jdeugarte

See it this way. Do you think your family is going to change just for your sake? I believe you when you say your family is how you say it is, my family is just the same way. But nobody will change for you. THERE IS NO WAY! You have to let them be and crash with each other and with yourself until all the situation stabilizes and stops being an issue for you. I know other people's families are normal, non-aggressive and all the other stuff, but othe people li a lot and you have to realize that you are on your own. Hope I was helpful and that you don't come after me if you fail, because I think you will fail many times. Families are extremely complicated.

Maybe you aren't so different from your family. Maybe you are just projecting to them. Maybe you are the problem. I also have the same sort of problems with my family but I am slowly realizing I do the same things they do but I just lie to myself saying it's different. It is hard to admit but you are not so different from them, after all you lived with them all your live. not very inspiring. Sorry

You are scared for a reason. You should find out the reason and see if it is worth being scared or not

@John Flores I honestly don't think too much about enlightenment anymore. If it happens great. For me it is all about what's in front of me, handling it, see the results, and repeat. It is very satisfactory and I can see the results.

@John Flores, the things that arise, the new challanges, the new things that I can do after I dispose of useless concepts that I previously thought were important. I just feel happy that I am where I am knowing where I started. I feel grateful but that still doesn't mean it's easy or that I achieved enlightenment. I just chose to see it differently: enlightenment is not my goal, my goal is to solve the problems inside and outside without fighting them. I discovered that the things that trouble me emotionally are directly related to the intention I have towards life, my dreams, my actions. I really hope I made myself clear. It sounded good while I wrote it.

@John Flores , no.

I see it differently. I had some experiences that i really don't want to label but every time I have a new one I realize that there is more to know. I'm still waiting for the big one, the one that makes you cry and everything but as the days pass this journey gets more interesting and i the anticipation decreases.

Curious.

@jse , thank you but I think I was overreacting a little while writing the post. I don't want you to worry for me. I guess you're right, I am going through a bit of a gray phase. I really do appreciate your kind words. English is not my first language and I tend to write and say things in a different connotation. I am a little embarrassed. Thanks!

@Prabhaker bad news for me then.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about death. I've been thinking that death is the only thing that would stop the uneasyness that creeps in. I feel as if I am ultimately useless because all the things that I used to want, and still do in a way, and the things I am presently doing are not only useless but somewhat impure and evil. I know it is something to expect but it feels good to write it and know someone will read it. It feels as if I am what I do.

Something that has a very strong connection to enlightenment in my opinion, is the lyric of Paul McCartney's Beatle song, "I'm Fixing a Hole". I don't know why but It seems to have something to do with it.

@Bob84 thats what I thought. Thanks

@Leo Gura Thank you, honestly.