Key Elements

I see a pointer in this profound relationships clip. At around 2:25, he said, "We want to keep chasing love, but we don't actually want to fall into it." Falling into it refers to falling back into our ego via singularity from the nothingness. Then, there's this intense love. He might have had an awakening or is aware of it.

Hmmm...just had a thought I find interesting. Recently, I made a new friend. He's a guy, and he's single. Yes, he's a good one with a good personality. He told me that he wants to get married one day and have a family. I don't find him "traditional" just because he wants to go down the "monogamy" path. Yeah...he's in his late 30's and still hasn't found a good match. I'm thinking it must be really tough now to find a good one to eventually know and get married to. Yes, he's into non-duality too without the religious bs. I'm sure he will make a loving husband if he finds a gal who matches him.

Yes, because I don't find Jay and his channel to be bigoted toward other groups. If he is, I don't even want to look into it. Leo doesn't talk about polyamory, and I know he's not against that group. If Jay is a polyamorous and he made the same clip, you would probably feel differently about him. Yes. I was living in another country for a year while my husband was in the US -- I had no problem with this. We communicated through social media sometimes. Jay is not saying that social media is wrong; he's saying that most ppl don't do it like this.

@Serotoninluv I want to say something I find important in our discussion. I've already mentioned labels. I find that labeling someone to be "monogamous" for whatever reason to be out of line. I find that this is a huge label nowadays, and it makes the person seem dogmatic and evil. A "monogamous" person who is married, for example, is not chained in handcuffs like a criminal. This person is also capable of going out and sleeping with many and then lie about it to his/her spouse. But, anyway, my point is, there is also the person who chooses not to do this, and there's nothing wrong with this person. He/she doesn't feel the need to do it. I'm not even sure why this particular person is labeled as a "traditional" stage blue type.

@Elton just a little warning. Don't make it too complicated than what it is. The complications make a relationship misguided -- too many fights, too much nonsense talking, misunderstanding/not being clear/and then criticizing because you're not clear of what the other person said and vice versa.

In what ways? If you find a partner who is mature, she will accept you for who you are. If your value/boundary is to be loyal to each other, so be it. If you have a serious/mature relationship, it will only feel like you're single and free. No difference. Why? Because what happens is, you just come home from work, share the cooking and cleaning responsiblies, be detached and work on your LP, whatever. You see? But then, it looks like many couples have to work their way toward this. They fight about their responsibilities or at some point get suspicious and jealous. So, they will have to work their way to being "single" and detached again. (without breaking up. LOL)

#1 There's nothing wrong with being single. When I was single, I had fun hanging out with a bunch of friends. We did things like go to the beach, go to temples, have BBQ potluck where we had to cook our own food and bring it -- we were not allowed to buy the food. Eventually, I got to know my friends during that time very well, and one of them became my spouse. It took time, but at least I got to know him well. #2 Find someone who accepts you for who you are. I think many ppl don't know who their partners are and just rush into a serious relationship and feel stuck. At some point, be willing to have deep conversations with the person to find out what kinds of values/boundaries that the person has before rushing into a relationship.

Why are you allowing this to happen? You could get up to a point where you're thinking about some rule/morality and just let it go -- just like a leaf being blown away by the wind -- the leaf being the negative thought about morality that someone taught you. Does your partner accept you for who you are about your past? If you say yes, then the conversation is over, right? It's as simple as that. Then you could focus on whatever is needed in the present.

@Serotoninluv I want to add something that I find very funny here, according to my experience. In the US, from others, I get labeled like this: committed, "in a traditional marriage," devoted to husband (what a joke), following the husband, traditional values (Lmao). I'm not even married to my own "background." In other, more "so-called" conservative countries, I'm labeled as: Party animal, likes to have fun, goes out a lot, a Western American Culture gal (Lmao), doesn't mind having ex-bfs (Lmao) In both situations, they don't know me at all. Nope, not even a bit. That's why I like Jay's clip a lot. It's one of my favorite. Of course, we are impacted by social media, and yes, it's very challenging to find someone on social media for a deep connection without all the nonsense so that one can be authentic and honest. Yes, this is what I mean by most ppl not being able to transend culture.

