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Here are some good ones i found recently: I really like this band. Their lyrics criss cross over the fine line between genius and shit. They do a lot of drugs. Sticky fingers: Show No Shade ---- Lyrics (the ones on the video aren't correct) How To Fly ---- Lyrics These live performances are amazing:

@Leo Gura When it's time to implement a habit that's going to be really good for you:

I love reading your journal when I get the chance. Your posts are always so grounded and wholesome. It's so refreshing to read.

Me trying to find my life puropse...

Massive internal and external conflict has risen over this god damn video but I finally had a breakthrough that I can sum up rationally. I had to rectify the conflict between two deep seeded belief/value systems I had adopted. The first belief system basically revolved around the idea that being egoistic was a bad thing, or at least counterproductive on the path to enlightenment, and should be avoided at all costs. The second belief system was that trying to express myself or accomplish anything I believed to be significant, is an egoistic thing to do. This back and forth between these two exact paradigms has fucked me up so much over the last 2 years, you have no idea how huge this penny drop was for me. They are both just beliefs. Neither is valid, neither is invalid. The conflict between them is valid and the conflict between them is invalid. I have the freedom and the authority to adopt whichever suits me in any moment in time. The same applies for this new meta belief. End of Story. I know how stupid this sounds but one other thing I have learnt recently is that there is a massive difference between knowing something and understanding it. I’ve “known” that beliefs are just beliefs for ages but that hasn’t stopped me from getting caught up in them. Even belief’s I don’t really believe! All the videos and books that are available, especially those here on actualized.org have plenty of cool knowledge that you could learn in a couple of weeks/months. But understanding all of it - I don’t think that’s something that I could achieve in this lifetime. I bought a new computer because my old one was quite antique. The processor in this new one is fast enough to do a filming technique that would allow me to explain my model much more rapidly and efficiently. I’m confident that this will work out better than I originally anticipated. So, I’ve upgraded my computers processor and how I process my beliefs systems. Neat. I tried putting a ssd and extra ram into my old computer first. It definitely improved the performance of the computer but not enough to get it done. I also wasted so much time trying to fix something that had zero chance of keeping up with my needs. Sometimes in life, fixing it isn’t as good as replacing it all with something better. This concept of 100% responsibility = 100% acceptance that Sadhguru explains here fits in quite well with what I just realized, and how the last couple of years have played out for me. Wanting to express yourself and be creative and get shit done and have opinions and values can all be egoistic things to do, but keeping yourself quiet, refraining from success, being too humble, avoiding taking a stand can also be egoistic things to do. It’s a tricky thing to sort out. Self honestly and/or deep suffering are the only cures I know of. Self-honesty is probably the greatest asset that anyone could have in this work this is another core understanding I’ve gained. What exactly does it mean to be self-honest? This question needs to be put under the microscope asap. I find that whenever I do it, I mean actually do it, so much shit gets resolved. But it only seems to happen when I’m desperate. This needs to improve. Video will be up next Sunday. For real this time hommies. … For real Be there 7 days…

I've filmed and edited my video, but my computer crashes everytime I try to render it, I didn't anticipate this. I've been trying out different settings all day but it's not yeilding so I'll figure something out tomorrow. I might try splitting it into parts and then combining them or something ... I dunno. right now im standing at my computer like... It will be done when it's done.

As @Dragallur said, SDS is an acronym for strong determination sitting. Link to Leo's Guide is here Link to Shinzen Young discussing it is here It comes from zen buddhism I think, so it is a buddhist technique. Supposedly this is how the Buddha meditated, but I wasn't there.

No wonder you were tired lol, that's unbelievably fast. Who was chasing you?

Did you mean 8.77 km in 26 minutes? Jesus.

@Extreme Z7 Dude, these drawings are awesome. They’re pretty funny. I like how you segment different philosphical concepts into each story. I secretly wanted to be a comic book artist when I was a kid because of Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Waterson (thats where my dp comes from). Here is a good video essay on his work, maybe you can get some inspiration from it. Post more man.

