Hello.
I want to keep my name for privacy but you can still call me ExitDone. I am 19 years old, being on the last year of High School and living on Romania.
Since I was young, life was always easy for me. I had a huge comfort even if I wasn't so gratitude of that. I recived my own room on house, always was eating well and I also got school and high school few steps from my home. During school (1-8 grades) I was in a big confort with not so bad teachers to give me bad grades so I basically didn't learn anything. In 5th grade I recived my own computer which I use it since then, most of my time being in the front of the monitor. Since I never got any friend most of time time I was sitting on my room and trying to find happiness from internet. Right now I'm still in the same situation. I'm in the last year of High School which it would be not really hard to pass the final exams. And after that I have to take my life in the hands.
I'm very scared of getting out of here. I'm probably 19 years old but I feel more like a 10 years old boy. I'm totaly really not developed as a person. I mean it's also very hard for me to exprime an opinion in front of someone. My parents want me to go to police academy which I'm pretty sure this is not my life purpose. I'm following that Leo's course trying to find it and I feel like if I go to Police Academy I will only take the easy part of life. My parents' motivation to go there is because after you graduate they offer service and salary imediately for being cop. But I just feel that I really wouldn't like that. I created a plan to after gruduate High School, go to England, work and live there until I will find my purpose and I can do the college that will help me to work on it. Sounds easy, right? For me it's really not. Most of my classmates are going to different college on this country but I actually call this a stuck in the comfort zone. They will only be supported by their parents which i really don't want this anymore. I was for 19 years and I'm really tired of being a loser. You will probably ask why don't I stay on this country, work here and go to college? Well, the opportunity here is not so good. After you finish the college you will work for a few money which you can't even pay your rent with them. In England you can work and be x5 times payed than the salary from here.
So basically I'm really stuck right now and I don't know what to do. My biggest fears of leaving home are:
Working: I never worked before. Like I told you, it was always easy for me. I never cleaned my room step by step, washed dishes, do a full time job in a day, study well. I was always a dreamer stuck in television and music. With these 2 things I tought life is so easy but now thinking about it, it can be really hard. So I'm not sure if I can just go outside and work for someone. i don't know if I can resist mentally and physically. Starting to work 8-10 years per day will be a crazy pain in the ass since all these 19 years I only sat all day on computer without doing anything. And think about thoug work like in construction, carring big packages etc. It will be totaly something new and painful for me.
Homesick: I do not have a good relationship with my parents. I even heard them saying 2-3 times that they regret they made me. They actually never wanted a kid. Last time they said that is when I refused to agree I will go to Police Academy. I explained them that it won't be my life purpouse and after that they started to scream and cursing me saying that I'll become a drug dealer. Their own mentality is really fucked up thinking that only jobs a person can have is: medic, policeman, teacher, priest. So basically I can't talk with them serious things because they already think I'm a loser. They saw me sitting in this home for 19 years so what would they expect? They want me to give the easy choice to have a confortable life. I don't feel that I want this. Anyway, since I do not like them I'll be still homesick. There are moments when I have memories of my parents doing some things. For example when I was trying to make my own CV I remembered my mother writting on her CV and I started to feel bad (idk way). Leaving home could be a hard choice for me and I really want to know how can I not be homesick.
Comfort Zone: Sounds easy, right? Well, not really. When I'm talking about comfort zone I also mention social anxiety that I got (what would you expect from a guy who sat 19 years on home?), sometimes depression (or maybe I pretend to have). These things can kill me. I almost never went out from this town. I recently started to go in the other city to do some driver license things. That city is almost 2 hours away from my hometown. I took the train and I even had a big fear from this. Last time I also got the wrong train so what would you expect from me? Getting out from here to England would be crazy. I can imagine myself there in the middle of the street and I do not know what can I do. Well, probably find a place to sleep so I may call an agency company. After that find a job. Well, sure, it sounds so easy but it would be really crazy for me.
So I lost all my years on television, gaming and stupid relationships and now I regret it. I feel like I'm totaly a loser. I recently found Lion's channel and learned some stuff about myself. I also bought that Life Purpouse course and learned a lot of things from it too (btw, I bought it with my YouTube money that I made but for some reasons I deleted my channels) . Watching them could be really easy but put it in practice would be pain in the ass. Comparing with the other teenagers I feel that I'm being lower. One of my motivations was to be unique than them so recently I heard in a video that if I think 10 years foward I'll be always better than those who think 1 year foward. That's one of my small inspiration right now. So speaking about course I'm at Values assigment, so I didn't finish it yet. I still have faith that this will help me a lot 10 years later. But he also mentioned that you can discover your purpose in 1 week or 10 years. So until these 10 years I decided to go to England, work and live there, like I said. But I'm not really sure. I'm totaly mindfucked atm and I'm trying to stay on a track. Right now I'm thinking to find happiness from some chips and wafers but I decided to eat healthy and stop finding lower happiness from bullshits.
Anyway, if you read everything I written I really thank you. I'm pretty sure that everyone who's over 20 can give me a pretty simple advice. What do you guys think that I should do and handle everything? I'm totaly lost and I'm looking for some opinions. Thank you.
