Aether Phoenix

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About Aether Phoenix

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    Newbie

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  • Location
    Portugal
  • Gender
    Male
  1. Hi everyone, I’ve been following Leo’s content for over 10 years, and I recently had a self-inquiry experience that shook me to the core. I was deep in conversation with a friend, fully engaged, trying to convince him that he doesn’t really know who he is. After about three hours, something shifted, and things started to feel surreal. Suddenly, my heart began to race, and my awareness changed. I had this strange urge to scratch my eyes, almost like my body was reacting to some internal shift. I felt an intense fear, as if I was fighting to hold on to myself. My friend even said that I was looking a bit insane. He thought I was having a panic attack. What made the situation even more overwhelming is that my wife, who is going through a tough time, was incredibly upset with me for not being there for her. She has never been this upset before, and it felt like my world was collapsing both internally and externally. It all seemed to happen at once. To add a bit of irony to the situation, these symptoms started just as an Uber arrived to pick me and my friend up. As I got into the car, I was trying to hold on to my sanity (looking back, it was such a bizarre moment, almost laughable in its absurdity). Afterward, I had a really sad discussion with my wife, where she expressed her pain, and I felt immense guilt. At the same time, I was terrified to even think about who I am, fearing that I could slip back into those symptoms and lose myself all over again. The fear was overwhelming. I’ve also been contemplating deeper ideas about time. Just yesterday, I watched a beautiful video by Rupert Spira where, for the first time, I truly grasped that time doesn’t exist. It was a profound and liberating realization. Here’s the video if anyone’s interested: Rupert Spira - Time Doesn’t Exist. While the insight was powerful, everything happening in my life made it hard to fully integrate. There’s an extra layer of fear for me, though. Both of my parents are schizophrenic, and I have a deep fear of becoming insane. So now I find myself wondering if I should even continue this self-inquiry process. I know I’m seeking external validation by asking this, but maybe I need to take extra care given my family history. Should I keep going, or are there risks I should be aware of? Any advice, especially from those who have been through similar experiences, would be deeply appreciated. How can I proceed without feeling like I’m losing my mind, or worse, risking the relationships I care about? Thanks for reading. I could really use some guidance here.