pausona

Hey Leo, I am your biggest fan in my universe, Well, ive been struggling with nonduality and existential stuff, im on a path of very rapid growing. In short, its too much a bit, that's why ive joined this forum. I'm in process of empirically testing 'reality',. Im very peculiar universe, I would really want to have a conversation with my Leo, I have some insights that came from inside and ive yet to find any 'other' . i think ive solved the solipsism problem, I believe I understand fully how everything exists, i had that ta daa moment in my last awakening and it finally seems like a Truth. I owe You alot Leo, You taught me so much, as my 'parents' toughed so much untruths i believed my whole life until recently. in SD terms, ive went through green yellow and arrived at turquoise at least a little bit in relatively short time, less than 2 years. needless to say im starting my life from zero now, because my projections see me as weird, crazy or a loser in life. I feel like i know all the answers but i am just starting to practice what ive learned. I need guidance, i need a friend, i ve gained vast knowledge but im noob at how to use it. my ego is still lively but my consciousness knows its not me, i feel like my mind is always having a storm, 'physicaly' i get tired and weak, socially im alone, and psychologically its non-stopping storm. I feel like im both crazy and genius at the same time. Leo, if you read this then find a way to contact me. cause this post is my experiment, im only starting to diagnose the rules of my philosophy.

maya, i want to ground myself, give me advice because im currently function as a NEET and and juzt want a shelter

all my life people were telling me that 'right action' leads to good rewards, but introspecting now i see that it wasnt actions but my beliefs that resulted in such a crazy upside down world. since there is no other in my universe, im the only one feeling the sufferring. im glad that noone else 'really' suffers, but if im responsible, how can i change my universe? all relatives are like blue or red on SD scale. i have only internet to find similar ideas, and internet is magic, another projection of maya. you keep talking about grounding yourself. grounding like i should pretend that human life is worthless and earn 3euros per hour to sustain my body with food and whatever. find a simpleton wife, have imagenary baby and die of imaginative liver cancer only to be reborn again to repeat this impossibly cruel cycle>? are you saying you all went through this already?

How universes work? how to make an inpact to another universe? i presume intention is what matters, but my brain fed me lies all my life. Maya, can you give me some advice what step should i take next?

what if we are living in our own solipsistic universes? What are the rules? How can i push my universe towards peace? does it have to be this hard? should i cherrish most evil projections because i might see their perspective? Pls Maya, help me deal with these projections, I only want to be accepted and i dont like sufferring.

all the projections around me are only talking about what they dislike about this world, or how money is only solution. extreme justice is extreme injustice ' and i agree, but why do i want to be extremely myself and not pretend ? ive spend 33 years being all knowing, then it was such a shock to realize that not everyone thinks on the same level. and i guess that meant yellow on SD, but this nonduality shit, its like im an alien where i live. and i feel responsible for causing it all. because my world is exactly what i believe at that time, and the last thing my ego wants is to conform. so naturaly my world is extremely controling, enslaving, maddening. its only black or white here. and with this non-duality i am actually afraid of my world.

Honestly I dont know if im financialy stable, I dont know how to ground myself. Every morning I get another TaDaaa and Im fliping and flopping. I am already ashamed about what words I chose before. I know in my deepest of heart that I am god, that I am alone here, but its all feels so real, i am so afraid to do wrong choice, and always seeing this opposite point of view, so I feel like its always a storm in my head. I appear very lazy, but im tearing apart, too fast too much, I experiment, with projections, but they are furious and intimidating. Ive been put in mental hospital by force, and it was theatrical, ive slowly overworked myself into physical exhaustion, I was sleep deprived because of all these conflicting beliefs. So some policemen spawned nearby and forcefully put me in hospital. I refused to comply and they used forced. I felt like im being punished for wanting to be authentic. That night I had a dream and in the dream i was shown 'how can i control my projections from attacking me' I woke up euphoric thinking 'I finally Know', but then I forgot the dream. Every other patient in hospital seemed so rudimentary to my perspective. Especially doctors, if I told what I chose to believe that day they will treat me like a schizo, They gave me medicine to 'fix' my false beliefs. They didnt fix anything, because all my beliefs are lies fed to me from my subcounscioussness. Now I have to hide my authentisity from Everybody and venting in this forum kinda felt least damaging to my 'real' life. I will be ashamed tomorrow for today and the cycle repeats. Grounding? Where can I ground myself? My parents somehow stayed the same all these years, but i am different person every day, if i told them they never met the real me, and ive never met the real them, they would also think im insane. I wanted to start a youtube channel to vent myself, even writting 1 percent of whats happening in my head makes me a little relieved. but even that seems too dangerous. I know ill keep getting new insights from within and from without . I just want to have a peace of mind. I see different perspectives and believe in different things. i know im not scitzo because i dont halucinate nor hear voices in my head. but thoughts come from subconscious i assume, and ive tested reality enough to truly right now believe in non-reality. but its such a grand illusion its even better than reality isnt it? But projections seem to be very opposed this aproach. But I believe Maya is protecting me from losing my last grip on reality and also making it very challenging yet barely bearable. I trust maya more than my ego. And i appologize for arogantic psycho speech, i usually try to be spontanious and im afraid of wanting. what if i get what i wanted and it will again be the oposite of what i really want. how can i stop the wanting. how to crush desires. i dont like changes and i dont like sameness. Lunatic for sure. but not like those other lunatics.

