Pola

@Stelka I couldnt forget my first love for Seven! years.. comparing him and the way i felt with him with every man i met after, waiting him to contact me... it was really tough.. After these 7 years its not like i forgot about him just i stopped to wait... I had few boyfreinds after that, i was married, and still he was coming to my mind from time to time. I can say i completely let that first love go out of my mind only after i met the other guy a year ago... i can say only after meeting him i really really stopped care about the first love guy. So lets say from all the people i met in my life it had been only 2 of them that i can call the true love. Unfortunately i broke with the other guy too half a year ago... and i really really hope it wont take me another 7 years to even start to forget about him and what we had. I have never tried drugs but i think that this is something the drug men feel.. all their life becomes just a chasing for that pleasure.. to get it again.. and again, and like nothing else matters and cant be even compared to that. I hope that meditation really helps to cope with this kind of emotions.

Its kind of overly manly man thing?:)))

As a woman i can relate to what @Natalya is saying about the emotional connection rather than physical. But i also want to say that personally for me sex can be two kinds. One kind is sex with love which is something that you can hardly call sex, its just intimate interaction and sharing of emotions, and its more about looking eyes to eyes and this kind of things and it doesnt really matter what exactly and how exactly you do, it just seems like sex is the best form of showing and receiving love. And in this case even the dirtiest things actually feel romantic. The other kind is sex for sex, when it feels like just a receiving pleasure which you can actually equally replace with other pleasures like having nice dinner, bath with foam, massage, eating chocolate etc etc. Of course it is important to like your partner and it does hurt if he doesn't show any connection with you, like getting completely cold after it's finished and stuff like that. But smart guys never do it even if they use you for sex only and this is why you want them again and again. But its absolutely possible to be with guy like that and sleep with guy like that without getting emotionally involved into him. I tend to think that both women and men can be different in perception of sex issues and you cant really separate it like there are all women's perspective and all men's perspective.

@Pedro My advice to you. Change your behavior radically. You should do something that will make her think of you. It doesnt really matter much what exactly , but you just have to get in her mind as something she would think about much more often than before. There are few ways how you can do it. First of all you should start to be cold and detached. Like.. she is writing a msg to you, and you r being polite but not involving much into conversation and being quite formal. Also remember that it goes great together being formal but humorous in the same time. It would also be useful if you could drop her couple of compliments in some funny way, not serious way. The next step is making her jealous. That works just perfectly with girls. Someone who always been around but you never really paid much attention to him. Then suddenly you get much less attention because he is giving it to someone else. Start talking to her about the other girl, asking her advice and stuff. That might hurt her in a way like "oh he finds someone else more attractive than me"... and it does make her think of you in a different way and being jealous. If you are making self-development, going into gym and trying to dress more fancy and sexy, change your haircut, tatoo, piercing...learn how to play guitar or whatever.. whatever different from how you are right now. Just make her think of you as something new, different... I wish you luck and i believe it will work. I know in advance that you will be just fine as long as you are here on this website and trying to actualize yourself.

@Ayla You are absolutely right that its more about the way he made me feel than he himself... i just dont see how this can make me feel less pain of the loosing him. What if no one else is able to make me feel the way he did. And yes i do realize all his faults and i know he is so far from perfect, honestly i dont idealize him at all. But how did it help you feel any better knowing that the feeling you have is selfish and its not about loving him but loving the way he made you feel...?

Its been always quite easy for me to overcome the brake up with the other exbfs before. But the last relationship and the brake that happened really is so different. I am happy to find Leo's videos that do help a lot and motivate a lot to be a better person... Trying to do something big in life, some radical changes is useful and important but in the same time feel like trying to run away into some activity and new impressions, just to forget and to think less, to remember less. There is an idea that you should just move on and dont look back, cause its very law chance that something broken can work well again, but i guess we have to try our best to fix it ... if we did and it still didnt work.. at least we know we did our best and we can move on with an easy feeling....

To my mind you would rather try all possible things in life (which dont actively harm you or people around you) while being yang, than later.. feeling like you didnt actually did what you always wanted to. If i could choose dating a guy with lots of experience or the one that didnt really have it and i am the first one, or even the third one in his life, i would definitely choose the one with experience. I believe it is ok to sleep around if your are being responsible (safe sex etc) and being honest like not playing love but saying straight that you are here for sex only. I deeply respect honest guys and they dont get less sex than liars.. usually its vice versa. I believe in honest pick up without games and tricks but the guy should be really truly self confident or at least pretend well like to be the one.

I had been and keep doing self development since we broke. I know half a year is not enough to make it a radical change, but at least i am aware of the problem i have and i am a lot motivated to go on with my self-growth. But the motivation i have to be a better person is based a lot on the idea of how i can correct my mistakes with that exact guy. I know probably its not the right motivation, but it was kind of a big push for me to finally accept i do have a problem i have to correct. I dont know if this is just an ego issue like i just have to get him back or this is called love? Is there any way to know it somehow? I am also aware of the big possibilities around. I am trying to go out a lot and widen my social circle. I tried to date other guys too. its not like i got completely stuck with my ex. But how can i control or regulate the feeling of truly liking or not liking someone? Among plenty of guys i met both in person and online during all this time, trying to know them better and giving them a chance, no one really felt like the right one.. except maybe Leo And @Leo Gura i have a question to you. There was your video about being a conductor of emotions, not trying to resist them just let them pass through you. How does it look like in practice i still didn't quite understand. if i am getting angry or upset... i had an issue with controlling it not to pour it on the other person who had provoked me... how would i actually control it but not resist it in the same time. Practically what should i do when it feels like to express it but same time not to hurt the person near me? I would appreciate if you actually could give a practical example. Thanks in advance.

hi Haitam, thanks for your comment, its good to know that not only i have a problem like this. Controlling emotions is a big issue for me. Both of my parents are very emotional, I simply dont know how it is to react calm to the things that upset me. I am ready to give him time to recover, but i would really like to get him back... i just dont know how... Any ideas?..

I had great relationship with a guy for about a year.. there was love and passion and understanding and everything you could dream of. The reason of the brake was completely my mistake, which was the emotional outbursts that i can not control.. Its like when being angry or upset i am just loosing my control, saying things and insults i dont mean, yell, scream and feel like i dont care if the next day is going to come... He was trying to cope with it but as being very sensetive guy he just got fed up of it and decided to stop it. Right now he is kind of trying to be just freinds.. I really dont know why he needs that but it does give me a hope in a way.. I was trying to convience him to believe me and trust me when i am saying i will try to control my negative emotions. He is saying that he is not emotionally ready to come back. Its been half a year since we broke and he still talks in a friendly zone, any attempt from my side to make it more personal he just stops me and doesnt let it happen. I love him very much and i know it was amazing, great to be together, But i would like to know how high is the chance that he will ever want to come back to me. I know that for me it would be like to believe someone who used to beat me that he wont ever beat me again... Hard to believe.. But i am trying to improve myself and i do it for me more than for anyone else. Leo said in one of his video - do not get back to your ex.. But what if you feel he is the one for you and it was all my mistake that it didnt work?