Letho

And Ali Pervez Mehdi is an amazing unrecognised talent, I really recommend checking out his YouTube channel and just aligning to the depth of truth in his tone. He connects beautifully and is now someone I admire enough to even emulate in some ways with respect to my own singing. I totally get that it may not be something you're familiar with, however if you can be open and aware enough to connect to the deeper depth of your own layers, you'll be able to connect to his and resonate with his personal truth he's trying to convey. Well done Ali, beautiful Mei-Lan. https://www.youtube.com/@alipervezmehdi The two of them together are as reflected in the previous post beautiful role models for what a true monogamous relationship is meant to look like in my opinion. Awareness, love, vulnerability, connection, trust, intelligence; it's clear there's a unity there they both consciously decide to making work. The two are also parents and I have no doubt they're both great in their own sophisticated unique ways of expressing parenthood, something I look forward to being able to honour in the future myself in my own way, already for example mapping out the human psyche to such an extent I have the educational path already laid out for my kids. Formulating a higher environment for their development which at a bare minimum for example would either include raising them external to western society or within an agreed context that allowed them to prosper outside cultural norms in light of the maturation that our 'cultural economy' is way behind on. I'm open to nearly any country for raising kids, however Cyprus has sentimental value for me in light of being the origins of my Greek heritage (and Irish, 23 and me even says I may have Ashkenazi Jewish, and to a very non-insignificant amount however I'll hold my breath on that before it can be verified ha!). I'm a high oxytocin, high protection, high territorial, high sentimental gene carrier heh so yal can probably intuit that if I'm as good as I am with some of the theoretical stuff I focus on here, you can imagine the level of awareness and pride I'd take when it comes to my children.

I love these two they’re such an amazing couple. It’s the perfect reflection of connection that I want to achieve when I’ve settled down with the right woman and we’re both ready to begin a family together in unity, for our unique dynamic. For now, it’s just my “Heavenly Partying” enjoying life and then when we cross paths we cross paths and I can instead prioritise monogamy, and she doesn't necessarily have to be an extravert. I'm connected with gals from a few different countries now and I don't even abide by 'extravert' or 'introvert' for me its more about energy types, and I can align with many different dynamics, it really just depends on our life directions lining up and what we want in the building of our family. For me awareness is the most important relationship quality, anything can grow when there's awareness so when two awarenesses line up, magic is just bound to happen. That's what happens every time as that's what awareness is meant to do, the less ego aware someone is for example, well we don't need an encyclopaedic report on that right. But yeah, you can't discount what's possible to the point where awareness is a 1 + 1 = 2 situation, the calculator is always going to calculate it as additive to multiplicative to squared never divisional or subtractive, its a no brainer, you can make so many combinations work to such incredible levels where there's awareness. Otherwise so many incorrect conclusions follow from “Partying” due to cultural connotations heh. For me I’ve begun building a philosophy as I shared briefly above three posts ago now concerning transcendental partying where it is primarily focused on raising and growing consciousness in genuinely proven sophisticated ways. And not necessarily with psychedelics, although I plan to, I’ve never had any. —————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Concerning previously noted frustration, honestly, deep down to be perfectly blunt I think I’m just so pissed off underneath because I knew I wasn’t going to make my above “Heavenly Party” now three posts ago haha. And that's following the encounter I described I had, which I’ve now deeply learned from and I’m sweet about it now. It makes perfect sense that I would have this backlash when you’re aware that I’m using that to stimulate my motivation to run and ascend to a higher level. You have an RAS flip from the point you realise that you’ve wasted time and now you start questioning absolutely everything around you that could have contributed to the resolve haha. —————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Their latest performance. Mei-lan Maurits & Ali Pervez Mehdi ~ Live At The Gorton Monastery, Manchester, UK ~ 30th August 2024

@Javfly33 really sorry to hear that.

I wrote the following on two hours of sleep just now, an echo of the solution screaming from my subconscious based on learning I guess it gave itself on the fly based on patterns its picked up over the last week and a bit. In short, its brought great resolution to my adventure challenge even though that I now need to apply the described dynamics to specific life situations now including both my running and all of my obstacles that we all know about along the achievement of that path haha. There's layers of patterns I still need to abstract further on top of this writing, i.e. boundaries between self and other still need to be differentiated further and in that, the balance between self-originated ego versus the socially reinforced ego, including too the brief overlaps mentioned concerning the historical context of self versus other relative to cultural progressions which was rather sloppily introduced including relations to animals and related analogies there that could have been more deeply integrated with the writing, however its a considerable foundation for me to work with that'll be a complement to how my psyche continues to evolve through this challenge and beyond. Anyhow, may it feed your own creativity. Best Light. Title: The frustration of the ego: paradox and instability versus its opposites. Who am I not, who am I to be, am I to be, am I actualising that which is me and that which is right versus avoiding that which is wrong? And when these realities find their environmental feedback, how are they resolved and by what confusion versus fluidity in understanding versus learning in between and in their balance, are the questions resolved by the unconscious further still? Solution versus the ambiguity of the unknown that still must be acted upon, is the invariable terrain where the muscle that supports this decision network is what resolves this paradox of the ego’s instability via stability functions of either chaotic or more orderly value. The latter concerning becoming of more orderly value contributing to the beings “Reality Esteem” (aka one’s confidence to act in reality and usually matches with one’s competence) which is to me a more accurate term compared to “self-esteem” where behaviours are either of potentialisation or actualisation. potentialisation being the reflection of behaviours that bring safety to present “Reality Esteem” whereas actualisation (calculated risk) is potentialisation (stable risk) into the unknown that usually accompanies some kind of calculated risk. The former however doing its opposite, something which can co-occur, where instead decisions are uncalculated and risky but not evaluated as a part of a truth value where they may even be considered risks (incompetence), or they are however the esteem is not accurate and therefore they act irrationally. It is because of their co-occurrence where the frustration often exists as well given the ego is attempting to find its resolve, experiences incongruence however cannot resolve this because its own inaccurate esteem or inaccurate competence in a certain area has not been brought to light and placed under the light of understanding. It is understanding that shapes accurate competence and therefore resolves the ego’s feeling of self-incongruence, however it is action met with success that best resolves the ego’s sense of competence towards self-congruence in that area. In the pairing of both, the ego experiences a sense of excellence in this area of reality and thus where the experience of becoming a teacher, student and master are the culmination of the ego finding resolve in the related experiences. These new adventures surrounding this deep challenge have allowed me to highlight areas of the ego within the self that have previously eluded me but have needed light shed upon them. The measurement of social connection weighed against achieving a sense of accomplishment for self-individuality versus hidden leverage for social affiliation has been of notable frustration for me in ways I have not noticed before. As a part of the ego’s “Reality Esteem”, in light of our psyche evolutionarily finding balance via social affiliation there is often the replacement of self-evaluation for the evaluation of others, whether that critique is good or bad, and it is often a measurement of an aspect of our maturity to the level we can both make it our own critique and one that is accurate while self-fulfilling. Writing now, I understand within myself that I am yet to reach a sense of mastery in this area of my psyche but that if I do contextualise this categorisation with the breadth of understanding why I haven’t achieved this yet and combine it with the breath of actions that preserve its future development, “Ego-congruence” will be a replacement for “Reality-esteem” until proper “Reality-esteem” is achieved in this area. By taking a focused approach to this particular area, I can withstand the pressure of holding a greater degree of subtlety in the patience I have for its actualisation, allowing me to then spot and avoid previously hidden “chaotic values” because in ways I ways unconscious of I believed them to provide me with “Reality-Esteem” however in actuality, it was just “False Ego-Congruence” as a way of managing hidden “Ego-incongruence” and the frustration that surfaces within this. Something like this can result as a simple consequence of unknowingly following social conditioning that’s usually a combination of three kinds that one has unconsciously adapted to (1) social feedback (positive/negative)(2) environmental feedback (skewed/precise) (3) role model emulation (known/unknown). The ratio (i.e. positive/negative, skewed/precise, known/unknown) of their outcomes is the precise intersection of understanding where the balance of false versus accurate ego incongruence vs congruence in the context of stable vs unstable “Reality Esteem” are going to be understood, we will call this category for this writing a positive or negative ego-triad. From a self-aware point of view, understanding these factors provides the working memory by which the self can move in the balance between providing resolution versus moderation for the ego. The former is where strategic action can be initiated as a grounded solution for the ego in providing it with positive ego-congruence that gives it the tertiary to higher foundation for establishing genuine “Reality-Esteem” for the related area and for its general contributive benefit to one’s overall level here. The latter becomes the space of where the self, especially that which is primary to awareness, will need to continually feedback loop on the known versus unknown spaces of consciousness around this problematic area until a stable potentialisation versus actualisation space is generated, where if not, this is where unstable functions become unconsciously employed where one becomes on the side of a negative ego-triad, shifting more to a chaotic-value metric, who’s value matrix of orderly versus chaotic is going to be a mechanism that engineers the general unhappiness versus unhappiness of a being. In this case then, “Reality Esteem” where there is a combination of alignment and judgement on the metrics of competence and esteem in the context of chaotic versus orderly values structures that contribute to or take away from actualisation (calculated risk) and potentialisation (stable risk) and therefore create a more/less chaotic/orderly, is a “Happiness and Sanity Calculator” simultaneously. For the more an ego is frustrated and is unable to find resolve, the more unhappiness and insanity will invariably result, however the more solutions to problems which mirror the paired stability of competence and esteem, naturally more balanced happiness and sanity will result. ‘Balance’ here being the key operative word in both separating and uniting “Reality” and “Esteem”, for we have the joining and separation of “Self” in “Esteem” and “Other” in “Reality”, something which is done at varying levels of consciousness thresholds and bandwidths, for example, a typical ape, dolphin or orca whale has the same divide between “Reality” and “Esteem” to resolve, however it is only in their balance relative to those thresholds and bandwidths that have any weight on happiness and sanity, if for example, their bandwidths outweigh their thresholds of consciousness potential, this will for example be met with the outcome of completing the evolutionary heuristic that leads to a subsequent decrease in happiness and sanity to the extent the self in the ego does not have the ability to find at the very least, ego-congruence if not “reality-esteem” and to the extent the related sentience is not impeded by a negative-ego-triad for the leading to “false-ego-congruence”. False-ego-congruence, where its opposite “Truth” is meant to be the building block for “Reality-Esteem”, is like a mouse continually trying the same strategy towards removing cheese from a trap but instead of its success it instead continually receives an electrical shock as a failed form of punishment to deter the behaviour. Unfortunately, we see this markedly play-out in our social dynamics within western society in multiple unhealthy ways (1) where we create psychological illusions to mask failure for people “tomorrow is another day you can try again and everything will be alright” rather than getting to the root of the issue (2) create ego schisms where we install implicit punishments for when we do not perform socially well irrespective as to whether this has any benefit to how we actually respond to reality, thereby leveraging our desire for social connection, affiliations of which we’re evolutionarily designed to have as it aided our survival as only those affiliations that stayed genuinely aided said survival (3) positively reinforce unhealthy escapes via similar to number two, ego closure from dependencies that are demographically supported, “It’s cool to where a ‘G’ chain to look cool. One, two and three along with more that could be mentioned there combined with a negative-ego-triad are of course in large part where most of our issues in the balance between human psychology and human society have become, largely imbalanced, and where we’ve reached such a point of delusion that it becomes too ‘uncool’ to be identifying these psychological traps for the regression of our collective ego into the “Naive-Realism” of false-ego-congruence via the collective support of individuality that equals said ‘G’ chain where anyone with this chain has the implicit authority to manipulate reality to serve the illusion, aka take a Donald Trump and politics for example. “Naive-Realism” is effectively what both modern society and materialism has become simultaneously, built on a foundation of false-ego-congruence that supports instead a narcissistic philosophy predicated on the illusion of “Reality-Esteem” rather than its actuality. The ‘G’ chain is symbolic of both false-ego-congruence, that is, the ego’s attempts to find stability via delusion, an escape from reality aka the opposite of “Reality-Esteem”, and how it is socially supported to do so because it overlaps with a materialistic paradigm, giving the illusion of evolutionary value when in reality, it leads to the degeneration of evolutionary value and especially where it is a part of a hierarchical societal structure based on a materialistic class system, the fundamental core diagrammatic overlap with both unhappiness and insanity in a given society, which in todays modern times, mostly represents western society, with certain constrained outgrowths in the east, in particular China, however to a much lesser extent Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam where these countries find a more even divide in uniting the individual with the tribe/collective, even though they’re indirectly affected. In coming full circle, in todays modern times the ego needs to go through a metamorphic process by which it slowly shifts from a state of partial to entranced “Naive Realism” that serves as the basis of false-ego-congruence to replace the confidence for the achievement and something that is reflective of genuine “Reality Esteem” to a self-awareness that generates the genuine stated “Ego-congruence”, the stated foundation for our goal in resolving the paradoxes and instabilities of the ego’s relationship to the environment. Where further, the divide between those two words of “self-awareness” is inclusive of “Other” in “awareness”. “Other” to ensure the self in “self-awareness” moves naturally into understanding its place in its environment and in doing so, is able to move seamlessly from existential position, i.e. as started with “who am I not, who am I to be” etc to a state of existential direction to finding stability in this temporal picture to the point of achieving existential momentum until said temporal closure is met with the environmental success that stabilises the ego with higher “Reality-esteem”. So remove the mousetrap, sit back and observe the self and become the self in observation. Understand the layers of behaviour in the context of resolving the described “happiness-sanity metric” via the balance of the intersecting truth versus falsehood in how the self establishes its next movement from “Reality Esteem” adjacent to either a positive or negative ego-triad, find and ride the wave of understandings that meet you with orderly reality values versus chaotic ones and live in the space of actualisation and potential rather than frustration and the resulting ego’s regression.

