Beans

Meow 😻

I think it’s better when we practice mindfulness and removing judgment from our minds. my personal life was filled with judgments didn’t matter what I did I was never “perfect” enough to keep people satisfied or happy. We all need to accept our journeys and learn to accept when we need to recalculate no matter how hard or embarrassing it may be. no one is a failure for continuing to try for better

I don’t agree, because life will try to find each and every way to show to you. Also it’s evident. Your heart beats, your lungs, basically every human function. Just as how nature is alive. Regardless of it being grass, water, fire, wind, etc. We are alive. Regardless if we acknowledge it or not.

War. Often times means profit off the poor. It’s their dead sons and daughters fighting a fight for land. And their motives. On each side. I wish it would end. Not to mention the side effect of the constant dropping of bombs furthering climate change. Imagine living on this big blue planet and thinking you have more of a right to live on it than others. Selfishness is a disease.

Watch their actions. people can say they choose you, but ultimately words fail. And their motives are shown through actions. It’s also important to learn about their true nature before hand, and to understand how it makes them who they are. Showing up for you unexpectedly is a good sign. It’s not mandatory, but someone who loves you would. Consideration is key.

Love is a feeling of mutual understanding it’s not all bound to ego or how good they make you feel. To love someone is to say “okay” to challenges you normally wouldn’t. It also doesn’t necessarily mean you have to accept them either. That’s more of each partner’s choice. The difference is you are actively choosing, communicating, and rotating the table. You grow together. I think it’s important to see if the room is fruitful before baring any fruit. Meaning it’s important to look at the location before planting a tree. So these are questions that are necessary to ask, but ultimately no one is perfect. And I think personally people are usually stuck on this whole idealism of a “perfect man” or a “perfect woman” that’s not love. It’s a superficial idea of what it is. Shit happens, constantly. Regardless of it being due to your own fault, or the universe causing something out of the blue happening. Sometimes someone will come to help you, majority of the time you are left on your own. So it’s important choosing someone who would choose you, even in an unfavorable situation.

I don't understand how it equates to/with cheating

It’s such a complicated journey It’s so difficult and confusing i wish I could do things differently in some form so that way I can keep Penny and all I can think of is “if I was able to finish college I’d be able to find a stable income and be able to provide for myself and Penny” And it sucks, because i feel torn between wanting to leave my abusive home and then struggling because if I do. Ultimately that means I lose her. And at the same time I don’t want her to have this life. It’s been difficult for herself too. I’ve had Penny since high school. And she’s been my rock. More than just a dog. She is my best friend. The only thing is I couldn’t even receive any sort of funding because of my situation at home. It wasn’t until I finally left that I was able to receive financial aid. Even while at the shelter I felt so guilty and heartbroken for her to be stuck in a kennel. I can’t stand the thought of her being stuck in an adoption center stuck in one. And the thought comes into my mind is what if she’s stuck there for a really long time? And develops worse separation anxiety. I wish I could make painless choices, but I’m beginning to realize that’s almost impossible. I want to find a better solution if it’s possible. I want her to have a good life, better than before. I’m hoping therapy can give me clarity on the right decision and direction for both Penny whom I care about deeply. And myself.

I can’t help but cry when I look back at our memories together. And I’m not crying out of pain, but just in awe of love. I don’t think I could’ve ever predicted my life to have shaped the way it has. And I don’t think I could’ve ever predicted meeting you. And so it makes me cry thinking about how much love I’ve received while looking back on our memories together. And it has nothing to do with the events, but everything to do with the experience of going through it with you. And they’ve been really beautiful experiences. Even the difficult ones. And the not so perfect ones. It feels so comforting knowing I have someone to go through the mess of my life with. And to do the same for you is an honor and privilege that I hold very dearly. so yes I cry when I think about how much I love you. thanks for being my partner

I am excited for our couple’s therapy. I have been enjoying our new talks. Especially when it’s a fruitful discussion about things we are struggling with. Shout out to your mom for the help and support. <3

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C_CjIFwigJz/?igsh=emt0bTVpZHg2b25y

You were a child. You need to learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made while blinded by ignorance, rage and deep sorrow. If the abused don’t unlearn abuse then you become the abuser. I’ve harmed my twin sister once. and watching her cry broke my heart. Years later she would come to do the same thing to myself i know it’s something we both regret something we can’t really speak about no one is proud of who we were in the past. neither am I saying I was born a saint

Amen 🙏

amen. 🙏

Nothing is gonna stop me from being myself. Not this form, not Leo, not even yourself. At the end of the day I’m gonna do what I want.

Not derailing. I’m engaging the topic. Explain how I’m derailing.

Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Joy. Is quite cold as well. luckily I run pretty hot. I’d suggest challenging your weakness. and if you are weak I’d suggest building stamina and strength regardless if that’s literal strength or not Build that Gorilla mindset because the world is cruel. My dad knew I was soft as a kid and would make my life a living hell because he knew if I went outside I’d die. i would not suggest doing that to your own children, but he was right about having a strong mindset. stand straight, get mad. and do the right thing which 9/10 is the hardest thing. Develop discipline. It’s difficult, but it’s worth it. dont give up, Yimpa and me are rooting for you.

The same prescriptions can’t be applied to everyone, because each bodies are different. Some might be allergic to the “cure” other alternatives and outlets are important and crucial to look into. I don’t believe joy was intentionally attempting to “smear” the inventor. It’s just their perception and thoughts. No harm and no foul. People should have the right to express themselves however they want even if you don’t necessarily understand it in the beginning. We all have different ways of expressing ourselves, which might not be a norm for others.