thank you, keryo, ill try to stabilize, i was sure that all those Truths will eventualy becomes lies and cycle repeats, and loseyourvelf i accept the defeat, i am not into duels atm

I cannot tune down the crazy talk, because I dont want to tell lies. Yes, Leo, your teachings helped me to achieve the insanity and Ill be forever grateful. Your teachings helped me to Actualize Myself. I can choose what I want to believe because your way of teaching reached me. At first I was curious, then I was amazed by your bravery exploring taboo ideas and ways. And Yes You are so honest in your videos, I owe Everything to You. You question everything - i love how daring and authentic you are. Its like the videos are made for me alone? Am I alone? Oh no! Oh, such a relief? Am I even real? Should I test reality? What if everything I ever believed was lies? Maybe I am just a projection? I feel real, as we all do, but Am I real? How would I know? Why I dont remember anything from early childhood? Maybe I have implanted memories and everything is just a code, am i a selfhating robot? Am i an NPC? Why? Would i choose to be that? hell no! so why god why? But why the world seems to revolve around me so much? Why if Im creative enough I can imagine Everything being Perfectly in order although it looks like chaos. Why I fear death? Leo told me to rely on personal empiric experiences to gain knowledge. Ok , I should test it yes? Ok, real talk. You could test it but im sure something will go wrong and you wont succeed in scientific method. Philosophy stands much higher than science. I can say that I would never try to commit suicide. Not because i could die, no, I ve gained enough evidence from Leos teachings that I dont want my Maya to shatter this world. Of course maya protects us by giving such Real fear of the one thing which is impossible... She has your best interests in mind, dont worry. I dont ever know what you really answer to these messages because Im only getting Mayas futile attempts to keep me real by everyone seeing me as a crazy mental madman. I accept that title with honor. I its still a long way up ahead and its gonna be even more 'insane'. I prayed the god to decide where to lead me and only to be gentle,in my wildest dreams ive never expected that I prayed for insanity, but im gratefull. I achieved it. Fully insane. And lovin' it!

Leo, infinite god is much much crazier. Please dont lock us up.

Thank You for your sincere advice, brother, but Leo's message that answers are Always coming from inside. So be careful with your sincere advices, because each time you believe your own advice - you sink deeper in the 'reality'/Maya/Grand Illusion. She is hidden in our subconscious mind perfectly tricking and hurting you as hard as she dares, Only because She Loves You, and want You to remember all the bad times especially. It will sound like lunatic ramblings here, I am not experienced with words, neither English is my birth language. I lie with every word, and thats the only True thing I say. It cannot be any other way. And Gentle Maya will always interpret everything to trick and trick and trick . And the tricky part is - The tricks is the part.

Leo. Mental derangement? I used to be a doctor. I believed in science then. Ill try tune down my language, because I am forever grateful but at the point of no return All words lose meaning. Everything either is a falsehood or crazy, The way I project you here is the Leo I love. I like to imagine that in my universe I have Leo to be grateful to, and the Leo Universe gets the intent, while both of us are alone in our solipsistic bubbles for now (I'm actively trying to suspend my disbelief of 'reality'). Because too much knowledge too fast made me very mentally deranged. so i value now those memories those naïve memories, when everything was unquestionably true. I guess those dreams of reality and experiences we had, thats what makes us uniquely unique. So many paradoxes in my reality, but things are gonna change, and fast, and soon.

And for all the confused ones, just trust me, You are perfectly imperfect.

Imagine that Truth makes you Crazy. Be careful , but if You ask, I'll tell you what I Think.

Leo I am way past the point of no return. Imagine insane person beyond repair. If you could increase your hornyness at a cost of losing potency. Im feeling like impotent but infinitely horny. Imagine being too creative to be able to concentrate. To become all knowing you have to sacrifice being. But to be You have to pretend that you dont know. Imagine having two sides of the coin showing upwards all the time in your 'head'. Imagine not being to able to say anything because you know everything. I would love to teach you because You taught Me. I dont know whether it will look like im lunatic, or crazy, or genius, or narcissistic, or maybe You will understand.