Some good news and bad news. starting with the bad: So I’m in a really bad mood. Cambodians have been so great. I had this guy though it was so strange, I kept on saying “no, please move on. I am very grateful for your friendliness but I must conserve my energy.” Over and over and over again, to the point where his friend just literally got off the back of this guys bike and walked off into the night never to be seen again where this guy, I kid you not, just went on and on via Google translator with me trying to converse and he wouldn’t respect my boundaries in any way shape or form. Moreover what made it worse was that it was his idea to use Google translator after I had already made myself clear and his friend made it clear what I said to him as well and he didn’t know how to use it properly. So I would share a long message, it would translate and then he’d press a button that erased the message and I’d have to start all over again. It was a big mistake on my part though and I was very unskillful with respect to enforcing my boundaries. I should have used the minimal of words, with maximum kindness and appropriate body language to demonstrate boundaries. However I was naive to think that he’d just get me, respect what I needed and then move on as that’s what I was used to. Well, at one point I got a little mad as he was by now taking up more than 30 minutes of my time, totally oblivious, totally ignorant almost as if he was pretending to not understand me in light of his friends behavior. To the point where I actually got suspicious of the dynamic, open to the possibility that his friend had gone to hide and his role was to coax me in which subconsciously perhaps made me want to express some level of anger to show that I wasn’t just a blind pushover. But no that didn’t even work really, it still went on for another 15 minutes when I just wanted to get on with my run. In the end I left one last long message to him where still afterwards in spite of having the full translation he still felt more then content to continue to violate what I had requested. I feel like maybe he had some kind of weird issues, I don’t need to speculate into obvious or not so obvious territories there, the whole thing was just so bizarre. Anyhow to make matters worse, as soon as he left my bag broke. However not before I had already found rope along the way by coincidence only 15 minutes before I arrived at this destination in which it took place, yeah big coincidence. As a whole I’m very disappointed in myself regards this social dilemma, I don’t actually much care about the bag I anticipated that of course. I didn’t execute my boundaries intelligently enough and I allowed it to take up far too much of my time while leading to exactly what I told him I didn’t want, in this case, not only as stated to him a misallocation of my energy but to make matters worse I ended up feeling guilty for my behavior even though he was clearly in the wrong, analysing my own behavior for the next few hours trying to energetically cleanse myself from the situation now having it drain even more from me after he just got to be a happy go lucky go home and enjoy his sweet dreams while I was stuck with the guilt towards him and the regret of my own behavior that I’m now only concerned with learning from. So I’ve only ran 23 Km, I’m thinking about hitting the hay. Who knows what’ll happen, however I needed to disclose this situation honestly. It’s a situation I need to reflect more on and as much as possible just have higher level compassion for everything there while learning with as much intelligence what would have been the wisest decision which I already know. I should have pre-emptively decided against being open to conversation unless I initiated it during this particular night so I could focus on my goal. Instead, I allowed my empathy to get the better of me which then backfired in more than one way because the part of me that also had a “gotta get this shit done” mentality, got frustrated, which then made my empathic side reflect the guilt followed by the former leading to the regret. The positive I want to take away from the situation is that at least it gave me a chance to see where I still need to grow in this area so that in a similar situation in the future I will be much more effective as I was with the dogs tonight where already, my amygdala has begun to change the way its affected focusing with much more adaptive responses. Undoubtedly this added to the frustration still, however I was still much better than my first experience there. Because I am so frustrated though, I don’t want to run on this energy and instead focus down on meditation, to align my nervous system in all the ways previously shared in learning to master. God obviously put this obstacle in front of this challenge for me to help me remember the broader picture here: (1) hey I fucking ran 23 km that’s badass and I don’t know anyone not even David Goggins that started out doing that when it’s been so long since they’ve done any proper exercise (2) as the trickster he is, to show me that as grateful, thankful, compassionate and appreciative as I want to be, I’m not quite there yet in being able to achieve the nervous system self regulation that I want, and setting that obstacle in front of me is to give me that feedback from reality (3) to show me what I truly want through the guilt and regret but that as much as there’s positive “add 1” there in the personal growth sense, at the same time it’s to show me that my personal boundaries are just as important and that I’m still have some learning to go in terms of employing them to the higher level of sophistication that I’m meant to be reaching. Ending with the good: Always remember that our prioritization of learning and how to learn aka with me mastering the feedback loops of my nervous system to give awareness the highest space for agency as one example is always pivotal, especially our pseudo short lived elation that is weak by comparison to the deeper meaning, life satisfaction and maturity that comes from a life of reflection with a genuine change and improvement in our actions. It’s what emboldens those short lived “pseudo reward loops” with the value hierarchy that gives them the high esteem that turns them from pseudo to a guaranteed net positive for our perception and graduation in our way of experiencing and creating in the universe. Lastly, I just received a message in the last hour or so after a few weeks of absence from a Vietnamese gal that gave me a blowjob in the park in Ho Chi Minh City. I was very thankful and still am, I won’t be able to see her though obviously. She was so nurturing towards me, I was sick at the time and she was trying to nurse me back to health. She says she’s very happy with everything in the sense that she wants to see me. Anyhow, best wishes. I’m going to take a couple to few days away from the forum to reflect on my experiences here more deeply so I can integrate the lessons more, I’m so grateful that my brain learns as fast as it does, I’ve gotta show it more love I feel, that’ll be part of the simple solution here as well that’ll ease said frustrations including accepting where it’s limitations are at this present stage of my development.