@Martin123 This I havn't looked at ken wilbur or matt khan, but this integration exercise by genpo roshi is gold:

@Reality cheers

The dark side of meditation strikes again. This week I had some HUGE emotional releases. On Wednesday I was working outside alone. I was practicing mindfulness as I was working and some extreme anger started to rise up in me, along with some aspects of myself that I have been repressing since my childhood. There was nobody around for miles so I just completely let go of control. I started screaming at the wind, punching and kicking the dirt, breaking sticks and throwing rocks. I would repeat this every 30 minutes or so and carry on working. I know it sounds crazy but during the whole ordeal I was completely aware of myself. Even though I knew that this was a negative experience I was also aware on a much deeper level that this was very healthy and I was letting go of unnecessary baggage that I’ve been clinging onto for too long now. I wasn’t trying to be logical, or trying to figure out exactly where this frustration was coming from because my mind is really good at twisting negative experiences to suit my agenda without ever actually facing it. I just let it out, and a part of me knew that had to happen like that. Even though it felt very bad, it also felt very good on some level. When I got home that day I had a very fruitful discussion with my parents about our past and some of the stuff I’ve been dealing with. We moved much closer towards understanding each other. I am really happy about this. I’ve only watched and summarized the first 7 videos of the life purpose course because it’s low on my list of priorities but I am really enjoying it. I feel that doing it slowly will enable me to absorb and start to integrate the information better. I’ve modified my internet limits. I don’t need 1 hour in the morning, so I just cut that down to 15 minutes and then I disturbed out three 15 minute intervals throughout the day. I’ve completely opened up Sundays, so I can watch documentaries, Satsangs etc. I like this setup better because I’m much more conscious of my time between intervals. I’ve spent 40 hours learning how to touch type over the last two weeks. It’s something I’ve been meaning to do for years. I can’t imagine how much time I’ve wasted because I never learnt how to do this. I’ve also started reading vegetarian cookbooks to begin building a repertoire of recipes that I can cook quickly and efficiently that will cater to most of my nutritional needs. In other words, I’ve been spending time working on basic life skills I should have had years ago. Oh well, better late than never. I’ve realized that I’ve been getting too comfortable over the past year. Even though my meditation habit is very challenging I don’t think I am doing enough to get outside of my comfort zone in all aspects of life. The thing is, I am already a person that actively pushes my comfort zone. This has become a problem because I have made this a part of my identity and I tend to overestimate how much I actually do it. I just remember all of the times I’ve deliberately stepped out of it then I stay comfortable more than I probably should after I’ve justified how I always move out of my comfort zone. I’ve recognized the power in doing things that make you uncomfortable because they grind down your ego rapidly and lead to very fast growth. Another thing I’ve realized is that growth is never ending. This is one of those things that I’ve intellectually known without fully understanding. When I was about 4-5 years old I felt I was successful and developed when I didn’t wet my bed. Now when I look back on that it seems juvenile and stupid. What I’m doing now will be juvenile and stupid compared to the level of development I will be at in 20-30 years (if I live that long). I intuitively know this and so I just try to act developed and matured without going through the process of development and maturation because I don’t want to have to look stupid or ignorant to my future self. It’s like I’ve already decided what I’m supposed to be like when I’m “developed” (which doesn’t exist because it’s never ending) and as soon as I start to move towards that I recognize my current reality is so disconnected from that ideal that it’s too uncomfortable for me to accept where I’m at. I stop actually developing and live in the fantasy that I’m developing instead. This is fucking stupid and it’s holding me back enormously. I’ve just realized (truly understood) that you’ve got to crawl before you can walk and I shouldn’t beat myself up if I see that I’m still crawling. I’ve decided to make a video of a model for personal development and spirituality that I’ve been working on and post it to my journal. The model isn’t finished but it’s definitely good enough to share. I don’t really want to be a YouTuber or a personal development teacher. I want to upload a video because the idea of doing that makes me squirm. I’m naturally introverted and don’t like having my ideas exposed because I tend to tie up my identity into them, so I know I will be growing if I make a public video. Also, I need to improve my ability to communicate to people. I’ve ordered a webcam and microphone so hopefully I will have the video ready by next Sunday. It might take longer though. I will just copy Leo’s format for the most part. I’m not going to waste too much time trying being original, otherwise I’ll never get it done. I’ve started to become very interested in how politics and economics works with the recent election in America. I have basically zero knowledge in these areas and I’m starting to build up my understanding. I’ve managed to go through the entire education system without ever taking a single history/geography/economics/politics class so I have a huge gap in my knowledge around this stuff. I watched a horror movie last week called The Big Short. I liked it, I think it provides a good example of what emotional labor looks like. I also like how they use celebrities and dumbed down commentary to mock us for our ignorance and simultaneously make the movie cool. I’ve started reading about market derivatives by following the links on that Wikipedia page. I also learnt about the Electoral College in America. This stuff is as astonishing as it is crazy. It’s going to be a fun century. I definitely need to do some work with my money beliefs. The first thought I had when I saw the title of Leo’s new video was “oh, he’s probably about to drop a new product and he wants us to relax financially” - I’m extremely skeptical about people when it comes to money and business. I don’t even like using the banking app on my phone because I’m worried I’ll get scammed into getting a credit card or a high interest loan. Going to spend a long time on this exercise sheet. Note to self: Don’t be afraid to ask for freebies at the end of a business deal. You never know what you'll get away with.

