The_spanish_guy

Hi guys, I will go straight to the point here. First of all, forgive me if I do some grammatical mistakes, English is not my first language. Look, I've been struggling with OCD and General Anxiety for almost 10 years. In these period of time I have been through a lot of pain, shame and frustration. I have tons of fury and sadness inside me. I have always tried to behave like a nice, quiet and friendly guy (I've been a people pleaser all my life), but I don't feel like playing this role anymore. My life is a crap, what's the point of keep smiling like everything is ok? Personal relationships, professional career, money, hobbies/interests, everything is in complete darkness at this moment. Because of my OCD (without rituals)/General Anxiety I almost can't stand in front of anybody for more than a few minutes without suffering a panic attack. For a long time I've tried to ignore the problem and keep pushing forward, but now, at the age of 33 I feel exhausted. I have no more energy enside me. It's like running a mental marathon every fucking day. I have seen a few therapists during this years. Nothing has helped me. My ego has turned every piece of advice/recommendation into a deadly weapon to my physique. Every new Leo's video has had the same effect on me in the long run. The " what you resist, persist" quote has literally destroyed my life last year. This extreme situation has produced me a deep sense of meaningless for life. I don't stop repeating to myself "well, if this shit goes out of control a bit more, I will finish it all before I become a living joke". I even cried like a child the other day imagining myself leaving this world that soon... I have always been a normal person with a normal life. Maybe a bit shy/introvert, sometimes unhappy but always passionate for living and for knowing (loved science, history, technology...). I used to read every book, watch every movie, play every videogame and listen to every CD I could...but now...everything is pointless to me. I spend my day masturbating (if I can have an erection) watching youtube, and working (freelance graphic designer) for time to time. Going outside apart for the gym (that is 2 minutes from home) is also so damn difficult and painful sometimes that I have almost become a monk confined in my bedroom. My confort zone is ridiculously small. I have been practising some meditation since a year or so just a few days per week (2/3). I am to lazy for commiting myself strongly to it, and I don't see any remarkable result neither, so I don't take it very seriously. I practise exercise everyday (fitness/bodybuilding), have a healthy diet and sleep 8 hours every night. I don't want to become a zen master, or an unconditional loving being right now. I am just asking for a regular typical normal life. When you are starving even the worst unhealthy food in the world tastes like heaven... Thanks in advance.

Great! We are almost neighbours :-) Yep, my life has always been ruled by selfsabotage. It's mandatory for my to pay attention very closely to what's going on there. My therapist says that it has to do with my fear of failure. You are right man, nowadays porn and wanking (never heard of this word xD) constitutes a big part of my life. It has always been very helpful when I,ve felt completely lost. If things goes "right" I don't masturbate more than once a day, or even zero. It sounds easy, but it will be difficult to put it into practice. According to my principles sure I've lost direction, man... Don't you think that forcing the mind to obey your desire is more ego fighting and in the long run it will produce an unwanted result (more monkey mind) I will remind your advice. My default mental behaviour is very likely to play this kind of tricks and try to change the focus in order to not facing suffering, fear, etc.

Absolutely yes. As some of you may now, I am going through a very challenging time at this point of my life. Almost nobody knows about it, just my family, and of course my therapist. The reason why I don't open up more is because I'm convinced that my story would be too awkward to understand for others and they will look at my as I am a perfect mental disturbed person. When it comes to talk about more common issues like family troubles or dating insecurities I usually don't have any problem at all, at least with my best friends. The rest of the people don't care too much about me, so I prefer to keep wearing my "everything is fine" mask, just as they do.

Already taking antidepressants, on CBT, also practising exercise and healthy diet (but not vegetarian or vegan). Restarted meditating. Thx for answering! And yes, you are right, I also have "silent" rituals, like the one you named ;-) I am from Andalucia too, my friend! From Granada :-D Nowadays I have sadly become in that kind of introvert guy fearful of the world...I hope I could change this shit one day! Love the way you mix english and spanish. Really funny! ¡Que Dios te bendiga, amigo mio!

This exercise sounds good to me. I will give it a go for sure, starting tomorrow ;-)

You are maybe right too, my friend. As I've said before I have always been a people pleaser. My selfsteam is also quite low, specially these days. But if your theory is true, won't it be even worse for me to remain shy and introvert. This attitude could be even more damaging for me, I think... Sometimes a bit of socializing can relief your mind for pain, and mental masturbation by connecting with people...

To be honest, I don't wanna leave my weight routine. I have invested a lot of effort during years in achieving a good shape to let it go. I could maybe slow my peace 50% if it really helps me to reduce my anxiety. I will start a softer, more relax routine next week to give it a go.

