Key Elements

"The pen is mightier than the sword." If you take a pen and an empty notebook, you may start writing whatever comes to mind. If you continue to do this, it is probably going to lead somewhere if you start to think of your favourite subject that will lead to mastery. Maybe you love: a foreign language, art, food, the piano, the guitar, kung fu, science, engineering, technology, math, etc. Then, you keep practicing it by writing it repeatedly in a notebook or where ever. It becomes a daily habit. Then, you go into flow state with it, and one day soon, you're good it. You incorporate this into your life purpose and things start to fall into place. (It doesn't always have to be a pen. It could be some other tool: a paintbrush, piano, guitar, jump rope, science lab, etc. I prefer not to stare at the computer screen too much. That's why I love the pen.)

Be selective in what you tell others. Listen carefully and then respond. Perhaps, you could just say to dress a little more formal on the holidays and then be off. Repeat, if someone asks you again. Some people are not lucky enough to see profound info and find ways of incorporating it within themselves. From what I observed as of now, the most effective way to express deeper stuff is through a life purpose. However, you also have to be very selective and tactful in how to present it. Not everyone is ready to hear it. As you go further along in your life purpose, the chances increase to meet more like-minded ppl. But, of course, you also change as you go along, so the type of ppl change.

You know, I could understand and relate because I had to deal with family members and others like this. I still do. I would just keep going. Keep going within yourself, and at the same time, build something on the outside to express it. (As I mentioned, a website.) I would highly recommend you find out more about startups to entrepreneurship and networking. That's the next level above a job/career. Find your life purpose. I recommended you this book in a previous post. The next level above that is becoming a philanthropist with your life purpose. In the networking world, the word philanthropist is commonly used. Then, you start your own non-profit. (Like, Bill Gates starting his AIDS foundation.) And finally, if you incorporate non-duality / spirituality in whatever you're doing, that's the final stages. By then, I hope your father will realize that you're trying to make a difference in the world. But, for now, I would try to be selective in what you're saying to him. He might be too overprotective with you and not be bothered to open himself up to that. It is very hard / impossible to relate to someone, even within the same family, if the other family member has not lived through what you had to go through.

@Pelin This is a tough one. I like that Eckhart Tolle quote. It makes sense. Sometimes it's impossible for some people, like parents, to change. They won't open up. Have you tried succeeding in other things? Like making a website and earning from it? Or, not even that...just make a fancy website by hiring a graphic artist. (Later, you could figure out a way to earn from it.) I'm just giving an example. It seems like the only way for him to understand is for you to take action and he takes notice of it indirectly without you telling him.

Your relationship cannot be based on just sex, right? Do you two share other things like what are you interested in? What are your hobbies? Where do you like to go out sometimes? Etc. Etc... I'm only saying this in this manner because I'm guessing from your post that you're a gal who is interested in a long term relationship.

The Lion and the Mouse Once there was a tiny, playful mouse. He started playing on a sleeping lion because he thought it was just a hill. The lion woke up and caught the mouse and was about to eat him. The mouse started begging for his life. Mouse: Please, Mr. Lion!!! Don't eat me! I didn't know you were Mr. Lion. Look, I have an idea. If you let me go, I promise I will help you when you need help. Lion: You? Helping me? In what way??? You think you could actually help me?? HAHAHA!!! What a joke! Ok...Go! Since you made me laugh, I'll let you go this time. Mouse: Oh, thank you, Mr. Lion! You won't regret your decision. One day, two hunters set up a net to catch a lion. They were confident that the net will catch a lion, so they went for lunch. After a few minutes, the lion was caught in the net. Lion: Oh no, I'm dead. I can't get out of this. In no time, they will come and kill me. The mouse appeared. Mouse: Don't worry. I could get you out of this. The mouse started chewing the net, and in no time both of them escaped. They became friends. Moral: Sometimes you got to drop your ego to fully understand the other being and your situation.

Well then, go do it. Go and start to make a website on it, write a book on it, record it, etc. -- however you want it. Start small and practical by writing about it -- or, however you want to do it. Go and coach friends for free, and eventually start charging people who come to you. Get formal training and gain that skill. I hope you see what I'm trying to say here.

@egoless I'm talking about what are you going to do for your enjoyment? What are useful activities do you love to do on your free time? I'm talking about doing it now. (I'm not talking about your university, getting a Master's, or going to a different country.)

Writing in a notebook is the simplest and the most practical example I can think of. This is how I found my life purpose. I just took a pen and kept writing words of the pictorial language I didn't know. I learned words and became a bilingual teacher. That was the natural thing for me to do. I wrote a book, did paintings, and made a website -- all because I picked up a pen and went through a natural process due to my intuition. Of course, it took time. My question to you is: when you get out of your seat now, what are you going to do naturally according to yourself? Pick up a pen? A paintbrush? A tool? A cookbook? A math book? A storybook? Exercise? What?

@egoless Don't think of "this country" or "that country" or "this person" or "that person." Take a pen and a notebook and start writing down whatever flows into your mind. It's about you, not them. If you don't like pen & paper, then do what comes naturally for you.

Ok. Just look up "food art vegetables carvings" on YouTube -- plenty of instructions there.

Make it attractive!!!

There were casualties. It's hard losing someone due to war. War causes hatred and divisions among groups of people. On a deeper level, there's a saying, "It's better to be the chestboard, than any of the chest pieces." A black or white chest piece participates in fighting in a war with the other color. The chestboard just observes and has nothing to do with the war. Among humans, wars could be avoided altogether, but we don't do that. We are our own worst enemies. Do you see other animals starting wars of that magnitude, like humans? No.

