Key Elements

@Hardkill All your questions have already been answered in detail for this topic.

I think we need to turn inwards and also research on what being in a real relationship is about. I think many of us really lack this understanding. The problem with talking about others being in fake relationships is, we're out of touch with trying to find out what being in a real relationship is about. If you want to marry someone outside the country, that's fine. Why not try to understand what's the real relationship of that?

Keep in mind that you'll be in this category one day. No one stays young and good-looking forever. There will always be someone stronger, smarter, better looking, richer than you -- and no, they don't want to be around you. Maybe those who you call "ugly" and "fat" don't want to be around you cause they think you're not rich or smart enough. They are also dropping you in categories. Maybe the "hotgirls" that you like and approached don't find you attractive at all. You just like to think that you are. They may be thinking you're just some guy fresh off the streets trying to fit in the conversation with them. Of course, they know that you're a human being too.

Ok ok! I really encourage you to find out what's going on there in terms of dating/relationships, entrepreneurship, and spirituality. That will help a lot. I knew of a German guy (old man) who wanted to have an arranged marriage for his son. Yes, there are cases that foreigners do have arranged marriages in India. So can you, Leo. (Now, here I'm joking.)

Somewhere around half the population of youths in India are not having arranged marriages. They met on their own. Did you know this? So how would you know that they had an arranged marriage? Do you even know that an arranged marriage is different nowadays than let's say in the grandparents' generation?

@Hardkill Do you realize that ppl have boundaries, both men and women? What do I mean by boundaries? It's what ppl value the most. They don't want that value to be broken. Otherwise, they will probably get offended. For example, some gals don't like guys who cold approach them. They think it's weird and too forward. "Why should I get with a complete stranger?" Something like this. Even in a big city, ppl are diverse and have different values. They will not tell you their values because you might not agree with them and get offended. A debate might start. To prevent getting criticized, they don't say anything. They have the right to their own boundaries. I think you have to ask yourself, "What are my boundaries?" If you don't have any boundaries, is that really healthy?

@Hardkill Hey, you received excellent tips from the others in your thread so far. However, don't just look at them for 5 minutes and move on. That's not how it works. Research, do self-inquiry, self-reflect, and contemplate on them as much as possible. They are deep tips that will take time to understand. When you actually learn to apply them in your life, you will do it in your own, unique way. One person is not the same as another.

Do you know why most relationships are so unsatisfying? A: Because the only relationship that you could ever have is with yourself. It's all "you" anyway. Why is that? It doesn't matter if you're in a long term relationship, short term relationship, one night stand, etc. At the end of the day, you still have to commit to yourself. There is no avoiding it. If you want to have a relationship with someone, it won't be possible without a commitment to yourself.

This sentence of yours really caught my attention. I could really relate to it. I've been married almost 20 yrs, married in my early 20s. Both have to be mentally / financially stable to go through with it. Both have to literally not care what anyone else thinks. The relationship is between the two ppl, not the two ppl and other's opinions. The couple's attitude would have to be: other's opinions of our age difference, "race" difference (whatever that means), "religious" difference (whatever that means), or where we live in this world, etc., doesn't count. It's none of their business because they don't know what's going on. (In other words: dropping ppl in categories and gossiping about others.)

@Shin You're in love. Love song that goes with it.

So, Leo, you are planning to have a "Twinkies in the Park with God(s)" with us. (Except with healthier foods, of course.) Ok, that's cute. Maybe take a poll of the areas you want to visit and plan it that way as some have already suggested in this thread.

The best way to dissolve the 'fictional ego' that I can think of is to create a selfless life purpose with your strengths and continue walking on it till the end. You'll discover how to help yourself and others along the way. The apologies will speak through actions, not words.

@Leo Gura Yes, I agree with those who said to keep the rep points for only the posts/threads on the forum, so that you'll know who is attracted to what kinds of posts being posted. You will know the person better and his/her intentions.

Cheers, folks! Happy New Year 2018!

Happy New Year to All! All is me. ✌We are one. How cool is that! Let's become the gurus of our own lives for 2018 and see what happens to the world -- us. Just a fun project to do... And... This will always be my favourite drink during the New Year and holidays...

@egoless Do you realize that when you've experienced something, it's not easy to share it with anyone, not even here? What I recommend is, go look up different ppl, famous & not famous, who had an "experience of the no-self," and see what they have to say about it. Sometimes the message is hidden or in a metaphor or in a story, etc. They said it in a way that those who "experienced the no-self" will understand. If they say it very directly, they'll be misunderstood and criticized. I like how Ralph from Infinite Waters puts it, "Come and find me when you're ready." However, this is not the end, this is only half of the journey. There's miles to go.

