Key Elements

I gotta add something to this. Add decades to the relationship/marriage, and it will get "mundane." The question is: will the both of you adjust? There was this newlywed gal in my workplace. She wanted me to describe my marriage. I didn't really want to because I knew she would start saying something that is not really true. It would sound like she's criticizing and judging. I told her that I've been married for years and that's why we're detached. She told me, "my husband and I are not like that. We're attached and having fun." Then, she just walked away. We tried to avoid each other after that. See, I think if you actually get married to someone, and it doesn't work the way anyone in society wants it to work, the average Joe will start avoiding you once he/she heard you talk. My favourite word: cockamamie (29:06). Or, better yet, the average Joe's favourite pastime: gossipping, joking, and spreading wrong info.

@Preety_India what I mean by good acquaintances and 'just be friends' is, for a stretch of time, are you able to be free with him and talk about all different kinds of stuff with no trouble? And then, by the end of the day, independently, the both of you go off on your own and do your own things: career, entrepreneurship, life purpose, hobbies, etc. Oh boy, , lol, here's a difficult topic to talk about. I bet it's a test of commitment, and how well you and your significant other self-reflected enough to talk about it from all different sides. Almost no one talks about it: boundaries. Boundaries are not one-sided. If a person calls himself open-minded, why is he only looking at it from one side? He can't add more than one side to it, to whatever it is. I'm just going to start by saying two examples of the most unpopular boundaries nowadays, and let ppl think about it. I'm not saying they're my boundaries or someone I know. I'm just saying them as examples. Two unpopular boundaries that no one thinks about nowadays: 1) asking someone close to you, "are you a virgin?" 2) sex after marriage. You see, even these two things have more than one side to it, and imagine not being able to talk about subjects like this with someone you're planning to marry. 3) what are your views on gays? 4) how do you feel about going to this country in the near future? And name an unpopular country. 5) Oh...good one: how do you feel about cousin marriages? You know, why do I feel that narcissists and ppl who don't put too much work into themselves will only answer these questions with the answer of: eeewwww! Or, something along this line?

@Preety_India you know, tbh here, I think patience is a key word. For example, he and most other guys, maybe, are not willing to be good acquaintances or friends for a long stretch of time. If this happens, if the exes were more willing to 'just be friends' from the beginning, then you would have seen their characteristics better. You might want to hang around 'happily married couples,' or other ppl from different walks of life. It's just to observe different ppl and learn from them. I'm picturing that your exes just want to hurry into an intimate relationship almost immediately. I don't know what you were thinking in those moments, but to me, any guy approaching me out of nowhere is a very unattractive quality because I don't know him at all. It doesn't make sense to me why he's behaving like that. I just assume that all he wants to do is just to get laid, and that's it. It probably shows in my face that I'm getting pissed, and so they stay away. But, of course, some can't read facial expressions. In my mind, I'm saying to myself, "why is he doing this? You don't even know what I want in a guy. You don't know what my boundaries are. And, I'm not going to tell you too. Because if I did, most likely you're going to tease me and call me funny names." See, I bet a decent guy would not only wait a while, but he would have self-reflected enough to discuss boundaries--any boundaries. And, he wouldn't go around gossipping to his guy buddies or gal buddies about whatever you said. What are the pros and cons of any boundaries? You cannot just pass off a boundary as a con and just say, "hey, anything goes for the better." There has to be some planning. Hint: boundaries turn approaching guys off. They don't want to do the work.

I was going to say to do an anonymous survey of what others are saying, but that's an overload of work if you're popular. You got to narrow this down. Just be on the lookout for what others are doing for their life purpose, especially when their life purpose is profound. Don't judge and make hasty conclusions about others too quickly. You might be the one who is completely wrong. Questions to ask yourself: are you sure that you have the most profound insights? Why do you claim that? Why does the other person think his or hers is the most profound? What is really going on here? I'm saying it like this because I think the most profound insights/answers can only be shared in a life purpose, not in posts. It's probably only useful to those who will understand it, and they are few. Those who don't will say, "you have further to go," but they don't know where exactly you are and what are your insights even though you tell them.

@Preety_India

Yup, I agree, only because guys choose to be "under the influence" of PUA groups without thinking twice about it. It's a quick-fix solution. I have not seen any PUA for gals that does the same things. (DUI, lol) However, there's more to it, a lot more. It's not non-duality , but it goes down the rabbit hole quite a bit.

@Mikael89 that's not what I said.