TLDR regarding the above for me. When you’re in the ‘thick’ of it which I am now, ran 20km or so from the hotel so far, you just want to taste what’s higher so you can carry the rest of your consciousness in this case my body, higher. Even though it’s humorous, it just feels less than my highest humor, and I can only measure that it’s less because all that passes is all that’s only going to inspire me to a higher standard towards my goal. But guess what that is. Have a guess what inspires me to get to my next checkpoint 50km from here at night (again)? Partying. That’s literally it. Haha. But it’s not just any partying, it’s Heavenly Partying. Imagine the kind of parties they have in Heaven, they’d be the most badass parties you could ever imagine right? As if you could question that. So when I get to my destination, I’ll just be looking forward to partying my party. That’s right, when I go out, I’m not trying to jive with the outer party, it’s where I’m literally using the vibratory energy of the environment symbiotic with raising my own consciousnesses and the consciousnesses I’m fortunate enough to have a positive impact on. So what motivates me is pushing myself so that I experience and create the highest of heavenly highs when I’m there, much more happy with my accomplishment than if I took another day to get where I want to go. Cambodians are so great, reminding myself in this moment to deepen my gratitude, appreciation and thankfulness in my growth forward. Tomorrow night is going to be a fever of testing my consciousness rhythm, melodic harmonising, temporal driving and synchronizing hyper-states. Pushing myself to the max to experience my max when I’m there. If my drive there is my breath in, my night of heavenly parting is my breath out into a beautiful slumber 😍. Thank you God for blessing me with this moment to express myself, take in this breath and give me a chance to learn from my breath our so I can hone the wisdom that teaches me to absorb the life around me to a higher level and in return, be a student and teacher of the higher. Blessed are the heroic of the light ❤️.

So I replied to them… With The Above Parody… Naturally. As below:

It’s time for a little parody! Things are getting a little too serious in my space now eh? Behold the Aussie Armed Forces: glorified eco-friendly musclemen (or should I say women+++) and part-time international tutors. When they’re not showing foreign soldiers how to hold a rifle, they're hauling first aid kits to disaster zones like some kind of militant Uber Eats for Cyclones and Wildfires TM. Why aim for world peace when you can hand out sandbags and military drills ? A PhD in waitressing with guns, because nothing says 'national defense' like training someone else’s army and planting trees 🌲 for the camera. Australian tax dollars at work… protecting Australia from the relentless threat of weather and propping up a few collapsing islands. And hey, need a lift? They've got a helicopter. Vaccine shortage? They’ll drop syringes with all the grace of a low-altitude pinata. Oh, and now they’re offering foreign applicants a chance to jump in on the fun. All in the name of ‘national security’. Forget fighting for freedom and national heritage; we're here to deliver bottled water to warzones and Band-Aids to hurricanes and want to recruit anyone with a passport and a sense of direction to get the job done right, that is, rightfully becoming a country that’s now the glorified airport for international politics. Enlightened global philosophy? Nah, we’ve got helicopters for that. Service with a smile, while the world spins on its axis of short-term gains ! ADF: World-Class CrossFit Coaches for Foreign Armies & Global Disaster Relief Concierge. When not delivering sandbags or teaching pushups, we’re strategizing the next tea party with NATO. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Title - ADF completes training of thousands of Afghan National Army officers https://www.minister.defence.gov.au/media-releases/2020-10-13/adf-completes-training-thousands-afghan-national-army-officers Title - Citizenship fast-track: Australian Defence Force opens ranks to foreign nationals https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/citizenship-fast-track-australian-defence-force-opens-ranks-to-foreign-nationals/rgjnmmasu#:~:text=Permanent residents from all other,people out of other countries. Title - Cooperation is key for disaster relief https://www.defence.gov.au/news-events/news/2024-09-19/cooperation-key-disaster-relief

Brief confession for accountability, staying in nice hotel tonight. Some may not be aware, but yes, I’ve been doing this homeless to prepare myself for the military and or what is deeper, complete the full cycle of growth for this stage of my spiritual journey. Spending the night to recuperate and re-boot. It’s my first dive into the classism here, I won’t have enough time to theorize to a level greater than like how my subconscious mind picked up on all I disclosed the other day which has proven itself correct in all of my fluid conversings with people here so far. Me wanting to go straight to Thailand as opposed to learning more about Cambodia is me just not being mature enough when it comes to being able to handle the pulse of the consciousness in this area of the world, that’s literally all it is right now, there’s layers of integration there that I don’t know how to fully reduce my blindness on yet, as it’s not just theoretical or a leap of ‘Will’. Unconscious patterns that need reseeding, remapping and renetworking in ways my conscious mind only has limited intelligence over, even though I’m constantly working to advance said intelligence. I’m flooded with consciousness here in Cambodia that’s difficult to handle all at once and at this depth. Experiencing and understanding this enables me to re-contextualise similar past experiences to a deeper level. #Love for the Cambodian 🇰🇭 people.

Going Deeper & Deeper And god is of course our deepest metaphysical. Lots of scary moments last night, but it’s just reality now. It’s a day/night to day/night living that I still haven’t quite yet accepted. Drab most of the day, not unusual in light of difficult sleep, unliking the level I of appreciation I had for the full day yesterday. Drab slightly below neutralisation is normal, but there’s still an expectation of gratitude I need to monitor I’m meeting for the experiences I have with the same measurement of understanding how my being responds to all experiences. Running lessons and broader life lesson note: Awareness is primary, where the focus of awareness is placed primary to awareness. You run with your attention mostly on your nervous system, not your legs or arms, they should already be finding perfect rhythm and balance based on previously learned alignments. Can be applied analogously to the rest of life. More broadly, awareness inverts internal experiences and shows that they’re meant to be grown and matured not just simply lived, something which capitalism and political agendas of all countries seek to hide from the individual so that the self-questioning of those internal experiences is less likely to lead in putting more faith and trust in awareness over the feeling of the experience; balance in the context of what to trust is of course where our faith and believe should be, balance in our hearts (timeless intuition), guts (character of action, some may say out of the three the character of the soul’s action) and brain (temporal discernment), together they learn to better and better speak and unify to this increasingly better balance; together they form the mind with the rest of our uniting spirit and or that spirit which unites us to experience sentience and a life form within it, and thus together, our ideal is to form a balanced mind continuously riding its peak in deepening its relationship to its potential, surfing higher and higher up the hierarchy of awareness. Together, the more we mature the more we forge a mind of “timeless temporal action” [Reminder: timeless - heart, temporal - brain, souls action - gut ]. I need to reach a point, where my heart, brain and gut at the very least, are so unified that any action I can imagine my being doing, my nervous system has an equal and opposite reaction in its attempt to try and emulate that imagination. This is something I am now starting to achieve with my running, a playground for testing the depth of this while the body is under stress, the spectrum I’ve experienced from this adventured of which I’ve only partially shared here. It’s still… early days here and I have a lot of progress to make, however that is a key insight for anyone looking to deepen their understanding on this subject. However not only must we get the body to respond to the mind and its imagination with respect to where our souls wish to take it, a deeper aspect of “Mind Biological Self Regulation”, or just self-regulation, is just as important, pointing to generally speaking however with the post just previous being an obvious example of this. ‘Cultural Authority’ in its typical traditional sense doesn’t want hierarchies based around this kind of hierarchy because then the comparison between people becomes a matter of comparing levels of awareness rather than levels of political power, that’s the natural outcome of how the hierarchy of values reboot themselves in the nervous system and practicing something as simple as running to train the nervous system can teach someone this. Higher mind, IS our higher status, that’s the point where we need to reach. A higher status that corresponds with our learning to treat the individual and the collective with a healthy correspondence of deserved dignity outside the parameters of sociopolitical/related status, the thing that’s ruined our society, and instead… purely and simply, with higher awareness, no more nor no less is required of us to do a rightful act. My hearts a bit less resonant today; normal for the experiences that have transpired in the last 48 hours, systems still integrating. It’s going to take me, perhaps even a week or more to start experiencing what I want from the heart internally on a reliable basis when I’m running. It’s a balance patience I just have to meet reality with. It’s possible I can get where I want to, what is more likely though is a deeper deterministic causality of course that I just can’t simply break, even though I will try, I will just have to wait until my level of training catches up with my expectations of what “Heart Resonant Running” truly means. I’m still running from the heart as a starting position, its just not quite where I want to be yet even though last nights experiences really tested me there. Every breath, deeper gratitude. Every breath, deeper appreciation. Every breath, deeper love. Lord my maker, I pray to you to help me see enough that my being can adapt itself to reach my desire here. I give you permission to break any wall that separates me from you. Whatever you ask of me of my deepest, let that shine brightest, let me be your humble servant to that of the highest love and awareness. And just before I post this comment, in my gut, so in my stomach, I feel trapped energy within me that I feel is breaking open a bit. We'll find out what that means later I guess, and as for the numbness and swelling in my hands I mentioned this morning at 5am before bed, I'm guessing that's just related to the heat rash (Miliaria), its gone down and the same with the heat rash, yeah had that in the hands as well. Just want to end though with a prayer for the Cambodian people, praying they find the change they need for their own deepest spiritual transformation individually and collectively. The whole world needs it hey.