@Serotoninluv hmmmmm....interesting....the word "commitment." I find this word very interesting. Yes, I am married. So, what? What's holding my marriage together? A marriage certificate? A wedding ceremony? No way. Those things are not the commitment. Right after getting married, I thought to myself, "Am I really married?" LOL!!! According to the definition of the "universe," no! Technically, I'm still single. Marriage, long term relationships, weddings, etc etc etc -- all man-made concepts. LOL!!! Therefore, I'm also in a non-committed relationship. The word "commitment" is just a label and part of the man-made language we're speaking.

That's not what I meant when I said, "I guess so..." I do believe you. I wasn't trying to judge. What I meant by saying that is, ppl in general do not know the full details of other ppl's relationships. I wasn't talking about you personally. For example, my relationship is deep because it's "detached", ok? It's just one of many examples. Now, if you asked me why, well then, I have to go into details. Maybe I have to talk for 15 mins or more explaining this.

@Serotoninluv wait a minute...I'm not challenging you. hmm..We seem to be having some miscommunication for some reason. I'm saying we don't know the full details of other ppl's relationships. It's personal. If we did, we would learn a lot from it. That's all. You wrote so much details that I'm not even thinking of. That's why I like Jay's clip that I posted. Jay's clip is not pro-monogamy, and a rant against polyamory. LOL. He's far deeper than that. It's something to deeply reflect on. I think he did an excellent job. Two ppl have to be willing to be able communicate deeply. It's not just communication; it's also the work--actions speak louder than words. And, I wasn't really surprised that you brought up monogamy here after watching Jay's clip. It's not just you but others in the forum too. When monogamy is mentioned or even perceived, ppl really defend their positions against it. If ppl really get defensive like this, the other person cannot even be authentic and talk about stuff. Now do you see how it's very challenging to find a partner, esp online? I'm not just talking about monogamy, but other things too that is perceived in all the wrong ways. For example, "Where are you from?" Answer: "_______." I don't know if you could answer this question. Some ppl, when they answer this question, they can't really be authentic anymore because they're judged in all the wrong ways.

I guess I don't really disagree. I can't really speak for whatever happened in your relationships though because it was between you and them. I thought we were talking about Jay's clip that I posted -- the meaning. I think it can be applied to polyamory, LGBT, polyamory + LGBT, or whatever you choose. As long as you're having deep conversations and deep relationships, you're fine. Then, there's no need to overstep other ppl's values/boundaries and ridicule them because it would be an open discussion. That's what I thought Jay meant. However, you understand what I mean, right? Deep conversations don't usually happen. That's what Jay meant too -- a big part of it in his clip. I don't see meeting someone from Tinder, for example, would be having deep conversations with you on dates, esp when you just read his/her profile and decided to meet.

Nope. I don't agree with this. I don't have an absolutism mindset. For example, I have nothing against polyamory. I don't see Jay being against other relationships. He's encouraging deep relationships no matter what it is--doesn't have to be monogamy. What effort did I do in my relationship? Did I even say it? No. There were big challenges in our lives, but it wasn't spousal challenges. They were other problems we were trying to solve in the past. You're entitled to your own opinions about other ppl, but it doesn't mean you know them. Same is true for me. Looks like monogamy and long term relationships are the "new gay." Millennials think that they are absolute and fundamental just because someone chose to have that type of relationship. It used to be that LGBTs were the taboos. Now it's "reverse discrimination."