Everyone is quite literally all across the world. Different cultures are valid isn’t it? I mean this is a form about spirituality. I’d assume you wouldn’t just jump to conclusions. English isnt the only language on this big blue planet.

Happy Suicide Prevention Month I love you thank you for being here with me

all the more to you if you enjoy it as is! can’t wait for you to drop more soon keep us posted broski!

pobrecito 🥺 (translates into you poor thing. It’s an endearment when something misfortunes happens that phrase is used to express love, compassion and concern) Im so happy you’re okay. And that you were able to get a ride back home. Life has funny ways of doing things. :)) sometimes we have to go on our journey alone even if we intentionally made plans to go through it together. And maybe yesterday was one of those days where I had to face my fear and challenges head on. Which wasn’t all to scary honestly. It was probably the least amount of stress I’ve endured while working. I think the more I’m out in public the more I realize I’m pretty quiet. I don’t usually speak to people unless I have to. Which makes the job 10x better. I actually was tipped twice yesterday out of 4 orders /2 of the customers tipped. The first one felt embarrassed, because they just had a dollar to tip. And kept apologizing. I said it was okay, but I think they felt a lot of fear. And anxiety. I was struggling with my bag and asked if they can help. Once they helped me I was able to properly respond because my brain wanted to finish my initial task before speaking. “It’s okay, it’s the thought that counts. I do appreciate it. Please don’t worry about it. You take care now” And the almost immediately it was like a weight was lifted off his shoulder. He looked a lot more comfortable. I’m not angry with you, neither am I upset with you. My brain just can’t function with so much going on at once. His good energy brought me a lot of comfort. Their home was beautiful too. Nothing really fancy, but you can tell. That it was a home. Comfortable and beautiful. Decorated with these beautiful trees that produce white flowers and the petals were falling onto their beautiful green yard. When I was a kid a woman wanted to adopt me. Her name was Becky. For some reason I can’t remember her face, or body. Not even her energy. Though I do remember everything else. She had a trailer home. Now to others that might be really off putting, but to me. Not at all. I was always in and out of my family’s life. if I wasn’t with Becky, I was with my grandparents. Majority of the time. Becky had this beautiful trailer home. Stepping stones out in her front yard. I can remember stepping onto them because the path lead to her doorsteps. And their being butterflies. The moment I walked in I knew exactly where everything was. I remember my siblings coming with me one time. And I was showing them around. I showed them the kitchen where Becky knew my favorite cereal and how I liked to eat it. I showed them to my bed room. My very own bed room she decorated for me. In this room I even had my own treasure chest filled with my own toys. And once my siblings saw they immediately went to grabbing, but I got mad at them not wanting to touch my toys. And i remember her telling me to be nice and share my toys. So I did. And before we left home I went into her bedroom. She had a piggy bank by her bed. That money she was saving was for me. It was time to go home after spending time with Becky. Before I left she sent me home with money and pizza for my siblings. What I didn’t know was Becky was dying. She had leukemia. I know I had met Becky’s husband, but I didn’t know his name. So I continued calling him Becky’s husband. I don’t remember his face either. When eating breakfast with my family one day my dad said he saw him. And that he immediately realized who I was. And it looked like he was going to cry. I’m assuming he never got over her. And neither did I. When Becky eventually did die. It was around new years that someone finally told me something. He found me at the beach. Told me the news. Except my brain blocked it. And I didn’t really comprehend anything. I don’t remember what he said. I just remember him and I talking. His hand on my shoulder. Then him standing up and walking away. I returned to playing with fireworks. I didn’t process anything until I was years older. I wish i could find her. I wish I knew her last name. I wish I could’ve payed my respects. And tell her thank you for taking care of me. And for loving me. Becky was probably the sweetest soul I’ve ever met. I wish she could’ve lived a long life.

The song get ready by 2 unlimited is playing lolololololol I try not to get into trouble with authority. Though sacrificing your own will being isn’t acceptable. I often try to be opened minded when it comes to situations, but it’s very difficult trying to find a middle ground so far all I’ve found is resistance and petty behavior. you’re so cute 🥰

I feel like when the world doesn’t make sense. And every time I’m on the brink of insanity, somehow and someway. Music always helps me find my way back home. Both sides of my family had bands. Being a musician is in my blood, but it’s like not being completely fluent in that language. I wish I had invested more time into my passions. It’s difficult. I’m currently watching a YouTube video about how it’s like living on section 8, food stamps, housing, etc. I commented “I remember when they cut the water and power off on us. (I remember it beingthe hottest summer that year. I’m bad with remembering dates/years. So I really don’t know how old I was but I knew It was around that time.) I couldn’t have been older than 11. It was dark we had candles to light up our home. My dad made me follow him with jugs. Old empty 1gallons could be from our milk, orange juice etc. my dad drove us to our aunts house and outside we found her water hose and poured water. I was really slow as a kid, and still am as an adult. Nothing wrong with that too. I was just born genuine and a little clueless. I didn’t really understand why it happened, but I knew it must’ve been serious since we went out to get it. I’ll never forget that day. Never. We aren’t in section eight anymore or use food stamps but I still feel immense fear and anxiety of going back. Which is why I feel so much pressure and anxiety trying to figure out what I should do with my life. To begin a career or to chase my dreams of being an artist My heart says I want to make music my brain tells me I have responsibilities my dad told me to do what I love so I’m gonna choose music. And figure it out.