if you aren't bored, more details below: ) I wanted to go to university and I couldn't make it cause of my bad memory (learning disabilities?), I still wish I had a different brain and went to a good university. Whenever I see normal people that went to university which is half the people in my country as far as i know, then I feel like they are superior and I am inferior, that they have a normal life and I am not. I want to stop my food addiction that gets triggered by my internet addiction. This one is more doable cause I have come with different plans to make this happen, and this is one of the reasons that if I manage to make it then I won't be on this forum too much, cause I will have managed to treat my addiction . That is , if I manage to make the plans work. But whenever I see people that are fit and desire to have their bodies (thin) , I just fall into depression. If I make it , I estimate it will take me 4 years to lose 24kg to become 14% body fat. This is so depressing, it seems to far off. And how many desires I have that I had humour, or were very good at chess, or very good at drawing, or I had a lot of money, or I had the attention of opposite sex, or that I was tall. And also how do I know I live the right life, maybe I am trying too much, maybe I am trying too little, maybe chase the wrong desires... Desires / concerns... they destabilize my inner peace and they turn my positive psychology into negative. Desires not to get old, to have more status, to be a genius (grandiose irrational desires that I get once in a while). Desires I was attractive or famous. All these desires no matter how crazy and irrational they are, they create suffering. Some desires are weak or rare frequency, but others are more frequent and stronger. And let's not forget my desire for understanding reality. How on earth can someone undestand something that is mysterius and a paradox? it can't happen. And yet my stupid brain gets mad that it doesn't understand reality and want to understand it so desperately. This creates so much suffering in me, it gets exhausting. I don't know what the solutions are if they exist at all.... I won't go to therapy any longer. It doesn't help me. I can't deal with my desires any longer, they destroy my life. I can focus on some simple desires like to become thin, or draw.... but the rest seem to much. I hope this is the last question I make for a very long time, if my plans of quiting my addictions work (internet,food addictions). If I don't make it I will hang out here for longer.