Great points. There is something here that's probably been said many times, but I don't really understand why guys (or even gals, maybe...?) put themselves through it, repeatedly. Maybe, they are unaware. This is probably the reason. They have needs, and subconsciously, they just want to get their sexual needs and other needs met. So, desperately, they go on internet groups/chats, looking for the answers. Other guys, "the so-called gurus," who claim that they know the answers, tell them to "try to get laid with 10-20 gals first." Along the way, they ruin gals who are actually looking for real relationships. Then, they spend a whole lot of time on this being stuck and seeing life pass by them. And, I'm not even talking about narcissists. Why does this happen? Because healthy bonds have healthy boundaries. Telling a guy to get laid first with 10-20 gals isn't a boundary. There are no boundaries here. See? Almost no one talks about healthy boundaries. If a healthy boundary is even heard, it's passed off as "traditional" or "1950s era" or "archaic" or something along those lines, or even worse "slum dweller."

@Preety_India nice. I can't keep mine very well. Children keep doing this to it:

@Preety_India I know that you're going through a lot right now. And, you're doing great! Keep up the great work. I'm just saying this for, perhaps, the near future. I just want to say that you may want to look at this from at least two sides. Becoming a NRI through the help of your friends and family is probably not the same as becoming a NRI by yourself. I just want you to think about this in baby steps first. Networking in Hyderabad is probably not the same as networking in CA, U.S. If you want to come to the U.S. next year, you may stay for a while, right? You may want to have the opportunity to network in India first in your area. India is rapidly changing. If you network there first, and then come to the U.S. to network, and then go back to network, you will see and can compare the changes. I think if you do this, it's a priceless lesson.

@Preety_India the thing with dating and intimate relationships is, in the beginning, ppl usually put their best foot forward. See, the couple go on dates in nice restaurants. They are well dressed when this happens. They pick the best places to hang out. They give each other gifts. This continues for a while. Maybe it continues for a long stretch of time. The true colours are suppressed. If you dive into an intimate relationship on the surface level, there is a chance that it may not work. Actually knowing the other person authentically is complex. However, the first step is to be authentic. This is the problem. See, not showing the "flaws" in general is a good thing. If you do, you could get judged in the wrong ways. I gave an example toward the beginning of the thread.

Awesome! ?❤️?❤️?❤️?❤️? Now... ???????

Oh no...I understand... In moments like these, I find inspirations like these to be helpful: Please take care of yourself. Reality is really not what we think it is. This whole movie that we're in, and the way it's being played out, it's not really what it seems to be.

If you behave like them, what's the difference between you and them?

When the ego goes, you suddenly awaken; then, you tell the tale. ___________ No one understands. For words are always stories. No one can relate.

?????I'm too sexy for my body!?????And then, you don't have a body anymore.

@Natasha ppl don't really know what's the meaning of "hot" when they are referring to a hot guy or a hot gal. Enlightenment is definitely the hottest. I can't even give it a 9/10. It's a 10/10, a perfect 10! The God! Without an ego, you're the sexiest.

@Natasha lol, cute guy, the rock. But see, when you're one with everything, you're not anything, not embodied, nothing, and this makes you "look" and "feel" even cuter! Then, when you transform back to your ego, you look more like this: And, it's wayyy cuter than looking like an alpha male.

@Preety_India I just want to let you know that you could start your networking and entrepreneurship journey now. What I mean is, approach this in a therapeutic way. Breathe and enjoy the scenery as you go along. Yes, it can be a fun healing process if you look at it this way. This can help you to take your mind off of him. There's a saying, "There are bigger fishes to fry in this life (than a relationship)." This is it. This has been one of the most memorable times in my life when I was in Hyderabad. It was opposite of GVK-1 mall there. I was sitting in a cafe. This cafe was actually a donated house from a philanthropist that was converted into a cafe. Oh yes, it's better than the Starbucks in GVK-1. They served homemade dishes, and best of all, their tasty samosas were only 5 rs/samosa. They were the best I've ever tasted. Free entrepreneur networking events took place there in the big backyard. You could sit down and listen to free speeches given by established business owners and founders (VCs & Angels) there. Great guidance. Great learning curve. Great experience. You meet new ppl there. If you live in a major city, they probably have events like this. If you want to further prepare for an event like this, think of what you want to do in your life. Be ready with business cards. I referred you to a link in this thread which goes into further details. Or, you could do it lightly at first. It's just like taking a break in life, "don't forget to stop by and smell the roses." Look around and stop by a cafe. Attend a networking event casually to see what they are about. Look at pitches (speeches).

@Preety_India yeah, cool! Yeah, I'm talking about *you* becoming an NRI and exploring things that other NRIs didn't explore, such as networking and entrepreneurship in other countries. To me, these are stepping stones before non-duality. You know, there's a saying, "you won the battle but didn't win the war."

@Preety_India I was just wondering if you've ever thought of it this way before. Have you considered becoming a NRI and getting to know NRIs gradually? From what I know, there is a difference between being local and being NRI, and of course, it goes beyond that. I noticed that even life experiences cannot be passed on through words. (I mean, we're not even talking about non-duality here. ) The individual has to experience it herself and eventually embody it.