@Nadie This is all completely normal. The mind goes crazy with ideas and then translates them into bad emotions and physical sensations/movements in the body. I've found the best technique to employ in these situations is the non-manipulation/do nothing technique described here. Imagine there was a plate full of rotten food in front of you. You start eating it and you find that after each spoonfull you can't help but put another in your mouth. You begin to feel very sick but for some reason you can't stop eating so you begin to cry out for help, but the people who hear you just keep piling more and more new food onto your plate. That's a bit like what is happening to you now. You have all of these ideas that you are purging and they make you feel rotten. Each idea you experience forces you to take on a new one in and endelss cycle until you feel terrible. Then you come here to ask for help and people just keep piling on more ideas for you to swallow. Exactly like im doing now. The only way to stop it is to just finish the idea you are on and then just stop. Become fully present. Take ten slow concious breaths. Allow every thought and emotion to happen on it's own without any attempt to manipulate it. You just stop engagning, regardless of the content of your mental and emotional centres. That's it. Even if your mind keeps moving you stop engaging. Even if your mind tells you "you have something to let go of," you stop engaging. Even if your mind tells you "you are confused," you stop engaging. Even if your mind tells you "you are doing it wrong," you stop engaging. Even if your mind starts telling you "you're doing it right," you stop engaging. Stop now.

Dropping into equanimity be like...

I've been doing this for one month now and it's proven to be extremely effective to get my but into action when I just dont wanna. The skitz blitz (go crazy) part is crucial to crush the in-between zone. The crazier you get, the more effective it is. I think that rapidly moving the body around helps to unlock those emotions that keep me feeling apathetic sometimes.

This was useful for me. I have a lot of free time now that I am limiting my internet but I didn't plan anything to fill that time. I just sat there and did nothing for the first few days lol. My ego is was so confused. Now I have some clearer objectives it's easier to be offline.

@electroBeam ^ If this is genuine then things are probably going to get hectic in the coming months/years as you try to understand it. Heads up. (you don't have to believe this if you don't want to.) Hang in there buddy

I'm sorry to read this. I don't know what your relationship with your father was like, but it's still challenging to have to lose someone. Even if you didn't get along well. When they leave a part of you leaves too. All I can tell you is that you're going to be ok. Not ok in the childish "let's all clap our hands and sing kumbaya" way. No. It's perfectly fine to feel sad,lost,shocked,depressed and angry. It's perfectly fine to feel anything, really. I mean you'll be ok in the sense that your feet are still on the ground. Your daughter is playing in the background. Your niece is about to be born. Life is going to continue on just fine. As it always does. What happens next? Unfortunately nobody can give you a straight answer for this one. As you saw today, one minute you're at a birthday party, the next you're saying goodbye to someone. The future isn't something you can truly own. It's one of life greatest gifts and one of its greatest curses. One year from now you could be right where you are, or you could be on the adventure of a lifetime, or... who knows. Just try and enjoy the ride a little. Even the scary parts.

Shinzen young describes them here: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

@khalifa He's climbed Mt Everest too! They breifly decribe the technique in this video. I want to take his course next year and learn the technique(s)

I don't have that much to write about this week, so this will be a short entry I'm starting to integrate spirituality with personal development. I want to focus on expanding my "knowledge" so that I can improve my ability to explain shit to people who might only hold limited perspectives outside of my own. I bought the book list and I've ordered some of the books that interest me, I think I might set a goal to read all the books after I finish 1000 hrs sds, but we'll see. I've also started taking the life purpose course. I already know my life purpose is enlightenment/spiritual development, but I thought I would do it anyway because I could get some good perspectives that might be useful in life. I got rid of my bed today. I've done plenty of sleeping on the ground in situations outside of home but it never occured to me to just get rid of my bed and do it full time. Sleeping on the ground is awesome! I find that I can maintain awareness into some of the light phases of sleep when I'm on the ground because I'm much more concious of my body, it's a really cool mindspace to be in and I want to spend more time in it. I watched a really cool documentary on netflix last night called (Dis) honesty I really recommend it.

Looks like kevjumba is coming back? He uploaded this video right before he quit youtube to become a monk. I really like it, I'm glad it's public again.

Oh man, I laughed so hard at this. That happened to me at least 5 times. God damn NS.