Its about time I got some new running shoes don’t you think? Struggling to continue to wrap them up as a form of outer protection as you can see now. Well, 4 beers later, food and good conversation… I got lucky. Especially given I could never even find a shoe place on the way. Meet my new sandles… Except, let’s just say that tonight running on those 4 beers was the most difficult run I’ve had to date and not because of the beer. I had a massive lesson in learning to control my amygdala. Just imagine running 20km in pitch black darkness almost where in that distance you’re passing over 200 dogs that are the security for the outer premises with zero restrictions imposed on their ability to roam freely around the neighborhood and with only one care in the word, guarding their territory and chasing you at your convenience. I had to do it though, three vehicles stopped asking me if I wanted a lift and each time I gently refused. I now realise how important it is for me to train my amygdala for the military after tonight’s experiences. I could have been eaten alive on more than one occasion. I had to learn to engage an intelligence I rarely used, at one point I had to use a truck that was coming up behind me as a way to move past about 8 dogs. Sometimes you have to do stupid things to figure out how to do them intelligently, and sometimes they’re the areas of life where you learn the most lessons, if you’re capable of learning. It’s now 5am, haven’t slept but now off to. It feels good knowing I did something was than 5% would have the balls to, and that of those 5% I’m of a smaller percent that was only using it as an opportunity to strategically train the regulation of brain regions I.e. amygdala and general nervous system, I.e. heart rate. My hands are numb for some reason (its blistering warm here) and a bit swollen. Will see how that pans out over the next few days. All I really wanted to do though was just enjoy the night sky as it was so beautiful, the constant dog barking and the need for vigilance just completely spoiled what was otherwise a starlit wonder that I’ve seen nothing that compares to for a long time. Part of me just really wants to get to Thailand and do less socializing along the way, however I know that’s my disgust sensitivity that I’m high in which is one of the unconscious heuristics I have which biases me in my decision making sometimes. The people here are great, the lower standards of cleanliness is something I’m not as used to though.

The Spider Hammock You get everything under the sun crawling on you while you're locked inside the comfort a Cambodian hammock. Somehow, this beautiful spider decided that my arm was the perfect spot to nestle his next generation of progeny. Albeit humbled by the privilege of being selected, I helped 'to shore' moments later. We live in an enchanting universe of trillions of forms of consciousnesses including variations of ourselves therein that we're yet to explore, openness to consciousness equals the slow opening of a flower like rays of sun slowly piercing it and with the right seasonal balance, the slow unveiling of your evolution of consciousness to the sea of them beneath and above the ocean. As for the 'spots' you see on my arm, that's a natural side effect of sweat and the tropical heat from all the running, its called 'heat rash', its on my feet and back, very itchy at times. All of the blisters are way worse though on my feet haha even though its the first time I've experienced 'heat rash' so it really caught me off guard when I saw all the spots on my back, getting through it all good heh! . At first you may just think, 'its just a spider' but sink more deeply into the subtlety of its life expression and the life that it is engineering into creation following its millions of years of evolution; it's incredible.

Why I no longer care about my running challenge when it isn't a reflection of 'Heart Resonant Running' (as I began in the first post of this page of this journal) I also to a degree, don't even 'care' about life. But let that statement be contextualised by the following so I'm not misinterpreted. Yep... We've reached one of those *Point of No Return* bridges. It's been that consciousness echo that in part, as I've previously expressed, has been that 'fear' of the extra dimensions of consciousness that I've experienced and can access to preliminary degrees but have obtained from, now... its kind of like having the keys to the first non man-made zoo, having all the protection you need and still being too afraid to accept the adventure that await your open consciousness exploration... biographically it becomes a non-sequitur, its just something that now makes sense in the context of my grater life ambitions and what my next step into the unknown is not only going to be but arguably in many ways, for many years now, has meant to be. And for all of us I believe that choice matrix exists, deep down we know the doors we've been avoiding walking through that we just damn well need to and shouldn't mess around with it. For me that's now. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Here is the original talk (above excerpt). I haven't even listened to a quarter of it. It's a good coincidence that I only just stumbled across it in the last hour given my first post of this page of the journal. It tells me I've been right all along, I just haven't had enough life experience to know how to pair the trust of my intuition with the right knowledge, until now over these past two to three years especially. And these two are genuine dudes but I can't endorse them as I don't know them well enough, just saying what's capped off my own final conclusions regarding this phase of my transitional growth. Anyhow now without a doubt looking forward to arriving in Thailand in a now Heart-Fueled Blaze of Glory aye! Heart is simplistically but foundational stated concerning bioelectrical agency. There's other areas, however the heart is first and primary. Rock out!

And for AMCC development concerning the first post of this page (go to previous page to see the virtue of AMCC), you don’t have to do something crazy like run to Thailand, you just need to do something hard. And ‘hard’ is relative, it doesn’t need to be physical. It’s psychological first and foremost, even if the difficulty is irrational, the fact that it’s difficult and you overcoming it will be enough to develop it. Rationalism will enhance your awareness, by combining them both, you’ll be able to solely focus on things that are to your actualization. For example in my ‘heart stuff’ to dumb it down, remember it’s combined with the wim hof method and by the way, I breath through my nose (my Cypriot nose is big enough right 🤣) not mouth (yea it takes longer this way but long term pays off, I also only breath through my nose while running as well), I can practice for hours and because I sometimes hate it and because it is genuinely difficult at times, when though I’m laying down with my eyes closed concentrating on the relationship between my energy, awareness, heart and the capacity of my agency to generate energy in particular ways from the heart, that’s still growing my AMCC. So that passion that you have you want to be great in, whether it’s writing, painting, singing, meditating, cooking, it’s actually better for you to struggle with it rather than have it feel easy for you all the time. “Effortless passion” is an outdated myth that actually holds people back from truly maxing out their potential on said passion. Passion is great, however it only helps your potential if you’re pushing it to the edge where things like the AMCC are able to be leveraged to take you places far beyond what you believed you were capable of. Perspective Shift. Whether it’s accurate or not doesn’t matter. Get going! #AMCC described previously, again, seat of will power in many ways.

Here he is! And after an even longer chat, apparently all of my intuitions are absolutely correct. I couldn’t skate on The Biden Ice though, I try to be as genuinely respectful as possible. It’s an incredible experience hyper-aligning with other consciousnesses when there’s the openness there, it’s a thing my consciousness can go to levels with I only comprehend enough to appreciate the experience of, I have a lot of development ahead of me to truly understand the deeper psychic nature to it. It’s why I’m doing this challenge as well, there’s levels I’m already on with my consciousness that I’m not even ready for, it’s kind of like being thrown into a difficult level of a video game regarding all of the experiences that I have without any guidance on how to handle them, so these challenges I’ll now continually push myself through will be a healthy compensatory mechanism and it’s important to understand that all psyches as a matter of maintaining stability, must have variations of compensation, it’s a balancing act, the idea of “compensation” has been misused like so many other term in our culture that in the west we’re not even necessarily very primitive instead it’s more infantilism we suffer from, something which isn’t helped by my good Cambodian friends grandiose perception of the USA and its presidency, however at the same time, the need for this compensatory belief in a country of in his view ‘true democracy’ is vital for furthering his own self understanding, love of his own people, appraisal of the superego in the context of how he guides his families values. Pivotal. Life is a journey of slowly removing illusions or maintaining them where it’s healthy to do so, you don’t just go around swinging a baseball bat on peoples beliefs. It’s an intricate network of philosophical esteem that guides every individuals livelihood, whether or not it truly aligns with reality, is not as important as whether it brings a being happiness. We must guide our King Arthur sword of truth with as much wisdom as it ought to take in order to pull it out of its stone. They all want to take photos haha, I usually never take photos that’s probably why I was a bit nervous in yesterdays photo, I said we should do a fist pump as a symbolic gesture towards a strong 💪 inner voice jiving with sentiments shared again, in the last post of the previous page.