Now that you mentioned it I think you are probably right. Always after finishing my wight lifting routine I feel more stressed out than usual. There is maybe a connection between these two. Apart from that I know a lot of people from my gym, even friends, that do not feel anxiety because of exercising. So, I suppose it depends of the person... Thanks for the video. I will give it a go!

Well, my OCD has more to do with getting obsessed with the irrelevant visual/sound information I receive through my senses and that my conscious mind do not want to discriminate than with random thoughts related with hygiene/me having a cancer/me hurting people. That's why meditating is so difficult for me. I just can't turn off/let go all these stimulation that surrounds me all the time...

Found it! I will call for more info ;-)

Thanks a lot my friend. Currently taking CBT, but feeling a bit disappointed about it. It seems like meditation will be completely necessary for me. The thing is that it's so damn painful to stay alone with my monkey mind that it's seems like by meditating I am only feeding my obsessions... I had strong OCD so I feel like I can help you. Congratulations my friend. Not sure how severe your OCD was, but if it was at least as intense as mine, man, you are like Neo from the Matrix to me, almost like a god among humans. Mind blowing...

I'm actually not that addicted to porn. I spend 2, maybe 3 hours everyday masturbating. But it is for sure my more immediate source of joy these days. That's how I am coping with suffering. Same for YT and gym. But anyway what you say it resonates with me a lot. Every time I am more immersed in the virtual world and less in touch with real life. And yep, sometimes it's difficult for me to discriminate one from the other. Internet means safety, the real world pain and caos... Anyway I will take a look at the website you linked Give a child everything it wants, whenever it asks for it, what kind of person will it grow up to be? My life has been just like this the last 5/6 years. Less and less taking action each time, as my OCD has become more intense...

I am a absurd mental person. Also suffer from dp/dr (I just realized it yesterday, after reading the definition). It's so damn difficult for me to stay focus and let myself go, to flow... Thanks for the advise my friend. Already taking meds.

Completamente, amigo. Siempre he tenido muchos requisitos para ser feliz. He sido muy perfeccionista siempre y, o todo estababa mi gusto, o me frustraba enormemente. Siempre me he esforzado más por transformar mi realidad que por aceptarla. Gracias por haber respondido en español. ¿De donde eres?

Actually I am currently going to a therapist. Her approach is that I have to focus in what I want out of life, and fight for it. Take action instead of more thinking, and try to identify my distorted negative self talk like "this won't work", "I am not good enough for achieving this goal"... Also taking antidepressants for 5/6 years... I will try to discipline myself with meditation

Yep, it's spanish. But I can understand english 99% of the time, so feel free of answering in the language you prefer the most.

LOL, it sounds funny but because of reading this post I have realized that I've been suffering dp/dr all my life (I googled it) xDDD OCD, general anxiety, depression and now this. Yep, life can be wonderful...

I have always been fascinated by this topic. It feels so real and necessary for me to be explained in order to achieve our maximun state of develop, that I can't help but request Leo to talk about it in upcoming videos. Hope it will happen in the near future.

Hi everybody, my name is Jose and I am from Spain (so please, forgive me if my english is not good enough). For my surprise (hehe) I am 32 years old. This is my very first post in this forum, so It´s a massive pleasure for me. The thing is that I have been struggling in life since my early 20s: anxiety, drepression and some OCD episodes. The whole deal, right? In any case, my major issue is dealing with fear and insecure. I also have problems to get what I want in life: girls, money, good health...I also grew up in a dysfunctional family that did not encourage me in any way, didn´t provide me self steem at all neither. I had lived without meaning or purpouse since I remember. Not doing to much in order to not stand out among my classmates and friends... Once I was treated by a therapist. The one I trusted the most (I also went to another two, quite forgettable...) That guy gave me some tools to work with: It was all about be ambitious, passionate and stay hungry for life. Sounds good, doesn`t it? It partially worked for me. I suppose I didn´t get the results I needed because I did not do my best. Well, now my question is... In order to transced all my neurotic behaviours, what would it be my best option? To take Massive action, referred by Leo on his early videos in order to develop a strong ego, what also resonates with what my therapist told me to do. OR To make enlightment work, release the ego and finally become a new human being I really have no clue which one will work better for me, because they are (or at least, they seem) like two different worlds. By the way, I have had some enlightment experiences, really vivid and beauty. I am also highly emotional and rational, always tending to overthink any situation (145 IQ also, if it helps) I defenitely need a change in my life, so please, I will be eternally grateful if someone spark a light on me.

Thanks for the advice, my friend. I will put it into practice just today ;-)

A few times, yes. But I randomly get to that state from time to time, almost never.

Well, sometimes I've heard Leo giving not much credit to intuition as part of the illusion of the mind. In the past I also made some quite big mistakes because of that. Not sure what think about it...