Justin my mind

Wrote something out in day one app and ended it with a Wicca Seal does this work or am I just wasting my time?

I think I learned in my first ketamine trip is that drugs Is that drugs are interesting, drugs can make us feel more interesting then we actually are in the moment because they are interesting themselves and we take on their persona and it. Becomes who we are and the maturity can help us realize a sense of respect that can make trips easier

So I was sending music to this girl and the other day she said she wanted to take me on a drive when she starts driving, I got a mixture of excitement and fear. I haven’t been excited about something in a really long time. I told her about this and she left me on seen she told me not to worry about that a couple weeks before because she has a tendency not to respond to people, but I’m wondering if I should just let it go now I know I should love myself because I’m the only thing I know and I know she’s inside me but it feels like and nihilistic hole is coming up I have people in my life. They care about me and I have other girls for friends. But sometimes attachment gets the better of me and I really just wanna share my being with someone I feel like I care about, but it always just leaves me feeling nothing I know she’s part of nature and I should love her without needing anything for her, but I just want a deep connection not even a romantic one where I don’t have to question what the fuck is going on I know her brain was in a different state when she sent that message and I feel like I’ll be haunted if this drive never happenens I know I have to be in that space of love myself without an external object, but I feel like I’ve never experienced that with the opposite sex and it’s starting to feel hopeless. It’s like it happened and I’m like why now I don’t need this and I know my nervous system just wants to disassociate I feel nothing right now, but I know deep inside there's apart of my illusion that just wants a break

@Porphyry Fedotov Would smoke cannabis while listening to druming be useful I've been thinking about doing that

I was wondering if there are any shamans on this forum that could help me communicate my prayers and communicate with helping spirits and guides. With my disability, it's hard to do the practices, and I was wondering if someone can help me heal and engage with the things I want to accomplish, the communication and healing im looking for

I can't understand the idea of god imagining its own limits upon itself. I have cerebral palsy and have limitations that I am bound to. I could understand how god is consciousnes but I can't transcend my disability. I can get past most of it, though I don't understand the idea of imagineng limits when I am limited by something I can't change. Why do I watch this if it doesn't make sense? Just wanted to start a conversation

I had a dream where my dad was sitting on top of me I felt like he was weighing me down I felt like I couldn't breathe I remember his skin getting old and I thought he was going to freak out

. I came up with the term called pseudo nonconformity I feel like that’s how I see politics people think that they know what is going on and that they’re going against the system really they are playing into it. I know the second part isn’t very nuanced, but the term that I came up with was very interesting

I’m not that upset it’s Leo’s content and that probably shouldn’t have been uploaded in the first place, but I really did enjoy solipsism video. It helped me to understand the interconnectedness of self and other, and even though at points I disagreed it was my top three favorite episodes . Again it’s Leo’s video and he didn’t want out there so I’m I’m not upset. It just reminds me that that video was a gem and I’m happy. I learned what I learned from it when it was still available it makes it even more precious when it’s not accessible.

. Imagine if everyone had telepathy and how it would change the world. We would be so much more kind to one another we would see what other people are going through. We would feel the depth and the richness of everyone we experience. Even when people do things most people would call evil we would understand exactly why they do those things and we wouldn't judge them. Are empathy would be so deep and we might even feel love for them. I have had people mess with me in the past. And the way I deal with it is by understanding their past it helps me deal with the situation in a more compassionate way . I know there's nuances to this, but I’m trying to practice the original idea practice that Leo talked about in his house. Socialization makes you stupid. I would love to hear your feedback on this idea.

The Homeless the dystopian version of the archaic revival. When I look at the homeless I see a twisted version of Terence Mckenna's archaic revival. The way I see it to the homeless have to live in a raw version of reality. They have to live outside of the social matrix even though they are a affected by it. I have always been fascinated with them because of living with a disability and having to rely on other people while they have to fight for themselves. To me, they almost seem superhuman because of how they have to fight for themselves. It's almost like they have to live in prehistoric conditions. That makes them more humble and relatable then most people in society. Like I said before with my disability it's almost impossible for me to live in isolation. So it's amazing to think about how they have to fight for themselves. I think it brings out the truth of our species in a dark but enlightening way. This got me to think about the purpose of my life and being disabled it was to show me how nothing can live in isolation and the interconnected nature of all of life. And how if I wasn't in this situation I would be lost in the illusion of society and not have the unique experiences I can share.

@integral I have a perscription of low-dose benzodiazepines, I don’t want to the medication to be a barrier and I don’t take it often, but do you think that would be a good option to relax me during the interview if that’s what you meant

@JosephKnecht So you guys are saying I should surrender?

I just got done watching What Is Actuality and I realized that is why I'm going back-and-forth on doing the interview because I’m afraid that I won’t be able to accurately give accounts of my apparent life accurately I wanna come across clear and humble, but I know a lot of what’s happened is colored by my perception. You might ask why I would even be doing it then and that’s because I feel like I could help a lot of people with my form. And how I see things, but I don’t want to misrepresent my family and certain aspects of my life. I don’t want people to think I’m just daydreaming and making stuff up and believing that I know something that no one else does. I just believe that reality will eventually put me in the situation whether I like it or not and I wanna make sure I come across as humble with as much humility as I can muster I just know all of what I thought my life to be is conceptual and I wanna make sure that a represent my loved ones and my story in a way that helps rather than me looking crazy or delusional. I wanna make sure I know what I’m getting myself into before going through with this. I feel like it’s my fate and I don’t know what’s gonna come out of me when the time comes

I enjoy listening to Leo talk about stories in his life with insight. Like the girl who lost her phone. I would like to see a video where he talks about stories in his life with spiritual significance with others I would really enjoy that