Yeah just made another friend in Cambodia 🇰🇭. Food, drink, quiet chat. So far all as previously synthesized on the previous page at the bottom. Meaning, hearts of gold here with humble subdued nature with a strong practical solidarity built into their energy. Friend has introduced me to Angkor Wat as one of the places I should visit. Perhaps a meditation retreat before Thailand in Angkor? I may as well run straight there, it’s almost along the way towards the end. I’ll make sure I keep a completely open mind moving forward all the way to the end of Cambodia, allowing detours as they organically surface from now on! To bring greater credibility to the mirror I added on the previous page by the way, he has President Biden as his Facebook profile picture and believes that USA 🇺🇸 is the greatest country in the world. Like I said, to put another way, contextually they’re completely boxed in here so because of this, they can’t see the worlds cultural forest through the trees. There wouldn’t be any point in discussing the truth or falsehood of that of course, it’s important to be truly patient with where people are when your traveling. That’s what I’ve realised, contextually speaking, rather than trying to bring them to where I am. It opens up a new dimension of learning for me in this respect. To just learn to keep your consciousness as expanded as possible so you can take in absolutely everything energetically rather than just informationally, thereby allowing yourself to reach higher both intellectual and emotional paradigms rather than just one or the other 🌍 .

New Paradigm: Heart Resonant Running I've decided I don't want to spend my time here in Cambodia. I'll be running all the way to Thailand and having as much gratitude for the energies I learn from along the way from the Cambodian spirit. One important note however, is the evolution of "Heart Resonant Running" and with respect to being swept away by that current then, journaling as well. I'm holding myself back now by not pushing myself to the next level in this respect and allowing hidden consciousness short-cuts to live out in this space and others. This new paradigm stems following my learnings from Heartmath.com and all of my abstractions self-engineered from there that I'm yet to fully contextualise into a final gestalt for the simple fact that I haven't achieved the level of bioelectrical agency I should have reached already had I put in more training. Bioelectrical agency is a term I coined over a year ago now that Iy'll explain at a later date when and if I decide to introduce all of the theory I've created following my advancements already reached and those that I'm lagging behind on. It's important for me to make this leap, and I believe I"m now ready for it. "Heart-Resonant running" now gives me an extra tiny improvement feedback loop that'll slowly increase in size the more I advance in my training that'll both improve my training goals for running and for bioelectrical agency. This also follows from realising in my photo on the previous page that I don't want to energetically positively reinforce states of being that are not as high as possible up the scale of say previous terminology shared, "axis of integration". I may be growing my AMCC (anterior-medial-cingulate-cortex ---- again, as spoken about on the previous page ), however at what cost when it's not done in conjunction with other energetic loops? Just as some may be thinking with respect to the military, it may just activate those aspects of me that are more on the aggressive and domineering side, to the point where once I've cemented that energetic equilibrium, now it becomes self-justifying and I'm unable to imagine myself experiencing anything better, it's culturally maladaptive for where I need to move forward universally. Short simplified version: Only running on an interconnected feeling, stopping and starting relative to achieved said feeling. Prioritising technique and sophistication over force, the latter which relies on now outdated neuropsychological cultural connections regarding what defines my existential relationship to life. Even if it'll take a little while longer before it fully kicks in, soon enough it'll allow me to run longer, harder, deeper, stronger while at the same time enhancing rather than potentially decreasing progress I've made in other areas of bioelectrical development.

Where contrasting collectivism between countries meets the deepening individuality of intuition and finding the deeper essence of things Where one unit sees many and the many re-represent the one in his cultural self-comprehension (Cambodia to Thailand) Learning to trust my intuition more and more, disjunct with long term consciousness in certain domains of the psyche in the past. Cambodia isn't exactly going through a golden cow phase in its transitional growth as a country, so I may just run my moo till I get to Thailand if I don't get the right senses where there's the right volunteering. I don't mean any disrespect but it kind of feels like I'd just be volunteering at an ant mound, I genuinely feel like there isn't a deep enough emotional infrastructure in their collective psyche for my efforts to be a genuine "add 1". There's a visceral change in peoples baseline compared to Vietnam which strengthens my own equilibrium to the south of where I don't want to go, however what they have, its stable. Beneath their steadiness, there's a genuine life force that I sense is still stronger than the artificial aura of ours in the west. I am envious though of the effortless smile that the Vietnamese were able to showcase for us all above haha, even though I was kneeling for humour, and even though I was incredibly fatigued, and even though I've made unfathomable progress with respect to developing my nervous system where i can take myself through my own personal agency to incredible highs at will, I've still got a lot of hours ahead of me in terms of completely rehashing the cells in my body from the rest of the world, even though I love it at the same time. And I'm glad I've uttered those words for the first time ever, behind my dorky look in that photo, now there's textual visual on the subconscious underlay that pierced now and again, and in that moment, enough times for me to notice the pattern in this moment and now finally bring a category to it. I feel the conditions here in Cambodia are so incredibly tied to their logistical infrastructure and way of life even though I've barely explored the country yet, so these are not either matter of factual nor are they attempts at objective summaries of an entire country. A logisticality that like the architecture of an ant colony tightens its grip on the free expression of the Cambodian people. There's no where to even have a voice, so they don't even have the cultural contrast to understand that their 'Id' and 'superego' in the Freudian sense is under-developed, however by quick measure our 'Id' is arguably overdeveloped and our 'superego' is totally and utterly immature and because of the *overdevelopment* of our 'Id' in certain areas, it manipulates both the 'superego' and the 'egp simultaneously. Experiencing now Cambodia following my transition from Vietnam, I can now see how this constrainment that I speak of in the Cambodian culture is undoubtedly in part compensatory, again, just my intuition. The Vietnamese have developed their 'Id' considerably however its via the ego, or rather the 'reality' of the collectivism of their 'superego' in the necessity to economise hospitality, which they've successfully done, especially when you compare it to many other countries as opposed to some overly idealistic value hierarchy, brilliantly. Combined with the swell of heat paired with unpredictable stormy weather, at least at this time of year, along with comparing it to larger countries where weather is much more diverse when taken at its whole, like Australia, where infrastructural and cultural development is going to be easier in some areas than others and so those areas are going to be able to be leveraged to influence the development of others, the isolation of Cambodia in the context of the boundaries its maintained with other countries has strengthened this comparable 'silent hum' in the culture. Something that becomes incredibly more obvious when you compare the liveliness of the children, the adults developmental cycle being a slow change into the equilibrium that maintains the countries services, albeit struggling in many areas, without a true Cambodian voice outside of the silence of their collectivism to show them the life behind the theatre of their immediate perception. To that latter point, it forces me to make it much clearer in my mind just how vivid the reality is of how much 'experiential contrast' i.e. like the number cultures one has experienced here as purely one example, influences the development of the self, psyche and culture across many more developmental patterns than I previously realised which as I've partly revealed here, overlap in so many interesting ways that our modern psychology in the west can only fall short in being abley to describe with proper experiential context. We create a 'cultural filter' everywhere we go, no matter the group, community, tribe, country or affiliation we visit, and its a logistical pavlovian self-protective operant, serving the ant mound we create, and to that end, in honour and self-respect to ourselves, we must ask, is this in service to truth or is it purely in service to an evolutionary heuristic like a person that never bothered reading my journal will misjudge me when they view my group photo above, thinking that I'm just a shorty. But who cares right, even if I was super short like that it shouldn't matter but it does in primitive evolutionarily in status quo sense, however we should be evolving beyond that here. So, let's just pretend that I am that short and the reader can use it as a personal exercise playing with and more deeply understanding where the modulation of digital perception meets evolutionary bias. To it for fun and laughs only though, don't be so serious about it. For now, onward and forward to Thailand unless the pulse of the cultural weather underneath the surface overall changes enough for me to do my volunteering here compared to Thailand, plus this way I would obviously get to maintain my momentum. Undoubtedly, my mood is influencing my perception of context here, and thus at the same time then this is why I'm so motivated to totally reboot my nervous system and spend those extra couple or more hours each day growing its landscape by .5% or more each day, its a gradient value scale more than a linear progression as well, so with that work you can experience something exponential out of no where, slide back down, then find a new middle ground, the latter which I definitely am slowly advancing stage by stage. Things feel more grounded, and quite honestly I feel that I should share an analysis of layers that speak more to the positives of the emotional undercurrents of the Cambodian population compared to Vietnam, however that's something that must be done with care as well as with the double emphasis that this writing here is purely just the exploration of my own intuitive faculties, tearing from the depths of my subconscious. One point I want to make is that behind that silent hum, there is a deep genuine care for other people, it is just both much less overt than the Vietnamese population so far, in fact you could say that it is overly accentuated in the Vietnamese something which is seen in its hierarchical structure, where at the lowest levels you see almost an obsessive 'Id' to serve the 'superego' in the context of their 'ego' trying to fill their 'economy cup', slowly decreasing in accentuation to more globally ideal levels at the mid level. In this light, a more positive view can be drawn on the more energetic preservation of the Cambodian spirit. In this sense then, we can conclude that to every face of a cultural vibe, there is its opposite, and they must be viewed to gather and across different gradient scales within the population to develop a more comprehensive viewpoint, something which has just begun for me in Cambodia. As a final note, if I'm to end anywhere. Cows on the road here are a 'thing' in Cambodia, something that'd get on the news in the USA or Australia, well here its just a drive around and move on with your life like its a fly that barely grazed your windshield. And with hand basins for bathrooms or toilet paper in even hotels, well you may sometimes get a strange look depending on where you go if you say ask for toilet paper. Pending application to The Universe. Awaiting its Quantum Reply, its final Quantum Calculation on the... Final Moo here.