After Christmas Joke from: Saint Nick

Being a monk is fine if that's what you really want to do. But, if you find out that you have some other interest that you want to develop into a life purpose, you can't do that in a monestary. For example, if you love to play the guitar, you can't write songs about your "experiences with the no-self" or other spiritual experiences in a monestary. Or, if you love art, you can't express your spiritual experiences in a painting in a monestary. They have their own rules and schedules on when to meditate. Some monestaries even require you to have a bachelor or masters in certain Buddhism. Be sure you notice that. I'm just saying. Some people who became monks didn't really tell their parents. They just went ahead and did it. They started their own monestaries.

"Slow and steady wins the race." This age old saying is true, especially when we found our life purpose. Do something little by little, step by step every day. It doesn't matter how little; it will slowly add up. Of course, if you could do more, that's great, but do something. Plan something. Now that the holidays are here. It's time to take time off of work and do this -- our life purpose. Now is some free time. Of course, even when the holidays are over, plan something everyday. Keep it up. Keep up the good work. Otherwise...

Just wanted to share something... Above clip: recent clip of Ivanka Trump's visit to India about entrepreneurship, networking, and economy. Speech in front of India's Prime Minister Modi. I was recently in India and did some networking there. (Now, I'm back in the US.) What I discovered was being a philanthropist is popular after one becomes an entrepreneur. For example, Bill Gates has his AIDS Foundation (non-profit). This is across the world. Sometimes, when I went to networking events there, it would take place in a donated house donated by an entrepreneur. It is converted into a mini coffee shop / restaurant which serves homemade food and drinks at a very low price to all. Nice little place. Local schools use it for events too, etc. Anyway, all that is great for one's life purpose / startup, but the thing I noticed is, someone like Sai Baba (guru) and Baba Ramdev (guru) are also philanthropists. Sai Baba has hospitals and universities built for the poor and regular people. His ambulance services are still running. I especially like Baba Ramdev's toothpaste, Dant Kanti. My tooth aches are gone. He has other products, and when people buy them, I heard that a large portion of the money goes to charity. This is great, but the point is, they are entrepreneurs, philanthropists, and also gurus at the same time. They have spirituality incorporated into their life purposes. This is one aspect. Another aspect is, I noticed that the Shaolin monks have kung fu as their mastery. This means that mastery and spirituality can be combined. I especially like this example because it goes with the saying: If you learn kung fu (or any other mastery), you could survive with that skill. If you are ready to hear and learn spirituality, you can learn it from someone who knows, like a Shaolin monk or whoever. Philanthropy involves learning and teaching a skill and not just charity and donations because it teaches someone to fish. (More info on combining entrepreneurship and spirituality.) ***** Becoming a philanthropist is a solution to many problems we face in life. We think, "So many 'bad' things happen in life. How can we solve this? What can I do on my part to contribute?" ***** uh oh! (humor)

You could achieve things in basically two ways. One is to make it look like a struggle, where you look constantly 'stressed out' to meet deadlines, etc. Another way is to do it and achieve it in a being mode / meditative state. I would rather practice doing the latter. Life is about being, not struggling. In other words, you could live your life in the being state most or all of the time with practice -- it wouldn't matter whether or not you've reached your goal. A goal is only a milestone. Milestones continue forever / throughout life. I would choose to live my life in being state and find ways to contribute. It's best to start doing this now. The process will always be there. You may only enjoy a goal for 2 seconds, and then a different process begins after a goal is reached.

It's a great text book - very lengthy - 343 pages. I don't find it easy to understand unless the person has some life experiences in interacting with different people and different places. (Eg. Have done travelling.) The book didn't mention stage coral. General overview: Beige: If the thinking is automatic; the structures are loose bands; the process is survivalistic. Purple: If the thinking is animalistic; the structures will be tribal; the processes will be circular. Red: If the thinking is egocentric; the structures are empires; the process is exploitative. Blue: If the thinking is absolutistic; the structures are pyramidal; the process is authoritarian. Orange: If the thinking is multiplistic; the structures are delegative; the process is strategic. Green: If the thinking is relativistic; the structures are egalitarian; the process is consensual. Yellow: If the thinking is systemic; the structures are interactive; the process is integrative. Turquoise: If the thinking is holistic; the structures are global; the process is flowing and ecological. I find it helpful to pair the Spiral Dynamics diagram with this diagram starting from stage orange: From the book: Guide to Investing by Robert Kiyosaki. Both these diagrams paired together make your life purpose. A crucial step in life: