Howtolive

Man , you framed it better then I could myself. Thanks !! yeah that’s it

It's more that I guess that most men are not really honest to themselves or the woman. Most males around me have the same sexual aggression I describe

Exactly it's how you carry yourself. The instinct I just that, an instinct. But I belive every man has this instinct. If there is an instinct in man that can go as far as rape, I would say it's a good idea for male sexuality to integrate that instinct into meaningful relationships. I would say in casual sex this instinct is way more destructive than people realise.

For exmaple at the end of second world war countless Russian men raped a lot of German woman. There is a beast inside of men when it comes to sexuality which is very primal an raw and which can lead men into rape. Thats why I say this is not just a playful instinct for men. It's very primal and has a lot to do with dominance. If not integrated correctly can become very destructive. I actaully see it as the men always being the dominant act during sex, even though it is a submissive position the man is in. If the man is able to give his seed it's automatically a win by nature. And his DNA able to reproduce. His instinct stays the same. Lots of male mammals need to fight other males in order to get excess.

I agree with you. I am talking about the instinct though. Human is more then that of course. probably back in stonage, things looked different. And casual sex is the opposite of a loving relationship. So I argue -> closer to stonage

I wrote you a dm .:) Basically I belive that sex is viewed differently by the sexes. I think for most men it’s not just play, it goes much deeper into the psyche. maybe seeing sex as play is the cultural programming here ? Just a thought to be thrown into the mix. If both sides were completly honest about the situation. I belive both have not much honor/character when engaging in it. In a relationship when the woman made the desicion to submit to you, because you really care for her. It’s an exclusive very valuable act from the woman. The men respects it a lot. if the sex has been given to many men before him, who did not really care about the woman(maybe even disrespected her), the submission has less value. I think I don’t respect the woman, who let me have sex with them, even though I do not care at all about them emotionally. Very hardcore opinion now hope that doesn’t hit the forums rules or something… I belive if men would have not been socialized the way we are right now. We would basically have an instinct to „rape“ woman. I belive this is how strong the sexual instinct in men is, if we were to be completly honest. thanks for taking it good !

Probably true. Doesnt change it for me though. Feels more like deep down they now its shit but they overlook it to have sex. Which is exactly my point. Not a good idea. why dont you state them ? this is what the forum is for, no ?

I am curious: The girls you hook up with, that are down for something casual. Would you ever think about having a relationship with them?

what I am trying to say is that when looking at my sexual instinct only: Why do I like sex so much ? What turns me on when having sex with a promiscuous girl? Its the fact that I "use her" , "Own here" (in that moment), And this gets boosted a lot whith girls who are there for casual sex (the aggressive side of the instinct/ the animal in me is getting pushed to the surface). When having sex with a girl I am also romantically invested in. The instinct is still there, but this time less boosted. It's more a form of bonding, protecting, leading her, being proud that she submitted to me in a sexual act. I am willing to give a lot when a woman submits like that to me. So this is my conflict-> Causual sex brings the dark side of my instincts to the surface. During sex its a Raw dominating act which turns me on, maybe even seeing the girl as less ( its not my view but what the instinct turns on). I like having this easy excess and at the same time cant really respect the girl for bringing this dark side to the surface. She willingly taks the risk of being seen as less. At least for many men "less" in the sense of not relationship worthy. Myabe that explains it ? To answr your question: I actively looked for woman that are easy for sex in the past on dating apps and that worked. But I never respected them for doing it. And also now not respecting myself for it. Because for me it's based on a lie. And turning a relationship girl into a hookup was never a thrill, would always feel like shit if I did that. But of course just being able to get a girl to sleep with you is, In my experince, a big ego push for a man. It's like nature telling me I did a good job. And I "owned" that woman for a moment. Might sound super wrong but I belive if man were really honest about there sexuality... it looks like that. Thats why I also thing casual sex is not about "fun" for men. Drinking beers with friends is fun. Having sex is pure act of winning/dominating.

I get where you are pointing at overall. If I look deeply in myself I dont respect getting sex without needing to show that I would take care of her, admire her for her etc... So its not like I expect sex without effort, ist quite the opposite. And the topic regarding honesty. My point is probably that it feels wrong to me. To let someone else enter your body, especially by someone that get turned on by "using" and objectifying without them caring for the person at all. Thats a huge difference to selling a product.

I dont see how that connects to my statement ?

Very nice insights, now we talking haha. I have made a lot of these experiences myself and talked about them to other men. So we are on the same page. I would just ask you to go one step deeper. Maybe you had the experience that doing that with a gir that is particularly "sluttly" and promiscuous is sometimes feeling even better. It's like when you use tinder and you are looking for a hookup. You directly search for the girls who are looking for "nothing serious". And with the experience I had it was an extra turn on, to know that she is doing the naughty stuff with me, because she is already in that category in my head. Because I would not take a girl as a girlfriend that openly on tinder says: just here to get fu*ed. So to be precise: The turn on happens because she lets me do all that stuff WITHOUT me having to invest anything more then that. No relationship, no emotional support, no me proving that it's good for her to surrender her body to me. It feels very good because to us men its like a "glitch" in the matrix. But on the other hand, even though I want the easy excess to sex, It feels like the woman is doing a move that is not really in her best interest. She is getting projected as a sexual object without it being integrated into something higher. It's not coming from church for me. Its feels like a natural instinct that does not understand why woman would give themselves to lusting men, how few them in a low light (thats basically what male sexuality does when getting free excess). I will text you a dm

I See where you are pointing at. And I thought so, too for a longer time. There is just something about male sexuality which is very destructive I think. If I look deeply in my self it turns me on to "use" a girl and when that usage marks her or degrades her in a way. Thats purly instinctual though. I know it's very hard to talk about, but to me it feels like devaluing a woman when this instinct is not properly integrated into loving relationship. Do you know what I am talking about or is it to far off or only my personal projection? I also think because I am aware of this mechanisim in myself, it always feels a bit sad if woman just open up for casual fun to guys. Not knowing what going on in the guys head.

I agree on a personal level. Things automatically start shifting in the direction you mention. Still there is the ethical / meta view trying to understand causal sex and if I want to participate in it and if it is generally useful for others to participate in it. So far my view is: Its not useful for both genders. It seems like you got a little stuck on me comparing men and woman. for the sake of my argument it does matter.

I think if a man is really honest most woman wouldn't have casual sex with him. Thats why I belive its almost always based on a lie