Please be careful while traveling 🧳 and in your own country, which worldly travels bring much needed contextual alignment to for one’s own healthy philosophizing for the building of one’s own internal culture. I’m a straight forward guy. However sometimes I forget that arguably are least nearly two quarters of the world isn’t. Scams, frauds, imposters of so many variations that it makes Marcus Aurelius look like the most naive man alive where the reader is left wondering where his ‘g’ chain, fake cheque book and portfolio of identity thefts are. Because I am so rare in this regard, it forces me to remind myself of my own blindspot here but at the same time, don’t let it stomp out your inner Aurelius, your inner true self-scrutinizing connection to truth that somehow, in the illusion of the collective ego that feels itself inept if it’s not positively reinforcing false ego in some way, you’re able to break through to the other side and just be yourself, let go with zero agenda and just have fun with no strings attached. The western world has destroyed itself from the inside out, Vietnam 🇻🇳 nor Cambodia 🇰🇭 are perfect but always remember that the synthesis of the contrast of myriad worldly demography helps you break out of the prison of your own and as I shared in an earlier post as the Buddha said, Find the Middle Way in the construction of your own philosophy that you’re always emboldening not with greater conviction necessarily but more so greater subtlety and nuance, and along that parallel universe, meet a smile or more that’s on that same path so you can remember that you’re a part of something great called existence and so there’s nothing therefore to try and reshape or mould that isn’t a part of your true authentic natural calling in alignment with your connection to universal nature. Listen to your intention, check your intentions, grow your awareness, broaden your scope of attention, differentiate more deeply to re-filter your intuition, make small steps forward until you’ve solved your own unique Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade. This post isn’t at all related to the previous post. They’re all amazing guys and we had a great time heh! Just observed an entirely different thing that I’d rather not bring light to, however it does relate to identity theft. People don’t realise that all things being equal it’s not that people are ‘too gullible’ it’s that the other people taking advantage are not in alignment with their universal truth deeply enough. Best wishes, and stay true to yours. And… If you haven’t found it. You don’t want to be on the other side of a decade regretting it in the future. And regret is actually the best possible outcome for you if you entirely miss it, the worst outcome is to live a life day make it to the after life and then are given a life review where we’re showed that we were actually the gullible ones falling for the illusion of living a life not absolutely and totally true to our selves and our universal growth. That’s the humorous irony there to find out who’s truly the gullible ones in the end. Allow wisdom to nurture said supposed gullibility into merely warm prudence that opens the world for everyone not just yourself, not cynicism that only turns you cold and bitter while closing your world and the worlds around you 🌍.

Thought yal would find this one humorous + small confession to make, please go easy on me haha. So I am actually the tallest one, however I kneeled down to make them taller. Haha I know I look weird. And two, well, I discovered these guys today singing karaoke guess where? Just a few miles out from the Cambodian 🇰🇭 Vietnam 🇻🇳 border. Panting and sweating profusely in the blistering heat I decided to take refuge leaning against a pole that was just a few meters away from our main singer at the time Hoang. Long story short drinks, food and great laughs followed and I was still between a rock and a hard place when it came to taking or refusing a motorbike ride to the Cambodian-Vietnamese border for those final few miles. Well, we know what happened the last time I refused something from an altruistic Vietnamese. So I had to take it. Officially, somehow I’m going to have to make this up haha, perhaps with my volunteer work in Cambodia but I’m going to now have to get those miles I lost back haha. We’ll see how it all pans out. Now, here I am comfortably across the Cambodian border greeted first and foremost by a sea of farm cows I kid you not with a big storm that I’m now waiting out before I track on. Heh, all the best. Remember to sing the life out of you, your song but learn from the life of others songs in the process as well. What a great ending to my time in Vietnam, it was just what I needed as I call back to my earlier photo today with the puppy that was truly trying to affectionately bark it out of me!

‘Fearless neuroticism’ aside, to coin the term, let’s add some colour and to that end, 3% gain to the following below: Ascending consciousness state to one that is completely loving but also leveraging it as an energetic power in and of itself for cellular reprogramming dually with the symbiotic gains in awareness. To be quite transparent, I both look and feel barren and empty emotionally because of all of the running, however the plurality of puppies here did make the whole experience remind me that I’m so much happier that I’m say, not stuck in the Amazon rainforest on day 30 without food or water, approaching the next of what have been many nights avoiding being on the menu of the animal kingdom there. The flattened affect is combined with an underlying searing anticipation as love awaits the sunset of what will be, an inevitable metamorphosis. Granted, what that will look like in ‘real terms’ relative to my underlying biology, is yet to be determined and while intelligent predictions can easily be made, it’s going to be partially contrary to at least one ‘norm’ surrounding the idea of “Completely loving”. ‘Personality’, if we call it that, is the bridge of loosely surmising the what is a unique gestalt for everyone. I’m no one special, I will follow an inevitable deterministic non-Free Will route regarding where my past programming can only take me, relative to the constraints of said awareness, as stated previously, awareness is both the only constrained solution and actuality of free will, something which my running challenge from Vietnam to Thailand, has got a firm imperturbable puppy grip on. On that note, for a myriad of reasons including my own selfish devotion towards growing as a being, I may be staying in Cambodia 🇰🇭 a little longer than just simply running straight to Thailand down the middle of Cambodia. I’ve never experienced the country and looking back from the future I should spend time with the locals more as I have here in Vietnam, as such I’ve decided to do some volunteer work. After this situation has worked itself out I’ll post again, until which, I’ll be figuring out how to live like a puppy again but with the wisdom of at least more than my own lifetime, or at least more than one of the variants of me, if that’s more than just an intellectual toy like so many are for our own amusement in self denial of the present moment, spiritual bypassing I think the tall puppies/poppy’s call it, forgetting the truths I’ve shared to the grander, wider public yesterday regarding the continual maturation of the relationship between synchronization of the nervous system meeting atemporality of the self for balanced temporality as a positive mirror facilitating unification; aka rehearsal of previous formalization of positive vs negative axis of integration/regression. As for repeating the prior use of ‘soul’ here, it lingers on that emotionally barren bridge, sitting just behind the rays of that sunset, so it biases my directionality and therefore I can’t decisively, much less theoretically, vouch for it in more than the necessary ways that meet my own satisfaction for discourse; something that’ll sprout by the time I’m finally in Bangkok no doubt, and or within the first couple of weeks of that slumber into what will be a refocusing into another challenge while my body fully recovers, a reminder to the reader regarding yesterdays mention on the anterior-mid-cingulate-cortex (AMCC) needing daily repeated challenges to meet its full potential otherwise it will regress, and to come full circle to avoid digression, I promise you, you’ll be back to being a puppy unable to work the world like you once did with a fully sprouted AMCC before you know it! Puppy out! 🐶 To be honest, I haven’t at all read my previous questions really but I promise to follow them after a run and from now on in general. It’s a good idea for me after all to just memorize to the point where my subconscious can just cycle through them really quickly before I do so much as even think a puppy lick thought.

