Key Elements

You know, I really like your post. I'm really glad that you're cool about it. One of the things I see here is, one person really doesn't fully understand what the other person is going through or has gone through. And, therefore, they don't know where on the path the person is. It's really important not to make assumptions of the other person. But, unfortunately, many ppl do that unknowingly. I would say, before you make a decision, don't just take any advice. Explore other options in depth. What works for one person may be a complete bomb for another. You got to be careful on this one. We're all different.

This sounds informative.

Unless you want to be the queen bee or the queen ant or a weed type of flower (asexual reproduction) in your next life (hopefully not), human beings are not meant for that.

I really like how he explains it in this clip. It's on: what's the point? I agree with the whole thing and what he said at the very end. Excellent clip.

This clip of Shinzen Young is very useful, imo. Also, notice that in Leo's Maslow's clip, self-transendence goes at the very top. It's not the foundation. However, if you look at the big picture, everything is interconnected. So, yes, it's ok to be practical. You can't just go for one thing and ignore the rest. The rest does count toward self-transendence and eventually enlightenment.

For me, I would start with trying to discover my life purpose. What can I do to offer the world and have a positive impact in some way? I say this because I find that one's karma counts. Karma is very deep. Why would someone get handed a true awakening without work? Why do mystics call earth "to love (realm)?" Discovering your life purpose is a step by step process that will grow you. You could also discover your career and business / startup and go beyond that through your life purpose.

@zoey101 thanks.

@zoey101 This... along with Spiral Dynamics, helped me to understand relationships the most.

You're welcome. Hey, if you want to try out the "recording your voice on the smartphone idea," you got to be a poet too. We can't act rated R at the playground; we have to be rated G. Here are some doodle ideas I did with my students.

Doodle with My Students

@zoey101 Just thought of something... When you play the game of "Doodle with Your Daughter," make sure you use certain words to make it represent something else, and write it in poetic form so that only you could understand it. For example, Sunshine = good day Darkness = annoying guy at work Light = idea Then, you write on the pad: The sunshine came out today. I notice that there was still a lack of light because of the darkness, but I told the bigger darkness and it engulfed the darkness. Sunshine all day. Yippy! Then draw a happy smurf. And then draw a heart around this poem. Hey, your daughter may grow curious and will learn to read well quickly. (But, don't focus on the darkness too much. This is only an example.) This is so that if you have something important on your mind to express, you don't have to forget it.

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It's simple: just forgive yourself, dear. Life continues. Life is a gift. Life is beautiful. A life's calling (life purpose) is a vehicle we could use to actualize and offer to the world--discover that eventually. But, take it step by step. It's a process.

@zoey101 Oh hmm...ok. I notice something else in your thread that would be a good idea to be addressed. Imo, this is a subtle / personal issue, and our stage orange society doesn't even bother to think about these things. There's nothing wrong with the person if he/she has this boundary. You talked about "having sex after marriage." That's a healthy boundary. It's also healthy to stay virgin till after marriage. When you're single, just make sure that you picked someone with the same boundaries and is not dogmatic, and of course decent/decent job at least/hardworking/has goals etc. Hard to find now! That's why work hard, get actualized, and meet the one. I noticed that most ppl in our society only understand being loyal after marriage, but don't understand having other boundaries without the dogmas. It looks too "woo-woo" to them having extra boundaries. However, it's not good planning or healthy to live life without any boundaries or too few boundaries. Think about this. Think about this too. It's totally ok to call yourself a Christian, and yes do notice ppl in other religions -- totally fine. But, also notice that there are ppl who drop the religion and say, "I'm not a religion or a race. I'm also not an atheist."

@zoey101 I've been reading your thread, and I just want to add: do activities that will bring out the best in you. What has happened in your past that you don't like right now is already history. Now, what are the lessons that you've learned? Take it as lessons and move on because looks like this case happened "a million years ago." Sorry that you have to work with that guy. I know that you're keeping it professional, and that's good. That's all you could do for now. I've mentioned it already, and I know it can be a long process, but look forward to having fun and gaining a skill that will make you fully independent.