Jay has not told you, me, or anyone anything, other than stuff like go deeper than just having conversations about shoes, social media, coffee, beer, happy hour, etc. Go on a real date instead of avoiding it. That's what he meant in the clip, to sum it up. I don't find the clip biased or judgemental like you put it. His clip is not a justification of "traditional monogamy" and long term relationships and a downplay of polyamory and other types of relationships. That's a projection. I think you're looking at what he said from your lense. If you had a casual date with a gal at Starbucks that you met online carefully, what are you going to talk about after the first few dates? Definitely, you will not repeatedly say that you like to drink tall mocha frappuccino the most. You will not be talking about which coffee do you like from the most to the least. Here's where the conversation gets deeper. She mentioned that she's a lesbian, and you're not into that. Well, hey, that's fine. Just be friends. See, this is the deeper conversation. Then you start talking about what you're into and what you're not into. But, to do that, you have to know yourself very well. Same goes for the other person. That's a real date. Here's another way of putting it. If you're on a "real date," you just don't say to the other person or in your mind, "Lmao! She's a lesbian. Why am I wasting my time with her?" Wouldn't you say that this reaction is shallow, even though you said it in your mind? To me, yes, of course. A deeper date would be the both of you got into a coversation where you learn something new from each other, even though you're not interested in each other in an intimate relationship. I'm sure if you go into it, you'll learn something new. But, in real life, does it even work this way? Nope. Rarely. Esp, not on social media.

I agree that relationships are nuanced but disagree that Jay is not nuanced. If you look at Jay's other clips, he is very nuanced. When I said "petty," a person is just sitting down with someone talking about topics like clothes, shoes, coffee, beer, etc. -- not something deep. Jay, IMO, is trying to refer to deep conversations. The complete opposite of what is portrayed in his video clip. Didn't you see that in the video clip, ppl were just having coffee and beer and doing social media and not going anywhere else with the coversation? That's all he meant. He was NOT trying to put down any groups, like polyamory. Did you see his channel? I don't get that impression that he's someone like you described.

@Serotoninluv Jay did not exclude polyamory. Just because he said it like that does not mean he excluded that type of relationship. It looks like your interpretation of what Jay said is only for your interpretation of "traditional monogamy." I just told you about the conversations not being petty. That's what I thought he meant by "actual relationship."

@Serotoninluv I knew that you would mention polyamory. Yes, it does include that too. Polyamory ppl do talk about serious stuff, like who (which partners) are involved and so much more beyond that. They don't just talk about which coffee they like, and which beer they like to drink, and what shoes they will wear today. The conversations go way beyond those at the start of their relationships. Whether they want to end the relationship is up to them. Jay is saying that with anything it takes work, and yes, the word "work" is deep and profound. It takes work to fully understand the other person, and this doesn't involve shallow conversations with labels.

@Serotoninluv here's another thing I want to mention that doesn't make any sense to me. First off, I'm completely ok with not talking to ppl. It's not easy to have a conversation nowadays. It's only small talk. Most ppl I run into, when they find out that I'm married with children for years, I'm usually automatically labeled as a "traditional" or something for no apparent reason. And, I tell them that I'm not interested in going into my marriage because it's personal and no one knows what's going on except for us, esp when there are labels and criticism. "Aren't you bored of him?" I'm like, "no, why should I be?" It sounds very inauthentic and insulting to me to make some kind of petty excuse just to break up. I don't see the difference between what Leo said in his clip and the clip done by Jay Shetty. Both mean the same thing. Leo just happens to not include talking about social media, and he also forgot to include that it takes work for the ppl involved in the relationship to get there.

I see nothing about it being "traditional." It could work in any type of relationship. He never said anything about it's wrong to break up or anything like that. Most of what Leo said on his clip also made sense to me. What's traditional about it? I can't picture a stage blue person listening to these clips.

Reminds me of this clip... I like how Leo puts it here. He basically nailed it. But, I think he forgot to say that it takes work to grow into that.

I also don't right now, but I'm happy that I did and it worked out. I see nothing wrong with it. I appreciate the lessons that it taught me, and it made me realize how to live life better. The saying, "Challenges are opportunities," is totally true.

I get what you're saying here. If I was in a situation where the relationship fell apart after years of commitment, I rather not find another. For me, there are other things to do in life. Being embodied in an "ego," we don't have all the time in this world to do what we really want to do. Life is temporary.

Different ppl dress differently in their weddings across the world. They don't look similar. That's what I like about it -- the different designs.