David Strickleton

Thank you.

This is my first time on the forum despite following Leo for a few years now. I have been unemployed for the last 10 months following redundancy and I was recently offered a job, which while not being what I want to pursue in my life, would have been a good job none the less. I have been congratulated by my family after securing a job which I hoped would put a lot of my worries to bed as to how I am to provide for my family and also support my vision in living an actualised life. Unfortunately, I received an email from my prospective employers that, due to my references not coming up to scratch, they have now withdrawn their offer of the job, and this after I have turned down other offers of employment. This has left me a little shaken even though I know it is only a job and that every thing happens for a reason. So, I take it this is a sign from the Universe, or whatever one might want to call it, that my path is to take another twist, if that's the right word. Anyway, what I'm now thinking is, am I doomed for the foreseeable future to work some shitty, low paid job because I can't get the references which would give me employment in a role for which I have plenty of experience and training? I think I have my life purpose worked out and that is to be a writer, and or, a sage. I'm not saying I'm a genius or some kind of zen master, far from it, but I am trying to put everything I have been learning from the last few years into practice. So, yes, I stray from the path every now and then and I'm a long way from where Leo and others who I admire are, but I'm wondering will this be a spring board into throwing of the last shackles of the fear which has always held sway over my life? Well, I suppose I know the answer to that, and I just wanted to vent and connect with other like minded individuals. I don't suppose this is making a massive amount of sense, but I know I am not the same person I was just 6 months ago, or even 6 hours ago. I suppose I will have to work things out for myself, but a little recognition from my peers would go a long way. Honestly, nobody I know is even trying to, or has any idea that life can be so much better than what is taught to us. Just last evening I blew off a get together with my friends because I feel so uncomfortable with the dynamic of my social circle and if I started to talk about what I am learning through Actualised and other resources, they would look at me with blank faces: not their fault of course, I understand that. I'm at a real cross roads in my life, but then aren't most people? The more I find myself acting like a hypocrite and falling back into certain bad habits, the more I feel I can no longer go on like I am, and that the world I have constructed around me is so much bullshit which drains my time and energy. I think to myself, "Christ, look at me: I'm 45 and have no job and have even no idea what I'm doing with my life is right. Yet, that doesn't mean that if I went and got a degree just so I could land a job making plenty of money I would be any happier; in fact, that would possibly be the end of me in a way. I know the best I can do is to be the best version of me, or anyone as a human being that's possible. Anyway, it's 3.40 am and my daughter will have me up in four hours, so I suppose that says a lot about where I am at the moment. David.