When a village in old Japan got into trouble because it was taken over by bandits, a Samurai decided to organize a group of Samurai in the mist of the chaos. Cleverly and fearlessly they defeated the bandits, but not without casualties. This is a great movie to learn about fearlessness and little to no ego even in the most horrific of times, and how some of the Samurai achieve that. The personalities of the Samurai are different from the other people. They have character, esp the leader. They're detached from all the troubles happening all around them in the worst of times, and go around solving major problems without letting the problems get to them. This is the darkest of hours and the problems are being solved. It seems like after watching this movie, I noticed that we take our lives for granted. We don't train ourselves to look for opportunities or plan for opportunities even when it's not the worst case scenario. The question is: what other life lessons can we draw from this movie (other than seeing the Samurai defeating the bandits in bloodshed)? @Leo Gura Another thing I love about this movie is, it reminds me of this quote: "I spend my entire life coaching people -- getting them from where they are in life, to where they want to be in life. But, even I didn't know that the gap could be closed this quickly." -A Life Coach This life coach is also talking about passive income. However, in this movie, the Samurai closed the gap very quickly without using any money and in the worst of times.

Do self-inquiry & self-actualization as much as possible, gradually, on a daily basis, step-by-step. Understand enlightenment as much as you can gradually. Then, you will be running into the 'right' people and the 'right' gurus who will be offering the 'right' information about yourself at the 'right' time. And, you'll have something to give too. It'll be a fair, meaningful exchange. -The purpose of a guide, guru, or teacher is to introduce you to your own light.

When you give, only then you will receive. Example: Leo gave a lot of excellent, free content for self-actualization and enlightenment on actualized.org. Only then, he is able to sell his life purpose course. That's how it works.

@striving4peace Hello. I do have the experience of living with certain family members in which they have nothing in common with me. Meaning, I can't share anything with them. They were very assuming. I can't tell them my process of what I'm doing without getting criticized. So, I stopped sharing because it's of no use. The conversations got nowhere and only turn into gossipings about my personal life or others' personal lives. In my experience, you can't really share things with them if they continously do this. They will only learn when you make decisions and become successful, and they see it through your actions. To me, from what I saw, people, whether they are family or not, will not understand, and may never understand, unless they've been through the process of being successful in something -- whatever it is. The present moment is precious if you learned how to drop all the stories in the mind and continue to make decisions during this moment -- esp when you're by yourself. This video helps. It's not just for bf/gf relationships. It's for any relationship.

@egoless Ok. I get what you're saying, and you're right. Sometimes we can't prevent such situations -- whether it's at work or even at home. Now, it looks like you do have experience in dealing with ppl like that. Try your best. There are books written on that -- like Dealing with People You Can't Stand or How to Win Friends and Influence People. I just want to get to the part where you're at home alone or you're alone somewhere by yourself. You're having some free time and well rested. Do you realize that that is a very precious time -- the present moment? That's the time when you can pick up a pen and notebook and start gaining a skill gradually, to start working on something, to start being out in the open in nature exercising, etc. Don't spend time with any "aggressive / toxic" people during this time. It's time to detoxify. (A lot of info is already written on the forum on meditation and how to destress / detoxify.)

@egoless Well yes, that's why I mentioned to keep a distance (if you can). I don't mean it in an ideal way. That's why life purpose is important. As you go along, you'll have more choices and take advantage of the opportunities if you can.

@egoless Prevention is better than cure. Once you get to know the person, and the person is aggressive by nature or most of the time, or if the person can't offer anything in value and keeps on at the nonsense, it's time to move on or keep a distance. There's a saying: If you can't find anyone to spend valuable time with, learn something new/profound and put it into action. You will be meeting people this way.

Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream, Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dream... But, make it a good dream.

@Leo Gura I would like to make a bold statement here. I also wonder sometimes what does self-actualization + life purpose + enlightenment + being in the present moment lead to? When you look at these videos of the 10 Ox Herding Pics: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3, it doesn't end with Riding the Ox Backwards. It ends with The Cloth Bag Monk. It is incredibly hard to just go around telling people this. People, in general, will have to discover it for themselves. Showing through a life purpose or by action is probably the way to do it, but even that isn't easy to discover and show how to live life to the fullest, in the present moment, and with the flow of life. The "Ripple Effect" of this story across the world is a very slow process. For anyone, it's a very personal journey that has to be discovered on their own. Imo, Shaolin monks, for example, they show instead of telling. They don't speak much. They speak only if they have to. They teach kung fu as mastery, and anything else (wisdom/enlightenment/etc), they only speak of it when the student is ready. That's why Shinzen Young was saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." The vise versa is also true -- "When the teacher is ready, the students appear." That's why I like this movie a lot. It's probably my favourite. It's the least superficial, unlike the movies played out on TV and in the theaters. To me, it's a very rare movie.

@cetus56 This is an interesting thread. I would say, the Truth (nothingness / everythingness / God / Infinity / etc. / whatever you call it) is something we all have in common. If we all "experience the no-self," it would be very similar or the same -- because Truth is Truth; nothing goes beyond it. Why not? Truth cannot be debatable. It's like finding a life purpose. If one person finds his, and the other person finds hers, that cannot be debated. It goes without saying that everyone will have a different life purpose; it's meaningful; it will last a lifetime; etc. etc. The same goes for Truth -- except it's much harder because most are not even bothered by it and lots of disagreements, instead of just saying, 'ok maybe there's something else, and I need to search deeper.'