Hey everyone, I'm new here! Very recently, within the last week, I am beginning to realize than I might be bi. I have bi-cycled a few times this last week. I'm in my early 20s and just had my first ever date, with a man, almost got bricked up in public several times.
At the start of the date, I saw he had a beard, unlike his pfp, and at first I was disgusted, but then by the end of our hot sweaty date (90 degrees outside) I didn't mind the beard. I'm mainly into trans, femboys, twinks, my fren tried to convince me that I am actually straight because I like most women and only a smallish subgroup of gay guys.
I'm a virgin, I spent a few hours learning of the safety and dangers of dating and all that. I've had few opportunities to get laid with women, this may because I have aspergers and was homeschooled. In college, I spent all my time studying CS and didn't party at all, so didn't learn social stuff there either. Any which way, I identified as incel and blackpilled for a year, but realized blackpill is internally inconsistent because the plain fact is that the average dad you see in direct experience is not a top 15% in terms of looks; but even after I no longer believed in blackpill, I was still not wanting to be a virgin either and felt so alone and hopeless. But Leo's videos have truly changed my life, I went from fundamentalist Baptist to pantheist, from dualism to Idealism, I went from being on the very far right and hating gays, to discovering there are several types of guys I would love to smash.
The problem is this: my entire childhood was stage blue, my own brother doesn't like talking to me now because of my long hair, nonetheless I can't imagine coming out the closet to him or my parents. I am extremely confused and going up and down the bi-cyle of sexuality fluidity. My body's raw sentanations, are that I'm attracted to types (Like skinny, pale skin, long hair) and less so whether it's a man or woman. However, my mind grew up with 20 years of hard-nosed trad Christian teachings repressing so so much.
How do I get to deeper truths? Bisexuality is already very confusing for most of us, but even more so with a background like mine.
