IndependantKouhai

I was in a really similar situation to yours, a couple of years back. I found that this approach does not work for me. I thought school was holding me off from actualizing and eventually stopping me from developing new skills that are going to be essential for my career in the future. But it wasn't. It was just clear victim mentality all along. You see, when we're talking about actualizing and actually mastering yourself, school can actually be one of the best tools you can find out there. There are so many situations in school, you might feel "negative" emotions. And in being aware of them, and applying what you learned from books, you can actually gain an understanding of what works and what doesn't. It can also reveal to you the truth of your "actualization" and the fact, that you haven't actually improved that much. This, I think was the main reason I wanted to run away from the life I had. As the Zen proverb says: Even if you can't directly read books when in school, simply practice mindfulness and awareness. In my life, I have greatly shifted from theoretical knowledge to simply being and becoming aware and mindful through the course of my daily life. And this has shifted my psyche greatly. Also realize, that you can't always learn everything at home that you can in school. Take advantages of that. I do realize that school is sometimes a major time waste, since it may not align with your learning style. I am in the same situation. But I am also aware that that's how it is and I can't really change it, so it's no longer a problem with me. Quitting school in most cases is just dumb, especially if you have no follow up plan. What are you thinking of doing if your life purpose shifts to another direction? So what I started to do, is just take advantage of all of the time I have. This has forced me to develop quite strict daily routines, but It's fine. Plus, during the holidays (especially summer) I have realized there is much free time, especially if you're not working or keeping your socializing to a minimum. This extra time, for now, is enough for me to do everything that I want to do. I also would argue, that basic high school education gives you an excellent foundation on everything revolving around you, which is the main reason why I got so interested in even what I considered "boring" before. Everything is life. That foundation is something you're going to be building upon and could give you an understanding of life and help you in your journey of self - actualization. And if you study hard, you will learn your own unique learning styles and what works for you. And that, as you probably have guessed, could be important in the future.

Yes, I have noticed that Still trying to find that life purpose, although I don't stress myself too much about it, focusing on developing myself and hoping something will come up. I have some ideas in my mind, although they are not easily reachable and attainable.

Those who studied psychology, do you think it helps with your growing, self-actualizing? Or is it almost useless? I'm thinking of studying psychology, but the problem is I don't see myself being a psychologist, I would only consider on studying there if the information I got would benefit me on my self-discovery journey. Since in my country the education is basically free, I don't mind studying something only for the purpose to benefit myself and not seek a career path from it. The problem is I believe that everything that could benefit me there, could be learned through voluntary reading and as I will progress deeper I will end up learning most of it anyways, plus I am afraid that the knowledge gotten from there isn't going to be useful later on. What do you guys think ?

Speed reading is useless for me, especially if reading self-help/ philosophy books. Loss of comprehension... And I seriously don't understand how you can even read that fast on a subject that you don't understand. Don't you contemplate what you've just read, try to adapt the information to fit your life or even highlight it and re-read the most important points? If I don't do that, after a month I can't remember almost anything. Especially when there is so much another type of knowledge I have to take in. I have tried everything presented here and over the years picked up the things that worked for me. Still managed to read only 36 books per year. And that's ok; knowledge is necessary, but for me, awareness and utilizing the things I have learned is the first priority. Sometimes if the book isn't too long, after finishing it I re-read almost the whole thing.

Thanks, anyways follow up question. How to know is curing unwanted behaviors with awareness is working for you? Will you overtime just not want to do it anymore naturally? And how much time does it really take to delete a hard addiction like masturbation? Does anyone have any experience?