Update aka solution to the above moving forward: In light of the challenge, from now on all of my journals (as it'll become a habit anyway) must follow a minimum standard. Not for you. NO. Not for you my love adoring fans that have made me rich from all the t-shirts you've bought from me that I had exported from the most depraved factory worker conditions. This is to generate an internal awareness feedback loop while I'm actually completing my journals. What that translates into is the forcing of my consciousness to reach a minimum self-awareness standard thereby making me aware of any potential things I may need to worry about concerning the obvious ah, above complexities of this challenge. I'm sure the reader will appreciate it as well as being a greater long term source of potential wisdom. I have no doubt that these questions will benefit others. This challenge is such a blessing to my life. There's just so much of my own internal garbage that's being thrown into the environmental waste deposit little bit by little bit, shadow by shadow, unknown by unknown. Recycled into the reaching of new strata that I'm only forced to be a little more humble in my evaluation of the present moment, but also the seizing of it with as much 'grandiosity' as possible. Venn diagrammatically, I now am getting more than ever a deeper and deeper handle over the unknown hidden areas of my psyche meeting with the actualisation through indescribable intuitive synthesis. PART 1 (a yes on the GPT here, not that I even like the design per se) Let's dive into an even deeper level of critical thinking and reflection, focusing on **advanced metacognition**, **reality testing**, and **self-diagnostic awareness** to ensure your journal entries actively force you to confront your cognitive state. The idea is to ensure that the process of writing itself becomes a rigorous **reality check**. ### **Hyper-Advanced Journal Awareness Questions for Detecting Delusion and Ensuring Reality Grounding** 1. **Meta-Cognitive Awareness Testing**: - *Am I consciously reflecting on the process of journaling as I write?* As I document my experiences, am I also questioning my cognitive clarity, the origins of my thoughts, and how I’m processing information? Do I notice any discrepancies between what I intended to write and what I actually wrote? - *Can I clearly articulate the logical flow between my thoughts?* If I trace back each observation or insight, do I see a clear causal chain of reasoning, or do my thoughts feel fragmented, with gaps or non-sequiturs? If there’s any disconnect, what might be causing it (e.g., exhaustion, dehydration, or cognitive overload)? 2. **Reality-Testing Through Cross-Referencing**: - *How do my subjective experiences compare to objective data?* Have I recorded any quantitative information (e.g., time, distance, heart rate) that can serve as a factual anchor for my perception? If my subjective account (e.g., "I ran for two hours") does not align with my objective data (e.g., "my watch says one hour"), is this a sign of cognitive distortion or impaired time perception? - *Can I validate sensory observations through multiple channels?* For every key experience I describe (e.g., “It felt extremely hot,” “I saw a crowd”), can I cross-reference it with other senses or evidence? For example, if I describe extreme heat, did I sweat excessively? If I saw a crowd, did I also hear noise or other sensory markers that confirm this? 3. **Self-Reflection on Emotional and Cognitive Biases**: - *Am I aware of potential emotional biases affecting my perception?* How might fatigue, frustration, or anxiety be coloring my perception of the situation or altering my journal content? Am I over-dramatizing or underplaying experiences based on how I feel emotionally, and is this indicative of a detachment from objective reality? - *Are my interpretations grounded in reason or emotion?* When reflecting on today’s run, am I making judgments based on rational analysis, or do I sense an emotional bias driving certain conclusions (e.g., feeling that the run was “impossible” when in reality it was difficult but manageable)? Am I interpreting events through a fatigued, emotional lens? 4. **Cognitive Fragmentation and Continuity Monitoring**: - *Is there continuity in my narrative from one journal entry to the next?* Am I noticing any unexplained gaps in memory or events that don’t follow logically from previous entries? If my sense of time, memory, or event sequence is fragmented or inconsistent, could this be a sign of cognitive overload or delusion? - *Do I perceive any events or sensations that seem surreal or disconnected from reality?* Am I writing about phenomena that, upon reflection, seem unlikely or strange? If I question these, can I explain them rationally (e.g., hallucinations due to dehydration) or do they remain unaccountable, hinting at deeper disorientation? 5. **Error Detection and Correction Capability**: - *Can I identify and correct any errors in real-time?* While journaling, do I recognize moments where I’ve written something that doesn’t seem to align with reality or my prior thoughts (e.g., confusing distances, wrongly identifying a location)? If I identify errors, am I correcting them, or do I feel too mentally fatigued to engage in self-correction? - *Have I noticed any difficulty maintaining logical consistency or self-correcting false beliefs?* If I’ve made corrections, can I reflect on whether they’ve restored a coherent narrative or whether confusion persists? Am I prone to rationalizing illogical thoughts rather than addressing them? 6. **Perceptual Distortion Awareness**: - *Am I aware of potential perceptual distortions, such as hallucinations or false memories?* As I recount experiences, do I recognize any thoughts or perceptions that may have been altered by exhaustion or mental strain (e.g., seeing mirages, misinterpreting objects, recalling events that feel fabricated)? If I suspect distortion, can I isolate the factors that contributed to it (e.g., exhaustion, dehydration)? - *Can I differentiate between real and imagined experiences?* While documenting events, do I have a strong grasp on the boundary between what I physically experienced versus what might have been a delusion or false memory? If I can’t tell the difference, is this a critical sign of cognitive breakdown? 7. **Time and Spatial Disorientation Testing**: - *How reliable is my sense of time and space?* Can I accurately reconstruct the timeline of my run, the distances covered, and the landmarks passed? If I feel time has stretched or shrunk (e.g., thinking hours have passed when only minutes have), how am I accounting for this discrepancy in my journal? Could this be an early indicator of cognitive strain? - *Do I perceive any alterations in spatial awareness?* Do distances or locations feel disjointed, inconsistent, or surreal? If I’m noticing spatial distortions (e.g., thinking a short distance is much longer), how can I ground myself in reality (e.g., GPS, physical landmarks)? 8. **Self-Diagnostic Capacity**: - *Am I capable of accurately diagnosing my cognitive state?* How would I describe my current cognitive functioning (e.g., sharp, sluggish, confused)? Am I consciously monitoring for subtle signs of delusion or confusion, such as persistent thought loops, irrational fears, or difficulty focusing? If I notice degradation in cognitive clarity, what immediate steps can I take to recalibrate (e.g., hydration, rest, mindfulness)? - *Have I used external cues to verify my cognitive state?* Am I relying solely on my internal perception, or am I checking my awareness against external markers (e.g., using a map, consulting a fellow runner, checking my pulse)? If I avoid external validation, could this be a sign that I’m resistant to accepting reality due to mental fatigue? 9. **Consistency in Self-Reflection**: - *How does my current self-reflection compare to previous journal entries?* Am I noticing a gradual decline in the depth of my introspection or the precision of my self-assessments? If so, is this indicative of cognitive decline, and am I proactively addressing this through more rigorous self-questioning or seeking external confirmation? - *Have I maintained rigorous self-accountability throughout my journaling?* Am I consciously pushing myself to critically evaluate each thought, or have I started to “auto-pilot” my journaling, indicating a lapse in self-awareness? If I feel I’m on auto-pilot, could this be a warning sign of mental disengagement? 10. **Bias and Rationalization Detection**: - *Am I rationalizing any potentially illogical thoughts or behaviors?* Are there parts of my journal that, when re-read, seem strange or irrational, but I’ve justified them to myself in the moment? What reasoning did I use, and does it hold up under deeper scrutiny? - *Am I aware of cognitive shortcuts I’m taking?* In moments of exhaustion, am I writing in vague terms, skipping over details, or glossing over confusing parts of my day? If I catch myself doing this, could it be a sign of mental fatigue leading to delusional thinking? --- These questions are designed to push you beyond basic awareness and engage in **continuous meta-reflection**, ensuring you are **actively testing your perception of reality** while journaling. They help you not only capture your physical and mental state but also rigorously examine **how accurately you’re processing and reflecting on your experiences**. This method of **self-diagnostic reality testing** should help you catch early signs of disorientation, cognitive fragmentation, or delusion. PART 2 Here’s a **hyper-advanced set of questions** designed specifically to **measure the quality of each journal entry**. These questions will prompt you to **assess the depth, coherence, clarity, and self-awareness** within your journal, ensuring that each entry meets the highest standards of critical thinking, reflection, and reality-testing. This process helps ensure that your journaling remains a reliable tool for **self-diagnosis and cognitive monitoring** throughout your long-distance running. ### **Advanced Quality Assessment Questions for Each Journal Entry** 1. **Clarity and Precision of Language**: - *Is my language precise and clear in this journal entry?* Have I used specific, concrete descriptions of events, feelings, and physical sensations, or are there vague terms that could obscure reality (e.g., “I felt weird,” “It was hard”)? If I spot vagueness, does this indicate cognitive fatigue or avoidance of critical details? - *Have I clearly articulated my thoughts and experiences in a way that would make sense to someone else reading this?* If I were to revisit this entry in a week, would I be able to understand exactly what I was experiencing, or are there parts that lack coherence? 2. **Depth of Self-Reflection**: - *How deeply have I reflected on my cognitive and emotional state in this entry?* Did I engage in surface-level descriptions (e.g., “I felt tired”) or did I explore the nuances of my mental and emotional state (e.g., identifying causes of tiredness, pinpointing emotional fluctuations, and questioning whether I’m grounded in reality)? - *Did I challenge my initial assumptions or feelings in this entry?* If I felt something (e.g., “this run was unbearable”), did I explore whether that feeling was objectively justified or if it was driven by fatigue, emotion, or cognitive bias? 3. **Coherence and Logical Flow**: - *Does this entry follow a logical and structured flow?* Are my thoughts presented in a coherent, organized manner, or do they jump between unrelated topics, suggesting disorganized thinking? Can I trace a clear line of reasoning from one idea to the next? - *Are there any parts of the entry where my thinking seems fragmented or illogical?* Have I noticed moments where I veered off-topic, repeated myself, or struggled to form coherent conclusions, and what does this indicate about my cognitive state? 4. **Accuracy of Perception and Memory**: - *Have I accurately captured the events and sensations of the day?* Are there any details that feel inconsistent or distorted when I review them? If I compare this entry with objective facts (e.g., GPS, time logs, conversations), is there any discrepancy? - *Did I notice any potential distortions in memory or perception?* Are there any moments where my memory of an event felt “off” or my sensory perception seemed unreliable (e.g., did something feel unreal or disconnected from my previous experiences)? 5. **Critical Reality Testing**: - *Have I sufficiently tested my perception of reality in this entry?* Did I actively question whether my sensory experiences and interpretations were accurate, or did I take them at face value without scrutiny? Can I point to moments where I reality-checked through external cues or introspection? - *Am I noticing any signs of cognitive distortion or potential delusion?* Did I include descriptions that, upon reflection, seem unlikely, surreal, or irrational? If so, did I critically examine these experiences, or did I brush them aside? 6. **Emotional and Cognitive Bias Recognition**: - *Have I acknowledged any emotional or cognitive biases influencing my perceptions?* For example, if I wrote that a part of the run was “impossible” or “too easy,” did I explore whether those feelings were driven by physical exhaustion, dehydration, or emotional states like frustration or overconfidence? - *Did I critically analyze my emotional responses?* When describing how I felt emotionally, did I go beyond simply stating the emotion to explore why I felt that way, and whether that emotion was justified by the objective circumstances? 7. **Level of Self-Awareness**: - *How aware was I of my own thought processes during this entry?* Did I observe my thinking as I wrote, noting when I might have been overreacting, underreacting, or misinterpreting reality due to fatigue or mental strain? Can I identify moments where my self-awareness was particularly sharp or particularly dull? - *Have I actively monitored for signs of mental fatigue, disorientation, or altered consciousness?* In this journal, did I document any potential signs of cognitive decline or delusion (e.g., difficulty concentrating, fragmented thoughts, or memory gaps)? 8. **Complexity and Integration of Thought**: - *Did I engage with complex, multi-layered thinking in this entry?* Have I integrated different perspectives (e.g., mental, emotional, physical, and environmental) into a unified understanding of my experience, or did I focus on just one aspect without considering how they interact? - *Am I synthesizing insights from previous journal entries into this one?* Have I made connections between today’s experiences and what I’ve previously documented, showing growth in my understanding of my mental and physical state over time? 9. **Honesty and Vulnerability**: - *Was I completely honest in this entry?* Have I avoided sugarcoating or downplaying uncomfortable truths (e.g., fatigue, confusion, delusion)? Did I confront my vulnerabilities openly, or did I evade deeper reflection to protect myself from uncomfortable realizations? - *Did I fully express my mental and emotional challenges?* Am I being honest with myself about the mental and emotional toll of the run, or have I left certain feelings unexamined out of avoidance or denial? 10. **Self-Correction and Improvement**: - *Did I identify any areas of weakness in my thinking or perception, and did I attempt to correct them?* As I wrote, did I spot any errors in logic, memory, or perception, and did I make an effort to course-correct in real time (e.g., noting a discrepancy in time perception or revising a misremembered event)? - *What steps can I take to improve my cognitive and emotional clarity in future journal entries?* Did I reflect on ways to enhance my mental clarity, such as staying more hydrated, pacing myself differently, or engaging in mindfulness exercises? 11. **Consistency and Evolution of Reflection**: - *How does this entry compare to my previous ones in terms of depth and clarity?* Have I noticed any patterns of improvement or decline in the quality of my self-reflection, and what might explain these trends (e.g., cumulative fatigue, adaptation to running, better reality testing)? - *Am I maintaining a consistent standard of awareness across all journal entries?* Have I upheld the same high level of critical thinking, self-examination, and reality-checking today as in my previous entries, or did I let my standards slip? If so, what might have caused this (e.g., mental exhaustion, complacency)? 12. **Narrative Integrity and Internal Consistency**: - *Is there internal consistency within this journal entry?* Does my narrative align with itself, or are there contradictions, unexplained jumps, or illogical connections that suggest disorganized thinking or cognitive dissonance? - *Have I revisited key moments from earlier in the day and cross-referenced them with how I felt by the end of the run?* Did I check for changes in my perception, cognition, or emotional state over time, and did I note whether these changes felt rational and grounded in reality? --- ### How to Use These Questions: At the end of each journal entry, go through this set of questions to **evaluate the quality of your reflection**. This process will not only help you maintain **high standards of self-awareness and cognitive clarity**, but it will also serve as an early warning system for signs of **mental fatigue, disorientation, or delusional thinking**. Over time, this will allow you to **track patterns** in your cognitive state and adjust your approach to journaling and self-monitoring based on what you learn.

