Had a stable career in IT that paid figures that would’ve allowed me to live comfortably. After watching Leos videos and getting on the personal development journey, reading tons of books, watching videos, I started doubting my career as not being authentic after watching life purpose video, I purchased the course and completed all the exercises and got a sense that my LP was to do coaching as it was becoming a buzz word on social media. I enrolled into a coaching school and after a while, it felt like they were marketing grifters and after reviewing some student feedback on the internet how they were scammed, touting toxic positivity mindset and it turned me off from the pursuit all together as I cannot stand these grifter types after growth in consciousness. After a while I got another job like my old job and a year into it, and I quit that job to backpack and traveled around Asia for a couple of months after being dissatisfied. I gained lots of valuable social experiences, met lots of people and after a while the novelty wore off and I was tired of being constantly on the move and wanted a routine and possibly work on something I am passionate about.
After coming back I stayed with my parents to save on rents until I found job, after months of trying aggressively, my job search did not bear any fruit, and I took a break to revisit the LP and do some psychedelics. I did a couple of mild trips on mushrooms/lsd and had nice experiences and once I did medium dose and had God-Realization for which I have written a long trip report. I wanted more independence and to move out of my conservative parents house but after working with a coach on trying to figure on LP further, he advised that its best to go back to my old job to be more practical and it could take me 4-5 years to actualize my LP and I couldn’t be unemployed without a pay check in the meantime if I wanted to move out. Post that conversation, I dropped focus on LP due to impracticality and focused more on my job search. After being unemployed for so long, having failed at figuring out my LP, I became extremely depressed and started smoking cannabis chronically to numb my emotions which worsened my mental health condition and made me extremely lazy to do anything and I realized if I continued this would ruin my life, so I quit cannabis.
Post that I have been reluctantly trying to apply for job, while procrastinating after months to land something and my parents got really annoyed and asked me to leave their house. The gains in personal development and spirituality have led me to being more content with less materially but I still suffer emotionally quite a lot and often contemplate if this was worth it at all since it has costed me well over $200k of potential earning if I had been employed had I just stayed in my current job and saved my money which would've at least sorted out my survival situation to some degree. There is massive resistance and procrastination when it comes to applying for jobs and I am not sure why? Could be my lack of discipline of not wanting to do the grunt work. Honestly over the years I realized certain endeavors are just impractical and may not pay your bills if your survival situation is not sorted out like in my case. I was to some extent influenced by spiritual teachers including Leo and might've misapplied some teaching in neglecting the low levels of maslow's hierarchy of needs that has backfired for me now. I was thinking to grind it out and get back to my old job since it’s the best practical option that would pay me well to sort out my survival situation and perhaps, I could pursue other endeavors on the side. I’d love to hear some advice and opinions.
