Mellowmarsh

Just more of the same, rinse repeat, same as it ever was. Groundhog Day. Same old story, different new book.

Thanks Sugarcoat I totally resonate with everything you’ve said here. Appreciate listening to your input and wisdom on these matters. It’s comforting to know others feel that terror of being a full conscious sentient feeling being. Some people just suppress the raw truth, but I wasn’t going to be like that, I was always going to look I the raw unfiltered truth straight in the eye and deal with it the only way I knew how, and that was to not deny it. Not pretend it was pretty or worth the price of admission.

@Someone here Thank you for taking the time out to respond to me, and for your support, I appreciate the feedback. However, what does all this self inquiry and spiritual seeking serve, except to lead up a path to nowhere, to me it’s just a mindless self soothing pointless exercise of longing and desire for endless pleasure from the brains reward system that we seem to live for, like we’re only living for the next dopamine hit, which is always temporary and mostly underwhelming and unsatisfying anyway. We were taught about the brain’s reward system as children and it looks like we haven’t grown out of needing it to be triggered throughout adulthood. So it doesn’t matter what we say about all this stuff, no matter how much we dress this up with our fancy imaginations, what does anything we say about how we think the mind works or what we think reality is all about matter anyway, how does any of this change anything, when we are the species that has become self aware enough to know that everything that lives is just going to die anyway. So is that why we just invent something to comfort us, like God.

Yes I know what you mean. But I just have to confess, I’ve been lying and parroting stuff I’ve heard about God or Nonduality. I liked the flavour of these ideas and tried to live through them as if I truly believed them to be real and the truth of reality. Thing is, I’ve been deluding myself, I don’t actually believe half if any of the stuff I’ve been discussing here at this forum. I’ve just been a typical parrot going along with ideas just because they sound good. Truth is I’ve lived my entire life being fake and performative just to fit in from fear of Fomo … I’ve been pretentious thinking about the existence of God and thinking I know what I’m talking about, when I actually don’t know anything at all. Life is just a complete mysterious void to me, and I’ve just gone along filling in the blanks with all sorts of ideas that I instinctively know are man made fictions. Im just coming out today to tell this forum that I’ve been a pretentious performative parrot. In all honesty and truth I have absolutely no idea why anything is alive in the first place. It’s all so meaningless and pointless that’s why I’ve been drawn to nonduality as a means to escape. I do like the idea that my life is just a very temporary blip of light between two black eternities, so I find much relief in that knowledge. I know somethings are known obviously, but my problem is trying to understand why life has to exist in the first place, rather than just nothing for all eternity. I’ve felt this way all my life, I remember as a child being horrified at the sensation of existing, but I had to hide that feeling all my life. It’s not for me. My relief was to believe in God, and non dualism was a form of escaping the horrors of being alive.

I’ve felt like this all my life. I believe Im just making up the idea of God just to make myself feel better. I even don’t believe anyone knows anything at all, especially the idea that there is a God’s existence. Yes, I go along with the idea myself even though I know deep down I’m just deluding myself as I don’t know if God is real or not. I can only wishfully believe God is real. I don’t think anyone really knows anything and that scares them, it’s like they can’t bear not to know so they just make wishful thinking their reality. Same goes for spirituality, all these spiritual people are just making everything up as they go along, and it all sounds so idealistic and flowery and comforting, anything to take away the aching longing of never not knowing anything so let’s just distract ourselves with made up spiritual stories about a loving God who’s got our back. Im guilty of this nonsense too, believing in things that i know instinctively is impossible to know, just so my life feels like it’s got some purpose and meaning. I’ve read the book the “ Myth of Sisyphus” where it states he’s happy to keep rolling the stone ball up the hill just to watch it roll back down, and somehow he’s convinced himself that doing this all his life is what gives some kind of purpose to life, as if it’s better than no purpose at all. But I think that’s bs, I’d rather just rip off the bandaid and just unapologetically admit that conscious sentience was nature’s biggest blunder.

It doesn’t really matter anymore tbh. Nothing is ever going to change, life will always be a bitch and then you die. Everyone is going to die. So it’s pointless trying to understand anything.

Good, now stop talking. Stop thinking, and just be infinity.

Robert Adam’s said: I am is God. I am is nirvana, emptiness. I am is consciousness, and that is your reality. So there’s no real difference between me and you. Absolute reality, consciousness, is all-pervading. If it’s all-pervading, how can you be something else? You see the folly of your thinking? There is only absolute consciousness. There is only the reality. It is all-pervading. There’s nothing else. So now you know. 🫵🙂

Good point, J While nobody is experiencing or having a thought, the content of the thought is what carries the “I”. Believing that this thought-content has an actual existence is the illusion. Similarly, the illusion of a separate self arises when you take ownership of a particular experience through the thought “my” or “mine.”

Fiction is my confession. 📖

Okay, I’ll take snarky. No problem. Have a lovely day Sugarcoat. 🙂

Okay.

Exactly! You are God/ infinity. You cannot know God/ infinity, because You are it. It’s like a mountain cannot know it’s a mountain, because it is it. A word cannot know it’s a word, because it is it. Some people might not be able to grasp what’s being said here, but some people will. And it doesn’t really matter.

That’s very true, because that which starts will end, like that which is born will die. Seemingly.