I just need to do the responsible thing and say yes, after now taking an hour or so hr away rehydrating myself, eating, resting, etc I am now much more aware regarding the potential red flag of the previous post. I am of course, now perfectly okay. Nothing to worry about. Humorously though, as soon as I finished my above comment I literally ran in the WRONG direction for an entire hour before realising and I had to return back from where I started. Yep. Haha. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- For those less familiar regarding the potential negative effects of long distance running, which for me very humbly, is more likely to occur quite simply because I haven't ran more than a kilometre for years; and now of course, I'm just smashing that to pieces tearing my body new limbs analogous and otherwise out of my nervous system. On that note, I have to be responsible and say that... I DO NOT recommend what I am doing. I used to be an 'athlete' if we call it that, this means my body has (whereas yours may not) muscle and broader cellular memory that remains even after years of being a lazy-ass that allows my body to adapt at a faster and deeper rate. Some of those potential negative effects I've obviously partly experienced as partially evidenced by the previous post are as follows. Thank you ChatGPT, to say lastly, it's of course incredibly fascinating from an analytical point of view and I'll do my best now to actually keep a private journal just in case I say/do stuff that's too 'red flaggy' contributing to my ability to do a post-achievement analysis where I try to map as many insights possible after I'm resting in Thailand, which will have many levels, for example, on the one hand we have the analysis of the potential negative effects, granted, however on the other side of that, there are genuine experiences into altered states of consciousness that even if there are some weaknesses to them, like some drugs, can be a gateway to expanding and growing 'consciousness' (to use a general term): Long-distance running, especially in ultramarathons and similar endurance events, can lead to significant cognitive and sensory disturbances, including delirium, hallucinations, and even delusions. These effects are driven by multiple physiological and environmental stressors that cumulatively overwhelm the body's systems. Sleep Deprivation: One of the primary causes of delirium and hallucinations during long-distance events is sleep deprivation. Research shows that after 24 hours of no sleep, runners can experience sensory hallucinations, mood swings, disorganized thinking, and even full delusions. These symptoms escalate with continued sleep deprivation. For example, runners may perceive objects or animals that aren't there, such as wolves, or in one case, a hallucination of cartoon characters on a canyon wall during the Angeles Crest ultramarathon( Physical Exhaustion: Ultramarathons place extreme demands on the body, and exhaustion exacerbates the brain's inability to process sensory information properly. As fatigue increases, the brain's cognitive functions decline, leading to distorted perceptions and false beliefs. Many runners report visual hallucinations, such as seeing other runners beside them, mistaking tree branches for animals, or imagining aid stations that don’t exist( Environmental Stressors: Harsh environmental conditions, including heat, cold, and running in darkness, amplify cognitive distortions. Nighttime running, where depth perception is already compromised by dim lighting, increases the likelihood of hallucinations. Shadows may become animals, and rocks may appear to be human figures. Prolonged exposure to high temperatures or dehydration further contributes to these altered states( Dehydration and Electrolyte Imbalance: Dehydration and low sodium levels (hyponatremia) are common in long races and can lead to cognitive dysfunction. These conditions affect brain function by disrupting the balance of electrolytes, which are crucial for neural signaling. This can result in confusion. Lastly, for those looking to grow your will power, the sooner you look at it as simply a part of your brain you're accessing in this case the anterior-mid-cingulate-cortex (do your research), that you then force yourself that you're uncomfortable doing. That thing... WILL GROW. Thereby allowing you tomorrow to do that same thing, with a slightly greater ease. Like a muscle, you must keep at it otherwise it WILL atrophy. Understanding these parts of ourselves at a deeper and deeper level, its no longer science fiction to say that 'understanding' invariably leads to 'super-understanding', the actualisation of our beings to our highest levels in all regards which is my primary interest. Long story short, you never again need to allow any potential negative self talk you may have control you, now you have the knowledge that leads to the awareness that it was all along just a brain area you, very briefly said, needed to learn to activate as opposed to reflecting an unchangeable character flaw that you were destined to remain with. Best wishes.