Ex Astris Scientia

I am very well aware of the way modern digital technology is changing people's everyday lives and am quite, well, disillusioned by how zoned out and distracted many persons seem to be. I see this every day, people staring at their mobile screens while walking, crossing roads or driving and not paying attention to their immediate surroundings (I'm coming from the bicycle riders perspective here - everyday there are close encounters with the sphombies). I used to be quite enthusiastic about technological progress and certain developments as a young adult, but nowadays, in the age of drone warfare, mass survailance, user data tracking and in-your-face media-manipiulation, I tend to shy away from blindly participating in this highspeed -lifestyle. I do own a TV -screen/monitor to watch DVDs and blu rays; don’t need a TV-cable since I quit TV around 2007. I don’t have netflix, HBO or amazon-streaming since I don’t have a highspeed internet-access, not even a desktop PC (but that's because of money reasons...) I have been at the point where I used to be online up to eight hours a day, half of that time went to watching videos on youtube... though entertaining and often very valuable (like Leo's videos or some in-depht Interviews with directors, cinematographers, book authors and journalists), that's a big chunk of time that's gone. Nowadays, I do have tablet and a 5 Gigabyte limit of internet access per month, which means mostly reading on forums and daily news. Anything streaming- or video-related, I need to go to a free WiFi -area (which used to be at work, but nowadays is mostly the nearby mall) and download it, then copying to a USB stick to watch on my monitor. There's quite some "effort" involved this way, like in the old days when going to the video-store *lol*, but that's okay... this helps that I don’t overdose (like I used to when I had a highspeed internet access in my appartement) on online stuff and also actually watch and LISTEN, instead with one finger on the mouse to click away any second. Also, I'm currently on my third mobile phone (it even has a tiny 1.3 megapixel camera!) in my life and don’t plan on ever spending money on a 'smart phone'.

I'm not in on this, either... guess it's some kind of game (?). Anyways, I always carry a small notebook filled with quotes with me...

The last three months have seen an increase in negative thinking, which ultimately led to me exiting/ losing an apprenticeship-opportunity at a small videoproduction-company because I just felt overwhelmed and intimidated (I'm trying to switch 'career' -lanes... or find work that means something (to me) or where I feel I belong... it's all a big mess right now, again. It's the usual pit of debt, being broke, living in a shitty shoebox of a flat with nightmare-neighbours and zero social life). There's always been some negative thinking-background noise in varying degrees during the last 16 years, depending on how mediocre or bad I cope with my life, right now its dialed up to a 100 it feels. Or make that a 95, since I luckyli have a friend (the only one...) that eases the pain. I don’t really use the actualized.org-forums to work on myself anymore... it's mostly to see how others deal with bad luck, loneliness and all these anchors that are pulling you down... :-/

Moin ihr alle! Just found this thread and thought I'd chime in, the nearest big city in my area would be Hannover. Found Leo's channel in 2015 and it has been a worthy addition to my life, but I'm not (yet) a, well, how'd you call it, a hardcore-actualizer with strict routines and all... My primary drive to look deeper into alternative ways of thinking, living one's life and spending time was/is a general disappointment with superficial society and living and thinking like most little cogs in the machine. Didn't happen overnight, was more like a step by step process during the last six years.

Hey Echoes. Don't know for sure if I can be of any help, but I recognized some similarities to my own situation when I was in my early twenties. Have been diagnosed with depression back then, the main reason being, well, loneliness, lack of friends and especially having no girlfriend (this was really a big deal, so I kinda feel your pain...). Also still lived at home with my mother at that time and worked some boring jobs, not knowing which direction to take in my life. Spent two months in hospital when depression got unbearable. There, talking to some therapists and other patients who were worse off really shifted things into perspective, gave me a 'Can Do' attitude. To keep this momentum I thought it best to finally have a flat of my own, to not get stuck in my old surroundings and routines again after leaving the clinic! Took the first flat I found in the newspapers and spent the first night out of hospital there, in an empty room on a mattress, just to make an imaginary break with the 'life before'. I was unemployed at that time, living on welfare, but at least I got the feeling that I was taking things into my own hands and things were not stagnating. In the following months I did some internships, some paid jobs, then the next year applied to an apprenticeship in Hamburg and got accepted, then moved to the big city and had some of the best years of my life! I didn't know anybody there, but looked up some names of shops, clubs and persons that catered to the same hobbies or interests of mine, and actually found some friends there. :-)

37 years old... discovered Leo's videos on youtube during christmas last year. His exagerated poses and faces for the video preview-pics made me click... thought he was some kind of a comedian at first! *lol*