Try to find whatever way you can to write stuff down, even if it means recording your voice while you're with your daughter at the playground, and e-mailing your voice to yourself.

Geez. That sounds like too much. He wouldn't even allow you to practice a skill via writing? How about if you record your voice in your smartphone? Bring a little notepad hidden in your purse or somewhere hidden. See, this is what I'm thinking. The both of you, husband and wife, need to be more independent of each other. At least to me it seems that way from what you're describing, and also to learn how to trust each other eventually. Independence is key. Independence is love. Otherwise, it will be hard to develop yourselves.

Anything. Whatever you feel like. If your daughter asks you why are you writing, just tell her that mommy loves to write and self-reflecting. For me, personally, I started practicing a foreign language in my doodles/writings. It just came to me one day. My mind started planning lightly.

Ok. When my children were ages 0-5, I just took notes and wrote/doodle wherever I can, even if it's one sentence to a paragraph long.

Excellent. Do you take notes of yourself on those pads? I say this because this method has helped me discover myself--you know, the "inner child" as an adult. It helped.

@zoey101 I just thought of a little game. I call it, "Doodle with Your Daughter." Why wait till your daughter goes to sleep at night? Enjoy discovering yourself along with her. Hey, why not? Get two inexpensive drawing pads. Draw connect-the-dots for her. Teach her how to count in this way. Teach her A, B, C's in this way. Draw puzzles and play fill in the blanks with her. Have her color whatever you create on your drawing pad. Then, exchange drawing pads and color in her drawing pad. Doodle here and there in innocent handwriting to take notes of yourself. That's when you start your writing process--your diary--in your drawing pad and in hers. It'll be fun. Carry those drawing pads with you in a diaper bag/ backpack. When you're outdoors, like at a playground, you can't really draw/write. That's an indoor activity. Maybe you could record your voice on your smartphone while you're watching her. You always have to keep an eye on her.

Hey, I'll tell you something. I used to be dropped off at my Grandma's a lot. I remember asking her when I was 10, "Why do adults fight a lot? And for no reason too!" She only said, "Because you're a kid. You wouldn't understand." But, I'm glad I have this in my memory because I understand that we "adults" do spend our energies in the wrong areas a lot. I'll just let you know that when you find yourself in your room after your daughter has fallen asleep, that is the most precious time--the present moment to yourself. How are you going to use that time? I would recommend just getting a notebook and pen and just start writing your thoughts down. It's a start. I started writing a foreign language and kept going, and later became a bilingual teacher. It's a long process, and I still have a long way to go, but yeah, bilingual education is part of my life purpose. However, don't think too far ahead. Just start with a notebook and pen and enjoy the doodle! Seriously! Enjoy the simple things in life first.

@zoey101 Notice how the children are not bothered about the money or fame or what happened to them the previous moment. They are in the moment enjoying themselves. Heck, they're not even doing it for anyone. They're just doing the activities. We do learn from children. Do you notice that anything we do that is worthwhile is giving? The little things we do add up. At least as adults, we could plan. We are not as spontaneous as children. We just have to find ways not to overthink and let our emotions run wild.

We could still find ways to be like that, even now, when we're adults. Unleash the creativity within and say to yourself, "Bring it on!" no matter what. (I'm not talking about being aggressive. It has to do with problem solving.)

@zoey101 This is a very brief music video that I would like to share. I shared it already, but I would like to see if we could get something out of it. It's a sweet song, and two classmates/children are in it: What do you make of it, zoey? To me, it brought me back to a moment in time of my childhood. Remember when we were children? We did so many things naturally. We could block out other distractions easily. Notice how the boy, when he wants to do something, just takes out an orange crayon and starts to draw in a notebook, whatever he feels like drawing. The girl is doing the same too. When she feels like dancing, she does it--independent of the boy. But, when we grow up and become adults, we forget what's important to us. The girl in the music video could have grew up to be a ballet dancer and continued to block out distractions with ease, but as an adult in the adult world. Do you see? We somehow lose focus of what's important to us.