Simply put, what would it be like to go to sleep and never wake up ? It's going to be like as if you never have existed before. Also read this :

Thanks for replying @Shin I understand that gaming isn't evil and there isn't anything in particularly wrong with it. However, when I weighed the benefits and the unfavorable factors, I decided it isn't worth my time. Firstly it's become a safe zone and comfort zone for me when the external world is harsh. I used it as an escape instead of sitting down and contemplating my feelings. And it will continue to pull me closer to my comfort zone to the point where I feel I will be scared to do other things. There are lots of other reasons too that I won't go into. But in essence, it is quite easier to be attached to stimulation than to go out there in the real world and work on yourself, self-actualize. I know a lot of these issues can be managed, but I just don't see the point in games anymore...Especially the one's I enjoyed playing. And there seems to be a misunderstanding of what I meant by being defensive. Since like I said I still have the demand for gaming, but I refuse to give myself this "treat," I get kind off defensive by judging people, labeling games as stupid, time wasting and so on. I believe in solving this I should remove the craving altogether, which will eliminate the need to be defensive. I think I haven't really gotten over with my gaming habit/ little addiction. I assume that I just managed to sweep it under the rug and it is still bothering me. So how do I remove the habit completely? Should I immerse myself in it again and use the awareness alone is curative technique or isn't even worth my time and I should instead focus my awareness just on judging and attaching labels to things?

I had been playing computer games for about 8-10 years. A year ago I decided to quit for good, but the cravings for playing the games still sometimes arise, although they are not that significant. The tactic I used to get over gaming was avoiding them and replacing it with books, meditation, and other helpful material. If the temptations still arise for gaming, should I bite the bullet and start playing games while using awareness and doing nothing to slowly get out of them? Or should I just continue to avoid them, because there is no reason to start this shit all over again? I want to try this because I believe that it will make me less defensive when other people talk about games and suggests to me to try playing them. But on the other hand, I don't want to waste my time and end up doing the same thing - avoiding them.

And what do you expect to find in that part 2 ?

The fear of being rejected is caused by the ego. You see yourself as a desirable, non-rejectable person and you fear that those qualities that you believe in will turn out to be false. There is no need for a seperate video. You fear what other people think about you and you are attached to your identity. Check these videos : What Is Ego - How Your Ego Dictates Your Entire Life How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You What's Wrong With Ego?

In both, you can contribute to society. Look at it in this way; the video game industry is not all that bad; some artsy, cool education games that could impact people. Even the more "unconscious" games can help and inspire people in different kinds of ways. I once saw a movie that completely changed my life and motivated me to stop being a victim and find my self-actualization path. Maybe your work will be so terrible that the person will have to reconsider his life choices and thus to change his life, who knows? There are so numerous kinds of ways you can transform and impact others peoples life. Even if you don't do it while you work, you can still do it in the free time you have. Helping others, donating something, teaching someone something, spreading kindness and so on.. Endless possibilities. What job to choose? That is for you to decide, my friend.

I believe it's better to stay aware, rather than listening to music. Music is just another form of entertainment that doesn't give much benefit. But lIstening to self-development material while walking could be beneficial, but you really have to find out what you need more, awareness (walking meditation) or knowledge? Although is focusing on the knowledge presented count as being aware? I try to mix both, sometimes I don't do anything, just simply walk, ejoy the silence and the body movements, breathing. Other times I turn on some interesting Buddhism (not too much philosophical) talk that doesn't require a lot of concentration and walk (since I prefer to investigate tougher knowledge in complete concentration, with notes.) Music ? I used to listen to it, but now I only listen to it when exercising or when I get back home and have homework/reading to do.

Put a poster on your wall or buy some artifact reminding you of death. Don't ignore videos, news coverage about certain accidents, don't ignore gory images either. Save videos or articles of rare and painful conditions, re-read them once a week. Inform yourself about the chance of dying.

50 ways society fucks you in the ass and awareness alone is curative. Watch these videos

There is no right or wrong, only actions and consequences. First of all, it's selfish. You are killing for your benefit, maybe because you needed to get money or you were extremely jealous, angry towards that person or you simply want to make up for your suffering and make other people feel the pain. Don't you think it's kind of selfish stealing one's life from him, all of the experiences and possibilities he would have had? Stealing a father from his son or a husband from his wife? And probably with that ruining the life of the family. The reason why this action is considered bad is because it leads to bad consequences, it's a karmically driven world, but Karma is not a supernatural law; it's a psychological law. When you do a selfish action and even if you don't get caught, you already suffer the consequences. You're getting into a chain of selfishness. You are going to constantly be watching over your shoulder hoping, not to be caught, emotions like guilt are going to arise, and eventually you won't be able to hold it and break. It's bad because it makes you suffer.